23 Things I’ve Learned in 23 Years

Yesterday I turned 23! I’m determined to make this a good year for me and already have some really exciting things planned but it made me think, what have I learned in the past 23 years on this planet? Well, here it goes…

You know your body better than anyone

There have been so many times that I’ve felt something wasn’t right and after being persistent with my doctors or consultants have been proven right. Listen to your own body and don’t be embarrassed to get a second or even third opinion.

You’re allowed to change your mind

I’ve changed my mind on so many things. It’s all part of growing up, adapting and changing. This isn’t always a bad thing! In so many situations you can and will change your mind.

Feminism is incredible 

Just like I said above changing your mind is allowed, I completely changed my mind on Feminism as I got more educated. It’s such a brilliant thing promoting equality, which is why I started my ‘Feminist Friday‘ series.

Everyone makes mistakes 

And that’s ok! It’s definitely a part of growing up. I am still a perfectionist and really struggle when I make mistakes so I have to remember this, almost on a daily basis.

Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever 

This was so hard but I’m a firm believer in this. Some people are meant to be around for a reason and then go.

Fun is what you make of it 

Sometimes I just like grabbing some dinner on a Friday night, others I like going out for a drink, others I like getting an early night. Fun is different for every person! Own it 🙂

Should is a shitty word 

I HATE the word ‘should’. Why is it even a thing! It just stresses us out, no, no, no, no.

 But No is a great one 

I’m still not great at using the word ‘no’ but it’s a powerful one and one to learn how to use.

Me time is so important

It’s not selfish. We all need some time to ourselves and that’s good for you! Personally, I like to curl up and read, write, watch YouTube whatever I feel like!

No one has the right to make you unhappy 

No one at all, whether that be family, friends, partners, colleagues. I spent too long letting other people impact my happiness, no more.

Mental Health is as important as physical health! 

Repeat, repeat, repeat!

If you don’t ask you don’t get

The worst someone can say is no.

How you see yourself isn’t always how others see you 

I’m not always the nicest to myself, think about the way your friends and those who love you see you. Trust me.

A good book is priceless  

Very few things are better.

Sleep is important, not overrated  

It’s so important to get enough sleep. For me if I don’t get enough sleep I feel really poorly. So, to all who tell me sleep is for the weak, I’ll be in my Harry Potter PJs, snuggled up under the duvet.

A few good friends are worth more than  loads of acquaintances

I used to want to be part of a huge friendship group, then I realised I didn’t really want or need to be. What I did want was to have friends who knew and loved me.

Saving money is important but so is treating yourself sometimes 

I saved constantly through uni and was obsessed with saving. It was also driving around in a car from 1996 that I thought would go on forever. Thankfully my family convinced me that maybe it was time to let go and use my savings to buy another car…

The voices in your head don’t always tell the truth 

They can be your worst enemy, don’t listen to it.

Let go of the rigid life plan 

I had a plan, I had a perfectionist plan. I was going to graduate uni with a first, come out and get a good job, save for a house, get married, have children. Then life happened. I broke my spine and that changed everything. I lost my job, that changed everything. I got a job I loved, everything changed again. I’ve let go of a rigid plan and have goals instead.

Find exercise you love, you’ll thank yourself later 

I was always adamant that I hated exercise. I hated PE at school and thought I’d never like exercise. Then I found horse riding and I fell in love with it. Now, post injury,  I quite like the gym.

It’s ok not to be ok 

I will keep saying this until I’m blue in the face, I even wrote a whole blog about it. You can read it here.

There is nothing wrong with a good night in! 

I go ‘out out’ once a month. I save money and get to stay in my PJs, what’s not to love here?

No one really knows what they’re doing

This is the most important lesson. Everyone is winging it, absolutely winging it.

 

Book Review: Strong Looks Better Naked – Khloé Kardashian

25434370

“In every life, there is struggle. No one is immune from pain and suffering. But it won’t last. Life moves forward. The circumstances will change. This applies to both the bad feelings and the good. Nothing lasts forever. When you think about this, the only moment you really have is the present, and you have to learn to enjoy it.”

