Always some bumps in the road

Feb 21, 2014Feb 22, 2014Leave a comment

Today has truly been an up and down day, although despite everything it was definately better than yesterday! Although I’m dying ot tell you all every single detail some are just going to have to wait! It started with actually waking up on time and in a good mood, always a good start today. After that some great new about No People Club (watch this space!!!) which left my bus ride to uni pretty brilliant. Follow that with a great seminar, a feedback lunch with the uni, some news on the nominations for the student awards and I was happy as pie for the majority of the morning.

This is where the whole, one tiny thing can change my mood, comes in. I then recieved an email with some feedback and results from Creative Writing. The easiest thing to say is that I wasn’t best pleased and it had a pretty bad impact on me. Thankfully my friend Jen listen to me rant for a bit before I spoke to disability, they’ll be supporting me now. That’s all I can say really, apart from it’s made me 100% sure I am right to leave Creative Writing. Even after I was still pretty low and the disgusting sight from the window of the bus of a man beating a dog in public had me on the verge of tears (If there had been a bus stop nearby I would have got off and gone after him, I would have also said something to the people around at the time!).

I’m lucky that I have such supportive friends, the boys in the band were able to cheer me up within half an hour and we ended up having a night of chicken and band banter. Oh and I got an email to say I have an interview to be a student ambassador, something I’ve wanted since I attended open days myself, I screamed when I got the email. It’s all I needed really and now I’m sat here with Ali, full of chicken and pretty sleepy actually. So as you can see it’s always ups and downs but I’m lucky that today has ended on a very big up!

Anxious, anxious, anxious

Feb 20, 2014Feb 22, 20142 Comments

This week I got a great response from writing about living with disabilities at university and it was such a great boost to not only hear from people online but also to speak to people at university about it. The problem is that no matter how much positive feedback I get, it doesn’t make the illness disappear. Today has been filled with anxiety, tiredness and just general stress. Waking up hungover didn’t really help anything but I was still in a pretty good mood after chatting to Dan and then kissing Ali before I hopped on the bus.

At this point I’d already made up my mind that I wasn’t going to my Creative Writing lecture later on. I was in a bad mood, I’d been feeling anxious since the night before and all I really wanted was my bed, not to have to sit and fake a smile in a lecture that if I’m honest I just didn’t want to be in. Creative Writing is just becoming too much for me at the moment, I’m not enjoying myself and I’m counting down until it’s all going to be done.

So I spent the afternoon alone watching old episodes of How I Met Your Mother before going back up to Kingston Hill for a spontaneous trip to visit Ali’s new amp case (long story, too long to explain). I didn’t feel great, but I felt better being around him until my anxiety got the better of me. I’m not the easiest person to be around when I’ve been jumpy, combine that with tiredness and I’m a pain in the arse really.After things had calmed down we hugged and I tried to explain why I’d been so irritated. This is the thing about Ali and I, we get each other and not in a gooey romantic kind of way, in a you learn these things about each other way.

I’m still feeling pretty crappy and I’m not going to do much else tonight. Off to bed I go.

Happy Birthday Rhys!!

Feb 19, 2014Feb 22, 2014Leave a comment

Today is our lovely drummer Rhys’ first UK birthday! He’s turning 19 and I’m just so damn pleased we get to spend this evening with him. He’s just one of the greatest guys I know and he takes care of all of us pretty well despite being the youngest of the band (although he hates to admit it). Happy 19th Birthday Rhys, my absolute favourite American, I can’t wait to party tonight away with some awesome people!

Living with a ‘disability’

Feb 18, 2014Feb 19, 20142 Comments

As far as I was concerned when I applied to university I wasn’t disabled, I’d never been disabled and I just had to get on with my life in the best way possible.Little did I know I’d suffered with at least one disability my entire life. Now I’ve written before about being Dyslexic but I haven’t really gone into detail about how it can impact on my life at uni or otherwise. The majority of people here and at home that are friends with Ali and I are shocked and sometimes don’t believe me when I say I’m registered with the Dyslexia and Disability department, they ask me why and sometimes still make their own assumptions about if I’m ‘really’ disabled.

