Today I started Kingston University and I am in love with it already. Today started with tears, not mine my mothers. It was really emotional at first saying goodbye to all my family and oh god the dog set me off my poor little puppy! Either way mum played tetris with the boxes and we managed to get everything in my uncles car before we set off on the train. It’s weird I expected to be so scared and upset but I wasn’t I just felt like meh I’m moving today. I think that going to Headstart last month just made my worries vanish, so we just got on the train and arrived at Surbiton station. Moving into my room was a bit stressful, I’m a clean freak and the state of the kitchen really did make my anxiety rocket, luckily it was Mum to the rescue and her fab cleaning skills.  After that I calmed down, I loved things around and now I’m pretty happy with my little room. Mum, Dad, Dan and Sums left as soon as a few friends arrived, if you can do that then I really advise it. It takes your mind off of things and lets you focus on the future and not dwell too much.

This afternoon was a frenzy of meeting people, sorting through things and of course food shopping (I was pretty healthy for me actually!) the only hitch? We got soaked in the rain, my friend Charlee walked all the way from her halls to visit as well as meeting my friends Joe,  Jen, Beckii and Emily (who is with me as I write this) and trying to get to know people in my flat.  It is an odd experience but I’m enjoying it, I’m not upset I’m just excited and I can’t wait to get started and get on!

That’s my blog for tonight! I’ll keep you updated!!

Although I said goodbye to people Saturday night I never saw it as saying goodbye. Today I actually had to do that and it was HORRIBLE. After a morning of stressful packing (thank you mummy for all the help) I’m almost ready for uni! It feels so weird! This afternoon I had three close friends to meet up with and say goodbye too! My friend Lucy who is 6 months pregnant (although I will be back in time to meet little Skylar! Yippie!), my friend of nearly 10 years Grace and my best English buddy Erin who shares my love of The Fault in our stars! Although there were not tears it was really emotional that I’ll be moving especially as they’re all going through such exciting times at the moment with Erin and Grace entering their final year of college and starting uni applications themselves as well as Lucy’s bump getting steadily bigger. It’s weird because we are all reaching change in our lives and me, Erin, Grace and Ali all went through school and college together it will be odd to be apart. It was nice though to have that time and we’re already arranging time to meet up in London!! Tonight was a meal with Ali’s family to say goodbye too which was nice. Tomorrow holds more uni bits, a family visit and another meal! For now I’m shattered!!

Night All!!

What they don’t tell you when you sign up at university is that you have to become a master at the loveable 80s game Tetris. Now as any cool 90’s kid will remember playing Tetris was the highlight of black and white gameboys (as well as pokemon), so now we get to try it out in real life… welcome to university life! Packing is proving to be a bit stressful, making sure you’ve got everything, working out where it’s all going to go and how the hell your going to get it all to uni in the first place. Thankfully my Uncle has a big car so the plan (so far) is that him and my Dad will be going up in the car with my stuff while me, Mum and my sister Sums will be following up on the train and meeting them at my halls. Just thinking about the move next week makes butterflies explode inside of me.

I’m all mixed up inside, excited ,terrified, wondering how on earth I will manage on my own, then back to excited. It honestly is a rollercoaster of emotion and if Kingston weren’t such a helpful university I would be in major panic mode right now! I now have almost everything in place to go including my DSA assesment forms thank goodness! Now it’s just time to wait for entitlement and I can order my lovely new laptop and software to help me with my course. The DSA are being very generous with their time and what I am allowed due to my ‘condition’, as I said to you all before I see this as a small part of me and as something I have to deal with. That said I am grateful that people are trying to make it easier for me if I am having a bad day I can do something about it and move on. I believe that this support should be in place for everyone in education as it’s really lacking!

It’s my last weekend in Basingstoke this weekend (thank god!) So there should be some pictures and news (and maybe a late blog entry after my night out tomorrow!).

Thanks for sticking around!

Chloe

Can I firstly use this post to say a happy birthday to my Dad! We had a lovely little birthday thing for him while he got to use his new CD (which I will be borrowing) and I’m guessing it will be a few DVD nights for him over the next few days! 

