That point in the year where everything is meh

I’ve been thinking about what to write tonight all day, I could write about the news, about what I’ve been up to (not a lot), make a list anything like that. I just didn’t feel inclined to write anything magnificent or thought provoking because quite frankly I’m just a bit fed up. I didn’t want to write moaning post, I still don’t want to but I’m writing abotu student life and there’s a point in the year where most of us are fed up.

I’ve been looking at the same essays for weeks and weeks, adding to the same arguments, stressing over word counts and paragraphs like all of my friends. I can’t even sit in the library at the moment without feeling incredibly stressed and irritated. I guess I’m just sick of assignments now, I want them all done and to be over so I can spend some time relaxing and not worrying about finding critical analysis of Jane Eyre or what the hell my lecturers are going to think about my essay on personal and collective drug usage in certain novels. It’s driving me slightly mad and all I really want to do is go into town and have a few very large vodka and cokes.

So I’m a little tired, a little fed up and a little deflated. Hopefully tomorrow will be better!

Back in the saddle

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Three days after my fall and I decided I needed to be back around the horses. Crazy? Nah, it’s just what horse riders do. For most after any injury, big or small, one of the first questions is ‘when can I ride again?’. Although I spend a lot of yesterday waddling around and I’m pretty sure I’m paying for going out today I’m pleased I did. There is nothing like getting on a horse.

I’m not going to lie and say I was completely fine and dandy climbing on while I was still in a fair bit of pain but I needed to get back on to prove to myself. Rose was an angel again today, lots of cuddles and happy ears. For a while I was just sitting and watching while Laura (who is doing THE most amazing job with Rose) started jumping Rose, who’s coming on so much at the moment. After almost every jump Rose would be satisfied by her pat by Laura and then walk over to me for more fuss.

Then I got on. She’d been so good, I had a back protector to borrow, I can’t put it into words this driving force to get on and prove to myself. So I was back on, on a lead rope at first while I relaxed and felt comfortable again, then a walk and small trot. Then I came off the lead rope thinking oh god, this is where I might fall again if she gets excited…except she wouldn’t move. Maybe she could tell I was ok just as we were. I’m feeling better now, and proud of myself for getting back on. Hopefully back to regular lessons soon will get rid of any doubt and remind me of the last 6 months of, you know, not falling off.

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Back on!!! 

I have to say being around animals again has really been crushing my lows and it’s making me so excited. I don’t know its something about animals that keep me calm or are able to cheer me up when I’m feeling down 🙂

A bit of a tumble

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The plan for yesterday was meeting Daniela for a Starbucks in the morning, go for a ride with Laura, come home and relax while playing with the hamsters…things ended up a little differently than I’d planned.

I loved getting back to riding and finally getting on Rose. She’s only 5 and still quite a baby but she seemed to listen and be an absolute angel. Walking and trotting I was more than happy and so was she, that was until I started to lose my balance. I managed to pull myself up the first time and try and get her to calm down but she could sense I was panicked so continued to run and I had no option than to let myself fall.

The only way I can explain the fall to someone who’s never fallen off a horse before is that it’s slow motion until you’re heading for the floor and it’s like you’re watching a go pro camera. It did hurt, I won’t lie. It’s more likely than not that because I went into shock my body seized up once I’d hit the ground  and I’m pretty sure I winded myself too. After a bit of wriggling around on the floor and being in a lot of pain, I got myself up. I was in a lot of pain but didn’t want to seem like a drama queen so I managed to get up and walk to a chair while everyone at the yard was being so lovely.

Plus points were I’d stayed conscious, I could walk and move my neck. It was only because I was in a lot of pain we called 111 who sent a paramedic..then an ambulance where I got immobilized and loaded up into an ambulance….I was so embarrassed it was unreal. Laura was an absolute angel, holding my hand and not judging when I cried because they were talking about needles and thought I was going to be sick after laying down in the ambulance and feeling panicked by the bead blocks (super uncomfortable, especially when your hairband is digging in).

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Laughing with embarrassment while I was being loaded in, I tried to bargain with them but they said they needed to strap me up! 

I’ve gone 6 months without a fall, so of course my first one had to be done with style. After X Rays and some strong pain medication they decided I was fine just bruised and sore. They’d taken us all the way to Epsom and St Helens University hospital, luckily Laura’s house mate agreed to pick us up to get us back to pick up our stuff. Then something amazing happened, while Laura was gathering the stuff from the stable I went to the field to try and find Rose (who came to check I was ok after I fell off, being the beauty that she is), typically she was nowhere to be found. Instead two other horses came to the gate and it was like they knew, they knew I was shaken but their love and affection cheered me up so much that if I hadn’t been all achy and bruised I would have gotten on there and then.

I’m in a fair bit of pain today but I’m being well looked after and I’m on the mend, plus I have really adorable company 🙂

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Book Review: If I Stay – Gayle Foreman

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After a fatal car crash that leaves 17 year old Mia barely alive If I Stay lets us follow her as she questions whether to live or die, after being certain she has lost both of her parents. Mia has a choice to make. As she watches her family and friends come to terms with the disaster she has to decide will she stay? Or will she let go into the unknown…

As with many other people I because aware of this novel because of the huge film,although I haven’t seen it. I’d heard good things about the novel and the film looked brilliant. We’re guided through the novel by Mia herself as she struggles to watch the rest of the day unfold. All she can do is watch and listen. Her family, friends and boyfriend are all willing her to come back and it’s up to Mia to decide if that’s enough.

