Banishing Body Blues

Honesty time, I have spend this evening wallowing in my own self pity feeling awful and wanting to cry. Why? You ask? Not the injury, I haven’t failed anything (that I know of), nope I couldn’t fit into last years summer clothes. That’s it. Seems silly right? I’ve spent all evening trying to pal na blog but blocked by this big dark cloud of feeling worthless. So I write a blog (it sucked) and put on my iTunes to Emma Blackery, my favourite Youtuber, her song Perfect sits there. I’ve put it above because it’s such an uplifting song. I started listening to it and I was like yeah you know, I’m okay.

I might not be a size 8 any more and it sucks that some of my clothes don’t fit but right now I’m recovering. I can hardly walk but I’ve been crying over putting on weight? No logic there, right? My family, Ali and Friends tell me that it’s the least of my worries with a fractured spine, if there’s any time not to feel guilty about weight gain, it’s now.

I don’t want to be this critical of myself, if anything I think it’s just wanting control back of my body. It’s just letting me down and I hate it and there is nothing I can do, which hurts the most. Since I’ve been getting better from the depression I’ve wanted to be so positive and do things but I fall down sometimes and want to go back to bad habits. I’m still fighting and I wanted to share this song with you because I know that everyone has their own struggles, something I wrote about a couple of months back.

Am I completely happy and fine and cheery? No, that’s why I wrote this because if any of you are going through the same thing I want you to know it’s ok. I don’t want it to become this big disgusting secret and I might get crap for this but guess what I PUT ON WEIGHT. Just like all of us will at some point in our lives, I might put it on, lose it, I might never reach a size 8 again and I’ll never be the same size as my tiny sister. I’m trying to focus on the positives though, I’m smart, I’m going on a course in ATHENS for my work and can travel with my lovely boyfriend. It’s all about trying to put it in perspective and hopefully I can keep listening to the music until this cloud decides to go.

As always I’d love to talk to you guys so leave a comment! If you want to hear more about Emma Blackery you can also check out her YouTube channel, it’s brilliant. What are you waiting for, click the link here for her regular channel and here for lifestyle and advice!

So many positive things!

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Today was my last day of lectures for my second year! The next time I go into a lecture it will be the final year of my undergrad degree! It’s gone stupidly fast! So to celebrate that fact, yesterdays good news that I’m going to Athens( !!!) and that I’ve been feeling really good about myself lately.

So this morning I got up (admittedly after hitting the off button on my alarm and missing my lecture) and got to work helping Ali finish his assignment, while also buying myself tickets to see Sarah Millican next year and booked my flights and hotel for Athens. Then off to uni, the hospital for blood tests, lunch with Dani, a quick Primark dash (seriously, one of my FAVOURITE shops on the high street) and then off to band practice. I never stop being busy.

I’m finally doing it, I’m finally taking hold of my life and making things happen. I’m travelling with a few breaks planned this year, Durham, Prague, Athens and Amsterdam for my birthday. The band and I are getting ready to have a busy summer, I’m going to be working, writing and hopefully a lot more swimming and riding.

I wanted to write this to all of you because I’m aware I haven’t been as perky as usual and while I’m trying to to fall asleep while I write this, as well as having a stack of blogs to upload this weekend, I’m finally really happy. I have incredible friends, family, an amazing relationship, my band and of course my education, which means so much to me. Basically I’m feeling positive and I’ll hold on to that as long as I can.

Music is my cure

This week has been a funny old week. It’s been full of ups and downs and being pulled all over the place and I’m just tired. Ok not just tired, I feel a bit drained. It’s been really busy, not necessarily in a bad way just loads of different things. I have been feeling really up and down over the last few days.

Tonight I just sort of caved. I’ve had a good day, working hard, seeing Eleanor and Wales even won the Rugby today (although England better tomorrow. I just felt sad when I got home, my thoughts caught up with me. Even snuggled up in my new onesie, thanks to Ali, I just couldn’t shake it. Yesterday I got like this too, right before a show and ended up having an anxiety attack before hand, which doesn’t happen anymore. So, yes, a little shook up over these sudden waves of horrible anxiety.

