As of tomorrow I won’t be fixing teen to the end of my age any more. I’ll feel more like an adult than I ever did at 18, I have a flat, bills to pay and work hard at my job as well a studying. I’m actually having to think about the future a bit and what I want. Like many other people my age, it terrifies me but it’s also the calmest I’ve felt in years. I know that makes no sense, at all.
I have a lot going on at the moment in every area of my life, that is except with Ali. We’ve been together for 6 years and moved in together. Apart from the getting used to living with each other and not have to actually plan to see him, it works better that way. That said 20 carries a lot of expectation and baggage.
Excuse my french but well, fuck me let’s all get married and have babies as soon as we get to our twenties. That’s what people seem to do. The next 10 or 20 years of my life will be spent trundling through weddings, baby showers and christenings. Not my idea of fun.
At the same time I will hopefully be doing something that doesn’t bore me to tears, don’t get me wrong I love my friends and family but being in a stable relationship doesn’t mean I don’t want fun and adventure. I want to go places next summer, Greece is looking good, Italy is a possibility as well as going to different parts of the UK to explore. I’m just about to hit 20 and the next 5 years I hope are going to be different, exciting. Go on tour, work on the city.
Will I do the normal things? Yes I don’t doubt that but I’d rather be fun about it. It might be young and silly but I want to do things my own way. I want to have a life that is my own, not in a selfish way but I want to have kids and show them things, not let them rule my life. I’ll do what my parents did I’ll still go abroad but I’ll take them, I’ll still see friends even if they come with me. I’ve spent the past 6 years with a boyfriend trying not to be one of those annoyingly sickening couples, which I’m sure we won’t be.
So I’m going into the new time of adult and kissing my teens goodbye. Am I scared? Yes. Am I excited? Definitely. Are there days where I want to crawl into bed and shout I’m not growing up, never, ever, ever!? Of course there are.
So I’m entering something I have no idea about, let’s see how this goes…