This post is a bit bare today simply because some days there isn’t much to write about, not everything is going to be exciting and new and amazing. Today has literally been a case of writing everything out to try and fit everything and everyone in! 

There  might be more to report tomorrow! 

One of the things most people notice about me early on is that I like to know what I’m doing. It’s a blessing and a curse at the same time, while family and friends joke that I’m my boyfriends P.A as well it drives him insane. My diary (above) is like my bible and ever since I started college I have always needed to have a planner. Unlike most of my generation I don’t trust putting things in my phone, I need to write everything down. Many of my uni friends already know me as that girl who knows what’s going on, I make it my business to note things down and usually it comes in handy. One days like today however, I go a little nuts. 

Everyone knows that there are things in life that we have no control over, we cant organise we can only guess. University is one of those things apparently. Today was just one of those days where I get stressed and anxious about anything that I don’t have any control over in my life (which is happening a lot lately). Where a lot of people will just tell me to calm down sometimes I can’t, the problem with anxiety I’ve found is that once something gets under your skin you  can’t shake it off. Today I found out I’d been given the wrong information again and it could be another month before I receive what I am entitled to from the DSA. It seems silly but this sent me into a wild panic because there are things (such as my 1-1 mentoring) which I was relying on coming through quickly to help me. Luckily I seem to have a very supportive uni and should be able to set this up over the phone and explain the situation. The problem is once I panic about one thing it leads to another, then another, then another and I find myself stuck in a low which I hate. I’ve always been organised so it’s not something to do with my illness in general but it does help me to be organised I feel more in control of things. 

Apart from being pain in the arse organised today (well at least trying to be) some other things managed to happen. My little sister went back to school happily which was a huge relief for me, I always get nervous for her but she seems to be happy. After my post yesterday about not having the shakes from going back to school I thought I had got away with it. Like hell had I. Guess who was waiting outside my house this afternoon parked up outside my mums car? One of the girls who beat me up in year nine which turned into kicking the crap out of me for 2 days along with one of my ex boyfriends I believe. I honestly couldn’t believe it as we pulled up, I knew she had no idea I lived here and it was coincidence but my oh my did the feelings come back. It happens usually when I see kids who beat me up or we’re particular pains to me at school and what did I do? Got into the house and hid and I was so ashamed of myself. The thing is you think your strong and can take them on but I can’t lie to myself and say it doesn’t affect me any more because it does. Just like the DSA stuff this isn’t something I can plan for and organise, but I now realise that’s ok and I’ll get there in time. To put it bluntly it reminded me how much I wanted to leave this town behind and get away. It put away all my fears and doubts which I’ve been having lately (and if your reading this having doubts your not the only one, all my friends are also nervous it’s a natural part of the process of uni, you’ll do ok!… I hope). 

Once I felt a bit better and recovered from my shock (which I’m ashamed to admit made me get quite low) I headed to my boyfriends for an evening with his family. Seeing as we’re both moving dinners with our families are getting more regular, mums roast last night was beautiful) and we had a lovely time chatting! 

So the message is you can have a really crap day and it can turn out alright 🙂 Keep smiling! 

This morning I woke up after not sleeping, today my boyfriend was coming home from a long weekend in New York. I got up and I waited and waited for him to come home. I love the fact that he’s home now and our holidays are over. We move to uni on the same day, he will be at the top of Kingston and I will be at the bottom, closer to the centre. Although he’s only been away four days it was a bit of an eye opener for me, he supports me a lot especially on my low days. This weekend however he wasn’t really a phone call away (have you tried to call NYC from London lately?) so if I had a low I had to deal with it myself and I did. It was hard and it sucked but in a way it made me be more open with people at the same time it made me make plans to avoid being alone at a time where I would be sad. 

Enough about all that though now he is home we can start getting ready for uni and getting excited and tomorrow there will be another return. I have to be at the airport for 6am to pick up Ali’s older sister Claire who went travelling across Asia for the last few months after graduating. Seeing her jet off across the world on her won had an impact on me. I cannot wait to start travelling and I’ve been saving up to take me and Ali to Rome next summer for his 21st birthday the following November! 

So I’ll update you tomorrow if I don’t pass out in the evening!!