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The KU Talent Awards

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Tonight was the KUTalent awards 2014! I’m going to start the post by letting you all know that I didn’t win. I did however get to spend some time with my Mum, have a lovely dinner and meet some interesting people. I’ve spent the day working on other things, trying to keep my mind off of the awards tonight partially to fight of nerves and partially not to get my hopes up. 

The hotel was amazing and as usual the KU team really managed to pull it off  with guest speaker Kris Akabusi (a very famous Olympic runner for those of you who don’t know, I didn’t at first so don’t worry!) who made me laugh so, so much. Before all this though we walked down the red carpet and were given green champers much to Mums delight, I still feel sick when I smell it after the last event I went to, I’ll never be drinking that much again! We moved around the room and chatted to various people and had a few more drinks t calm my nerves. Before we got downstairs I’d been a mess I was so anxious I didn’t think I could leave the hotel room I was crying and stressing and worrying if I would fit in at all. 

Luckily all my worries seemed to be for nothing, the evening went by and I spoke to everyone and got into detailed conversations with the other members of my table who all appeared to be very impressed. Had I been a third year I would have left with a job offer apparently, always a bonus! The problem came when the nominees for my category were announced. I had been telling myself not to get excited, but when Kris said ‘she’ I knew there were only me and another girl in my category, he then said ‘she has been involved since the first day’ again something I had put on my application, then he said ‘lacrosse’. I don’t lie to you guys so I’ll admit I was absolutely heart broken, I thought I was bothered but I really, really was. I kept trying to smile but after all my anxiety before it felt like a black hole in my chest. 

Everyone I had spoken to came up to me after and told me how well I’d done to get there, how next year I’ve got to do it again. I was too upset but smiled nevertheless. As the evening went on it got easier despite being really tired, I hope I can go again next year but right now I’m trying to focus on spending time with my Mum. I’m glad she got to dress up and come out tonight, I also wish I could have been super happy and excited all night but she doesn’t seem to mind. So I’ve had my calming shower (a technique that has never failed for me yet, if only I could always get in a shower when I felt down!) and now it’s time for bed. First day of work tomorrow and hopefully I can be as positive as everyone else..I did get shortlisted after all. 

Being one step ahead of the game

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If there’s one thing you can always count on me for is being ahead of the game when possible. I’m almost always crazy busy these days and looking to get ahead in my studies. The way my brain works is ‘Ok I can read this book now, I know that ones next so I’ll take a quick look at the synopsis while I finish’. I know the rough guidelines for next years module guides, I scan the house hunt pages every day and I’ve been talking to my lecturers about my plans to continue on with a masters and the small fund I have set up. 

Tonight has been my first ‘day off’ in about 2 weeks, some quality time I wanted to spend with Ali. It was nice with the sunshine but we decided we wanted to just be alone for once, shut out everyone else and once it got dar ksit and catch up on tv we had missed. We’re both stressed at the moment, as of September we’ll be officially moving in together and that is a big deal! People think because we’ve been together so long we don’t get nervous about things like this, we definately do. We have the same disagreements as everyone else, where do we live, how much do we want to pay, do you have to bring that piece of furniture (me to him), do you have to bring so many books (him to me), what colours do we want thing to be (I’m still rooting for this one, bright colours for the win!). 

There is one thing many of you don’t know. Without Ali I wouldn’t be writing this blog, I wouldn’t be at university and I’d probably be a lot more depressed. I’m not going to get mushy and gushy but he saved me, he picked me up more times than he needed to and I will be eternally grateful. So everything I’m achieving, Student Ambassador, KUTalent award nomination, the band, this blog in some wayy relates back to him. So when people ask if I mind that I go to his more than he goes to mine, no not at all we have something very strong which brings be back to the point of being one step ahead. I can’t do that with Ali and believe me that’s a good thing!

