While many of you have been winding down with friends, family and festivities this evening I have been in the magical land of retail…that’s right I’ve been at work this evening and I’m pretty sure Santa might employ me as one of his elves next year, it’s one of the benefits of being small. I’ve spent the evening, moving, packing, unpacking and now I’m finally going to settle down in my new Sulley onesie in anticipation of tomorrow!! Will I get much sleep? I doubt it, I may be exhausted from work but I’m still a child inside! Let’s see what Santa is going to bring! 😀
My Top 10 Films to watch at Christmas
I thought I would treat you all to another top 10 seeing as my life currently consists of my temp job, sleeping and trying to fit everything around it. Here are some of my top films to watch at Christmas even though some of them arn’t that traditional.
10. Any Harry Potter film…
To say that I’m obsessed with Harry Potter is an understatement. There are two times that all of the films should be on the TV, once in the Summer and then again at Christmas, or you know any time of year at all really…
9.Miracle on 34th Street (1994)
Matilda and Santa teamed up and it got adorable. Ok so this film came out when I was a few months old I don’t have to watch it at Christmas but it’s always nice to have on the TV.
8.The Grinch that stole Christmas
One thing you need to know is that I am the girlfriend to another Grinch. I loved this film growing up, I don’t have any real reason why but it just is a great Christmas film.
7.Tangled
A lot of people won’t understand this choice because I’m 19 and it’s so new for a Disney film. For some reason this is on every Christmas now and I absolutely love it! C’mon she hit’s him around the head with a frying pan, sorry spoiler alert.
6.Shrek
Another film that just seems to be on around Christmas and one that makes me laugh all the time. It doesn’t matter if it’s 1,2 or 3, not 4 I haven’t seen 4. You can just sit down and watch Shrek no matter what age you are.
5. Bridget Jones’ Diary
It is not Chistmas or even December until I have watched Bridget Jones. It starts and ends at Christmas and we can’t forget the lovely jumpers or the Turkey Curry Buffet!
4.Toy Story 2
I was only 4 when this came out in 1999 and I was obsessed with it, I even had the Jessie the cowgirl outfit. It’s another family film with a happy ending.
3.Toy Story
…Of course you can’t just watch Toy Story 2 and this is the film that is mainly on the TV at this time of year. Who doesn’t love a bit of Woody, Buzz and the rest of the gang!
2. Elf
‘IT’S SANTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA’
There is a reason this is in at number 2. The writers of Elf are incredible I worship them. As for Will Farrell? Oh my lord that man is funny. It makes kids laugh, it makes adults laugh and it has brilliantly inappropriate burping.
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1. Love Actually
This is where I am allowed to be a girl. This is my all time favourite Christmas film even if my boyfriend is mean and wont watch it with me (he say’s it is too girly). It’s so well written and there are so many great actors in it. I also get some eye candy between Hugh and Colin.
I do not own these images…please don’t sue my arse.
Day off, Miller Style
Finally, finally, finally a day of work! I may only be working for Paperchase for a few weeks but the shop is heaving and I definitely have a long week ahead. So today was a day off Miller style, while Ali went out driving with his dad I spent some time at home with Mum getting some final bits done before being picked up in Ali’s car by him and his dad for a meal before exchanging Christmas presents early (although they can’t be opened until the big day). It was nice to see him before Christmas,since we’ve moved it’s been more difficult to see any family regularly. It’s another quick post I’m afraid but hopefully once Christmas is over I can finally start blogging properly again!
The busiest Saturday of the year…apparently
I woke up today with a mix of happiness and dread. Today is the last Saturday before Christmas, which means the start of panicked shopping (although I expecting Christmas Eve to be really busy) we were warned that this would be the busiest Saturday of the year, followed by the busiest shopping day of the year (Monday). So I headed into work expecting 5 hours of pure stress, I was pleasantly surprised.