Last year while I was resting up, I became a Kardashian viewer, starting off with Caitlin’s (then Bruce) family special about her impending transition. I was surprised when I loved watching and soon started watching more and more episodes and fell in love with Khloe. Not only does she have a pretty amazing name (the only famous Khloe I know of other than the brand) she’s honest and the release of her first book came at a time when I needed a boost.

Strong Looks Better Naked is a book focusing on Khloe’s transition of mind, body and soul and her journey of not only her weight loss but also her emotional journey. Being on Keeping Up With The Kardashian’s you might think that we know everything about Khloe’s life and that the tabloids have it right when it comes to her divorce from Lamar Odom, but this book shows that there’s still a lot that Khloe keeps private. We see a strong woman, but not the personal struggles she faced.

In the press Khloe has been referred to as the ‘chubby sister’ or the ‘fat sister’ and so her weight loss got a lot of attention, being called a ‘revenge body’. The book goes through the reasons behind Khloe’s gym addiction, as something to focus on when other parts of her life were privately getting darker. Weight loss isn’t the only focus in the book, she talks about a whole lifestyle change, mentally and spiritually, giving an honest account of the ups and downs of her journey.

Think whatever you want of the family, their show, the money and all of that but when I was reading the book I felt like it was totally honest. There are some parts which I didn’t necessarily agree with, such as cutting out all dairy, and I think you need to have your own input rather than following all of the advice blindly. That said though, it is good for some general advice and has some lovely quotes alongside the chapters too. I found it to be so motivating at a time where I was having to change my life after my spine had broken and I needed to go to tough physiotherapy. I felt like I could read about someone else’s healthy releases and try them out for myself, I became more than a little in love with the gym myself.

Overall I think this is a great book to read if you’re going through a transition in your life this is a great read. I honestly had reservations about reading it but I ended up falling in love with Khloe’s story, her way of writing (as documented on KUWTK, Khloe wrote the book herself rather than using a ghostwriter). I gave this four stars ****, I really enjoyed reading, but as I said before didn’t necessarily agree with all of the advice given, which is fine. It doesn’t feel like a self help book but definitely gave me the kick I needed when I was struggling.

My self conscious mind

4f64977c16e3afa5ffc0239ae49d88de

It’s been 7 weeks since my riding accident now, 7 weeks and I’ve had a lot to get used to being slower, having to rest constantly oh and the staring, yes the staring. I’ve always had a part of me that was self conscious, even when I was younger I never wanted any excuse for the other kids to make fun of me.

Fast forward to the age of 20 and I’m finally happy with the way I look, I’m feeling confident and wanted to go out more, then I fall off a horse and get stuck in a back brace and occasional wheelchair. Not the most flattering thing..apart from the fact it pushes my boobs out, as in totally in your face out. I get stared at either because of the brace or because of my boobs, I’m not quite sure. So combine that with my normal anxiety and I’m constantly worrying what people are looking at me for.

This is what normally happens in my brain:

Oh god they’re staring again. Why do they always stare, don’t they know it’s rude? Urgh is it my brace? Why do I look so weird in this, I hate it. Or is it the wheelchair maybe? Oh, nope that guys looking at my boobs, yes they are attached to my body. Should I be wearing this top? Maybe I can throw a jumper over next time, but then the shape looks weird. Urgh STOP STARING AT ME. 

So yeah, my anxiety doesn’t mix well with people staring at me a lot. I got to the point where I really didn’t want to go out today, basically because people are rude. I’ve had to change my life a lot in the last few weeks because of my spine but I think this is the thing that makes me the maddest. Even on my mums birthday people I knew in my home town either avoid seeing me or see me in town and make awkward eye contact and I just want to scream I’m still the same person! I’m still me!

I didn’t want to write an angry or moapy post but I’m still the same person. The depression and anxiety sometimes makes it harder to just brush off other people’s ignorance.

I’d love to hear from the rest of you, how do you deal with being anxious?