It’s a funny word that I never really use about myself. When most people hear the word disability they think of something physical, a wheelchair, a walking aide, a white stick are all a lot easier to understand. Depression and Anxiety isn’t visible and I have gone for years with some people not having a clue. As with the Dyslexia, I went nearly 15 years in the education system without it being picked up that I was not only Dyslexic but severely Dyslexic and not just stupid as I had thought. Both of my ‘disabilities’ are mental, I explain a lot that it’s not uncommon for someone with a mental health condition to wish it was physical, people understand that.

So I wanted to use today’s blog to talk about some of the common misconceptions about disability as a student and how my life is impacted by BOTH of them.

1. People with Dyslexia only have problems reading or writing

This is a HUGE misconception that simply needs a little bit more education. Whilst I was at school it was thought I couldn’t be Dyslexic as I was in the top class for English. Although my CAT scores were lower and I constantly struggled with little things like paragraphing, punctuation and spelling it wasn’t really looked in to. Even at uni some of my seminar leaders admit they know nothing about Dyslexia and if I ‘try a bit harder’ I might pick up these things. Dyslexia has a massive spectrum for me my weaknesses are processing information, spelling (I will change a whole sentence if I can’t spell a word sometimes), grammar, basic skills and the speed in which I do things.

2. Depressed people don’t have fun, they’re constantly unhappy

This just isn’t true for the majority of depressed people. There are flickers of light even in your darkest days but because of the way you’re thinking it’s just harder to see them. I’m out of the darkest part but on a low I find it hard to think positively. With gentle encouragement and time there can be good days for someone with Depression. We can be fun too!!

3. You’d know if you were dyslexic

I found out I was dyslexic at 19 years old studying for a degree in English Literature. I knew I struggled a lot but it was my tutor who suggested getting a test. A lot of things make sense now as to WHY I struggled.

4. You don’t need a fancy new laptop from the government for uni

There is a lot of jealousy over disabled students because we get DSA (Disabled Student Allowance). I have been insulted many times saying that I don’t need help. I do get help in the form of a dyslexia tutor and a mental health mentor. I got a laptop, programming, a printer and a voice recorder to help me with my studies because sometimes I struggle. There are people who play the system to get what they want but it’s not all of us!! I hate being accused of being a ‘scrounger’ by people who spend all their student loan on booze. I’m really grateful that I got the help I did because it makes life SO much easier!

5. Anxiety is just a part of life

I was actually told this after my diagnosis by a member of staff who I believe thought I was lying. Yes anxiety is a part of life but living with it is different. The most minor things will make you fret and worry constantly, losing concentration, sleep and generally making you quite poorly. That is anxiety, trust me.

6. It’s all attention seeking

No. Just no.

7. You can’t have a learning difficulty, you’re smart

8. Why do you get money? It’s not really fair is it?

Going back to number 4, I don’t get direct payments but some people do to help them cover costs. I have an amount for extra books, ink, etc. Just think if you became disabled wouldn’t you find that help a relief? I certainly do, it means I don’t put unnecessary worry or strain on myself or those around me and can get the help I need.

9. How do your disabilities affect your day to day life

More than you may think! In terms of dyslexia, it effects my reading, writing, spelling, memory, processing things quickly (which makes exams horrible), the time it takes for me to do things, my driving (I’m on my 4th test now) which really bugs me. I’m learning to adapt to it. My Depression/Anxiety makes me a worrier, can put me on a low where I’m really unmotivated, can make me irritable, tired an honestly can mean I’m not a great person to be around. Occasionally I’ll have to miss a day of class because I’m feeling that crappy. I’m lucky that I have a good group of people who understand around me.