Today was just like any other Saturday in December, it wasn’t better or worse in any way but it wasn’t horrendously busy. Ok, thinking about it maybe it was if you were a customer. I had a pretty average day at work really, I had to smile so much that I vowed I could scowl at everyone for the rest of the day. I ended up smiling instead and I’m curled up in Ali’s room absolutely exhausted.
Night all!
Ali’s Home!!!
Today I counted down the hours at work, Ali was coming home! This post is going to be short because now he actually is home and I have some quality time to spend with him. It was lovely to be surprise with him meeting me from work and buying me a chinese, my baby is back!!
Teaching in 2014
Today was my last day off before I work non stop until the 27th so I didn’t plan to do a lot. Coming home has made my life even more boring and I’m really aware that I could be boring you all. So thankfully today I got some great news! After waiting and worrying I got the email today to say that I got the job! I’m going to be teaching in a local school in the Summer and earning while getting the experience.
A lot of people asked me if I want to be a teacher when I told them about applying for this job. The truth is that I don’t know what I want to do when I leave uni, I have no idea. So I might as well give everything a shot in the next 3 years and I might just find out. This is just one of the opportunities I’ve been working on. I’ve applied for internships and I have my eye on a few more ways to work with the university. It’s true what they say about getting the most out of uni, you can do it. So I’m not going to spend my whole summer in bed, I’m planning on actually getting out there and doing things.
Here’s hoping 2014 is going to be amazing.
Take the next exit out of my brain
I’ve realised that I need to be honest in my blog, it may not always be interesting but I did say I would be brutally honest about my experience as a fresher. For the first time in my life the university has taken an interest in my mental health and sometimes I think it makes certain people feel better that they are helping someone with a condition. Don’t get me wrong I am really grateful that people are there to help me and support me if I need it but sometimes it just doesn’t work.
The last 4 years of my life have been spent with depression (diagnosed or not) and so now I’m pretty used to it. I’ve gone from the past 4 years of people in education seeing me as a problem and people around me not really knowing how to help. As for the doctors? I can think of a few who should re take whatever classes they had on depression in teenagers. It took six different doctors to get a diagnosis for depression and anxiety because I was a teenager and it all had to do with my moods. Bull shit did it. It took so long because my medical notes were selective.
I don’t know if she’ll ever read it but I’ll say here and now my mother is a saint. It’s because of her and Ali that I didn’t completely lose my head. While my head is clear I can remember the countless times she took me to doctors to explain what the bullying was doing to me physically as well as mentally. It’s because of my mum that I’m not more screwed up, because she knew when I needed time. She knew when going to school wasn’t an option because I couldn’t cope any more. For 19 years my mum has been my own personal soldier and she’s damn good at it. She might have had the schools trying to avoid her but she never gave up on making sure I was ok. She knew which doctors to take me to so they would try and intervene with the school (at one point I had well over a month off because of stress…I now think that was my anxiety.
The reason I write about my mum is because she was one of the very few people who doesn’t ask a million questions that all start with why. I’ve started reading Michael Thomas Ford’s Suicide Notes and it’s a character I can identify with. Not because I’ve ever tried to kill myself, because he hates being questioned. I’ve been given a mental health advisor and a mental health mentor and boy oh boy do they love asking how I feel and why. Sometimes I just want to shout because I do, leave me alone and I might work it out.
I’ve had various mentors, councillors, people who have been assigned to work with me ‘through my problems’ and they all either try and blame my ‘issues’ on my relationship with Ali or they try and ‘fix’ me. Both of these just piss me off on a daily basis/whenever I have to talk to them. I’m quite lucky with my advisor, he doesn’t question me, he knows I just like getting things done and out of the way. My mentor on the other hand wanted to touch on my relationship a few weeks back and that just isn’t happening. It’s not because of her, she’s lovely and very respectful it’s because of my past councillors. They all try and ‘understand’ me and then try blaming my relationship. Why do I share my boyfriends friends?, Why do I spent so much time with him?, Why am I sure we will stay together blah blah blah. In the past they’ve all tried to psychoanalyse me and pin my ‘issues’ on something. Never mind the bullying that lasted more of my teenage life and a fair bit of my childhood, it has to be the boyfriend. One of the idiot ones said we had a ‘parent-child relationship’ when I showed her a picture to make me feel less nervous. Needless to say I never went back.