Music does something though, it is the release I need. It’s better than any negative coping strategy I’ve ever had, better than therapy, plans or medication. I don’t know but something about it just lifts me. When I lived alone I needed music filling my room because the silence was too much. So I resorted to YouTube tonight and found George Ezra. Of course I’d heard some of his other songs but I couldn’t stop and I’m more than a little bit in love with his music. It’s incredible.

So while last night was full of No People Club and other great musicians performing live, tonight was all about my headphones. Some Ed Sheeran and George Ezra to be precise because I just needed that kind of music tonight. Also the video to the above song? Could it GET any better?!?!

Why have I picked this song to share? Apart from the awesome video, the lyrics are pretty amazing too. It’s just what Ali’s been saying to me this week when I’ve been having an ‘oh my god, I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life, what is life, ARGH’ moment. They’re becoming a little bit more frequent but as the song says I need to listen to the man who’s loving me, because this time he’s got it right on. He’s just there, always.

The point of this blog wasn’t to do an ‘I love Ali’ fest. It was to talk about the power of music and how it’s always been there for me, I expect it always will and it’s the best depression beater ever. This song put such a smile on my face and I’m just in love with George’s voice, to the point I need tickets for when he’s next playing in the UK.

No People Club are awesome.

No People Club Stoke LiveI’m good at shamelessly plugging my band. Really good at it and I think that’s because I’m so proud of it. We’ve got a good sound, good reception at gigs and we’re going to be playing so many shows soon that I just have to share them all with you. We didn’t win battle of the bands today but we’re still pretty awesome. So come and see us, like us on Facebook and Twitter and stuff. This band really is my baby.

Hannafords Bar – 27th Feb

229, London – 7th March

The Sanctuary, Basingstoke – 14th March

The Green Door Store, Brighton – 25th March

The Fighting Cocks, Kingston – 26th March

RMA Tavern, Southsea (Portsmouth) – 9th April

Sticky Mike’s, Brighton – 28th May

The Star , Guilford – 19th June

More To be announced…

Come and see us!

http://www.nopeopleclub.com

@nopeopleclub

facebook.com/nopeopleclub

Postmodern Jukebox

You’ve never heard of Postmoder Jukebox? Where have you BEEN! Tonight myself and the beautiful Eleanor were lucky enough to see them perform in London. I’ve been a fan of Scott Bradlee for a while now and of PMJ since seeing the above video. Basically they take new songs and give them an incredible twist of varying styles my favourites so far have been Fancy, Blank Space (which I think sounds better than the original) and Stacey’s Mom.

The show tonight was sold out and for good reason, they were incredible. It was a little bit cheeky but there is true talent in the show. Costumes, dancers, incredible arrangements I was definitely fangirling. When I a) found out they were on tour and b) found our El was also a fan I had to go. So we got the tickets well before Christmas. I have to say once you watch one video it becomes addictive, I’ve watched all the videos, have all the albums on my iPod, it’s incredible.

You all NEED to go and check them out! You won’t regret it!

No People Club play Central London!!!

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Outside while loading in

I’ve always loved London, even when I was little, tonight I got to play in one of the greatest cities in the entire world! We’ve been planning this gig in Piccadilly Circus for ages now, hence all the practicing this week and songwriting to try and get just one more finished in time, but we did it! We played, we got the crowd going and a lot of people wearing No People Club stickers, yippie.

It’s times like these where despite being exhausted after a full week and some crappy lows that I want to get on the road and get paid. I love my academics too but this was just something else. Thanks to some of our great friends and family we also reached our target number of people attending, although I don’t think I’ll ever live down my ‘stage dancing’ with my friends!

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A sneak peak of the unedited pictures that Sophie took! 

It really was an amazing experience, we even got some amazing photos out of it from Sophie Jones (Dan’s girlfriend), she’s a very talented photographer and I can’t wait for you guys to see the finished shots.

Although I definitely crashed when we got home (and I mean really crashed, 13 hours of sleep to be exact), I’d do it again…hopefully soon.

