Last day of recording and Lola and Ralphie’s birthday!!

Mar 9, 2014Leave a comment

Exhaustion has set in for all five band members and Sophie. Today’s absolutely beautiful weather was spent in the Kingston Hill Lodge studio again, although we did manage to sneak out to catch some sun light, even if it was only a little bit. We had to meet again at 9 and be in the studio setting up by 9.30 although time passed a lot quicker this morning (it slowed down a lot this afternoon though). Today was for Guitars and Bass! Woo! which ended up taking a lot longer than we thought, as I write at 6pm the boys are still there and will be until 10 tonight just as they have been since Friday.

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Rhys and I early this morning in the sunshiiiiiine

It hasn’t been easy, spending 3 days in a small studio with the same people is hard work. We’ve been tired, happy, laughing and half delirious from a lack of sleep but I think we’re doing ok…even if we shut ourselves away for a little while and don’t see each other haha!! No on a serious note as much as we may want to kill each other now I’m proud of all the boys they’ve done really well over the last few days and for Rhys to keep drumming again and again and again for about 12 hours yesterday was amazing to watch even if I thought he may pass out (he didn’t it’s ok!).

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Studio Selfie

This EP is going to be something special once its finally finished and something amazing happened today…Sophie managed to get real pictures of us that we can use for things, REAL PICTURES!!! She even managed to get a smile from Ali on camera, something which is almost a myth around here. It was a great thing to do just before the sun went down. People have said that to me today, don’t you wish you were in the sun? No, not really. When I look back on this weekend it wont just be another sunny weekend, we worked our butts off and spent our breaks running around like children and cilmbing trees, yeah that actually happened.

A shot Sophie took on my camera…her pictures are the proper ones though!!

Another thing today it is my baby cousins birthday’s!!! Lola and Ralphie turned 7 today, something which Ali didn’t quite believe. It’s been hard not being at home to see them but after speaking to them on the phone I know they’ve had a great day on their new bikes and being spoilt rotten as they should be! You’re only 7 once!

Baby Lola

Baby Ralphie

So now I’m back at the flat, tired although not as much as the others are I don’t think and I have a really busy week ahead of me…and no lie ins at all! All in all it’s been a really great weekend, it was hard no question, being constantly around people is something I’m not used to but I wouldn’t chose to spend it with anyone else. Here’s to a great week after a fab weekend!!

I couldn’t ask for better followers

Feb 26, 2014Leave a comment

I decided that despite attending my Student Ambassador interview today I wanted to write a blog about the people who come back week after week and read my thoughts and feelings. After yesterdays blog post I was overwhelmed by the positive responses from so many people both my WordPress and Twitter exploded with comments, likes and retweets and it really made me get my confidence back. I’ve had people I go to uni with come up and talk to me about the blog, about mental illness which is more than I ever thought I could do.

I’m not writing this because I think I’m famous but I did want to let you all know I appreciate every comment, like or follow. It helps me along the way more than people realise and I hope that I can keep writing this blog during my time and uni and beyond. This illness isn’t a curse, it can be a pain in the arse but the little conversations I have with people knowing that I have, in some ways, helped them? That’s something incredible in itself.

I also wanted to let you all know that aside from writing I’m working really hard with my band No People Club and today something odd happened. I was in a bit of an anxious state, I usually flinch away from the mic but given time I picked it up and I just sang an idea I really wasn’t sure of. Sounds simple, right? For me it’s difficult when my heart and soul goes into my lyrics and if they’re not perfect I hate to show them. Somethng happened tonight where I jsut thought, the boys won’t care if I hit a bum note or don’t have this worked out yet and you know what? They didn’t at all.

It really is the little things like that that make such a difference to me, little things I’ve struggled with that I can finally do. It might not be simple, it could come back tomorrow, next week or next year and I hate that, but for now I did it. Next up, get assignments done, pass my driving test and actually believe in myself in order to do that and just appreciate the friends I have.

I’VE BEEN SHORT LISTED!!!

Feb 24, 2014Feb 26, 2014Leave a comment

After a really crappy morning I got an email that has made all the difference. I’ve been invited to the KU Talent Awards dinner because I’ve been short listed for the ‘Rising Star’ first year award. I don’t know if I can describe how excited I am or how grateful, just being short listed for something like this is so incredible and something I never thought I’d get. For the kid who wasn’t supposed to pass any of her exams I think I’m doing pretty well. After calling all of my family and Ali of course I spent the rest of the day mostly on a high, I HAD BEEN CHOSEN!