10. Is it hard?

Yes. It can be but I wouldn’t change it…well most of the time anyway. I find ways to get around things, to smile and carry on to the best I can. Now I understand why I struggle with certain things and for me that’s great! I can learn how to fix them 🙂

So there it is, hopefully some questions have been answered. If you have any more PLEASE! comment below or tweet me!

6 months in

Feb 16, 2014Feb 17, 2014Leave a comment

6 months ago I started my first day at Kingston. 6 months and 3 days ago I moved away from home for the first time and I’ve survived so far. While I’ve come home this weekend I’ve started realising that I’ve actually changed a fair bit, not too much but enough. I’ve started sorting myself out, becoming more independent and just generally being happier. As much as I love my family I’ve realised that I don’t need to be in Basingstoke anymore. I’m happy having independence, choosing what to do, what to eat and just working things out for myself (with a little help from Ali and the guys at times). I guess I’m kinda done with this town for a while, maybe not forever but I just love being in a busy city. I love hopping on a train and being in London in 20 minutes, being on the river and being in a student town (Basingstoke is definately not a student hot spot).

I guess the point I’m trying to make is that university changes you, for the better I think. I’ve experienced so much and I’ll experience so much more in the next 2 and a half years. the one thing you really notice though? How quickly time flies. When I was at school days stretch on and on, I never thought I would get out alive or that it would eventually end. College just seemed to be a waiting period but now I’m at uni everything goes so fast but I think I love the speed! I’m so excited to carry on in September because I love my Lit course and actually being liked for being smart. So six months in I think I’m doing okay and that’s important for me to know.

Here’s to the next six!

Damn you public transport, damn you!

Feb 15, 2014Feb 22, 2014Leave a comment

After all the chaos in the UK over the past few days with the bad weather a normal person would have expected some delays so getting to the train station the slight delay was actually welcomed (we were running later than we thought after the buses were running late again). Then the delay turned into half an hour, then and hour and then two hours, all in the space of about 20 minutes. A lot of other trains were being cancelled so Ali and I decided to try and get a train via Woking before the rest of them were cancelled.

To put it lightly the UK doesn’t handle weather very well. If it rains, it floods and then the country stops. If it snows, we get stuck and the whole country stops. If it gets too windy, everything goes down and the whole country stops, we don’t even escape this in the summer months it’s a heat stroke crisis (us Brits don’t fare too well with heat either)…or more flooding.

We got home eventually. After getting to Woking and more trains being cancelled, thankfully we were one of the few who could get home. It’s a nightmare, half my home towns flooded, the riverside in Kingston is more of the same. I’m hoping whilst we’re at home we might eventually get some sunshine…

V Day

Feb 14, 2014Feb 22, 2014Leave a comment

Today my boyfriend gave me three things. A Lobster, hot chocolate, onesies and some much enjoyed cuddles. It’s not quite your traditional valentines day but I think it was pretty cool. We were both pretty broke this week after all the gigs and so we were just going to stay in and watch a movie, my lobster (Larry or Lenny we haven’t decided yet) was a surprise. I fell in love with him in Camden Sainsbury’s so Ali popped into the local Sainsburys and sent me a Snapchat while I was making him a valentines day card (old school, like a boss). I’m not going to be online a lot, tonight is for onesies and just appreciating some time together. So we didn’t make a huge fuss, spend a load of money or piss off our single friends, just the way we like it.

Neknominations?

Feb 13, 2014Leave a comment

I like a drink as much as anyone else. I’m happy sat in the SU bar with my double Malibu and lemonade and chilling with a few friends…if one happens to turn into three then that’s fine with me too, even if I end up falling asleep in Ali’s bathroom (true story). One thing I really can’t stand though is heavy drinking games…especially ones where you sit on your own with a camera. I heard about Neknominations on the news a week or two ago over the deaths of a few guys a bit older than me. I didn’t think much of it and then it started cropping up all over my Facebook page.

