Tag: work

Sunday Seven: Things That Always Happen When You Start A New Job

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This week I started a new job in a turn of events! Here are 7 things that always happen when you start a new job!

The panic of what to wear. 

When you start in a new place there’s always a panic (for women anyway) of what to wear. I only met two people in my interview and I had no idea how formal you were supposed to dress, luckily after a day I could tone it down.

The Linkedin search. 

I like having an idea about the company and the people so I do a frenzied Linkedin look before I start, I’ve also found that in my new job and my old job other people looked me up too, proving to myself that it’s not just me being super nerdy.

Setting multiple alarms to make sure you’re awake. 

I’ve legitimately had nightmares where I’ve massively overslept for work and woken up thinking it was real. Ok that happened yesterday…*sigh*

The dread of learning everyone’s names. 

I’m not the best with everyone’s names, luckily I had a little sheet made for me so that I can check it every now and again to double check who’s who when I get confused.

The awkward nice to meet you handshakes.

Or, you know, just feeling awkward as the new girl anyway..

Getting lost. 

My new office isn’t big but I did spend a few minutes trying to work out how to get out of the building until someone told me…whoops.

Wanting to tell everyone about the slightest cool thing about your job.

I get so excited about my new job that I just want to tell everyone everything that’s cool.

Lessons I’ve Learnt From Quitting My Job

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Last week I did something I didn’t think I would do, I left my first job as a graduate after 5 months. I never intended to get a job that I would leave so early. There’s a magnitude of reasons why I felt it was the right time to go, some personal and some professional. While I know I’m going to miss the people that I was working with (because let’s face it, they are amazing) I needed to do this for me.

Putting myself first

I knew for a while that I wasn’t 100% happy in the role and what I was doing, and that wasn’t anyone’s fault. I wrestled with myself, but people liked me if I left they’d be upset. What would the company do? Would they be mad? Will I be able to even get another job? Will this wreck my savings to move out? I slept badly and was really stressed for weeks. For once I decided to do what I hardly ever do. I put myself first. I needed to think of myself, my career and my personal life, because at 22 I deserve to try new things. I’d never thought of it that way.

Accepting that not everything works out

I always give 110% to everything I do, and work was no different. I thought I had found a job that I’d love for years and stay there. This was simply something that didn’t work, for me this time. I walked around for a long time feeling ashamed and stupid. Then, after talking to a lot of different people, I realised that I can’t control everything and trying new things makes us grow. I’ve always been the kind of person who will half kill themselves trying to get something to work, this is only the second time I’ve done this and I feel a lot better.

Realising that I am in control of my own life 

I realised that I could change my life. I wasn’t 100% at what I was doing, so I changed it. I sent out a few CVs and had a lot of calls back. I didn’t have a clue that would happen, I didn’t have the confidence in myself but even though this was a hard part of my life and a huge decision it taught me that I am in control. I can make my life what I want it to be.

Trying to Deal With Depression

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While on the phone with my Mum today I realised that for the past few months I’ve been fairly ok with the changes that have been happening, the breakdown of some friendships, etc. I’ve coped fairly well and while there have been lows, there hadn’t been incredibly bad ones over the summer, but unfortunately things seem to have come to a head lately.

To say that I’m exhausted is an understatement, I don’t know whether it’s a combination of work and just being busy or if part of it is the depression rearing its ugly head. People think that most of it is because of losing Noodle a few days ago, that is an absolutely huge part and it’s not something I can get get over and forget. There is more though, it’s hard to explain that grief and depression feel different. The depression is always there, it bubbles under the surface and then unleashes itself sometimes for days or weeks at a time.

I read an article about what people with high functioning depression want others to know, and it spoke to me. People think that because I have a lovely boyfriend, a good job, a degree and all that jazz that I should be happy. People almost get offended sometimes when you’re not happy. I wish there was a switch in my brain that meant I didn’t struggle. It doesn’t matter that I love my job and the people I work with, there are days where getting out of bed is difficult and when going back to bed later is all I can think about.

The point to writing this is because I do still struggle, all of us with depression do. Just because to the outside world it looks like someone is fine and ‘has it all’ doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling. Depression is a small part of me, but it is still something I have to deal with every day and I’m doing my best.

What I’ve Learnt From My First 3 Months Full Time Work

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As of yesterday I have spent three months in full time employment, dealing with rush hour, meetings, responsibility and more. It’s definitely been a learning curve, there have been laughs, tears (of exhaustion mostly), excitement and stress. I work with a group of amazing people too who have taught me a lot. So, I wanted to share with you what it’s been like going from university student  to full time Marketing Executive.