He’s very supportive of my decision to save up and continue on to a masters at the end of my degree and has very kindly said he will help to support me if I need it (seriously one of a kind). So after being so, so happy tonight curled up and just relaxing for once I got back and continued to try and get on top of things. Then I strayed to masters sights after reading an article on Young Adult fiction. So I googled masters in this area just to be nosy.  Cambridge came up to my surprise, I read on and was intrigued. Could I go to Cambridge? The only thought I’d had was back in year 9 when I got invited to a gifted and talented day at the college and they spoke to us about univeristy, ah nieve 14 year old me put up a right fuss and said that plenty of jobs don’t need a degree, I want to be a musician and why pay £3000 a year. I ended up being friends with one of the speakers and going on holiday with her, paying £8750 a year for a degree but I still want to be a musician. Anyway I was browsing through thinking this might be possible and then I read this lovely quote on the website 

The University does not allow students to undertake paid work outside the University or a college while they are studying full-time, and you should not expect to accrue additional income in this way. However, academic-related work – especially teaching undergraduates – can provide postgraduate students with valuable transferable skills, and a limited amount of this type of work is encouraged, provided it does not interfere with your studies.

Right, ok then well that leaves me and anyone else who isn’t rich buggered then. No Student Ambassadors for Cambridge. I was shocked, outraged and realised I was right all those years ago to dismiss an idea like Oxford or Cambridge.I thought these restrictions were something of a myth! I knew then and know now I wouldn’t have fit in and so I’ll stick with Kingston for my masters, hopefully. I love this uni, I love that I can be myself and it’s accepted even my struggles. I’m going to apply for a masters scholarship in my 3rd year for definite. Cambridge can keep their masters programme because although Kingston might not be top of the tables, they sure know how to make a girl feel like she can achieve. 

I’m in love with my new job!!

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Tonight I attended training for me job as a Student Ambassador. I’ve never loved a job more or been able to make this much of a difference in peoples lives. It sounds silly but when I started looking at uni’s Kingston’s Student Ambassadors made all the difference to me, they were friendly, welcoming and took me seriously, even the worries I thought were stupid. 

It didn’t feel like I was being lectured or taught tonight it was very much being part of a bigger university wide team, which is what it is really. There are so many opportunities that I can have now. I’m already working on bridging the gap between disability and dyslexia and prospective students as well as hopefully running for disabilities officer next year. As well as that I’ll be working with the social media team and being paid to blog, PAID!

I feel on top of the world, going to uni has opened so many doors for me. The course, the potential award, my band, my friends, my life. Despite the fact that I might not sleep  for another week  or two, I’m happy. I have a lot to look forward to and that’s a great feeling. 

With all this said and how much I love my job, I’m not getting ahead of myself. I’m looking forward to the future but I’m trying to take each day for what it is, I know there’ll be ups and downs ahead but hopefully if I’m working and putting my experience to good use! 

Here’s to the new job!! 

5 reasons being sleep deprived is a good thing

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So as you all know I’m going on very little sleep at the moment here are 5 ways it’s a good thing! 

 

 

1.  Creativity!!! Was I always this creative… 

2. Constantly eating is acceptable because it’s to ‘keep up your energy levels’

 

3. Watching your favourite series back to back because what else can you do at 3am? 

 

4. Everything becomes funny, even things that make no sense… (or tearful but lets ignore that)

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It’s a lobster…haha a LOBSTER *giggles in hysterics for the next 20 minutes* 

 

5. ‘ Don’t disturb them they’re finally sleeping!!!’ 

When you finally manage sleep no one wants to wake you because you look so peaceful….

Driving, Pictures, Friends and Reading Festival!

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It felt weird this morning, waking up and not having to get my butt across campus and head into the studio. Instead it was trying to haul my but to the car park and get driving again. I’ll take my test again at some point this year, yes it’s booked, no I’m not telling you all! After going through all the hardest parts of the test routes and being sleep deprived I started to worry, can I ever pass this test?!? I’m on my 3rd time and now I’m told that my Dyslexia makes it harder to drive in test conditions! Still onwards and upwards.

As promised on my twitter feed Sophie (Dan’s girlfriend) got some great shots of us here are some of my favourites. We’ll be heading down to Brighton at some point to get some more done.

I think this sums us up pretty well. 

My pose photo 

Duck face at it’s finest 

Something I wanted to try, it worked!! 

Was definitely not almost falling off the tree…

As you can see Sophie has done an absolutely fab job even though she was as tired as the rest of us! We’re looking at booking more time with her with the added bonus that she’s a No People Club girlfriend.

