A lack of sleep and some serious reflection

It always gets to this point at night where I start trying to wind down, telling myself I should go to sleep or I’ll feel tired in the morning. Although my eyelids are fighting to close and my head is starting to ache I know that I won’t. Today has been a better day than I anticipated full of kind words, friends and a few surprises that I didn’t think would happen. I’m having such a good time at university at the moment I feel good about myself and my life, I come to these moments where I reflect on it and I feel pretty damn proud of myself. 

I’m not the kind of person who loves themselves and thinks they’re the next best thing, actually ask a lot of my friends and they’ll tell you what they tell me, that I need to love myself more. Ali once said to me that I needed to love myself more, how could I expect him to be in love with me when I didn’t love myself? I’ve always known that I’m my own worst enemy, my harshest critic. There is no pressure from family, Ali, my friends it’s all from me and me alone. So when I decided to apply for the KUTalent awards I was really putting myself in for it, I felt awful self nominating. Honestly I didn’t feel good enough to apply but after talking to some staff at the uni I thought I might as well have a go. The result was a reference from my tutor to the board that almost made me cry. I won’t tell the world every detail but for someone I admire as an academic to think so highly of me gave me such a confidence boost. It made me feel like I could actually give something to the university.  

I also ended up into venturing into look for flats, the outcome wasn’t fantastic but I know what I’m looking for now and Ali and I are quite excited. It’s new, its scary and it’s a bit grown up. The day continued with speaking to a few friends, Joe, Sonia, Amy and ended up with a drink or two with Sonia at the Students Union. The great thing about Son? Although she is definitely Marmite she doesn’t judge and is truthful as well as honest. I’ve also managed to bag my sister and I tickets to see Taylor Swift and The Vamps on Tuesday!! Totally worth it to hear her voice so happy at the end of the phone! 

Let’s hope the good mood stays and the sleep eventually comes…

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