Whenever people hear who have or have had a mental illness they want to analyse you. Your brain is the great attraction and they’ve all be waiting to have a look around. Here’s the secret, you take a left, then a right and get the fuck out of my brain. I guess if I’m making this post useful I have one thing to say to others who are reading. If you ever find yourself in a session and you don’t want to reply or they’re starting the brain tour then just remember you’re in control. It’s your mind, don’t let anyone put words in your mouth.
Letting my mind run free
I like to use this blog to write about how I really feel and how I honestly feel about uni. For a flicker of a second today I found myself wondering while I was doing a degree. While I stood and earned money by running around after customers and putting out stock I was enjoying it. I smiled like an idiot through my shift and I forgot about any worries I had. The problem with university is that despite Kingston not putting heaps of pressure on me I still put pressure on myself. I’m on a course I love and a course I hate and I’m stuck in-between.
You see I work hard and I put pressure on myself. When I was a kid I thought I’d be something by now. I thought I would be on a stage acting, or singing, why not both? I used to dream I would be someone by the time I was 20 years old and I am just a normal girl. These feelings of wanting to be someone and wanting to be perfect stand in the way of a lot. My self pressure is most definitely why I keep failing my driving test. Why am I putting it on the internet when it claws at me, because I’m not perfect it’s the only test I’ve ever failed, I’m putting it here because I have to keep telling myself I’m allowed to fail sometimes. It’ll take a while for that to settle in but maybe one day I will believe it.
You see a great friend of mine told me to just write about not being able to be creative and I suppose it’s working. Yes I know how to write! Yes I get frustrated when I’m constantly told what is and is not a writer and YES I feel like I’ve made a bloody bad decision. I need to break away from Creative Writing and be free. I need to be able to run around in one of my silly moods and feel like a five year old again. In short I need to be fully myself.
What’s the point of this post you ask? I have absolutely no idea. This post is just me being free and trying to start writing again and expressing myself, I hope you enjoy it.
Back to work
Today I went back to real employment after quite a bit break today. To say I was nervous this morning is an understatement. I will be working at Paperchase for the next two weeks, reprising what used to be Ali’s job. Last Christmas Ali got the job and I won’t lie I was jealous, everyone seemed so nice and although it was busy he seemed happy whenever he was there. So when I got offered an interview this year (while Ali stays behind in London for a bit), I jumped at the chance and was offered the job.
Today was odd, I’d forgotten about inductions and health and safety procedures and all that. So after a lot of paper work and a walk around the shop I got to work. I’m going to be doing stock and customer service stuff but today was getting into things slowly by ticketing. I have another shift tomorrow but I have no idea what I’m doing.
I can feel my posts getting sorter and I’m not ok with that. I want to give you guys all the info about uni life but not everything is exciting. So in 2014 I’m going to try and do more for you guys, I might even start the vlogs again…maybe.
Going home
On my way home nothing else says it really…
It’s been a long semester to say the least. I know that right most of us are tired, a little bit hungrier than we were and a little bit wiser to the world. Well that last bit might not be true for all of us. Either way as much as I love uni there is nothing like coming home for a few weeks and being able to relax. It’s not just being able to do your washing for free and having someone to cook for you (I’ve had that for the last few days anyway) its just being where you can be yourself. I’m coming home to relax and even though I’ll be working for a fair bit of it I feel better after one day.
I’ve heard that Christmas is a good and bad point for everyone. You can go home and recharge, it’s time to work things out. The bad point is you have to go back eventually and I’m worried that’ll be hard when it comes. I don’t want to start the new year on a low when I’ve been doing so well not to be swallowed up by them. So I’m gonna stay positive and hope that I can recharge my batteries.
Chloe Metzger 