It’s nothing like univeristy. 

Work and university are completely different. Do I think my degree prepared me for work? No. With university you have so much time to get things done, you’re not in much and mostly you just have to read and make notes when you’re not there. There’s a lot more to do at work and there’s something to do every day. It’s a different kind of pressure when you’re studying.

It’s a lot more tiring than I first thought. 

I drive about 40 minutes to work, work all day and then drive 40 minutes back before doing whatever else I need to do. For the first month I was absolutely exhausted and crying out for sleep, but now I’m getting used to it and getting myself more organised. That said, it never gets easier to get out of bed in the morning.

I’ve had to work through my anxiety, but I’m better for it. 

For the first week I was an anxious mess. I was so nervous about doing a good job, talking to people and hanging out. I haven’t had a choice but to overcome that, I still struggle with my anxiety, but I’ve definitely become more confident in the job.

It’s great having a job you look forward to going into. 

I really enjoy my job and I’m lucky. I actually look forward to going into the office, seeing everyone and just feeling like I’m making a difference to the company.

You never stop learning. 

I’m learning so much constantly and that makes me feel that I made the right decision about not studying a masters.

Don’t be afraid to ask.

I found out quickly that asking questions is crucial, particularly as I went into an industry I didn’t know much about. My colleagues were always happy to answer my questions and it saved time in the long run rather than me going away getting it wrong and having to do something again.

Write things down.

I’m now known around the office for always having my notepad with me, taking notes is never a bad thing.

It’s about constant improvement. 

I have monthly meetings with my manager and these are to talk about how things are going generally, set targets and talk about how I’m going to improve. It gives me focus and something to aim for. Steadily I’m being given more responsibility as I prove that I’m capable of it.

What were/are your experiences of going from uni to work? Any tips and tricks? Leave them in the comments below!

 

 

Why I’m Not Studying a Postgrad Degree

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A year ago I truly believed that I would be preparing for Fresher’s week again, with a stack of new stationary and pre prepared novels read. Instead I am sitting back in Basingstoke, curled up on the sofa, fairly relaxed with a to do list for work tomorrow. I’ve spent the summer earning money and reading whatever I like. I never thought I’d be so happy to be working, but I’m finally finding a rhythm for myself. That said, many people wouldn’t believe me when I said I was happy, because all I spoke about, wrote about, breathed about was becoming an Academic, so what changed?

Third year made me realise that I needed a break. I worked myself half to insanity, I was in hospital because I was so stressed and probably spent more time in tears than I did happy in my third year. I’m not saying all third years will fare this way but dealing with the recovery of my spine, depression and other personal issues on top of the pressure I put on myself to get a first made me very ill. On top of that, I realised that part of my decision to continue study was through fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of not knowing who I was outside of education. I’d always been the smart girl, I had always been the hard worker and over achiever, hence why my mental health struggled when my grades didn’t come back as constant firsts, as they had before. I saw myself in Plath, when she wrote of her struggles with what she should do, should she chase education, something she knew she could do?

In short, I didn’t carry on studying because I need a break. I realised that most of my ambitions were based on a false security. Education was safe for me, something I could do. I could work hard and be good. I’d stay in the library late, I’d keep winning prizes and scholarships and then I’d be an academic. I was scared to step out of that box I’d been in since I was 4 years old. And now, after speaking to countless other new graduates, I see that I wasn’t the only one and so many have gone into masters programmes after saying they don’t know what else to do.

This doesn’t mean I won’t go back and study later on. I still have a passion for literature, I’m still interested in looking at Gender, Sexuality, about the impact of literature on young people’s lives, about Mental Health in post WW1 literature.  I still have a passion for it and I still read things about these issues. BUT! Now I have another passion, something I love and want to get into. I love my job and the more I get into it, the more I feel like a masters isn’t something I need, it’s something I might do at some point. I’ve moved on though, I no longer feel trapped by being the ‘smart girl’. I have people around me in a job that value my opinions without me having to be the ‘know it all’, because I’m not stupid I know that there were occasions people spoke to me because they thought I had the answers. I finally feel that my self worth is tied to more than grades.

Of course this is all personal, this is all how I feel right now. In a year it might change, I might save and go back part time but it’s good for me to get away from feeling like a number and someone’s opinion defines me.  I’m not doing a masters because I needed a break, I needed to grow on my own and I’m enjoying it.

