Tag: new

Giddy Up! My first time horse riding!

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I’ve never mentioned wanting to go horse riding prior to second year, to be honest I never thought it would be something I could do. So at freshers I signed up with Amy and later Dani. I didn’t hear much after submitting my paper work but suddenly rides became available and they were being snapped up really quickly! I thought about it for all of five minutes and booked my first ride, not nervous it was two weeks away, right?

Flash forward to today when my anxiety raised its ugly head, I went from being nervous to absolutely bloody terrified. How on earth was I going to do this? Horses were absolutely huge, what if I fell off? What if I made a complete idiot of myself or made no friends. I got so nervous and anxious I was nearly in tears but it was the social aspect more than anything else, then the horse. Ali made me calm down, If you don’t like it you don’t have to go back. I got the bus and hoped more than anything I wouldn’t fall off.

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Can you tell how terrified I really was?

The staff were all lovely but seeing the horses and I started to panic a little, how was I going to get on one! So I watched someone else ride for a little bit and Amy being the lovely thing she is waited to watch me. Now Amy, unlike my friend Amy from last year is so, so tall. Apparently her ride earlier in the day was in a huge horse, I thought mine was but apparently she was tiny. My horse, Jemima, was lovely, very beautiful and incredibly well behaved. According to my instructor Kate she’s a horse that calms down nervous people.

Getting on I mouthed ‘fuck’ to Amy (I’d nearly bolted myself earlier being so nervous), it took quite a long time to sort out my stirrups because I have such little legs, but at least I wasn’t put on a tiny pony which was another worry I had. I was really awkward and nervous at first but my instructor knew what to do and calmed me down, I relaxed and Jemima had me at ease. By the end of the lesson I could make her walk, trot, slow down and stop, plus I managed to get the rhythm fairly quickly too (being a musician is good for horse riding apparently).

Will I be going again? Definitely. I feel like it’s going to be hard work but I enjoy it, it’s something new and I’m loving that I’m part of a big group. The people I’ve met from society are all absolutely lovely, I have a social next week and we might all be getting jumpers! I’m part of a group that is actually a sport!

Today was followed by meeting Joe and now I’ve been invited on a night out even though I’m aching from horse riding…hmmmm do I or don’t I?

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The new adult

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As of tomorrow I won’t be fixing teen to the end of my age any more. I’ll feel more like an adult than I ever did at 18, I have a flat, bills to pay and work hard at my job as well a studying. I’m actually having to think about the future a bit and what I want. Like many other people my age, it terrifies me but it’s also the calmest I’ve felt in years. I know that makes no sense, at all.

I have a lot going on at the moment in every area of my life, that is except with Ali. We’ve been together for 6 years and moved in together. Apart from the getting used to living with each other and not have to actually plan to see him, it works better that way. That said 20 carries a lot of expectation and baggage.

Excuse my french but well, fuck me let’s all get married and have babies as soon as we get to our twenties. That’s what people seem to do. The next 10 or 20 years of my life will be spent trundling through weddings, baby showers and christenings. Not my idea of fun.

At the same time I will hopefully be doing something that doesn’t bore me to tears, don’t get me wrong I love my friends and family but being in a stable relationship doesn’t mean I don’t want fun and adventure. I want to go places next summer, Greece is looking good, Italy is a possibility as well as going to different parts of the UK to explore. I’m just about to hit 20 and the next 5 years  I hope are going to be different, exciting. Go on tour, work on the city.

Will I do the normal things?  Yes I don’t doubt that but I’d rather be fun about it. It might be young and silly but I want to do things my own way. I want to have a life that is my own, not in a selfish way but I want to have kids and show them things, not let them rule my life. I’ll do what my parents did I’ll still go abroad but I’ll take them, I’ll still see friends even if they come with me. I’ve spent the past 6 years with a boyfriend trying not to be one of those annoyingly sickening couples, which I’m sure we won’t be.