I was only allowed to choose one guest, luckily I had thought about this at nomination stage. On the 14th March my Mum and I will be attending the dinner and awards which has a ‘Hollywood Glamour’ theme! So as you can guess it is now a frenzy of getting things booked and bought, a new dress for Mum, our hair, nails (more for Mum, possibly for me) and the room at the hotel it’s being held in. I honestly have no idea who is going to be there or what’s going to happen but I’m feeling happy and excited, if not a tad nervous about it too.

I’m so glad I could share this with all of my 50 (??) followers and thank all for you for reading, I think this blog really gave me the confidence to go forward and talk to staff about going for the award itself. Don’t get me wrong I’d love to win but being short listed? It just makes me feel good to be recognised by the university! So now I have around 3 weeks to get over my nerves and get ready! Keep your fingers crossed, I might even win!

Where has the year gone?!?!

Feb 23, 2014Leave a comment

Tomorrow I have my last lecture of first year English Literature. Last week my favourite module ‘Deabtes in Literature’ had its last lecture, tomorrow it will be for Writing and Rhetoric and that’s all my lectures for first year over. I didn’t realise when I signed up that it was 2 teaching blocks and one purely for exams/assignments and so it is a bit of a shock.

It doesn’t seem that long ago that I was packing up my things, nervous as hell and wondering how on earth I was going to get through the first year and now I only have a week and 3 months until I pack everythin away and had back to Basingstoke for a summer. Most people are planning on going home as soon as classes end, for me that would be the 21st March but Kingston can’t get away from me that esaily! I still have so much planned, a flat to find, assignments to write, my teaching job is 15 days between April and the end of June. I’m hoping to be working for the uni again if my interview goes well, fingers crossed!

I don’t really want this year to end, aside from not really feeling that good about the halls situation and my struggles with Creative Writing I’ve loved first year. I have friends, adventures and a whole different life here. I’m kind of a different person to who I was before and that’s okay. I’m more aware of my illness and how to manage it, I have more of an idea about myself I think and Kingston has helped a lot.

I makes me upset that in a mere few months a third of my degree will be done. As excited as I am at the thought of going into second year I’m bloody terrified too. The work will be uppsed, I’ll be living with Ali for the first time and I’ll be managing bills, a job hopefully as well as trying to keep the blog going. It’s easy, if I think too much, to get overwhelmed by this in an instant, to start to freak out and lose sleep, which I previously would have. I am working through ways of not letting things get on top of me and trying to keep my anxieties under control.

So now I’m sitting here with part of next year reading list and taking a good go at it but for once I’m not rushing to start second year. Yes it’s me and I will do additional reading over the summer, I’ll try and get ahead but no in such an urgent way. I’m pretty happy just being at uni and taking my time a little more. Now I’m not saying I’m at peace and calm now, my anxiety has been a bitch for the past week but right now I’m just hoping I can appreciate what I have left of first year.

6 months in

Feb 16, 2014Feb 17, 2014Leave a comment

6 months ago I started my first day at Kingston. 6 months and 3 days ago I moved away from home for the first time and I’ve survived so far. While I’ve come home this weekend I’ve started realising that I’ve actually changed a fair bit, not too much but enough. I’ve started sorting myself out, becoming more independent and just generally being happier. As much as I love my family I’ve realised that I don’t need to be in Basingstoke anymore. I’m happy having independence, choosing what to do, what to eat and just working things out for myself (with a little help from Ali and the guys at times). I guess I’m kinda done with this town for a while, maybe not forever but I just love being in a busy city. I love hopping on a train and being in London in 20 minutes, being on the river and being in a student town (Basingstoke is definately not a student hot spot).

I guess the point I’m trying to make is that university changes you, for the better I think. I’ve experienced so much and I’ll experience so much more in the next 2 and a half years. the one thing you really notice though? How quickly time flies. When I was at school days stretch on and on, I never thought I would get out alive or that it would eventually end. College just seemed to be a waiting period but now I’m at uni everything goes so fast but I think I love the speed! I’m so excited to carry on in September because I love my Lit course and actually being liked for being smart. So six months in I think I’m doing okay and that’s important for me to know.

Here’s to the next six!

