I’m Obese?!

Jul 2, 2018Leave a comment

Earlier in the year at a hospital appointment, I stood on the scales and burst into tears. Still classed as overweight, even obese. Despite the fact I’m a UK size 12-14, I felt dread and disgust that those words would be put on my chart. The nurse patted me on the arm and said don’t take any notice, hers said the same, another nurse agreed. This was rated on the BMI scale, which has been part of various debates.

Now, if you follow me on any of my social media you’ll know that I have curves, I always have. When I think and look back on my relationship with my body I’ve always thought I was ‘fat’. I want to go back in time and shake myself because between the ages of 16-19 I was tiny, I shouldn’t have worried about crop today or short dresses. I should have loved every inch of my self and I didn’t.

I started having a lot more issues with my body after my spinal injury. I couldn’t walk properly for months and any definition I’d gained horse riding was gone and had been replaced with weight gain. I was on a stupid number of tablets, mostly having to rest or use a wheelchair and as a result, I put on a lot of weight, I knew that. My face always shows it first.

Me in 2015

As soon as I was in recovery I tried to lose weight, counted calories and went to rehab gym and it worked! I got down to a slimmer size. Then I graduated, got a job and stopped going to the gym, stopped counting and got bigger again.

Why am I tell you this? Why am I sharing this on the internet? Because I’m done with BMI. I’m done with this idea there is one perfect body and size we all should be. BMI doesn’t account for the fact that my boobs could probably be classed as a small country. It doesn’t account for athletes that are classed as ‘obese’ because of muscle. It doesn’t account for people who cannot be as physically active as they would like due to illness or injury.

Even though it’s hard I need to try and love my body, I need to not get absorbed by numbers and comparisons. I have boobs and I have a butt and I love them very much. I also have a ‘pouch’. I had this idea that I should shrink myself into being the same as I was when I was 18 and that’s not how bodies work as we get older. We’re not meant to look like our 18-year-old selves for the rest of our lives.

Me in June 2018

So I’m going to try, try to be healthy while still loving the skin that I’m in. What about you? Do you have the same feelings? Let me know in the comments below!

My Pride Pledge 2018

Jun 29, 2018Leave a comment

Hello, my lovely, lovely readers!

Now, I’m a big supporter of Pride as you know and recently I wrote my Pride Flag Book Tag and as much as I enjoyed it I realised something. While I was scanning my shelves and my Goodreads I was disappointed in the lack of novels that featured an open LGBTQ protagonist. There were some with those who hadn’t come out or side characters but that was it.

I completely understand and enjoy reading coming out novels but I wanted to read a few novels where it’s not the main point of the story. Where a character simply is LGBT and that’s not a huge thing. So, this year I pledge to read more LGBT books, fiction, non-fiction, graphic novels.

I’ve read a lot of non-fiction about Trans women, a few of the most popular novels with an LGBT main character such as Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda, etc but I’m not stopping there!

So, I’m trying to change that, I’ve ordered All Out and I’ll Give You the Sun. I have a long list of recommendations such as

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz
The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater
Autoboyography by Kristina Lauren
Openly Straight by Bill Konigsberg
Juliet Takes a Breath by Gabby Rivera
Queens of Geek by Jen Wilde
The Summer of Jordi Perez by Amy Spalding
We Are Okay by Nina LaCour
Bingo Lover by Tee Franklin
Chord by Chelsea M Cameron
Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family by Amy Ellis Nutt
Nevada by Imogen Binnie

While this is a decent sized list I, of course, want all of your recommendations as to what I should read! Have you got any favourites that aren’t on this list? Please do let me know in the comments below, add me on Goodreads or follow me on Twitter. I’d love to hear from you!

Pride Flag Book Tag!

Jun 27, 20181 Comment

It’s June which means it’s Pride month, I obviously wasn’t going to miss a chance to post about Pride! One of my closest friends is part of the LGBTQ community, I wrote an open letter about them coming out here. So I celebrate pride and I celebrate hard for all the wonderful people I know! So this tag that I watched on Books with Chloe seemed perfect (original creator Common Spence)! As always if you want to do this tag go ahead and make sure you let me know! So here we go!

