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So far, so good

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I’ve mentioned before that I wasn’t too keen on 2016. Now I know that the clock wasn’t going to strike 12 and my life was going to change but I was wary about it. That said we’re a week into 2016 and so far, so good. I can’t say that I’ve done anything spectacular and I haven’t had a lot of sleep but that’s ok. I’ve spent the beginning of this year how I mean to go on, looking after myself. My only regret so far is that I haven’t been able to go to the gym yet because I had my implant put in Tuesday and it’s still sore, but hopefully I’ll go next Tuesday morning and start my routine again.

I have had a first good week though

  • I’ve got stuff done that I needed to get on with.
  • I’ve lost a stone so far and I’m closer to my goal weight for my height
  • I’ve had a lot of good ideas for creative stuff, I mean they usually come to me at 1am but ideas are ideas.
  • I got my implant redone on my own (braveness points up)
  • I’ve become obsessed with to do lists – not even sorry
  • I went on my first double date! Ali and I went to a local Italian restaurant with Ben and Abbie before chilling with drinks at home
  • I got a first on my Creative Project! I was absolutely dreading getting the mark for this back after having to completely rewrite my piece of creative writing it in a week but I did it and managed a first, a great confidence boost.

All in all 2016 is doing well so far and I’m hoping that it gets even better. I really want to work with my mentor how how I’m going to handle all the changes too and feel a little bit more in control and not let my anxiety and depression take over.

 

No babies please! – My Implant!

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Do my biceps look big in this? 

Like many other 20 somethings I decided that right now wasn’t the best time for me to have a sprog. Not only am I still living on Student Loan I also feel that my hamsters are more than enough for me and I’m always exhausted after looking after my goddaughter. So today I was booked in to have another contraceptive implant put in my arm and the other one removed. Of course I thought I’d take you guys along for the ride because getting this was really important to me.

I’m aware that some of you might not have heard about them before or know what they do/ how they do it, so here’s some info from the NHS website:

The contraceptive implant is a small flexible tube about 40mm long that’s inserted under the skin of your upper arm. It’s inserted by a trained professional, such as a doctor, and lasts for three years.

The implant stops the release of an egg from the ovary by slowly releasing progestogen into your body. Progestogen also thickens the cervical mucus and thins the womb lining. This makes it harder for sperm to move through your cervix, and less likely for your womb to accept a fertilised egg.

Yep, that’s all the boring and gross stuff. Basically if you know you don’t want kids for at least 3 years it’s a great way to not get pregnant. As you will have been told at school there are lots of ways to be protected so why use the implant? For me it’s because I only have to remember to get it changed every 3 years and I’m too scatty for the pill. It’s also because last time I had it, it made my periods lighter and less painful (if that’s not a win I don’t know what is).

I will admit I had some reservations though, the problem with getting an implant is that it needs to be inserted. You get local anesthetic to numb the spot and then it’s put in with what Ali describes as a box cutter. I think the anesthetic needle is the worst part because that’s the only part you feel when you first have an implant inserted. You do feel it inside your arm a little but that’s more weird than anything.

I asked on Twitter and Facebook what people wanted to know about having one removed and another reinserted and what came up most was pain and how that compares to the first time. For me getting it taken out was not the problem. My body is weird with local anesthetic though and let me stress I’m the ONLY person I know this has happened to, I could feel a little during the incision but only for a minute. My doctor offered to stop but I decided to carry on because it was stinging more than anything. So the old implant is pulled out (sometimes it takes a little longer if it’s hard to find or won’t come out as easily, in the worst case they’ll scan your arm to find it first) and that’s all fine and dandy. I then had a little more local anesthetic added to my arm (probably because I had some feeling before, although not enough for it to hurt) which was annoying because that bit hurts. Then the new one was put in, I felt that a little (similarly to the first time) and it was done. I was wiped up and with my lovely super pale skin I started to bruise straight away but it was done.

All in all it took less than 5 minutes and I was talking to my doctor the whole time. It’s really worth it and I don’t think it was more painful than the first time. Honestly the only thing a normal person needs to worry about feeling pain is the anesthetic needle and that’s over pretty quickly. I’d definitely recommend it for someone young like me who wants to make sure they’re covered.