V Day

Feb 14, 2014Feb 22, 2014Leave a comment

Today my boyfriend gave me three things. A Lobster, hot chocolate, onesies and some much enjoyed cuddles. It’s not quite your traditional valentines day but I think it was pretty cool. We were both pretty broke this week after all the gigs and so we were just going to stay in and watch a movie, my lobster (Larry or Lenny we haven’t decided yet) was a surprise. I fell in love with him in Camden Sainsbury’s so Ali popped into the local Sainsburys and sent me a Snapchat while I was making him a valentines day card (old school, like a boss). I’m not going to be online a lot, tonight is for onesies and just appreciating some time together. So we didn’t make a huge fuss, spend a load of money or piss off our single friends, just the way we like it.

It’s days like today that remind me why I’m a musician

Feb 8, 2014Leave a comment

I spent today curled up in the Kingston recording studio listening and watching as the boys did their thing. Today wasn’t a gig day, we didn’t get to play to a screaming crowd but it sure as hell put a smile on my face. After years of trying I’m finally bonded with people who want this to work as much as I do. I’ve had a few ups and downs when words like ‘tour’ were mentioned. It’s not because I don’t want to, it’s because I want it to work so badly and I was terrified of getting my heart broken again.

We’ve only been a full band since December and we’re gigging, writing, recording, sorting out a tour and we get a good response. It’s all going so fast and I’d be lying if I said I haven’t freaked out but it’ll be worth it. The boys have been at the studio now for at least 10 hours recording Rhys’ drum parts over and over but no ones in a bad mood, no one is too tired or too pissed off. It’s that kind of energy that makes all the difference, I’ve never experienced that before. Sure, we all have our own ups and downs but we try and deal with them together. The bottom line is I already love them all and I don’t know what I’ll do over the summer if I don’t see them. I really think we’re on to something pretty special…watch this space.

Let’s go on holiday!

Feb 7, 2014Feb 8, 2014Leave a comment

Since I was sixteen I’ve wanted to go on my own holiday. There have been various plans mentioned some with girl friends, one lads holiday that never happened and I’ve bugged Ali about going abroad for a year or two now. Either way as you can guess none of these have happened so far…until today. As I mentioned on Tuesday I met up with my friend Sonia, on our way to drinks we were stopped by a sign about summer holidays in the window, something we’re both interested in. She asked if I’d maybe want to go on holiday with ehr later in the year and not much more was said.

Today however something made me just want to do it. Ali’s not that bothered about going away for a chilled out holiday (he’s much more a city breaks or historical place kinda guy), so he encouraged me to text Sonia and start making some plans. My Mum also said might as well go for it. As of now we don’t know when or where we’re going, there are talks of Amsterdam as well as a cheeky girls holiday in the summer, who knows? Either way it looks like I’m going on holiday!!

A lack of sleep and some serious reflection

Feb 4, 2014Leave a comment

It always gets to this point at night where I start trying to wind down, telling myself I should go to sleep or I’ll feel tired in the morning. Although my eyelids are fighting to close and my head is starting to ache I know that I won’t. Today has been a better day than I anticipated full of kind words, friends and a few surprises that I didn’t think would happen. I’m having such a good time at university at the moment I feel good about myself and my life, I come to these moments where I reflect on it and I feel pretty damn proud of myself.

I’m not the kind of person who loves themselves and thinks they’re the next best thing, actually ask a lot of my friends and they’ll tell you what they tell me, that I need to love myself more. Ali once said to me that I needed to love myself more, how could I expect him to be in love with me when I didn’t love myself? I’ve always known that I’m my own worst enemy, my harshest critic. There is no pressure from family, Ali, my friends it’s all from me and me alone. So when I decided to apply for the KUTalent awards I was really putting myself in for it, I felt awful self nominating. Honestly I didn’t feel good enough to apply but after talking to some staff at the uni I thought I might as well have a go. The result was a reference from my tutor to the board that almost made me cry. I won’t tell the world every detail but for someone I admire as an academic to think so highly of me gave me such a confidence boost. It made me feel like I could actually give something to the university.

I also ended up into venturing into look for flats, the outcome wasn’t fantastic but I know what I’m looking for now and Ali and I are quite excited. It’s new, its scary and it’s a bit grown up. The day continued with speaking to a few friends, Joe, Sonia, Amy and ended up with a drink or two with Sonia at the Students Union. The great thing about Son? Although she is definitely Marmite she doesn’t judge and is truthful as well as honest. I’ve also managed to bag my sister and I tickets to see Taylor Swift and The Vamps on Tuesday!! Totally worth it to hear her voice so happy at the end of the phone!

Let’s hope the good mood stays and the sleep eventually comes…