1. Red (Life) – A book with a spirited protagonist totally proud of who they are. Someone who gives you LIFE

I went slightly off here by choosing a non-fiction book. I also realised I need to read a lot more novels with LGBTQ protagonists. I adore Melanie Murphey and her book talks openly about her life as a Bisexual woman (and even has merch with the bisexual flag). She is confident, sure of herself and takes no prisoners. You can read my review here and catch her channel here.

2. Orange (Healing) – A book that made you, as the reader, find a deeper meaning or catharsis in your own life

This is one of my favourite books of all time. I read it at 17 and I think it was one of the first books I read with the protagonist having a lesbian experience. This novel sparked a love for looking at the treatment of women, which went on to take over my degree once I got to university. I started looking at myself and the world around me. It made me re-evaluate a lot in terms of myself too just before I went to university.

3. Yellow (Sunshine) – A book that fills you with so much joy it could brighten even your darkest day

This might seem like an odd choice for some but the friendship in this was amazing, the resolution makes my heart happy and just the journey that they go on together. One of my best friends is gay, a lot of people used to think we were a couple or he ‘wanted something’ but it was, and still is, one of the closest friendships I have. This book reminded me of that and challenged what people ‘should’ want and be doing with their lives.

4. Green (Nature) – A book that is set out of this world — a reality different to our own

Dreadnought is set in a world where superheroes are known and part of everyday life. Dani is struggling and feels, deep down, that she is a girl. When superhero Dreadnought dies, Dani is given her wish of a female body, but she also takes the cape and becomes Dreadnought. I loved this novel. Review here.

5. Blue (Peace) – A book where one of the characters finds peace with a difficult truth

This novel follows Amanda, the new girl at school. Her plan is to blend in, that is until she meets Grant her feelings for him could ruin everything. At her previous school Amanda was Andrew. This is an own voices novel where Amanda needs to find herself and where she belongs in the world.

6. Purple (Spirit) – A book that deals with LGBT+ themes and religion

Love is Love is a collection to benefit the victims of the Pulse shooting. This is a stretch for this part of the tag but there are elements within this talking about religion but from the writers themselves about how love is love, despite what any religion says.

The Pros and Cons of Long Distance!

Jun 25, 20182 Comments

If you’ve been following me for a while you’ll know that my boyfriend and I have to make long distance work. He’s a Sound Engineer which means he can be away anything from two nights to two months, well, that’s the longest run so far.

If you’d have asked if a few years ago if I thought long distance could work for me I would have said no, but life changes and shit happens. I’m super proud of what he’s achieving but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. So, I thought why not let you know what I think the pros and cons of long distance are.

Pro: You really appreciate the time you have together

I am in such a good mood when Ali is home. I’ll hang out with him all weekend, sometimes we’ll get breakfast together, other times we’ll just do our own thing but like that the other one is in the house.

Con: You can end up having to go to a lot of events alone

It’s only been a year since Ali started working as a full-time Sound Engineer but there have been a lot of birthdays, events and things that I’ve gone to alone or am planning to go to alone. I can be a little sad, particularly when there’s a lot of couples around.

Pro: You’re made to be independent and have your own interests

I’m very independent and that’s something that’s been enhanced with Ali’s job. I’ll quite happily spend time alone, I can find things to do, go out and see friends. On the boring side, I cook, clean, sort out my car etc.

Con: It can get pretty lonely at times

On the flip side, it can get pretty lonely at times. The house can get really quiet, the bed can feel too big. I go visit my Mum and have a cuppa with her quite a bit when Ali’s away, message people etc. I might be introverted but I also need a bit of company sometimes!

Pro: You always have something to talk about each day

When he’s travelling there’s always interesting things going on, stories from the tour bus etc so we always have things to talk about. On my end I have stuff to tell him too, although they’re normally not as exciting as his.

Con: There’s not always a lot of time to talk!

There can be so little time to talk, I might be in meetings all day, he might have a double show day. Or if something really exciting happens (like when I got taken on permanently at work) I have to wait to tell him.

Pro: Getting the bed to yourself

Spreading out with no one stealing the covers, I’m not mad about it.