Although I like the idea, the novel didn’t particularly stand out to me. The novel is fairly short and sways between the present and past and gives us a good insight into Mia’s life before the accident. I found it hard to connect to the story, of course it made me sad but I didn’t feel a deep rooted connection to Mia or the characters around her. That said, I did feel an incredible connection in relation to how she felt about her music and the prospect of being a musician and this added to the sense of tragedy. If anything I would have loved more insight into her love of music and her hopes and dreams, although maybe this was intentional.

Forman has ventured into a question that few of us will even consider answering, if I could chose would I live or die? For many of us we would instantly say I’d live, but would we? It makes the reader consider a life without their loved ones and the choices and sacrifices that are made every day. I wouldn’t say that the novel is morbid in that respect but it deals with death in quite a straight forward way, for Mia it appears to be more of an escape. It also raises the question of life after the accident, we have no idea how Mia will be affected by her injuries if she decides to survive. Will she play Cello again? Will her dream of going to Juilliard be snatched away from her as her parents were? Is her younger brother Teddy, who she adores, still alive? As I said it is a novel full of questions and what if situations.

If anything I’d say that the book could have been longer. Although well written, there was so much crammed into the book that at times I felt rushed through. I wanted to know the smaller details, memories and possibly more about more minor characters in the novel to give them a bit more life within the novel. Also what about afterwards? If she decides to die, does she meet her family? If she lives do her dreams come true? I guess to an extent this leaves us to make up our own minds but I wish this was included in the novel.

I give this novel 3 stars ***. I liked the idea and found Mia to be a nice character but failed to interact with her as a person. I also found that I was hungry for more at the end of the novel and felt that it could have had a better ending or more to it maybe? If you’re looking for a shorter read that raises questions then If I Stay may well be for you.

Review by Chloe Metzger

Read, Write, Sleep, Repeat

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It’s that time of year again. The library is my second home, books are replacing pillows and I think I could quite easily sleep cuddling my laptop. I finally finished one assignment today and I have three more to go, all in different stages. After this mornings 4.30 wake up call from the hamsters and their wheel, it’s safe to say that I’m writing this feeling more than a little sleepy.

All in all though, I’m pleased I’ve had a focused and productive day. People say that being a student is all Netflix marathons, sleeping until noon and nights out but if you actually want to do well there is so much more than that. So I got myself up, to my physio appointment, then spent 3 or 4 hours in the library trying to force myself to get things done. Add to that Dani’s company, followed by dinner with Joe and I think I’ve spent today wisely. With that in mind though I’m hitting the books again tomorrow, wish me luck!

Meet Noodle and Hamski

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After months and months of me begging, pestering and pleading with Ali I finally got a yes. Not to a wedding proposal, to something much cooler. I would like to announce the adoption of Noodle and Hamski, my two Russian Dwarf hamsters. Some people announce babies…I announce hamsters.

Ali and I have joked about having hamsters for years and calling them Noodle and Hamski, I don’t even remember how that started! We’d had a few discussions for the last year about them and I always got told no,no,no. As soon as he changed his mind I was in a car and down to Wimbledon to pick out my two. Initially I chose the other two but as I put my hand in for them to sniff it was Hamski who came up to me so there was one. The other two kept running away and although Noodle was pretty nervous, eventually I got my second. That’s what I do with animals, if there is more than one I let them choose me, it was exactly the same with Lottie she licked my hand and she was ours for keeps.

They’re lovely little things and already have their own personalities, Hamski is braver and more friendly, Noodle runs like a mad thing but doesn’t like humans that much…apart from Ali for some reason. That said in the car Hamski would not stop making noise and scratching at the boxes, I think that one is going to be trouble.

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Noodle

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Hamski chilling

I’m so excited and you can all expect to see lots more hamster updates soon!!

6 things about my amazing Nanna

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Mum and Nanna last christmas

As much as I wanted a charmingly embarrassing picture of me and my Nanna from when I was little, I think they’re all been hidden, she’s pretty glam my Nan. So today is her 65th birthday and I could write pages and pages about this lovely lady I wanted to do one for the 6 and a half decades she’s been on this planet.

1. I don’t know anyone who loves pink more! 

If in doubt, go with pink. That’s just Nanna’s way.

2. She was able to put up with The Jungle Book and 101 Dalmations on repeat. every.single.day. 

So after I was born my Mum and I lived with my grandparents until I was almost 3 years old, while my Mum had to go to work I’d stay with Nanna. She must have watched those two films so many times and half memorised them that along with Tots TV, Come Outside, Noddy and so many more. Oh and there were farm trips too 😀

3. When I was younger she could make me fall asleep within 5 minutes 

Stroking my face and giving me a cuddle and I was out like a light…could still work now to be fair.

4. She’s a great peace maker

Every time I needed new school shoes, Nanna had to come because we NEVER agreed. While me and Mum would almost start world war 3 in the Clarks kids section, Nanna somehow smoothed it over before coffee and cake after.

5. She knows me a lot better than most people

I’m not girly unlike my Mum, Aunt, Sister and Cousins but that doesn’t mean that Nanna doesn’t know what I’ll like. We might not agree on clothes (in fact we rarely do) but Micheal Kors handbags and designer watches? Nanna knows me all over!

6. She’s the best Nanna you could ever ask for

And I mean that too, there is absolutely no one else like my Nanna. She’s there, always, she can damn stand up for herself, she’s strong, she’s kind and I’m sorry guys but she’s mine.

Happy Birthday, I love you so much xx