Obviously I’m not a doctor and there’s a load of other stuff that I’m not well versed in about potential side effects, who can’t have it and all that stuff. If you’re interested definitely talk it over with your doctor and don’t read horror stories online some people love to scare others. Even though I’m sitting here in a bandage and I’m starting to feel sore I don’t regret it and I have peace of mind now for another 3 years.

1 down, 1 to go – Fitness and Weight Loss!

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I’ve been really honest about how my injury has impacted my life in loads of different ways. I’ve really been trying to work on building up everything in the gym and not overdoing it. That said I was a little worried over christmas because there’s so much food and everyone is offering you ‘just one more’. I both did and didn’t want to see how my progress was going and I was pleasantly surprised.

On the right is before and the left is now, 1 stone lighter! I’m very strict with myself about checking my weight I mentioned it before  that I wanted to be careful and that I didn’t want to get obsessive and controlling again, like I was in my teens.

I’m really proud of what I’ve been able to achieve here and it’s all been in a healthy way. There have been no crash diets, no cutting out food groups, unhealthy amounts of exercise or not eating. Everything you see has 100% come from portion control, healthier eating and 1 hour a week exercise (the only exercise I can do at the moment).

I wanted to share this with you all because before I didn’t believe in this. I thought I was stuck the way I was and the whole exercise and  small portions wasn’t something I could do but I did and I actually really enjoy the gym. Thank you for all the support I’ve received on my blog, Twitter,  Facebook and Instagram. I can’t wait to carry on my fitness and share it with you!

10 Things you forget if you haven’t owned a cat in a while

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Going home for the holidays was so much fun, in particular I got to be the animal master. While Lottie was the chilled out pup she always is our new addition wasn’t as mellow. Ed isn’t even 20 weeks old yet, which means he’s a bundle of energy. We’ve never had a kitten before but we used to have a hyperactive cat called Tink for years and some things you forget about having a cat…

1. Meow has 50 meanings, but most of the time it’s ‘I’m hungry’.

2. 4am is playtime, who doesn’t want to play at 4am?!

3. Cat hair gets EVERYWHERE.

4. Nothing, at any height, is safe from being knocked over.

5. If you piss off a cat you better watch your back.

6. Play includes clawing and biting any limb.

7. Sleeping on someone’s head is comfortable…apparently.

8. Christmas trees are great to climb…as are chairs.

9. If they want your attention they will get your attention. No matter what.

10. All in all though, they’re adorable, loveable and so much fun. If I could have my own kitten at my flat I definitely would.

Looking Forward – Hello 2016

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It’s 2016. I look up at this year like a big mountain and I’m going to have to climb to the top.

I’m not going to write about resolutions because I don’t make them. A lot of people with depression will tell you the winter when it’s dark and rainy and just generally shit outside is not the best time to try and change your life. In the past I’ve made changes in the summer when I feel like I have more hours in the day, I feel like I can go outside and look at the sky because it’s clear and that just calms me down.

Instead of setting these huge goals and comparing myself to others I’m going to carry on with what I started in 2015. I’m going to stick to my weekly gym routine, although now I’m signing up to a bigger gym. I’m going to carry on trying to eat right to feel better about myself and lose some of the weight that I put on after the accident.

The biggest challenge, without a doubt, is going to be the changes I’ll face during the summer. I’m not scared of doing or submitting assignments, I’m nervous about graduation. I’m nervous about finding a job and starting my masters. I think, for me, getting through all those changes in my life is going to be enough hard work, so I’m not going to worry about resolutions.

Hopefully this year will be better than the last! Happy 2016 everyone ❤

My Year – 2015

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It’s been a funny old year for me. I sit down to write this post and I don’t know what to think. My overwhelming feeling is at one end I’ve learnt a lot but at the other I’ve also had to deal with things I wouldn’t have imagined. I feel like next year is going to be a mixed year too, but hopefully not as painful. 2016 has a lot of new challenges lined up and if I’m honest I am scared but I’m also excited. For now, here’s a roundup of 2015!

January

I played my first show in central London

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Back in January the boys and I played our first show just around the corner of Leicester Square! We got a great number of people down and had a great time!

I fell in love with a horse

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At the stables I fell in love with Ruby. In January I started going to the stable at the weekends, grooming and spending hours just playing and stroking her.

I had a tough time, then treated myself

I struggled in January for a few different reasons and so I went and treated myself to some new bits and a hair cut. I started to listen to how I felt and what I needed to stay well.