Thank you to everyone who came tonight, No People Club are on the up! 😀

Writer life.

I’d love to tell you all that all I do in life is write. That would be lying. I wish I could get up in the morning, open my laptop with a cup of tea and write page upon, page of an amazing novel which will sell millions of copies. That said I do write every day on this blog, songs, lists, notes. The most important part of that is the song writing.

When I can’t deal with life and I’m spiralling or even if I feel really happy I pick up a pen, or my laptop and I just put the pain (or lack of it) onto paper. I have a box of old lyrics books, scribbled notes here and there and if you go through either my room here or at home you’ll find diaries, old stories and piles of lyrics. I don’t know why but writing to me is one of the most incredible and liberating thing. If I want, no one will ever see some of the things I have written or everyone could.

Do I want to write something that would be a best seller? Of course I do. I don’t know if it will ever happen, but I might try. I might end up sitting in the uni library in the silence for hours and come out with nothing worth reading to anyone else. It’s just for me.

The songs are a different matter. I put the words on to paper and everyone who comes to our shows will hear what I feel. Some songs, like Breaking Point, are something I came up with because of the people around me and then later people I imagined, other songs are entirely different. If you look at Good Enough, which I was immensely proud of, it was really personal and the newest songs that we’re working on are even more so. It’s taken a year for me to not feel sick when I sing the boys my ideas for the first time, because it’s so personal to me. I know how ‘artistic’ of me, but this is me pouring my heart on to a page.

I don’t know what it is but I wrote a post ages ago, life through my fingers, about how it was the only way to make myself feel better. I said playing Piano wasn’t like writing and it’s not but I was wrong in some aspects. When I write some things, like this, I just write whatever and that how almost every creative thing of mine starts, I don’t think too hard at first. That’s a trait that used to get me in so much trouble during Art lessons at school, nearly 5 years since my GCSEs and I’m still like it…and why I didn’t take Art any further.

Writing, in all it’s beautiful ways is tiring, frustrating, liberating…sometimes everything.

Tonight Alive at Koko

For the second time in 2 years I’ve been lucky enough to see Tonight Alive (an Australian band), I’m a big fan of them and slowly their coming through. When I first got into them not many people had heard of them but now they’re creeping up after playing Reading Festival this year, supporting You Me At Six on the Australian leg of their tour and now playing a sold out tour, as well as two dates at Koko in Camden (the same night as Mallory Know were playing down the road) playing album The Other Side in full tonight.

I love Tonight Alive and front woman Jenna McDougall kicks ass at every show I’ve seen. The band can go from going crazy to slower songs like ‘Amelia’, which Jenna bravely played on her own tonight with just the fans and an Acoustic Guitar, something not many front women do alone. The band just seemed so grateful for us all to be there, and you could see how much it meant to them. Comparing seeing them in a small venue and somewhere like Koko I think it would be fair to say that there were some nerves but they pulled them back in.

I really do love live music.

 

Rocking the night away – Oxjam Kingston

No People Club Stoke Live

It’s not secret I love to perform, I’ve been doing it in one way or another since I was 7 years old. Tonight I felt alive, I felt attractive, I felt happy. All eyes were on us and I didn’t mind, in fact I absolutely loved it! Our first gig in Kingston town centre and what a gig it was, people came and danced (danced!!) and we went down really well. I finally feel comfortable being a musician, I love the feeling and this was what I needed to realise that I could do this for a living, I’d LOVE to do this as a living.

Being this happy has just made me feel complete. Rock on!

My Big Mouth: Reading Festival Friday Review

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Ali and I at Reading Festival

 

 

I was one of the lucky ones who managed to get tickets to Reading Festival this year. As I entered Friday’s sold out arena I had one goal, to come out with an honest opinion of a festival. Now I’ve been to day festivals before, seeing Kids in Glass Houses, Don Broco and Lower Than Atlantis back at Butserfest 2012 was a great moment, playing Basingstoke Live this year was another, but I’d never been to one of the ‘big’ festivals after watching Reading and Leeds for the last few years. So after arriving pretty later I found it easy to just walk in, only having my bag searched (which I found really surprising) and get into the arena and sit at the Main Stage for the majority of the day.IMG_0072

My wristband! 