So I’m going into the new time of adult and kissing my teens goodbye. Am I scared? Yes. Am I excited? Definitely. Are there days where I want to crawl into bed and shout I’m not growing up, never, ever, ever!? Of course there are.

So I’m entering something I have no idea about, let’s see how this goes…

Getting ready for the year of the twenty something.

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In a few short hours I will end the last month of my teenage years and then in a few weeks embrace the title of 20 something for the next decade… Ask me a few months ago and I would have told you I am point blank refusing to enter my twenties, I will have my 18th birthday again and never grow up. Now it’s a different story. This month has been an odd one but I feel like it’s changed me so much already. It’s no secret that my teenage years were pretty rough, school was hell and it was in my teens that I experienced some of my deepest lows, a place I never want to go again. Now I’ve been able to put that behind me, it feels so freeing. My god I sound like a hippy. I’m still your straight up rock chick, the amount of Jack Daniels I managed to knock back last night pretty much certifies that, as does the long list of tickets that I’ve already bought for this year…oops. So I’ve written a list about some of the things I’m most proud of, this is only the start. 

 

Moving in with Ali wasn’t the only thing to change me, but it’s helped. It’s nice having someone to share dinner with and waking up next to him in the morning, it’s nice to know that when I go back to uni I’ll come back to smiles rather than my little room in halls. If I’m on a low it’s generally easier to handle, not all the time though (I’m still working that part out). I feel so happy and content and this is something I’ve waited for. We’ve made the right decision now this is our first little home together 🙂 

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I’m going out with friends Freshers was a bit tough for me, I wasn’t in the right mindset with all the changes to go out and party and I didn’t know what I wanted. I’ve been to club night twice now and had a girls night in London, something I wondered if I’d ever actually do. After my night out with Jen last night I’m planning another, this is a BIG deal for me and I’m really proud of myself for being able to do it and not letting my illness get the better of me. 🙂

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Jen and I last night on her 19th Birthday 

 

 

Sorting out my mental health  I’m going back to mentoring tomorrow after having to leave because I only get a certain amount of funding for each year. Honestly I’ve struggled this summer for a lot of different reasons. Ali and my Mum have helped a lot but it was hard being away from friends I’d made, missing the life I’m used to in Kingston. I want to focus this year on my strategies for lows. I know they may never completely go but at least with some help they’ll be more manageable. 

I love my job I’m in a job that I love. Student Ambassador doesn’t sound gruelling but it gives me so many opportunities. I got out and talk to kids who remind me of myself, I share my love for my uni and my subject. Now I get to write professionally, be a content editor and help with the media and marketing stuff. I learnt so much by just being in the office for a week and it’s cemented my passion for digital media. I love my job so much and after having more than one that I didn’t enjoy growing up it’s so refreshing to feel good at what I do! 

 

I don’t feel under pressure by the future. Who says when I should and shouldn’t do something? I’m not in a normal relationship, I’ve spent over a quarter of my life with Ali and I’m only 19. We’re not getting married any time soon because we both want to have careers, which we’re both getting on with. I’m going for internships  and continuing to write (work experience in now 100% confirmed for April 2015!!!!) and he’s getting work experience in his field as well as both of us throwing ourselves into the band. I’d be lying if I felt completely free, a lot of people I know are getting married and having children or have their ideal engagement rings in their head…I don’t think about all that too much. The only thing, which is slightly pressured is having children but that’s biological. Ali and I are happy and well, I think we’ve done one of the hardest bits by living together, now we’re just going to plod along and see what happens after we graduate. 

In short I’m ready to say goodbye to my teenage years and hello to my twenties. That said I will not be stopping eating Turkey Dinosaurs, ice lollies or raiding the sweet shop…ever. 

Girls evening L.O.N.D.O.N

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I’e spent all of today around women and girls, starting with the morning with Mum and Sums and later on to meet the girl in central for drinks and dinner. A few months ago I went on my first girls night out, then girly day and now a girl night in the beautiful capital, probably my favourite place in the world. I’d bought a new dress (which had to be mended just before I left, thanks Mum!, wore heels in the Shard and although I would have been MUCH more comfortable in my jeans I had a lot of fun. 

