I wanted to include a lot of pictures for today’s entry but as it goes trying to get a picture of a 14 year old who doesn’t want to be photographed. Today is my not so little cousins 14th birthday and he’s growing up to be quite a young man. For our table of 9 or so it takes some operation to get us all out to dinner and to a big enough table of an afternoon. I had some other issues to worry about, today was going to have two dinners to get through in a few hours one for Elliott and one to say goodbye to Ali’s sister Claire. After some bribing of my 10 year old cousin Harvey we came to a deal, I’d order him an adults meal and he’d order me a kids so that I could eat at both dinners without seeming rude. It was nice to be around most of my family for an afternoon before I head back to uni in a few days. The best part was Gramps drinking a little too much wine and deciding he wanted to twerk…I’ll go into no details! After it was off to Ali’s to try and get ready for another dinner, a beautiful pasta dish which I wish I could have finished. 

Right now my belly is well and truly full and tomorrow is the last day of the year. Another day done and a kebab for tomorrows dinner, yum yum yum! 

That picture is me a year ago to the day I believe. Much like right now I had no idea what the next year would hold but damn I was SO worried. Would I pass my driving test? (no), Would I pass my exams? (yes), Would I get into uni? (yes). I suppose in that light not a lot has really changed. I don’t have all the answers this year either, but I am a little more confident about next year. I’m still anxious as hell and if I’m honest that hasn’t got much better. 

It’s not because it’s almost New Years that I want to change. It’s because I got to take a break from uni and think things over. I’m not as overwhelmed by the whole thing, I’ve done the deadlines once already and I’m getting a feel for what I actually enjoy. So next semester I’m going to – 

• Socialise a bit more 
• Worry a little less 
• Not let Creative Writing bother me 
• Enjoy English Lit 
• Feel a bit better about myself 
• Get rid of negativity around me 
• Try and trust myself a little bit more 

It might not happen, I bet some of them won’t but at least I’m aiming for it and that’s what is important in all this. I don’t make New Years Resolutions, I’m always thinking of ways to help myself. So I wont be heading to the gym, I wont be starting a new hobby, if I do change my hair it’ll be because I’ve been thinking about it for the past few weeks. My main aim this year is to figure myself out a little bit more. Not in a stupid way such as ‘finding myself’ or any of that crap, just working out what I like, dislike and generally experimenting! After all isn’t that what uni is about?! 

Sadly today was my last day at my temp job! It’s weird how much I’ve enjoyed it, most days I’ve been looking forward to going in and earning money again. I’ve been a bit nervous about going back to a ‘real job’ lately after not having the best experience in past jobs. Now I’ve spent a few weeks back in a job with a boss and customers I feel better about being able to be with people in general and getting good feedback. I actually felt like I was needed and appreciated at work rather than just a body.

I think that if I was ever to be a manager I’d like to be able to make people feel like more than a body in a company. I liked the management here, I liked helping people find great presents for the people they loved. It was a real confidence boost for me.  I knew it had to come to an end though and it was a great way to end 2013. Oh and a note on the new camera, I’m hoping to be able to take and upload more pictures once I have some new batteries. Apparently my beautiful new camera eats batteries so I need some rechargeable batteries and go and pick up my new case so I can post pictures every day!

I had planned on waking up at 5.30am to hit the sales with my Mum, thankfully that didn’t happen this year. I gave myself a ‘lie in’ of 7am before heading to town for 7.45. I usually like to be there for when Boots and Topshop open, my two favourite sales shops. This year, however, I got absolutely nothing in either of those! I left town with a pair of jeans, some slipper boots and some Lush products. I’d been waiting all year for these sales so I could get some nice clothes and update my wardrobe with the money I’ve earned.

So in the end I worked on double pay instead, Boxing day wasn’t that bad!

First of all I want to wish you all a very merry Christmas! I hope you all have a great few days to spend time with the people you love, hopefully get some great presents and relax…if you’re not working a temp job that is! After being woken up by my little sister at 2am, 4am and 6am I should be more sleepy right now (oh and may I add my sister is not so little anymore, she’s nearly 13 years old and pestered me relentlessly all night), but I’m wide awake and smiling. 

That’s a big thing for me at Christmas, being able to be so happy and feel content. Why am I happy you ask? It’s not the obvious answer. It’s not the presents I got this morning, the beautiful camera, the stocking full of little gifts that I love, the leather jacket, the signed John Green novel or the DVDs. It’s not the thought of Christmas dinner later (I’m one of the very few people who isn’t a fan of Christmas dinner). It is just being happy that is enough for me, I feel this glow around me because I am smiling. I’m grateful for everything that has happened this year the good and the bad. 

I know people might not understand why I keep going on and on about just being happy. The thing is I haven’t always been able to be this happy at Christmas and it breaks my heart. Back in 2010 (I think it was that year anyway) I was really suffering with my lows and no matter how grateful I was I just couldn’t be happy. I couldn’t just smile, it was a big effort which lead my Mum to think I didn’t like my presents, which upset her a lot and upset me because that wasn’t true. It was so frustrating because I wanted to be really happy and excited like I normally am on Christmas morning but it just wasn’t there. I was crying a lot and I blamed it on the fact that it was the first year without one of my pet birds, although it did upset me that wasn’t the reason I was so unhappy. Luckily my Grampey came to the rescue after speaking to my Mum on the phone, he spoke to me. Gramps has a knack for understanding me at times when nobody else can really work it out so he spoke to me and all he said was that Christmas was an emotional time and you think about things and reflect a lot. That was all I needed to feel a little bit less anxious and upset and as the day wore on I picked up little by little. 

My point is that being happy is the one thing I want to be not just today but everyday. I’m lucky that I had a lot of support around me and felt loved. So if someone is a little down don’t give them a tough time, just remember to smile and try and spread a little more happiness!

Finally, finally, finally a day of work! I may only be working for Paperchase for a few weeks but the shop is heaving and I definitely have a long week ahead. So today was a day off Miller style, while Ali went out driving with his dad I spent some time at home with Mum getting some final bits done before being picked up in Ali’s car by him and his dad for a meal before exchanging Christmas presents early (although they can’t be opened until the big day). It was nice to see him before Christmas,since we’ve moved it’s been more difficult to see any family regularly. It’s another quick post I’m afraid but hopefully once Christmas is over I can finally start blogging properly again! 

I woke up today with a mix of happiness and dread. Today is the last Saturday before Christmas, which means the start of panicked shopping (although I expecting Christmas Eve to be really busy) we were warned that this would be the busiest Saturday of the year, followed by the busiest shopping day of the year (Monday). So I headed into work expecting 5 hours of pure stress, I was pleasantly surprised.

Today was just like any other Saturday in December, it wasn’t better or worse in any way but it wasn’t horrendously busy. Ok, thinking about it maybe it was if you were a customer. I had a pretty average day at work really, I had to smile so much that I vowed I could scowl at everyone for the rest of the day. I ended up smiling instead and I’m curled up in Ali’s room absolutely exhausted.

Night all!

Today I counted down the hours at work, Ali was coming home! This post is going to be short because now he actually is home and I have some quality time to spend with him. It was lovely to be surprise with him meeting me from work and buying me a chinese, my baby is back!!