I won’t tell people what to do, that’s up to them but I really don’t understand it. I get games like ‘ring of fire’ or where you watch a TV show and take a shot for certain things and I don’t mind never have I ever (a few nights have been spent playing that as well as fuzzy duck). I just don’t understand sitting in on your own, pouring a load of drinks into a cup so that it tastes revolting and filming yourself, I hope I’m not the only one. Now I’m ready for this shit storm over this one so let me make this clear YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT. I just don’t understand the point of it all…

I have to say though some of them have made me laugh and not because I like watching my friends do it. My friend Amy added Garlic Salt and Nesquick with hilarious results. My favourite though is when people take the piss out of the whole thing, starting with a guy I know called Phil who done it with apple juice, followed by Dan who slowly drank a mug of tea and edited the video and then of course my favourite crazy American Rhys drank a pint of fruit twist Fanta (nothing new there). Out of all of No People Club Ali and I are the only ones not to be nominated although if the occasion does arise I have something up my sleeve!

Happy Birthday Lexi Lou!!

Feb 12, 2014Feb 13, 2014Leave a comment

Alexia Sidney, around 3 months old

I always tell the story of how I found out about Alexia but for this time I’ll keep it short and sweet for you guys. I’ve been friends with Lexi’s mum Lucy since we were in year 7, I used to call her frizz because I kept forgetting her name. Two years ago I got a surprise when I found out Lexi had been born and a few weeks later I met her for the first time and she cried, and cried, and cried. That didn’t change but I did fall head over heels in love with this little girl and her big eyes. So today Lexi turns two years old!! I love being a Godmother it’s a fab job, especially when I get to run around with Lexi and act like a kid. It lets me let off some steam and gives Lucy a well deserved break. Today I can’t see her while I’m in Kingston she moved with her clever mummy to Winchester while she pursues her law degree (Lucy I mean, not Lexi I mean the kids smart but now that smart). So this is my way of saying a very happy 2nd birthday to my amazing Goddaughter, she’ll never know just how much joy she gives me and how much I love her. Happy Birthday Lexi Lou!!

Hats off to you Miss Swift!

Feb 11, 2014Feb 13, 2014Leave a comment

After WATIC last night I was pretty tired this morning so while Ali carried on sleeping I trudged off in the pouring rain to my seminar, not quite sure how I’d make it to Taylor Swift. My mood instantly increased when my tutor informed me that my essay had gotten me a first!! I was on top of the world, feeling happy and confident as well as excited to see my mum and sister later. With all the fuss about the tube strike the afternoon was filled with ‘will they wont they’ but thankfully the strike was cancelled and Mum managed to buy a last minute ticket…even if she was going to be sitting on her own.

To cut a long story short I was more than impressed with the concert after being a little aprihensive, was she really going to be that good live? I wont lie about the fact that I’m a fan of Taylor Swift, not huge but I have been for a good few years now and managed to listen to her stuff before she got huge over here in the UK. I was pleasantly surprised to say the least. Taylor Swift is not just a vocalist, she’s an actress, writer and accomplished musician. Tonight was a show in all forms, with incredible precision and costume changes, much to my sisters amazement. She also played so many instruments guitars, banjo and piano to name a few.

The best thing about seeing big musicians thought is when you can tell how much an audience means to them and Taylor proved that again and again with small smiles and looking around in amazement as well as opening with a long list of thanks. I don’t care if people don’t like her because seeing her live just proved to me how different musicians can be. I didn’t expect to love the concert as much as I did, and I would definitely go again, oh and new pop band ‘The Vamps’ were also pretty impressive for a group only just breaking the worlds stage! Oh and there was the small matter of Ellie Golding making an appearence!! Ok so I would have preffured Ed Sheeran but I am a little bit in love with him!

I managed to get some great shots on my camera ( thanks again Mum and Dad!) and I hope you enjoy some of them too!