I’m so proud of myself for going, I went on my own and came back on my own without being anxious and I managed to get through the evening with a clear head. It doesn’t sound like much but for me it’s a really huge step because it was pretty out of my comfort zone but now nobody can stop me! The girls are already talking about plans for London on my birthday and another meal (although booking ahead this time!!). The Shard, Leicester Square, Covent Garden, beautiful. 

Here are some of the best pictures from tonight, thanks girls I had a blast! 

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Top of the Shard selfie !

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Cocktail in Bella Italia, prices in the Shard were very pricey! 

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That POUT! Me and the beautiful Dani 

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Looking like the baby of the group despite being 2nd oldest! L-R Laura, Amy, Dani and me 

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Some of the beautiful decoration in the bar we sat at

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The view from floor 31! 

A lack of sleep and some serious reflection

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It always gets to this point at night where I start trying to wind down, telling myself I should go to sleep or I’ll feel tired in the morning. Although my eyelids are fighting to close and my head is starting to ache I know that I won’t. Today has been a better day than I anticipated full of kind words, friends and a few surprises that I didn’t think would happen. I’m having such a good time at university at the moment I feel good about myself and my life, I come to these moments where I reflect on it and I feel pretty damn proud of myself. 

I’m not the kind of person who loves themselves and thinks they’re the next best thing, actually ask a lot of my friends and they’ll tell you what they tell me, that I need to love myself more. Ali once said to me that I needed to love myself more, how could I expect him to be in love with me when I didn’t love myself? I’ve always known that I’m my own worst enemy, my harshest critic. There is no pressure from family, Ali, my friends it’s all from me and me alone. So when I decided to apply for the KUTalent awards I was really putting myself in for it, I felt awful self nominating. Honestly I didn’t feel good enough to apply but after talking to some staff at the uni I thought I might as well have a go. The result was a reference from my tutor to the board that almost made me cry. I won’t tell the world every detail but for someone I admire as an academic to think so highly of me gave me such a confidence boost. It made me feel like I could actually give something to the university.  

I also ended up into venturing into look for flats, the outcome wasn’t fantastic but I know what I’m looking for now and Ali and I are quite excited. It’s new, its scary and it’s a bit grown up. The day continued with speaking to a few friends, Joe, Sonia, Amy and ended up with a drink or two with Sonia at the Students Union. The great thing about Son? Although she is definitely Marmite she doesn’t judge and is truthful as well as honest. I’ve also managed to bag my sister and I tickets to see Taylor Swift and The Vamps on Tuesday!! Totally worth it to hear her voice so happy at the end of the phone! 

Let’s hope the good mood stays and the sleep eventually comes…

You Me At Six (Part 1)

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While I hoped this post would be full of beautiful pictures of You Me At Six playing and rocking out on stage while I took beautiful pictures. Unfortunately that didn’t happen, why you ask? Short girl syndrome (a joke I hoped to make with the boys when I met them…more on that later), despite standing on a raised edge I could just about see them, with great difficulty. Instead I screamed, I shouted, I danced and later got crushed by people who have NO gig manners. Seriously people don’t just shove each other, be polite at gigs especially when your going to meet them anyway.

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Ali and I in the amazingly long queue! 

The pushing and shoving wasn’t during the performance, well not where I was standing anyway it was when all hell broke loose for the signing. We were ALL going to meet them (for the amazing price of £11, thank you Banquet Records) but people went crazy. Luckily we didn’t queue for too long but they shouted that only one item could be signed. I’d thought before of bringing my T-Shirt for signing and didn’t know if I’d get away with it, as you can see from above I did! They were absolutely lovely with me trying not to fan girl but it was Max I ended up talking to, he liked my ‘old school’ t-shirt for the ‘Save it for the bedroom’ era (check that song out!). I’ve fallen in love with him a little bit, not in a stalker way though although I’m not sure if he thought I could be.