Feminist Fridays: Career AND Family- Why I Refuse to Choose.

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We all know that the dreaded question is asked of all women at a certain age, when are you going to have children (it’s never are you going to have children, but that’s for another post). Recently I was having a conversation which somehow turned to me and my partner having children in the future. I was slightly caught off guard because it’s not something we’re planning on for a few years, until were both settled with secure incomes and our own home (we’re currently living with family while we get on our feet after university). Even so, our company were adamant that I would be leaving work and my career to care and raise our children, while he goes and earns the money to support us.

Yeah. You read that right.

I couldn’t hide my shock at being told this. When asked why I have to be the one to stay at home/ give the most care I was simply told it’s because I’d give birth to them. Well…that’s what maternity leave is for. It simply wasn’t accepted that my partner, who I’d trust with my life, should look after our children, nor should I be the one to support us (even though we’ve discussed this in the past and will make the decision  .

I’m one of those women who has known she’s wanted children since her teens. I love kids, I love my friends kids and I’d love to be a Mum someday. BUT that’s not all I want to be, I love my job and I’m excited about my career and where it can go for me. I want to be able to travel and work my butt off in something that I’m passionate about. Neither of these are either/or situations. I’m lucky that I work with two wonderful women who have balanced a child and a job.

I feel like there are too many people who think that gender stereotypes are the way it should be and the way it should stay. We’re in 2016! As I’ve said time and time again Feminism is about making a choice. My Mum, Aunt and Nanna all raised their kids at home and that was their choice and it made them happy. I know people who’s Mum’s worked full time, who worked part time. None of these situations did their children any harm. We guilt mothers who go out to work, because in societies eyes once you’re a mother that’s your only identity. Likewise mothers who stay at home to raise their children are deemed ‘unfeminist’ by some, which is total BS. We need to make sure women have the right to choose in both a social and economic way.

I’m not planning on having a child for years but I know right now that having a child won’t automatically stop my career. I fully intend to work, because ultimately I’ve worked hard and in the next few years I intend to work even harder. There should be choice for women AND men. I refuse to chose between one and the other. I refuse to put the pressure on my partner to be the breadwinner and refuse to be pressured myself.

Have you had similar things said to you?

 

 

Sunday Seven: Seven Things You Should Know About Depression

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I wanted to write about depression tonight. It’s an illness I’ve had since I was a teenager and it’s definitely misunderstood, especially in young people. So here are seven things I think people should know about depression.

It impacts everyone differently. 

Depression is a very personal illness. For come their depression makes them feel irritable, teary or numb. For others their depression may mean they will work and work to make themselves better. Everyone has different triggers and emotions and everyone has different routes to recovery and feeling better.

It’s exhausting.

Mentally and physically depression saps energy. Whether or not you suffer with insomnia, which I do when I’m incredibly stressed, it can impact the quality of your sleep. So even if you’ve had a perfectly chilled day, you can still find yourself wanting to sleep for hours, or being tired at odd times.

A lot of people have jobs and lives whilst having depression, other people don’t, it’s not a competition. 

There’s a common misconception that people with depression stay in bed and don’t leave the house. Sometimes, that is true, personally I’ve been at the point where I’m so sick I can’t get up or haven’t gotten dressed for days. Some days I have to fight those feelings because I have a job and I know that I need to just look after myself a bit more on days like that. Like I said before the illness impacts everyone differently and it doesn’t mean anyone’s depression is better or worse, it just means that people have different ways of dealing with it.

Medication is a personal choice and not for anyone else to judge.

It works for some and not for others, depression is an illness and some illnesses need medication, I don’t understand why it’s judged so much. Would you judge a person for having an inhaler?

There doesn’t need to be a reason. 

A lot of people think there needs to be an event or trauma for depression to happen, but this isn’t always the case. My depression was started by bullying at school but I was also more prone to it anyway. Life can be going incredibly well and you can still be depressed, it’s just a part of the illness.

There are good days and bad days.  

Some days I will be in a great mood, chatting, laughing and going out with friends. Other days I need to cancel all my plans and have a day to myself because the slightest thing is too much. It’s all about good days and bad days.

I’m still me. 

No matter what a person with depression is still the person you know and love. They may be a little lost for a while or not act like the person you know but try not to treat them differently. There are quite a few people who have deemed me a bitch or not wanting to bother when I’ve had a particularly bad time, not understanding that it’s just a rough patch and I’m still the person I always was, just struggling.