I got to share horse riding with my sister

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I got to take my little sister horse riding! She loved it and it was great for my Mum and Summer to see me ride.

February 

I celebrated Harry Potter Book Night

Joe and I trekked into London for Harry Potter Book Night. It was so much fun to dress up, hand out with one of my best mates, meet the new illustrator and win a signed copy of Philosopher’s Stone.

I struggled and I swam.

While trying to look after myself I started trying to swim whenever I felt down, a big step for me.

I got told I was a ‘game changer’

I got filmed for a documentary that a third year student was making. I was called a ‘game changer’ which I didn’t believe but was really pleased with all the same 🙂

March

I couldn’t say goodbye…and broke my heart

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The beautiful Ruby was sold and I never got a chance to say goodbye and it broke my heart. She was such an incredible horse and I had an amazing connection with her.

I won a KU Talent award!

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I was up for two awards this year ‘Second Year of the Year’ and ‘Overcoming Adversity to Achieve’, which I won. I was so shocked because the category was so strong, I had an amazing night with my Mum and it was definitely one of the highlights of my year!

I became a President 

I became President of the Kingston University Horse Riding Society and won most improved rider for the year! It was a true honor and another great part to the month.

I fell in love with Sign Language again

Working with young people who were hearing impaired was a great experience and made me even more determined to work with disabled students at the university.

…I dropped my phone down the toilet.

Oh yeah, that.

April 

I had the best Easter

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I had such a fun family easter! We really had fun all together, my sister doesn’t look happy because for the first time in years I beat her at the egg hunt!

I went back to Durham!

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I was lucky enough to take a trip back up to Durham to see Ali’s grandparents for their anniversary. I absolutely love going up to Durham it’s beautiful and always relaxing.

I got my two babies

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I bought Hamski and Noodle home ❤ My two little fur babies came home together and although they were eventually separated they originally loved cuddling together! They also proved to be a much needed distraction in the coming months.

I fell off a horse…

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Yep, a simple fall meant my first ride in an ambulance. I was taken in, left in a hospital in the middle of nowhere and luckily had Laura with me. At first I was told I was fine and got back on a horse 3 days later…

May 

I found out that I had broken my spine

After 2 weeks of feeling really sore and then an MRI scan I found out that I’d broken my spine with further damage to other vertebrate, muscle, soft tissue and nerve damage. The 7 hours wait to find out what had gone wrong was just the start of a very long journey ahead.

I used a wheelchair for the first time

I cried a lot when I had to use the chair because I couldn’t walk. Luckily Amy came to get me so I didn’t miss out on our girls dinner before Alissa went back to the US. I ended up having fun and forgetting about the chair for a little bit.

I was part of a winning society!!

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I wasn’t in any fit state to travel so I had to cancel Prague with Dani and Eleanor. To keep my spirits up Amy and Laura took me to the society awards where our society won 2 awards!!

I got my first Spinal Brace

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My physiotherapist is an angel and made sure I had my brace before I flew to Athens. It was hot, sweaty and uncomfortable but it done the job, I was honestly just relieved to have some support for my spine!

June 

I went on my first international creative trip & my first holiday with just Ali (by accident)

What was supposed to be a solo trip to write became a couples trip when I still couldn’t walk! Ali and I ended up having a great time and I finally felt like a writer!

I got a dream job

I got my job as a Social Media Coordinator, one I applied for but never thought I would get. It’s honestly been one of the best jobs I’ve ever had and it was great having the responsibility!

I got a new tattoo!

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I couldn’t go to Foo Fighters in my wheelchair (it was cancelled in the end anyway) so I used the money to get a tattoo that was particularly meaningful then and still is now.

I bought a lot of books…a lot.

What else is a girl to do when she’s mostly stuck in the house?

July 

I said goodbye to friends again

I said goodbye to Eleanor and Maisha as they jetted off for a year of study in New Zealand! Proud friend moment!

I played Basingstoke Live!

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This was my first show post diagnoses. I had my own box, my brace had been taken off and there was a ramp for me. I don’t know how but I got through and it was a great show!

I got frustrated.

I quickly realised I had put on a fair bit of weight and couldn’t really leave the house, sad times.

I had my sister come to stay 🙂

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One of the highlights of my summer was having this munchkin stay with me and going to see Paper Towns early!

August 

I met Don Broco

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Acoustically beautiful and some really lovely lads,

I celebrated living with Ali for a year!