The lovely Max! (not my picture) 

So now I have something to cherish for the rest of my life. I love the fact that they appreciated it and as you’ll notice this is only part 1, in April Ali and I will be heading into London to see them do the whole set. The new album is absolutely incredible even though I was unsure at first (I’m not going to lie I do miss those cute emo boys with floppy fringes but I’m not 15 any more!). I actually can’t wait for it despite knowing that there will be a case of short girl syndrome again no doubt! Anyway, it’s gigs like this that make you realise how great independent record shops are it was £11 for that ticket, CD and I met the boys, I’ve also met Deaf Havana and will be meeting We Are The In Crowd because of them, one day I hope that No People Club can repay the favour.

A different kind of Halloween…

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Many of you will have headed out to Halloween parties tonight dressed as many different things (hopefully not as a slutty pumpkin, sorry I couldn’t leave out the How I Met Your Mother reference). I, however, spent my Halloween a little differently to how I normally would. After going to the kids party last night I decided to be a good big sister and cousin and watch them at Tae Kwon Do. It was just my luck when we arrive that they said they would be playing Halloween games most of the night instead, brilliant. So I spent most of my Halloween night in a car park with my Mum trying to get used to driving again. 

In other more interesting news I got my nose pierced today, with my friend Sammy by my side, to match my new hair colour. I’ve wanted to do this for quite a long time and to answer what seems to be everyone’s question, yes it did hurt. I quite like the way it looks though despite having to wipe blood from my nose every 20 minutes, who knows maybe this is the start of a new, slightly more rebellious, me! 

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The beautiful Sam and I before I had my nose done. Image

My beautiful new piercing and smudged eyeliner from my eye watering after…

Hello September!

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Today is September the first, the beginning of a very important month. This month feels like a little bit of a count down with so many things going on! 

 

  • 1 Day until I get my boyfriend home!
  • 6 Days until I say goodbye to a lot of Basingstoke People 
  • 11 Days until I move to my halls 
  • 12 Days until I am fully enrolled 
  • 15 Days until freshers starts
  • 17 Days until my 19th Birthday
  • 18 Days until I see my family after moving 
  • 19 Days until freshers ball
  • 20 Days until Jess’ birthday in London! 
  • 22 Days until lectures start 
  • 26 Days until Paramore 

As you can see I have so much going on at times it gets a bit overwhelming. As with any fresher I imagine we all have feeling of how on earth will I do this? Sometimes (especially at night) I do get quite stressed and wonder how I’ll cope with university life.  Despite any fears I have about university they are usually discarded when I think about all the exciting things that will be happening too! Some of them are quite small things such as meeting a few friends I’ve made to go food shopping on my first evening, finding a nice pub to have a few ciders, finding my way around. Most people think that freshers is just alcohol the whole way through and I sure for a lot of people there is a lot of booze involved and club nights (the amount I’ve been invited to already is crazy!) but well that isn’t my scene. 

It’s odd but this is the first time in many years I haven’t completely dreaded September. For me the song Wake me up when September ends couldn’t have been more true. I’d spend so much time stressing and crying and saying I’m not going back. At my worst I was about to go into year 11, there were two sides of me one full of dread and one with some silly form of optimism. At this point I was at one of my lowest points at the beginning of that year unfortunately, all my friends had left and I’d already told my teachers in the previous year I wasn’t planning on coming back (thankfully they ignored me). Ali walked me to school that morning, I’m not sure if it was to make sure I went or just to give me the support I needed. Either way it worked, I walked through the gates and watched him leave before I met with a support assistant in the morning. I don’t remember what happened after that really but it was horrible how hysterical I was before and after.  It is honestly such a breath of fresh air to just be happy and excited about September and starting Univeristy that I can’t wipe this smile off of my face.

 

So what I’m really trying to say is

Hello September 

I’ve been waiting for you