Ok so moving on tonight Jen and I went to a flat viewing and found the most beautiful, perfect, amazing flat I have ever seen. Unfortunately it was too big for Ali and I and the rent started too early but Jen might be able to take it. I haven’t mentioned Jen as much as I wanted to but honestly I could write 10 entrys in a row about her, she’s funny, understanding and only lives about 20 minutes from me at home as well as living close in halls. Surprsingly we never met at the Head Start programme but met up in the summer and lost contact…that won’t be happening again! She also has a wonderful boyfriend, Ben who is now one of my good friends and one of the only people in Seething Wells I can talk music with (thank God!). They’re the best friends I’ve got around here and constantly make me laugh by acting like and old married couple…so adorable!!

Jen was also with me when I booked my first Reading Festival ticket!! I’m beyond excited and ended up buying them on the bus, as you do as soon as I saw Paramore had been announced. I also managed to buy Ali’s ticket for his 21st birthday present (I know right how did he get so old so fast haha!). So I have so much to look forward to! I’m so excited and nervous and just everything but the most important thing, I’m looking forward again.

Last day of recording and Lola and Ralphie’s birthday!!

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Exhaustion has set in for all five band members and Sophie. Today’s absolutely beautiful weather was spent in the Kingston Hill Lodge studio again, although we did manage to sneak out to catch some sun light, even if it was only a little bit. We had to meet again at 9 and be in the studio setting up by 9.30 although time passed a lot quicker this morning (it slowed down a lot this afternoon though). Today was for Guitars and Bass! Woo! which ended up taking a lot longer than we thought, as I write at 6pm the boys are still there and will be until 10 tonight just as they have been since Friday. 

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Rhys and I early this morning in the sunshiiiiiine

It hasn’t been easy, spending 3 days in a small studio with the same people is hard work. We’ve been tired, happy, laughing and half delirious from a lack of sleep but I think we’re doing ok…even if we shut ourselves away for a little while and don’t see each other haha!! No on a serious note as much as we may want to kill each other now I’m proud of all the boys they’ve done really well over the last few days and for Rhys to keep drumming again and again and again for about 12 hours yesterday was amazing to watch even if I thought he may pass out (he didn’t it’s ok!). 

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Studio Selfie

This EP is going to be something special once its finally finished and something amazing happened today…Sophie managed to get real pictures of us that we can use for things, REAL PICTURES!!! She even managed to get a smile from Ali on camera, something which is almost a myth around here. It was a great thing to do just before the sun went down. People have said that to me today, don’t you wish you were in the sun? No, not really. When I look back on this weekend it wont just be another sunny weekend, we worked our butts off and spent our breaks running around like children and cilmbing trees, yeah that actually happened. 

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A shot Sophie took on my camera…her pictures are the proper ones though!! 

 

 

Another thing today it is my baby cousins birthday’s!!! Lola and Ralphie turned 7 today, something which Ali didn’t quite believe. It’s been hard not being at home to see them but after speaking to them on the phone I know they’ve had a great day on their new bikes and being spoilt rotten as they should be! You’re only 7 once!  

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Baby Lola 

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Baby Ralphie 

So now I’m back at the flat, tired although not as much as the others are I don’t think and I have a really busy week ahead of me…and no lie ins at all! All in all it’s been a really great weekend, it was hard no question, being constantly around people is something I’m not used to but I wouldn’t chose to spend it with anyone else. Here’s to a great week after a fab weekend!! 

 

A full day in the studio

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After spending last night getting all the mics set up and ready today Rhys had to do his thing…for 12 hours. We’re finally done and Rhys ended up falling asleep on the floor, on the plus side it may make his sleeping pattern go back to normal! This morning was definately an early start after passing out last night, waking up at 7.30 did not seem like enough sleep to live on. 

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Me this morning…so, so sleepy. 

Rhys has drummed all day, we’ve all heard the songs over and over and over again and finally realise why bands don’t listen to their own music after it’s done. We sat around watched Rhys, the boys positioned mics, played on our phones etc. We’ve already eaten more sugar and salt than is healthy in a wekk but this is studio life not a hotel..although that would be pretty cool actually. No today has been chocolate, Doritoes, fried chicken, Redbull, Fanta, all the fizzy drinks they had in the shop and the smell of farts…mentioning no names!