We didn’t kill each other even when I couldn’t move without him! He’s been amazing this year!

I went to my first book club

I got out of my comfort zone, met a friend and bought a lot of books!

I went to the Zoo with some little monkeys

Even though I had to use a wheelchair for our family day out and got rained on I had a great day spending time with family 🙂

I got addicted to comic books

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Damn you Joe, Damn you!

I survived second year!

Despite everything I got through second year with a 2:1 overall…5 marks off of a 1st!

September

I became a third year

Dun, dun, duuuuuuuuun

I got told I was medically shorter than last year!

If I wasn’t short enough, I was told after my CT scans that I have officially lost height and may never get full feeling back in my left leg. That said I also got told that I was healing nicely!

I went to Amsterdam

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A great 21st birthday trip with Dani and Amy! Amsterdam was so much fun and my back behaved itself which is a first.

I turned 21!

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I had an incredible 21st I was spoilt and just felt so loved. This was the handmade cake that my sister made me, I don’t think I’ve ever been given so much cake in my life!

I had a stall at Fresher’s Fair

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Rounding up new recruits for the society!

I watched Star Wars…finally 

Now I’m completely obsessed! This started the countdown to see the new film.

I got recording! 

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We got serious about the EP and I was able to record without a panic attack or doubting myself. A big win for me!

October 

I was mentioned in the New York Times

Just for mentioning the 5p plastic bag charge!

I met Katie Piper

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I met one of my idols, Katie Piper. We had a great chat, photos and talked about Hampshire where we’re both from. It was also amazing to get a message from KAtie written in my book, she really is a lovely woman.

I went to my first Comic-con

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I fell in love with Comic-con and bought a stupid amount of pops, spending the last of my birthday money. It really encouraged me to get creative for the next one in May.

November 

I tried to be classy with Joe

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McDonalds and Galleries…what more could you want.

I was allowed to go to the gym class!

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A big step in my recovery! 6 weeks of gym sessions proved my spine was healing the right way and I loved them.

I left the society

Unfortunately I couldn’t cope running the society. I had to step down immediately and spent a lot of the month after pretty poorly both mentally and physically.

December 

I got to meet Ed!

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I got to meet this adorable little man that now takes over my bed!

I saw Star Wars!

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I fell in love with the new cast and am now even more obsessed. Star Wars is the best.

I went to Olympia!

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Laura finally got to use her 21st birthday present and we went to Olympia Horse Show! Such an amazing day out and we’ll definitely be going again next year.

I had an incredible Christmas 

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No lows, family time, amazing gifts. A great Christmas ❤

I decided I wasn’t giving up…

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This year has had some huge challenges and I’ve gotten through them. There’s no doubt I’ve struggled this year a lot and there will be times next year where I’m ready to give up but I won’t.

Happy New Year to all of my lovely readers and thank you so, so much for all your support this year ❤

Not little forever

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Today is my not so little cousin Elliott’s 16th birthday which is crazy. I still remember going to the hospital to meet him for the first time, I was five and he was a premature baby and my aunts first child. Now it wasn’t the first time I’d met a little cousin, I already had two female cousins but Elliott I specifically remember meeting. He’s gone from this teeny tiny baby to a gorgeous 16 year old boy.

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I was really sick today and so I had to miss his birthday dinner and little family party which broke my heart. I love trying to be here for all of the kids birthdays because I’m close to them. The only difference is that I don’t see some of my family members any more, which means I’ve missed birthdays and celebrations and in the future I’d love to see them again.

So while I was home being looked after by my dog, who didn’t leave my side for hours, I started thinking about all the kids. Then I started thinking about 2016 and all the things I wish for them.

For my sister, I wish for another brilliant year of just happiness and being so badass like she already is.

For Lollie and Ralphie, I just wish for a lot of fun this year and for you to just enjoying being kids and running around and playing.

For El, I hope that the hard work you put in to show in your results and that you really enjoy college. It’s going to be the making of you.

For Harv, I hope you don’t break any bones this year and  carry on being the awesome little dude you are.

For Kieran, I wish for you to love being a big brother! It’s honestly great having a small person in the house!

For Lexi, I hope for a great last year at nursery and an amazing time when you start school.

I honestly want all of them and my other cousins to have a brilliant 2016 and I’ll do anything to make it even better.

Happy 16th Birthday El, love you lots.