Blood Red Shoes 

I’d heard of Blood Red Shoes before but I’d never really listened to their music before. They seemed pretty good and I liked their overall sound, something was missing though as I listened. Even with some well matched vocals, a killer female guitarist and all three of them being able to sing. I couldn’t put my finger on it, then I realised there wasn’t a Bass Guitar, which seemed to hinder it a little. I also noticed the difference between their old songs and new songs as they introduced them, the old songs seemed to be a lot stronger, whereas their new stuff seemed a little too repetitive.

Deaf Havana 

I’d seen Deaf Havana acoustic last year and wasn’t disappointed. So seeing them at Reading was one of the main reasons I bought a ticket. The set was different to what I expected, but not in a bad was necessarily. As the set went on the guys seemed to relax, although they shouldn’t have worried. As soon as they began to play, a mix of their new and previous album, people ran towards the stage and a sea of Deaf Havana T-shirts were clearly visible. The fact that they snapped a string didn’t matter to the hundreds of fans they had pulled in and in fact added to what I’d already known – Deaf Havana is full of nice guys who generally respect and appreciate their fans. As if they haven’t gone far, they’re going to go even further still. I did miss hearing some of the older albums but as a lot of the bands I listened to in my early teens, the musics changed and although it is sad, we accept that.

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Main Stage during Jimmy Eat Worlds Set 

Jimmy Eat World 

I was actually pretty disappointed by Jimmy Eat World’ set. It got to the point where I got pretty bored and headed off to the NME stage instead. The performance just seemed kinda average in comparison to some of the other people playing on the Main Stage. Of course when it came to playing their biggest hit The Middle the crowd were dancing and having a great time, that said I don’t know if I’d pay to see them on tour.

Mallory Knox 

I managed to catch the end of Mallory Knox’s set and kicked myself. We got down to watch the last two songs and I wish I’d have gotten there for the start, the place was rammed and the crowd were going absolutely crazy, the boys have slowly but steadily got bigger since I last saw them on the bill at Butserfest 2012. After seeing just two songs I want to get the album and THAT is how you do it at Reading!

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Me between sets 

Enter Shikari 

I was really excited to see Enter Shikari’s set, I’d heard they were incredible live and Sorry you’re not (a winner) has been a top track for me since I was about 15. The music side of the set was fantastic and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more energetic audience. It was absolutely fab, that was until the rants started, about just about anything. For me becoming a preachy band kind of ruined the set a little bit, I just wanted them to play the songs we know and love! Other than that absolutely fantastic!

Vampire Weekend 

How these guys got to such a high point on main stage I don’t know. Although they had a huge crowd I was so bored throughout, comparing the sounds to those you get on kids TV. Their two most well known songs I liked and recognised but other than that all the music sounded exactly the same with noises made rather than words….I won’t be going to see them again any time soon. Or ever.

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Paramore 

 It’s no secret Paramore are my favourite band. Ever. So as it started to get colder I held on to this while we waited and got a great view of the stage. As usual they were absolutely incredible with fantastic lighting and so much energy that it came through to the audience. We danced, we sang our hearts out that was until the power started cutting out and then it completely cut out. Hayley thought it was because we didn’t want to hear a slow song! When they then realised and couldn’t hear themselves they proved just why they should be Reading and Leeds headliners. They came to the front of the stage with acoustic guitars and said ‘we’re not moving until this is sorted out’ before Hayley sang an acappella version of ‘The Only Exception’ with the crowd. The effect was chilling and something no one who was there will forget. The rest of the set was incredible and possibly the best I’ve ever seen them, including a dinosaur singing Misery Business. It made me proud to be a Parawhore.

 

As the rain started to come in and I started to freeze I headed home rather than waiting through the 45 minute change over for Queens of The Stone Age. Instead I was at home by the time  they started and able to watch their set online which was pretty good but I’m glad I watched it from home.

Reading festival was pretty cool and depending on who’s playing I might be there again next year, give it 5 years and I might even be playing 😉