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Making Room/ Happy Birthday Daddy!

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Can I firstly use this post to say a happy birthday to my Dad! We had a lovely little birthday thing for him while he got to use his new CD (which I will be borrowing) and I’m guessing it will be a few DVD nights for him over the next few days! 

This post is a bit bare today simply because some days there isn’t much to write about, not everything is going to be exciting and new and amazing. Today has literally been a case of writing everything out to try and fit everything and everyone in! 

There  might be more to report tomorrow! 

Organise,Organise ORGANISE

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One of the things most people notice about me early on is that I like to know what I’m doing. It’s a blessing and a curse at the same time, while family and friends joke that I’m my boyfriends P.A as well it drives him insane. My diary (above) is like my bible and ever since I started college I have always needed to have a planner. Unlike most of my generation I don’t trust putting things in my phone, I need to write everything down. Many of my uni friends already know me as that girl who knows what’s going on, I make it my business to note things down and usually it comes in handy. One days like today however, I go a little nuts. 

Everyone knows that there are things in life that we have no control over, we cant organise we can only guess. University is one of those things apparently. Today was just one of those days where I get stressed and anxious about anything that I don’t have any control over in my life (which is happening a lot lately). Where a lot of people will just tell me to calm down sometimes I can’t, the problem with anxiety I’ve found is that once something gets under your skin you  can’t shake it off. Today I found out I’d been given the wrong information again and it could be another month before I receive what I am entitled to from the DSA. It seems silly but this sent me into a wild panic because there are things (such as my 1-1 mentoring) which I was relying on coming through quickly to help me. Luckily I seem to have a very supportive uni and should be able to set this up over the phone and explain the situation. The problem is once I panic about one thing it leads to another, then another, then another and I find myself stuck in a low which I hate. I’ve always been organised so it’s not something to do with my illness in general but it does help me to be organised I feel more in control of things. 

Apart from being pain in the arse organised today (well at least trying to be) some other things managed to happen. My little sister went back to school happily which was a huge relief for me, I always get nervous for her but she seems to be happy. After my post yesterday about not having the shakes from going back to school I thought I had got away with it. Like hell had I. Guess who was waiting outside my house this afternoon parked up outside my mums car? One of the girls who beat me up in year nine which turned into kicking the crap out of me for 2 days along with one of my ex boyfriends I believe. I honestly couldn’t believe it as we pulled up, I knew she had no idea I lived here and it was coincidence but my oh my did the feelings come back. It happens usually when I see kids who beat me up or we’re particular pains to me at school and what did I do? Got into the house and hid and I was so ashamed of myself. The thing is you think your strong and can take them on but I can’t lie to myself and say it doesn’t affect me any more because it does. Just like the DSA stuff this isn’t something I can plan for and organise, but I now realise that’s ok and I’ll get there in time. To put it bluntly it reminded me how much I wanted to leave this town behind and get away. It put away all my fears and doubts which I’ve been having lately (and if your reading this having doubts your not the only one, all my friends are also nervous it’s a natural part of the process of uni, you’ll do ok!… I hope). 

Once I felt a bit better and recovered from my shock (which I’m ashamed to admit made me get quite low) I headed to my boyfriends for an evening with his family. Seeing as we’re both moving dinners with our families are getting more regular, mums roast last night was beautiful) and we had a lovely time chatting! 

 

So the message is you can have a really crap day and it can turn out alright 🙂 Keep smiling! 

The return- part two

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Four am is  a wonderful time of the morning, the stars are still out, its calm and it’s quiet. At the same time it gets to 8.45 and you feel like you’ve been up all year. This morning I got up at that unsociable hour to pick up Ali’s older sister from the airport on her long awaited return from travelling! Claire is a few years older than us and shes just gone travelling solo across Asia, something in my eyes which is an incredible achievement. It is lovely to have her home after all these months although all of us will be moving out in the next 2 weeks! (Scary huh?) I got lovely presents over the last two days from holidays, Claire got me a lovely bookmark (which should come in handy with all the books I should be getting for my birthday) and a small clock for my desk at uni. Ali got me a lovely present as well , converse shoes are always a winner for me! 