Con: Distinct lack of cuddles

Although cuddles are lovely and I miss them a lot.

Pro: You realise what really matters

I think it’s changed our relationship a lot. There’s no point in me getting angry because he’s away on my birthday. He doesn’t get irritated when I don’t spend every second of time with him when he’s home. We don’t need fancy meals or an Instagram worthy couple shot because it is such small stuff to worry about.

Con: Big life decisions can be difficult

People ask me about kids a lot, and I get a lot of weird sympathy which makes no sense at all to me. I wouldn’t want Ali to change a job he loves for kids, I wouldn’t change mine so to make that decision I’d need a big support network. It’s not something we’re thinking about for a long while but it is just a part of how long distance works.

What are your pros and cons for long distance? Let me know in the comments below!

Life Update: Kidney Stones

Jun 23, 20181 Comment

I wasn’t planning on a post today, I haven’t actually been able to concentrate on much today because I was told yesterday that I have Kidney Stones. Yep, that’s now a thing. I’d never really thought about them, I don’t think most people will until they have them and then they give you absolute hell.

I’m now towards the end of my third day of pain and it’s hard to describe. When it first started happening at work on Thursday I told my colleague I thought I was going to die. In the past 3 days I’ve had numerous calls with my GP, two misdiagnosis’s, tests and a hospital visit and not a lot of sleep through it all. It’s pretty rough.

So, why am I writing about this? I don’t know how long this will take to get sorted. Hopefully, it can be dealt with quickly and without any procedures or surgery but it’s a waiting game. If you’re a regular reader you have nothing to fear, scheduled blogs will carry on, I might just be a little quieter on Twitter.

That’s where I’m at and I wanted to keep my lovely readers updated so you know I haven’t disappeared!

Love,

Chloe

Does Positivity Work With Pain Management

Does Positivity Work in Pain Management?

Jun 19, 2018Leave a comment

Hello, my lovely readers!

Today I want to talk about managing pain. It will come as no surprise to my regular readers I think about this more than most people after an accident a few years ago. I live with chronic pain and most people don’t know when they meet me it can be pretty surprising because I’m very positive as a person. And that’s central to today’s post, does positivity work?

I’ve met with a lot of doctors and multiple times I’ve been told ‘your positive attitude will pull you through pain’. A few years ago I would have scoffed and I definitely think this doesn’t apply to every situation. When I first broke my back positivity wasn’t happening, I was in agony and when I wasn’t I was asleep. Then it came to recovery and my attitude did play a big part.

In Recovery

This was probably the hardest time to be positive. There were a lot of things up in the air at this time, I was obviously in a lot of pain and having to navigate what was going on. That said trying to keep some positivity was important, particularly in physiotherapy because that shit can get tough! I kept focused on getting better and other positive things and it definitely helped.

In Diagnosis

Diagnosis was weird, I was happy to have an answer, horrified about what it meant for me and wanting to look at what I could do next. It was a mix of emotions. No matter what I had this determination not to give up, I had to still live my life. I got told time and time again the determination and all the positivity I could muster would get me where I wanted to be.

In Life

Ah life, it does like to give you a kick when you don’t need it. Life is hard, people try and say it’s not but let’s be real. So, staying positive in life when your body hurts all over? I take it one day at a time. That’s honestly it. The only future things I try to focus on are things I’m looking forward to, I try and write down one thing a month and when I’m in a lot of pain have the mentality that this will pass and once it does I’m a bit closer to the thing I’m looking forward to.

So, yes I do think positivity plays a huge part BUT having time to be upset, to struggle and to be furious is a big part of recovery. Do I have days where I’m pissed off or I cry because things changed? Of course, I do. Sometimes I have weeks where I feel this way. THIS IS NORMAL! That said, I do feel that, if and when you can be trying to be positive is important.

How do you stay positive? Let me know in the comments below!

Illumicrate Unboxing – June 2018

Jun 15, 2018Leave a comment

Illumicrate 2018 unboxing

It’s time for another illumicrate unboxing! I absolutely love getting these boxes by monthly, it’s like a little present for myself and it’s not my ONLY subscription box going! So this is the June 2018 box. As always this is an unboxing so there are going to be spoilers! If you don’t want to be spoilt then pop back when you’ve seen the box yourself!