Sunday Seven: Seven Things My Weekends Are Made For

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Lie Ins 

I try not to make plans before 12pm, after 5 days of having to get up early a lie in is all I want most weekends.

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Baking

I’m not keen on actually cooking, but baking is entirely different. There’s no pressure if you’re just baking for yourself or for family and, you know, it’s less likely you’ll go disastrously wrong with cookies or cupcakes.

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Sofa Days 

Being able to curl up with a duvet or big blanket, usually with a stack of books and mug of tea is one of my favourite parts about the weekend.

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Good Food 

I don’t stress about what I eat at the weekends. If I want a burger, I get a burger. If I want to eat a bag of cheese puffs, I eat a bag of cheese puffs. Life’s too short to be constantly worrying about what you eat and I’m speaking from experience.

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Travelling

Depending on where you want to go, a weekend or long weekend can be the perfect time to go exploring. Last weekend I was up in Durham , I’ve also spent a few days in Amsterdam before. Now that we’re working, Ali and I are also looking at going to different places across the UK for the weekend. I love a good relaxing weekend but exploring is great too.

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 Quality Time

The best part about the weekend for me is being able to spend quality time with the people I love. Waking up and dozing with Ali on a Saturday morning, not having to rush to get up and get showered just makes me so happy. It’s definitely the little things.

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Book Bingeing 

If I have a free day, I read. It’s as simple as that. I love curling up with a good book (or three) and just blissfully enjoying reading. Since finishing uni I don’t have the time to read as much as I used to, simply because I drive to work, rather than getting the bud everywhere. With that in mind weekends are the best, you can stay up late reading Friday and Saturday with no consequences, win!

Of course there are so many other things I could have added to this list but these are just a few. What do you like spending your weekends or days off doing?

Let me know in the comments below 🙂

Work and Mental Health

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I’ve now been working for a month a month of huge change for me. Now, I have been anxious about leaving university and joining the ‘real world’ for months. Terrified of the impact it would have on my mental health as well as trying to adjust like a ‘normal person’. I’ve been very open and honest about my mental health online, because I want to share my story and to encourage others. In my interviews to work with Exonar I spoke about the blog, the mental health work and campaigning I’ve done because I’m proud of it. I’ve never hidden it but I don’t about it. I also know that my colleagues occasionally read my blog, they’ve told me which was both nerve wracking and exciting. Luckily I work with wonderful and understanding people, they’re read and don’t treat me any different.

Of course, I’ll always be honest, there have been days in the past month where I’ve worried that I was starting to slip. My anxiety has been kicking in again and the depression will grab me some days and make me really struggle, but I’ve been living with those kinds of days since I was 15 years old and I know that most of the time they pass sooner or later. It doesn’t mean that the lows are nicer to deal with or that the anxiety attacks don’t make me feel like I can’t breathe but I’m doing it, I’m dealing with it the best I can. I got to work, I get stuff done and try and concentrate until it passes. I think the hardest thing is when I’m tired, because I know tiredness is one of the things that makes my depression really hard to deal with, but I’m learning, working and trying to find my feet. The tiredness is something we’re all dealing with, it’s more irritating than not that it makes me more irritable and prone to low mood.

All in all, I’m trying. I know that I have to live with this and with the support of Ali, my family and knowing that I have people I can rely on at work fills me with hope. This illness may never go away but like hell am I going to let it control my life.

 

 

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Hello August

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Hello August

Like the rest of you, I’m scratching my head as to how it got to August so fast. I’m also marvelling at how different this August is going to be. Some things will stay the same, it’s still going to be my anniversary in two weeks (!!), it’s still going to rain a fair bit, my sister is still going to argue with my Mum about new school shoes. Some things though, have really changed. For the first time since I was 4 I’m not preparing to go and buy my new supplies for the new term, get new clothes or uniform. For the first time I’m not lounging around my house or working a part time job. For the first time I go to office meetings while looking at the beautiful views from my window (above).

A lot of people have written these types of post today, I’ve enjoyed looking at a few. I felt a slight sense of unease when I looked at the date today because from this month, things start to slow down. I started to panic, what do I have to look forward to? Did I make the right decision to completely stop studying? Change is necessary, but it doesn’t make it any less scary. So, I have a few things planned a trip up north, my 22nd birthday, comic con. In fact I have something to look forward to every month until the end of the year, but I guess this feeling of unease comes from a break in what has been my routine since I was a little girl, but you know what, I’m kind of looking forward to it.

So hello August, show me what you’ve got.