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Seeing Claire come back from travelling made me get the travel bug again! I watched so many people coming back through with backpacks that I was so desperate to find a plane grab Ali and go and explore. I’m not personally attracted to Asia although it does seem very interesting for me the key to the world is Europe. Europe has so much rich history that I honestly can’t get enough of it. Rome is the first stop, next summer which will be so exciting. The I want to go travelling across Europe for a month, I want to head to Australia and meet my childhood friend (although on this occasion it will more than likely be on my own as long haul flights arn’t Ali’s cup of tea!) and just look around. Once I turn 21 I want to head back to the states to visit New York, Florida and California (top of my list right now). I could list everywhere in the world I want to go but it would take a while. I’m not stupid I know I might not get to see everywhere I want to go but I at least want to try.

Now everyone is back however uni is getting closer and closer and it does feel very weird. I only have 10 days (well 9 now seeing at it’s night time) until I pack everything up and leave Basingstoke behind. I’ll be honest and tell you that I am in a blind panic half the time, how will I do this? how will I manage that? There are bigger questions like will my student loan come in on time? Will I find my course ok? Will I be able to keep up? I often get the worry that I wont be good enough for university. I have this need to be one of the best or the smartest even though most of the time it doesn’t matter. After speaking to some lovely friends I have I’ve been assured that they too are waking up with butterflies and feeling a bit sick while battling with the excitement of it all. If I’m honest as long as I have Ali and a supportive group of friends I should get along just fine. I already know that Kingston have a great support network in many different ways but it is still really daunting. 

The return – part one

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This morning I woke up after not sleeping, today my boyfriend was coming home from a long weekend in New York. I got up and I waited and waited for him to come home. I love the fact that he’s home now and our holidays are over. We move to uni on the same day, he will be at the top of Kingston and I will be at the bottom, closer to the centre. Although he’s only been away four days it was a bit of an eye opener for me, he supports me a lot especially on my low days. This weekend however he wasn’t really a phone call away (have you tried to call NYC from London lately?) so if I had a low I had to deal with it myself and I did. It was hard and it sucked but in a way it made me be more open with people at the same time it made me make plans to avoid being alone at a time where I would be sad. 

Enough about all that though now he is home we can start getting ready for uni and getting excited and tomorrow there will be another return. I have to be at the airport for 6am to pick up Ali’s older sister Claire who went travelling across Asia for the last few months after graduating. Seeing her jet off across the world on her won had an impact on me. I cannot wait to start travelling and I’ve been saving up to take me and Ali to Rome next summer for his 21st birthday the following November! 

So I’ll update you tomorrow if I don’t pass out in the evening!! 

 

Hello September!

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Today is September the first, the beginning of a very important month. This month feels like a little bit of a count down with so many things going on! 

 

  • 1 Day until I get my boyfriend home!
  • 6 Days until I say goodbye to a lot of Basingstoke People 
  • 11 Days until I move to my halls 
  • 12 Days until I am fully enrolled 
  • 15 Days until freshers starts
  • 17 Days until my 19th Birthday
  • 18 Days until I see my family after moving 
  • 19 Days until freshers ball
  • 20 Days until Jess’ birthday in London! 
  • 22 Days until lectures start 
  • 26 Days until Paramore 

As you can see I have so much going on at times it gets a bit overwhelming. As with any fresher I imagine we all have feeling of how on earth will I do this? Sometimes (especially at night) I do get quite stressed and wonder how I’ll cope with university life.  Despite any fears I have about university they are usually discarded when I think about all the exciting things that will be happening too! Some of them are quite small things such as meeting a few friends I’ve made to go food shopping on my first evening, finding a nice pub to have a few ciders, finding my way around. Most people think that freshers is just alcohol the whole way through and I sure for a lot of people there is a lot of booze involved and club nights (the amount I’ve been invited to already is crazy!) but well that isn’t my scene. 

It’s odd but this is the first time in many years I haven’t completely dreaded September. For me the song Wake me up when September ends couldn’t have been more true. I’d spend so much time stressing and crying and saying I’m not going back. At my worst I was about to go into year 11, there were two sides of me one full of dread and one with some silly form of optimism. At this point I was at one of my lowest points at the beginning of that year unfortunately, all my friends had left and I’d already told my teachers in the previous year I wasn’t planning on coming back (thankfully they ignored me). Ali walked me to school that morning, I’m not sure if it was to make sure I went or just to give me the support I needed. Either way it worked, I walked through the gates and watched him leave before I met with a support assistant in the morning. I don’t remember what happened after that really but it was horrible how hysterical I was before and after.  It is honestly such a breath of fresh air to just be happy and excited about September and starting Univeristy that I can’t wipe this smile off of my face.