Light Years – Kass Morgan

Our first book this month is set in space with some forbidden love and a space boarding school. Now, this isn’t something I would pick up for myself, but I’m going to give it a flick through and give it a try, you never know! The full blurb of this is here.

A Thousand Perfect Notes – C.G. Drews

Now, this is much more my kind of book. Again we have another book focused on love. This time following a guy who is forced to play the piano by his violent mother, who is within touching distance of love. I’m really interested in this because of the author C.G Drews – also known as PaperFury online. I’m really looking forward to reading this one.

Box designed by Alice Oseman (Exclusive)

So Alice Oseman isn’t just a fantastic writer, she’s also an artist? Is there anything the amazing lady can’t do! This little lunchbox (that’s what I’m going to use it for) is adorable and I am in love with the design.

Black Panther Inspired Book Sleeve (Exclusive)

Ok, time for a confession…I haven’t watched Black Panther. I know, I know I’m so late to the party. That said I like this, I’ve really wanted a book sleeve because I like my books being pristine. So I’m just going to have to watch it so that I can use this!

Camp Half-Blood Pin (Exclusive), I Was Born For This Pin and Elements Page Markers (Exclusive)

So, it seems to be a month for ‘things Chloe has never experienced’ Percy Jackson isn’t something I’ve read, it was around when I was younger but I never picked it up. That said it is a wonderfully made Pin and I love the detail. Next up a badge to promote Alice Oseman’s latest book I Was Born For This which is currently on my TBR pile and I’m really looking forward to. And then on to the Elements page markers

How Do You Like Me Now Sample and Grey Sister Bookmark

Next up some paper goodies, a sample of Holly Bourne’s new adult novel which I actually received an early release of so I can think of someone who might like this snippet. We also had a dagger-shaped bookmark to celebrate the release of Grey Sister, a follow up to Red Sister which was a novel we received last year.

Bookish Postcards

We also had our bookish postcards, as seen. I really likes the From Twinkle, With Love postcard, it is such a sweet quote and is making me more interested in picking up the novel when it’s released.

Infernal Devices Cards (Exclusive) – designed by @anotherstudio_

Well, you’ve guessed it, I haven’t read the Infernal Devices series! I have no idea what’s going on this month I feel like I’m so behind with my YA reading! That said I really like these cards, they are beautifully designed and I like the artwork style.

Illumicrate 2018 unboxing

Overall

Well, this was a packed box indeed! Another box full of great quality items. Every two months when this box arrives I’m so pleased because it is always worth the money, which is important because I’ve ordered so many boxes that turned out to be tat. I will say I would have loved to have seen something Pride month related in this box with all the amazing YA out there but that’s just me!

Is there anything that has caught your eye? Or maybe you got our own Illumicrate box! Let me know in the comments below.

The Friendship Evolution

Jun 11, 20182 Comments

Ah, friendship, something important and lovely but not many people talk about how friendships need to change and evolve to survive. I’ve had quite a few friendships that have broken down for various reasons, we’ve grown apart, grown up or found out we’re just not compatible. So I wanted to write about some of my friendships and how they’ve evolved in certain situations.

After Graduating

I don’t quite know how I would have gotten through uni without my friend Joe. We’ve been best friends for years now and we went from seeing each other multiple times a week to graduating and being lucky to see each other once a month. It’s tough because there are times when I just want to hang out but one of us has to get a train and we have to organise it and, don’t tell him, but I miss him like hell. Our friendship had to evolve and we have to communicate, which luckily for us isn’t a problem but we’ve needed to be more organised.

Friendship Additions

When Abbie and I became friends a few years ago we were happy just the two of us, and then two became three and it only got better! So, it went like this. I have been friends with a guy called Ben since I was 17, Ben meets Abbie and they get together and we become friends. Still with me? Ok. Sarah, is Ben’s cousin who met Abbie at a family gathering. Now we are all close friends. So Abbie and I had to make room to become a three and it did take adjusting, not worrying if one talked to the other more etc. I for one am just happy we now have Sarah in our lives, she’s amazing and fits with both of us so well.

