Tomorrow I have my last lecture of first year English Literature. Last week my favourite module ‘Deabtes in Literature’ had its last lecture, tomorrow it will be for Writing and Rhetoric and that’s all my lectures for first year over. I didn’t realise when I signed up that it was 2 teaching blocks and one purely for exams/assignments and so it is a bit of a shock.
It doesn’t seem that long ago that I was packing up my things, nervous as hell and wondering how on earth I was going to get through the first year and now I only have a week and 3 months until I pack everythin away and had back to Basingstoke for a summer. Most people are planning on going home as soon as classes end, for me that would be the 21st March but Kingston can’t get away from me that esaily! I still have so much planned, a flat to find, assignments to write, my teaching job is 15 days between April and the end of June. I’m hoping to be working for the uni again if my interview goes well, fingers crossed!
I don’t really want this year to end, aside from not really feeling that good about the halls situation and my struggles with Creative Writing I’ve loved first year. I have friends, adventures and a whole different life here. I’m kind of a different person to who I was before and that’s okay. I’m more aware of my illness and how to manage it, I have more of an idea about myself I think and Kingston has helped a lot.
I makes me upset that in a mere few months a third of my degree will be done. As excited as I am at the thought of going into second year I’m bloody terrified too. The work will be uppsed, I’ll be living with Ali for the first time and I’ll be managing bills, a job hopefully as well as trying to keep the blog going. It’s easy, if I think too much, to get overwhelmed by this in an instant, to start to freak out and lose sleep, which I previously would have. I am working through ways of not letting things get on top of me and trying to keep my anxieties under control.
So now I’m sitting here with part of next year reading list and taking a good go at it but for once I’m not rushing to start second year. Yes it’s me and I will do additional reading over the summer, I’ll try and get ahead but no in such an urgent way. I’m pretty happy just being at uni and taking my time a little more. Now I’m not saying I’m at peace and calm now, my anxiety has been a bitch for the past week but right now I’m just hoping I can appreciate what I have left of first year.