This week I got a great response from writing about living with disabilities at university and it was such a great boost to not only hear from people online but also to speak to people at university about it. The problem is that no matter how much positive feedback I get, it doesn’t make the illness disappear. Today has been filled with anxiety, tiredness and just general stress. Waking up hungover didn’t really help anything but I was still in a pretty good mood after chatting to Dan and then kissing Ali before I hopped on the bus.
At this point I’d already made up my mind that I wasn’t going to my Creative Writing lecture later on. I was in a bad mood, I’d been feeling anxious since the night before and all I really wanted was my bed, not to have to sit and fake a smile in a lecture that if I’m honest I just didn’t want to be in. Creative Writing is just becoming too much for me at the moment, I’m not enjoying myself and I’m counting down until it’s all going to be done.
So I spent the afternoon alone watching old episodes of How I Met Your Mother before going back up to Kingston Hill for a spontaneous trip to visit Ali’s new amp case (long story, too long to explain). I didn’t feel great, but I felt better being around him until my anxiety got the better of me. I’m not the easiest person to be around when I’ve been jumpy, combine that with tiredness and I’m a pain in the arse really.After things had calmed down we hugged and I tried to explain why I’d been so irritated. This is the thing about Ali and I, we get each other and not in a gooey romantic kind of way, in a you learn these things about each other way.
I’m still feeling pretty crappy and I’m not going to do much else tonight. Off to bed I go.