Babies

I’ve known my friend Lucy since I was eleven years old. I was the kid with a school fleece on the first day (I still blame the terrible woman in the school shop, they clearly hadn’t sold one in years and smelt my weakness), she had a mass of frizzy hair that earned her the nickname, Frizz. Now we’re very similar, which meant we fought a lot, teenage hormones will do that. We drifted apart a little as we got older and didn’t become best friends until we were seventeen, after the birth of her daughter.

Luce will be the first to tell you that being a Mum of two at twenty-three wasn’t the plan she had at eleven, but you only have to watch her to know she’s damn good at it. So Lexi came and we were a pair of seventeen-year-olds, still trying to work ourselves out but now with a tiny person who I loved so, so much. We had fights still, we were still stubborn but was always came back because there was a little person. Then, while I was on a bus a few years later at university I got a text: ‘ I needed to tell you something’, I joked back ‘you’re not pregnant are you?’ and then a picture came back of two blue lines. That’s how I found out about Ollie.

Our friendship isn’t what we thought it would be at twenty-three, because neither of us saw this coming but we’re closer than we’ve ever been. We are different people but love each other so much and don’t pretend we know exactly what the other is going through but we’re always there for each other.

How have your friendships evolved over the years? Let me know in the comments below!

The Mid-Year Book Freak Out Tag 2018!

Jun 4, 20181 Comment

I hate to alarm you guys but, we’re halfway through the year… It’s fine, it’s cool, I’m not freaking out, you’re freaking out. That also means it’s time for the Mid-Year Book Freak Out and I am so ready! I’ve watched and read these tags for years and finally wanted to have a go myself.

The best book you’ve read so far in 2018:

Only Child - Rhiannon Navin

This is so, so hard… probably Only Child by Rhiannon Navin, her debut was incredible. Absolutely incredible. It is a pretty tough novel about a school shooting seen through the eyes of a child who loses his brother. A novel about family and grief, through the innocent eyes of a little boy. The writing is incredible, the story heartbreaking and it’s a book that stays with you. I can’t wait to see what Rhiannon does next. My full review is here.

Your favourite sequel of the year:

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This was an AMAZING follow up to A Court of Thorns and Roses . There was excellent character development, the plot was brilliant and I wish I could say more but I don’t want to ruin the series. I just didn’t see the twists and turns coming and I loved it so much.

A new release that you haven’t read but really want to:

Tyler Johnson Was Here

Tyler Johnson Was Here has been all over Booktube and I hadn’t seen it anywhere in my local bookshops and then I went to Foyles and there it was. Not only is this a really important novel about race the cover is beautiful. I really, really hope this lives up to the hype. Full blurb here.

Most anticipated release for the second half of the year:

The Curses - Laure Eve

I loved The Graces last year and the publication date for the second novel keeps changing so I’m really hoping we do get this in 2017, even though it says the scheduled release is currently the 6th September 2018 according to Amazon. I need this book in my hands after the end of The Graces. Need, need, need.

Your biggest disappointment:

Clean Juno Dawson

I try not to be negative but I really hated this novel. I made me so angry and irritated as someone who has and does live with a mental health condition. This was just very privileged and I don’t think it did the recovery process justice. Reading about a rich girl who gets whisked to a rehab that gives you Calvin Klein pjs just didn’t appeal to me when most people wouldn’t have that opportunity. Obviously, these are just my feelings.

Biggest surprise of the year:

Saga Vol 1 - Brian K Vaughan

Saga was something I meant to get around to, but I didn’t expect to love it as much as I did. It was absolutely amazing and I’ve been making my way through all 8 volumes ready for volume 9 to come out in October.

Favourite new-to-you or debut author:

The Exact Opposite of Okay - Laura Steven

I definitely fangirled when Laura Steven replied to me on Twitter. I tried to get all of my friends to read this as soon as I finished. This is the kind of YA voice that we need! This looks at sexism and double standards but also manages to make you laugh the whole way through? You can read my full review here and then get on and buy it people!