 

So what I’m really trying to say is

Hello September 

I’ve been waiting for you 

A Freshers Tale

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Long ago in a  city far, far away lived a fresher living on Cider, Toast and Baked Beans..

Ok so that isn’t how my story is going to start (well hopefully not, I’m not that keen on bean on toast). My name is Chloe if you’ve been following this blog or my other blog (www.ihadtobuyanotherbookcase.wordpress.com) you may know a little about me. I’m an 18 year old student, in Sptember I’ll be accepting the slightly dizzying challenge of starting university in a city I don’t know.  I decided to start this blog for myself and other freshers, I’ve scoured the internet for advice and thought I could take a crack at it.  In 13 days I will attend my enrollment and become a full time student at Kingston University London (which is actually Surrey as well but is mainly classed as London). I’m studying English Literature and Creative Writing (yeah think about THAT reading list when you are buying your own!), something which I find absolutely fascinating, I can’t wait to start.

 

There is another reason I wanted to start this blog and it’s something that isn’t widely spoken about. In July 2013 I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety meaning that some aspects of education are a little bit harder. The main thing I want to come out of this is an understanding of people like me. I’m not the worst, I’ve seen people in a far worse situation but at the same time I have seen stigma towards anyone who says they have a mental illness.  I have been bullied on and off from the ages of 11 – 18, now I finally feel that I’ve found a place that accepts who I am and where I want to be. Although I’ve been suffering with the illness for 3/4 years I want to make it clear that for many people their illness is a small part of them and although it will be a common part of this blog it is not the only part of me. 

For example 

  • I’m a writer 
  • I’m a musician 
  • I love creating stories 
  • I want to travel 
  • I love to study 

I want this blog to do two things. 1, change at least one persons perceptions of mental health and 2, be somewhere where students can just have a flick through and just ask me any questions! 

 

Honestly give me a comment and I’ll be happy to chat! 

Thank you for reading and look out for my daily updates! 

Chloe

Miley Cyrus, Rock and Roll or a Cry for help?

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Now it would have been nearly impossible to miss what happened at the VMAs last night. As Miley Cyrus rampaged across the stage with a far from safe routine. The star (above) famous for her role as Hannah Montana went on to strip off into a small and tight fitted outfit, before rubbing herself against singer Robin Thicke and posing suggestively with a foam finger. Frankly I found Cyrus’ performance humiliating and reminiscent of one of Britney Spears meltdowns before she was finally taken away from the spot light (with possible rumor that the star had been suffering from Bipolar Disorder for a long time). There have been rumors that the new and ‘grown up’ Miley has been taking drugs since the break down of her relationship a few months ago. Although nothing has been confirmed her recent performance is bound to raise some eyebrows, as the ‘good girl gone bad’ shows no shame over her performance posting more naughty pics on twitter.

It is not Miley that I am worried for, of course if this is a cry for help people must try and help her before she truly damages her career, instead it is her fans. I myself have a twelve year old sister and many younger cousins who adored Miley’s character Hannah Montana and closely followed her music career. It is stunts like this however when I feel that Miley has forgotten not only her fans but her past. It has merely been a few years since squeeky clean Miley hung up the star spangled Montana boots, her fans are still at a very young and impressionable age where stripping into scraps of clothing and dry humping a fellow pop star could cause issues.  It seems that it is not only Cyrus’ fans are embarrassed and shocked by her performance. Fellow music stars seemed to be appalled by her antics as pictures emerged of  shocked stars such as Taylor Swift, Rihanna and One Direction. In some pictures stars seem to be laughing at the young pop star and her antics. Although this is something we’ve seen before one reporter describes Cyrus as ‘making Madonna look like a nun’.

To me this in’t a case of feminism as many people are clinging on to, it is a case of a young girl being exploited. If you think about it this can not be all of Miley’s doing, these routines and events are planned for almost an entire year meaning someone at the top has a lot to answer for. It is simple enough if Miley wanted a new image being stripped away from Disney (which she most definitely has now) however it is simply not good enough that the girl was dry humping a fellow married musician. For one what must her parents think? She is now being paraded around as one of the sluttiest girls in the world and I’m sorry but it is repulsive. There is a difference between expressing yourself and using a foam finger in that way!

Chloe Metzger

I do not own the photograph in this picture.

Malala Yousafzai: An inspiration to all

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Most teenagers would spend their 16th birthday with friends, family and being spoilt with presents, or trying to have a house party without damaging too much of the house. Malala Yousafazi, however, spend her 16th birthday in front of a UN conference giving a speech on the importance of education. The difference between Malala and the majority of girl in the UK is that at the tender age of 16 she is a campaigner for the right to education and has survived an assassination attempt by the Taliban. 