I’m not ready for 2016

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2016 is supposed to be an exciting year for me. Graduation for a lot of people is something to celebrate but with graduation comes a minefield of uncertainty and basically leaving me on the verge of panic attack central. As the days creep closer to the new year I feel like I’m digging my heels in and just saying no, no, no, no.

I’m not feeling happy or confident about graduating. I don’t like not having a plan and knowing what I’m going to do. I don’t know what I’ll graduate with, I don’t know if I can get a job or if I’ll get the one I want, I don’t know if my MA will run or if I’ll be able to afford it. Where will I live? Will I be able to deal with doing my MA and working at the same time? All these questions are running around my head and my anxiety is attacking me like a laser.

I’m hoping I’ll calm down and take it day by day, month by month but you do get asked a lot of questions. Everyone is interested in a kind way but it’s still stressful. Knowing that in a few months people will be coming to view mine and Ali’s home for the past few years and that I’ll have to start boxing things up again…To say that all this makes me emotional is an understatement and this is all probably a lot work because I’m tired and generally emotional at the moment.

It isn’t all doom and gloom. Some nights I think about exciting things and plans I have and ideas for the blog or the book I’ve always wanted to write. I guess it’s all ups and downs. I’ll try and go into 2016 with a day by day attitude because there are going to be a lot of changes coming my way and I am really anxious. I’m hoping I can work on my techniques and keep fighting the anxiety because I really do want to enjoy what I have left of my undergraduate degree and hopefully there will be good things to come in 2016.

 

 

Picture from Pinterest

Christmas and Boxing Day Haul

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After a lot of issues with WordPress trying to upload these pictures to my website I can finally write about my gigantic haul over Christmas and Boxing Day ( it’s like Black Friday sales for my US readers).

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I was up at 4am and then 5am on Christmas morning and it was so worth it! I have been so lucky this year with gifts from all of my family with just some of them.

  • Chocolate, lots of chocolate
  • Hair Curlers (so excited for these and they work a treat).
  • Lots of little presents from my sister candles, a handmade mug, chocolates, more chocolates, a chocolate and cookies mug and other things.
  • Money which was used in the sales (more on that later).
  • Strong Looks Better Naked by Khloe Kardashian, #GirlBoss by Sophia Amoruso and Why Not Me by Mindy Kaling
  • Star Wars cookie mix and cutters, candy sticks, 2016 annual and calendar (you’d think I liked Star Wars or something)
  • Pug Slippers, socks and knickers in my stocking
  • Models Own Nail Varnish
  • The Trial of Captain America
  • Jack Wills Set
  • Harry Potter Travel Mug
  • Fox Screen Cleaner and Fox toy
  • Hot Water Bottle
  • New Umbrella
  • Dressing Gown
  • Harry Potter Hogwarts Library and a George Foreman Grill
  • Cosmopolitan subscription

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And of course I was treated to Pops too! I now have a good section of the Avengers, Batman, Cinderella and Olaf from Frozen. I wrote on Christmas Day how grateful I felt. I was honestly overwhelmed by all the gifts that I’d received I know how lucky I am.

Early on Boxing Day morning I headed off with my Sister, Mum and Nanna. We always get up stupidly early to get to Next and Lush and this year my sister and I did get a good haul!

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Revolution Blush and Highlighter set – £3.99 in Superdrug. IMG_6023

Wildlife cup and straw £3.00 and R2D2 keychain £4.00 both from Accessorize. IMG_6024

Lush Rose Jam Shower Gel, Snow Fairy set, Bear set (x6 bath bears) and Lord of Misrule Shower Gel. All Lush was 50% off.IMG_6020

Yankee Candles, also 50% off in Boots. Large candle £9.99 and medium candle £7.99. The last forever, which is why they’re not cheap! Very excited to use these in the flat even when it’s not Christmas!

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Two pairs of long shorts (£10 ech) and black decorated leggings (around £15) from Next. I also picked up some lovely nail varnishes for £2 each.

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Lush bath balls l-r. Cinders (x2), Magic Wand, Dashing Santa, Yogg Nogg, The Magic of Christmas , Fun play stuffs, Peeping Santa, Star Dust, Holly Golightly (very glittery),  Candy Mountain.

As you can see this is a pretty huge haul! I’m so thankful for everything I received and the money which meant I could buy myself some treats in the sales too!

What did you guys get for christmas? I’d love to hear in the comments below!