Your fictional crush:

Rhysand – the ACOTAR series. Do I really need to say more?

New favourite character:

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Feyre – A Court of Thorns and Roses

I think Feyre is an absolutely amazing character. I read all three of the ACOTAR books in a month and I just found her to be a great protagonist. She’s not perfect, she has her own mental battles to fight. I think she’s ace and I wish I could go into more detail as to why but I don’t want to ruin the series.

A book that made you cry:

With The End in Mind - Katheryn Mannix

With the End in Mind: Death, Dying and Wisdom in an Age of Denial by Kathryn Mannix

A book about death making me cry? Not exactly a shock. I read this for the Wellcome book prize and it was beautifully written. The kindness, compassion and intelligence of this book is nothing I’ve ever seen before and it will definitely get you talking.

A book that made you happy:

A Court of Frost and Starlight - Sarah J Maas

This book just felt like coming home. This is the novella to accompany the ACOTAR series which, I know, I’ve gone on about a lot in this blog. This is a short read with all the feels. I can’t wait for the next novel in the series!

Your favorite book-to-movie adaptation that you’ve seen this year:

I haven’t seen any book to movie adaptions this year! None that I can remember anyway…

Favorite book post you’ve done this year:

Hmmm, tough one. I actually think it’s the unpopular opinions book tag! It was good to get a few things off my chest!

The most beautiful book you’ve bought/received this year:

The Surface Breaks - Louise O'Neill

The Surface Breaks – Louise O’Neil

Just look at this cover, isn’t it so, so beautiful! Even without the dust jacket, it was beautiful.

What are some books you need to read by the end of the year?

I wrote a post about the books I wanted to read in 2018 and there are only two on there I need to read to meet my goal. I’d also like to get around to the following 2018 releases:

(Don’t) Call Me Crazy – Anthology

Notes on a Nervous Planet – Matt Haig

How to Be Famous – Caitlin Moran

Just wanting to point out that, obviously, I didn’t come up with this tag, it has been floating around forever! If you do this tag yourself, I’d love to see your answers so link me below!

What I Read in May!

Jun 2, 20182 Comments

Another reading month been and gone! This month I managed to read a total of 8 books, which isn’t bad but is slightly less than I’ve read in previous months. Still, two a week is great and I had some cracking 5 star reads! So why not just jump right in and see what I’ve been reading this month!

A Court of Frost and Starlight - Sarah J Maas

I started the month by finishing an audiobook or Unbroken by Martine Wright. Martine lost both her legs in the 7/7 bombings, despite thing she went on to be one of the London 2012 Paralympians. This was such a tough but worthwhile read that got 5 stars from me and there will be a full review soon! Following this, I got my hands on the new ACOTAR novella by Sarah J Maas and it was just a nice warm story to bridge the gap towards the original trilogy and new books coming up, which I am SO excited for, this also got 5 stars a strong start.

Next up I continued my Saga journey with volume 3, so far this is my least favourite volume but it still got 4 stars because I could see why but read on for my volume 4 thoughts. I then read Orphan Monster Spy a historical fiction novel and I absolutely LOVED it. It’s about a teenage Jewish girl infiltrating a Nazi boarding school, standard. This also got a 5 star rating from me!

Next up was Light Filters In by Caroline Kaufman which I was kindly sent by the publisher. I hadn’t come across Kaufman before and liked the idea of the collection and what it had done and it was a good first collection, but not entirely to my taste so I gave it 3 stars. Next up Saga volume 4 and I loved it, it’s taken the series in a different direction that I didn’t see coming. I can’t wait to get to volume 5!

Next up I finally finished the final few chapters of With The End in Mind which is just so emotional, hence me finally reading the last few chapters this month. I loved it and gave it 5 stars, you can see what all the fuss is about here. And last but not least I got my hands on the stunning new novel by Louise O’Neill, The Surface Breaks. This is a feminist retelling of the Little Mermaid and I think I’m going to give it 4 stars because the ending was so great, there will be a full review to come!

What did you read in May? Have you read any of the books I have? Let me know in the comments below!

Chloe Metzger

Lifestyle, Books and More

Category: lifestyle