Image from https://uk.pinterest.com/pin/378935756118394408/

Healthy Body (image) Healthy Mind

2 year difference, left me in 2012 and right me in 2014 

In my bathroom there is a huge mirror, it stretches across a large portion of the wall above the sink. When I first moved in it really bothered me, wheneverI got undressed for my shower or got out of the shower my body was staring back at me, imperfections and all. I’m not a big girl, but I am curvy, my hips have driven me mad for what seems like eternity (jeans shopping, hell on earth) and I’m quite tiny. Something was different when I had a shower this morning. I looked at myself, really looked. I decided there and then I was done with anything to do with slimming down, I was finally happy with the way I looked after a long time of battling with it. Yes my hips still give me hell when I go shopping but I found positives, above them my waist was almost funnily tiny and I could see the tiniest hint of my ribs, that I didn’t like.

I had a fair bit of puppy fat when I was at school before drastically slimming down when I was 17 to the point where I could fit in to an 8 easily and a 6 at times…I hadn’t fit into a size 6 since I was 12 or 13. I’ve always been self conscious and as with most young girls it changed my eating habits at times, if I felt particularly bad I’d avoid eating, sometimes getting so worked up I’d cry over a chinese. I did want to be thin, I didn’t understand why I had lumps and bumps when my sister, aunt and cousins were all absolutely tiny. My Mum didn’t take and shit ‘it’s your build, the same as me’ at 15 it doesn’t make you feel much better at all. My sister is tiny at at times, although she is 7 years younger than me I was jealous, she had a life time of being able to fit into designer clothes ahead of her while I couldn’t fit into their ‘large’ sizes. Crying in the changing rooms was a regular occurrence and there was nothing I hated more than going shopping. I feel right now that my mother was a saint.

Now I love going shopping, although there are shops I avoid because they make me feel uncomfortable. I haven’t done calorie counting ever (because when people do it I want to batter them with one of the huge bags of pasta from the supermarket), I don’t understand when people go on a zero tolerance to carbs diet either. I understand cutting out white bread if it makes you feel ill, things like that but denying yourself food so you look ‘perfect’ I’ve been there, I’ve done it and I just like the cake better.

Every friend I have both male and female have things they don’t like about their bodies, noses, muscles, bums, boobs, arms, legs everything is on the list! It’s completely normal! I’m not saying this new found revelation is going to make me love every big of my body. I’d like to be more toned on my legs and my tum but I don’t want to obsess over it any more. All this said I have friends who either have or are recovering from eating disorders, it’s not the same thing at all. They’re ill and it takes a long time to get better from an eating disorder, I hope that I can help them feel more positive about at least one part of their bodies.

People will nag at me about what I eat, what I do, what I wear I just want to say IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. I’m going to eat what I enjoy, wear what I feel comfortable. I also make a big deal out of telling people if they look good because it can change someones entire day, it’s not uncommon for me to shout at one of my friends ‘ oh my god your boobs/butt looks great today’ it’s not because I’m gay, it’s because I want people to know that there is always something beautiful about them.

You right there reading this, there is something beautiful about you too, don’t forget it!

Letting my mind run free

I like to use this blog to write about how I really feel and how I honestly feel about uni. For a flicker of a second today I found myself wondering while I was doing a degree. While I stood and earned money by running around after customers and putting out stock I was enjoying it. I smiled like an idiot through my shift and I forgot about any worries I had. The problem with university is that despite Kingston not putting heaps of pressure on me I still put pressure on myself. I’m on a course I love and a course I hate and I’m stuck in-between.

You see I work hard and I put pressure on myself. When I was a kid I thought I’d be something by now. I thought I would be on a stage acting, or singing, why not both? I used to dream I would be someone by the time I was 20 years old and I am just a normal girl. These feelings of wanting to be someone and wanting to be perfect stand in the way of a lot. My self pressure is most definitely why I keep failing my driving test. Why am I putting it on the internet when it claws at me, because I’m not perfect it’s the only test I’ve ever failed, I’m putting it here because I have to keep telling myself I’m allowed to fail sometimes. It’ll take a while for that to settle in but maybe one day I will believe it. 

You see a great friend of mine told me to just write about not being able to be creative and I suppose it’s working. Yes I know how to write! Yes I get frustrated when I’m constantly told what is and is not a writer and YES I feel like I’ve made a bloody bad decision. I need to break away from Creative Writing and be free. I need to be able to run around in one of my silly moods and feel like a five year old again. In short I need to be fully myself. 

What’s the point of this post you ask? I have absolutely no idea. This post is just me being free and trying to start writing again and expressing myself, I hope you enjoy it.