Settling in

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I love Kingston. I really, really do. I’ve been in the flat since Sunday and today is the first day that it seems normal to be here. It’s normal to wake up next to Ali, it’s normal to sit down to eat together in the evenings. It’s normal to go to work in the mornings while he’s still asleep and it’s normal to work in a team of people who actually think I’m good at what I do. 

If anything this is slowly improving my confidence, something I needed before I went back to uni again. Don’t get me wrong, I miss my family and I miss being able to see my dog whenever I want to but it’s slowly becoming ok. The hardest thing by far is missing the dog, I keep seeing people walking their dogs on the way to and from work and my brain is shouting I have a dog too! She’s cuter than yours! Ok so maybe that’s a little bit extreme but hey, I’m a proud owner. 

I’ve spent most of the day in the office today and there are loads of exciting things going on, I wish I could tell you more but for now I must keep my lips sealed! Tomorrow is results day and Clearing so I’ll be busy online all day until quite late at night. It’s great to be able to talk to people and help them, I’m hoping I can be of some use tomorrow! 

A visit from the family

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My beautiful Roses from my Grandparents 

Since moving in I’ve felt a little up and down, with the moving and leaving the caller job, trying to find other work, getting used to being around Ali all the time etc. I was nervous about my parents coming to visit. Mum and Dad have never seen the flat before and although I knew they’d like it I wanted it to look nice. 

I’ve spent the day in the Student Ambassador office, I received special training from The Student Room (eeeek!!) and started in the office looking at strategies, writing replies to people and getting ideas. I’m once again doing what I love. It was a long and fairly tiring day but I really enjoyed it (I enjoyed my after work nap as well). 

I was worried that Mum and Dad visiting me would upset me, I love living with Ali but when I’m on a low I crave familiarity. I’d had to come straight from a doctors appointment as well with a doctor who I had to discuss my mental health with. Yay. It’s safe to say she didn’t have a real grasp of depression when she kept saying I was ‘doing fine’, recommended counselling and basically tried to push me off as the uni’s problem. 

As soon as I got through the door though, I relaxed. My Mum, Dad and Sister were here, looking very comfy. Mum and sums sat on the sofa, Dad with a cup of tea and everyone was chatting. Having everyone together made me so happy. I got a load of moving in cards from home, flowers, chocolate and a vase for us from my Grandparents and Mum and Dad took us for dinner. 

Now I’m the most comfortable I’ve ever felt in the flat, the family are gone but I’ve got a part of it staying with me. I really wouldn’t change a thing 🙂 

 

 

In the news: Well loved actor Robin Williams dead aged 63

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The world woke up this morning to the tragic news that comedy icon Robin Williams has been found dead in his home. As if that wasn’t cruel enough, the cause of death is currently being deemed suicide pending a coroners report. A man that made so many of us laugh had been struggling with deep depression for a long period of his life and had recently checked in to a rehab clinic to try and beat his daemons once again.

Williams was known for a variety of roles, a graduate from the prestigious Juilliard school of the arts, went on to dazzle the world with his comic genius. While many will remember him for his time as an alien, my generation will fondly miss the voice of Genie and for me personally, Mrs Doubtfire. I have fond memories of watching the film over and over again always laughing at the same points.

The world has lost someone truly great and in the world of comedy he can never be replaced.

Rest in Peace, your legacy will live on.

I am not ashamed.

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Today I had to do something I’ve never had the courage to do. I was honestly with an employer about my mental health. I stood up for making myself feel better and I’m hoping I’ve made the right choice. I’ve left my job on the hotline because it wasn’t right for me and honestly it was too much. I’ve got some other things going on helping out in a different department that won’t be so emotionally stressful on me. 

I am not ashamed of who I am. I have an illness that can be medically treated and I’m registered with that illness. Just because it is in my head does not mean I should lie or cover up about it, although I’ve been guilty in the past of doing this. Mental illness is something that many people don’t understand and many people don’t know how to handle it. I was very well treated when I explained to my boss and he was very good about it and said feel free to re apply for the position when I felt better and in a place to deal with the emotional demands. 

I wanted to share a success story because there aren’t many. I don’t know how much I’ll talk about my illness when I go into full time work in a few years and it’s true it does depends on who and where you work as to how you are treated. I am not embarrassed and not ashamed because although I have an awful time I can still bring things to a company, sometimes that others won’t have thought of. 