 

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Rhys’ snare and sticks at the end of a long day 

Tomorrow will be Bass and Guitars and hopefully we’ll nearly be there…also we might be more awake? I doubt that but right now I need to climb into my bed ready for another early start tomorrrow…yawn. 

Friday escape!!

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Around the studio starting to relax 

The studio is proving to be tiring and relaxing at the same time. Today has just been stressful and I couldn’t wait to be with the boys and forget everything that was worrying me. It’s late but the mics are in place, drums set up, Dan’s girlfriend Sophie is here and Ali fell asleep at 10. I’m really hoping the next few days can make me focus and not worry about assignments, housing and all that! Here’s to a good weekend! 

Everything needs to slow down!

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Everthing is going so fast. There are so many things that I need to do or say or think about at the moment and overwhelmed doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel right now. I’ve been tried since Sunday and I’m trying really hard to be positive but little things are knocking me at the moment. Today hasn’t been out of the ordinary waking up, shower, lecture, mental health mentoring appointment again after feeling naff. The problem is there are so many things that are stressing me out at the moment it’s not the simple case of sitting down and working through a problem logically.

You all know I’m a fan of lists so here is one of all the things that are going on now first year is ending

-Assignments

-Presentations

-Awards Show

-Starting a new job

-Lack of sleep

-Finding somewhere to live

-Missing my family

-Getting the band ready for a big announcement

-Scholarship worries

-Driving worrys (still haven’t passed)

– Rude People and people expecting too much

No one said uni was easy, I don’t think I’d like it as much if it was but with everything that could possibly be going on happening at the moment I think I’m allowed to be a little stressed at the moment. I feel like a giant clock is sitting above my head and every tick makes me a little more stressed. Should I be stressed? No probably not work wise, I’ve done 90% of it, it’s just one module that I care a lot about which has me stressed and worried even though I’m told I shouldn’t be.

So what did I do to calm down enough to sit down and write this you ask? I spoke to my mental health mentor, made a few calls to get on top of things and I took some me time and not in a way I noramlly would. I went into my kitchen, leaving my phone in my room, and I started to cook. I wasn’t cooking to eat any of it, I just prepared meals for the next week to be frozen and it actually made me eat. It ended up being a kind of therapy I was so focused on cooking I cheered up, I felt on top of things again. Then I just curled up and watched a film while putting some finishing touches to my essay.

Like everyone else, sometimes I need things to slow down, I need to slow down. It’s harder because with my anxiety my mind is racing constantly, it doesn’t stop and then when the depression takes hold of this I start thinking of the worst thing that could happen. I’m getting better at recognising what I need and apparently cooking is something that can help…news to me! Either way I’m working on it, I hate sounding negative but sometimes I just can’t help it. Recording tomorrow..let’s see if that works!

Getting close to the end

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There were so many things I can begin to cross off my to do list today. Over the last few days I’ve noticed a few changes in myself, in a good way. It’s nearing the end of my first working year at university, despite the official end of the year being in June all my classes will be done in 2 weeks come Friday. I have deadlines coming up, which a few days ago I was really stressed about on top of the whole evacuation thing. Today, however, I got some great news which really changed how I feel. I have 75% of both Creative Writing modules done and ready to submit, all of my Writing and Rhetoric module and then I only have my Debates work which is yet to be set. 

I’m not writing this to sound smug, I’m genuinely pleased with myself. I’m going to be done with all my work by the end of easter and I’m hoping I can use the rest of that time to work, spend time with friends and hopefully get into London a bit more. I’m also hoping to spend a bit more time working making myself feel good before heading home. I spent today really happy after good feedback and I felt confident enough to go into town and try on some new clothes, my new statement t-shirt ‘controversial’ and treated myself to a few magazines and lunch. I really enjoyed it and It made my good mood last for the majority of the day (until I hit a tiredness wall). 

It might not be a huge move for today but I loved just feeling happy and comfortable on my own, which I normally find really difficult. I’m vary aware that this blog might be boring…sorry I don’t have much more to report! Right now I’m looking forward to curling up and watching How I Met Your Mother, I’m exhausted.