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From an early age Malala has been fighting for the right to gain an education simply because she is a girl. Under threat from the Taliban, Malala and her family would not let them win as she claimed yesterday extremist groups are ‘scared of books and pens’. It is this attitude that we should adopt,after all knowledge is power. At the age of 12 Malala began writing a blog for the BBC ( although obviously not using her own name) about how it was to live under the rule of the Taliban. As well as this she still fought to go to school, along with her female friends as well as filming a documentary for the New York Times about her life and struggle. This in itself is extraordinary and I salute her parents, many would be too scared and no encourage her but according the reports she has the full support of her family. Unfortunately the Taliban carried out their threat and attempted to assassinate Malala, boarding her school bus and asking for her. Malala did not hide away and identified herself proceeding to be shot in the head along with her school friends (proving their cowardice). Malala was flown to the UK for emergency treatment and is now living in Birmingham and still working hard to provide education for all children around the world and give equal opportunities to all women.  

Yesterday Malala took to the worlds stage again at a UN conference and I actually got goosebumps watching her speech. You would not guess that she is only 16 years old her bravery and total commitment is something that many adults do not have. It made me appreciate my education more than anything and just marvel at her. I researched more about her and found out that she is the youngest contender for the Nobel Peace Prize in history and has already won awards in Pakistan for her contributions. I could not find a single person who did not watch the speech and agree that she is incredible, watch it here. 

It also strikes me that in the western world we still hear cries of ‘feminism’ and how we need to fight harder for equality. In certain situations this is right but in the UK today even an idiot could see that we are better off than many of our sisters around the world. In the UK the majority of us are free to make our own choices, we can receive a free education, decide what to do with our own bodies and have wide access to contraception. It is my belief that with the help of girls like Malala we can make the world a better place for women. It has shocking that we are still seeing a lack of education for girls, reports that female babies are being aborted or given up for adoption quickly after birth simply for being the wrong sex. It is incredibly sad that women are still begin treated as objects and are not free to marry who they choose. This is NOT because women are not strong, it is simply through following ancient traditions and not entering the 21st century. It is when I think of this that I get angry at girls in this country who do nothing with their lives. I can tell you now there would be thousands of girls willing to trade for your position and pro creating because you were bored or drunk does not count as ‘doing something’. I am incredibly proud of my country for allowing Malala to live here and gain the education she deserves because to me she is a true hero. 

 

Report by Chloe Metzger

Should an NHS fee be introduced for all non UK residents?

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I was born in 1994, my birth (like my sister and all my cousins) was in an NHS hospital meaning luckily our healthcare came out of our taxes and mothers would not be charged for giving birth in a clean and professional environment. It came to my attention today that many other women can travel to the UK to avoid paying in their own countries. Some people would argue that women can go into labour early and I understand that part it’s not a fault of the women if they go into unexpected labour! However there is a much more sinister side to this, I found out today that anyone can come to the UK and receive free medical treatment. There are a lot of people who are travelling to the UK to gain access to our healthcare system while unfortunately we are paying the price.

In latest news the British government are proposing that in order to enter the UK you must pay at least £200 towards healthcare costs. In my opinion I do not feel this is enough, £200 is not a lot in the case of many treatments and appointments. When you can see the strain that the NHS is under at the moment I wonder why this hasn’t been done long ago. To travel to other countries from the UK you must have travel insurance and to move to countries like the USA or Australia health checks and travel insurance. I cannot even begin to understand why we are not stronger on this! We can’t simply keep giving to everyone else and watch our country crumble around us. It is not only healthcare we are far too free in many ways, benefits for example are another problem.  Some people are calling this racist but I don’t see it that way, people should come here either with money or job prospects just as we are expected to when visiting/moving other countries. 

For once I think this government has a point (and I am not a fan at all normally). There has also been a call for NHS ID cards, also not a bad idea (although I may lose one because I am hopeless with cards). It has also been made clear that in the case of emergencies people will not be simply turned away they will be treated (STI’s will also be treated to stop any infections) so it is not unreasonable. I feel that this could be a good idea, we should not try and stop people from moving into the UK. Some of our greatest doctors,nurses,lawyers etc are from other countries and some of our brightest students, however we must be as strong other countries in this situation. 

 

I need to point out that in this blog is all my own opinions. 

Thanks for reading! 🙂