I like to use this blog to write about how I really feel and how I honestly feel about uni. For a flicker of a second today I found myself wondering while I was doing a degree. While I stood and earned money by running around after customers and putting out stock I was enjoying it. I smiled like an idiot through my shift and I forgot about any worries I had. The problem with university is that despite Kingston not putting heaps of pressure on me I still put pressure on myself. I’m on a course I love and a course I hate and I’m stuck in-between.
You see I work hard and I put pressure on myself. When I was a kid I thought I’d be something by now. I thought I would be on a stage acting, or singing, why not both? I used to dream I would be someone by the time I was 20 years old and I am just a normal girl. These feelings of wanting to be someone and wanting to be perfect stand in the way of a lot. My self pressure is most definitely why I keep failing my driving test. Why am I putting it on the internet when it claws at me, because I’m not perfect it’s the only test I’ve ever failed, I’m putting it here because I have to keep telling myself I’m allowed to fail sometimes. It’ll take a while for that to settle in but maybe one day I will believe it.
You see a great friend of mine told me to just write about not being able to be creative and I suppose it’s working. Yes I know how to write! Yes I get frustrated when I’m constantly told what is and is not a writer and YES I feel like I’ve made a bloody bad decision. I need to break away from Creative Writing and be free. I need to be able to run around in one of my silly moods and feel like a five year old again. In short I need to be fully myself.
What’s the point of this post you ask? I have absolutely no idea. This post is just me being free and trying to start writing again and expressing myself, I hope you enjoy it.