I am me and I am not ashamed.

Living with me (poem)

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Living with me 

Two sugars and milk please, 

of course you know that you decided to live with me. 

I like bright colours, 

you like black. 

I like diet coke, 

you like full fat. 

What am I talking about all this crap? 

I suppose I should tell you what you really need to know. 

I’m not always easy to live with,

but I hope you won’t go. 

Sometimes I get grumpy, 

Sometimes I’m up all night, 

Sometimes I’ll sleep half the day 

and others I’ll be like a child wanting to play. 

You know I’m not simple, 

You know I can be a pain 

but living with you, I think things can change. 

I think I might smile more, 

Eat a little better too, 

Really I’m hoping to get a lot better, 

I’ve already started 

and that’s all because of you. 

My new flat

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Our bedroom 

A quick post while I have some internet. I am now in the new flat and have spent the day non stop cleaning (which is how I will also spend tomorrow). I feels pretty weird and I’m a little homesick. I don’t know how the internet will be until we get it stabilised in the next week so I’ll try and update you as much as possible! 

Girls evening L.O.N.D.O.N

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I’e spent all of today around women and girls, starting with the morning with Mum and Sums and later on to meet the girl in central for drinks and dinner. A few months ago I went on my first girls night out, then girly day and now a girl night in the beautiful capital, probably my favourite place in the world. I’d bought a new dress (which had to be mended just before I left, thanks Mum!, wore heels in the Shard and although I would have been MUCH more comfortable in my jeans I had a lot of fun. 

I’m so proud of myself for going, I went on my own and came back on my own without being anxious and I managed to get through the evening with a clear head. It doesn’t sound like much but for me it’s a really huge step because it was pretty out of my comfort zone but now nobody can stop me! The girls are already talking about plans for London on my birthday and another meal (although booking ahead this time!!). The Shard, Leicester Square, Covent Garden, beautiful. 

Here are some of the best pictures from tonight, thanks girls I had a blast! 

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Top of the Shard selfie !

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Cocktail in Bella Italia, prices in the Shard were very pricey! 

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That POUT! Me and the beautiful Dani 

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Looking like the baby of the group despite being 2nd oldest! L-R Laura, Amy, Dani and me 

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Some of the beautiful decoration in the bar we sat at

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The view from floor 31! 

Being Happy

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Being happy is something incredibly important to me. When you live with any illness ‘good days’ are a blessing, for me ‘normal’ days or weeks are incredible as today has been.

I’m back on track, taking what I need to take and having some kind of routine that I’ve missed out on in the past few months. Now it’s not all just routine and life things happened today that put me in a good mood, but that is not what I’m thankful for. I’m thankful for the fact that I’m slowly getting better, I have a support system around me and even though the last week saw some lows I’m though the other side.

Reading Festival tickets arrived,who wouldn’t smile at that!!

I’m packed and have a few exciting and exhausting weeks ahead. Being happy is great, feeling a bit more normal is even better.

Lex Loses his Locks

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There are people in my life that I’m proud to call my friend, Lex Benjamin is one of them. I’ve known Lex for a good few years now and I’d like to say I’m one of the few people to be truly close to him, I’ve seen him at his best and comforted him when times were tough, he’s done the same for me. Lex is also a great supporter, if we have a gig and he can be there he is swinging his beautiful hair and rocking out, that is what I want to talk about in todays blog. 

Lex has the most incredible hair I have ever seen on a human being. Long, blond, fun to plait and it matches his sunny personality. The man that has been called, Thor, Jesus (seriously), giant and many more is cutting off his beautiful hair TOMORROW. Normally I would be sobbing at the thought of his hair being given the chop but he’s doing something truly incredible. All of his hair is being donated to a charity, Little Princess Trust. The charity makes wigs for children with cancer and gives them to them free of charge, I know how lovely. It takes £300 to make a wig and so as well as donating his hair (the project of five years work) Lex is also trying to raise funds for the charity. 

Lex’s hair, people usually braid it. 

I don’t usually use my blog for things like this but the work this charity does is so important for little boys and girls who have really been through enough already. If you have even a few spare pounds in your bank account and would like to donate here is the link and Lex’s story https://www.justgiving.com/LexsLocks . 

 

Happy 21st Birthday Lex, you are truly one in a million.