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Book Review: Faceless – Alyssa Sheinmel

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Maisie has a good life, she has a boyfriend whom she loves, a great best friend and athletic ability. While out on a run her life changes forever, after a freak accident during a lightning storm leaves her left for dead, she could never imagine her new reality when she wakes up. Maisie wakes up with most of her face destroyed. After coming to the decision to have a face transplant Maisie should feel lucky, but instead she’s fighting herself. How can she look at herself ever again? Will she ever have a normal life, friends? Or will she be confined to first her hospital room and then her house, living the life of a freak?

I picked this up on offer at my local Waterstones a while ago after reading the blurb and immediately wanting to read it. Since reading Katie Piper’s books and meeting her last year  disfigurement has been something I’ve been really interested in. The fact that Sheinmel has chosen to write about something that most people have had no experience with or wouldn’t understand just shows her guts as a writer. Very few could pull this off but she has done it with care, attention and incredible character voice. Maisie really comes into her own within a few chapters and we begin to see the complex and difficult situation that no one expects to deal with playing out in front of her.

I will warn you the book is an emotional one, you feel as if you are living alongside Maisie throughout her ordeal. You want to cry when she hates herself or when she feels like giving you. I wanted to reach through the pages and hug her. You also learn a lot though, it’s clear that a lot of research went into this book in the way of medical and the emotional process of someone who is learning to cope with a disfigurement. It also makes you think about other types of injury. I know that there were times when I understood and felt so close to Maisie because I’d felt those same feelings, especially after I had my own accident and we didn’t know what was going to happen (there was a point when we weren’t sure if I was going to lose total feeling in my legs). I felt the confusion, the pain, the expectation from those around you and I understood when she wasn’t sure if she could carry on with her physic therapy, the days when she didn’t feel like it was worth it.

My reasoning for giving it 4.5 rather than a straight 5 stars is simply because I found Maisie to be a little too perfect prior to the accident. Apart from her parents fighting she just seemed very much the all American girl. I guess that’s the only thing that niggled at me a little and it’s not to say it was bad it was just something that meant I didn’t connect to her as much at first. Although within a few chapters I was liking her more and more and by the end of the book I just wanted to know her, if that makes sense?

All in all I would highly recommend this book, it’s incredibly well written and tackles something that most people wouldn’t give too much thought to unless it happened to them or someone they loved. It’s clear that Sheinmel has clear talent and is one to watch on the YA scene. I would also love to hear what happened to Maisie after the end of the novel, how she deals with the rest of her life because I really did fall in love with the character in the end.

Sunday Seven: Seven of this weeks pics!

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I’ve spent most of the past week in Basingstoke, meaning I’ve been very snap happy this week, so for a little something different I wanted to share my top seven snaps of this week.

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Ed doesn’t like me shutting the door whenever I’m at home, he wants all the attention, no matter what time it is. I snapped this little pic while I wanted to sleep and Ed wanted to play.

IMG_7626 This week my little cousin and Godson turned 13. 13! Harvey and I are really close, he’s my little dude and I can’t believe he’s gone from this chubby cheeked baby to a really awesome little man. Also, check out the cake that my super awesome sister made!

IMG_7634 It was doughnut day this week so I popped to the shop and picked up these beautiful, scrummy pink ones. They tasted good, so good. IMG_7600

I was finally able to pick up my Illumicrate from my parents! I was not only surprised but loved every item in the box and can’t wait for my next one. If you missed my post, find it here.IMG_7627

Lottie is my shadow whenever I come home. This didn’t change this week, if you couldn’t find her you could guarantee she was on my bed fast asleep…even if it’s a choice between my Mum’s double bed or my single, she still chooses my bed.

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This is Betsy, my aunts puppy, she’s also known as Chewbacca by my cousins. I swear she’s like a little walking rug apart from she jumps up and wants cuddles and has a fondness for cake. Don’t you love this little smile too?!

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Another one of my little mischief maker in the evening.

If you want to keep up with more of my snaps, make sure to follow me on Instagram @chloemetz_!

Comic Con Summer 2016!

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Today I attended my second ever MCM Comic Con! This was the first time I’ve put together a costume and became a cosplayer! I’ve been sure I wanted to cosplay someone from Star Wars for a while and then I saw The Force Awakens *cough, three times, cough* I was sure I wanted to be Rey. Here was this absolutely incredible character, she was strong, she kicked ass and this was something I could make. So for the past few months Ali and I looked up parts for costumes, Ali’s took a lot more work than mine and is so realistic I can’t begin to describe just how awesome it looks. I was still stitching mine this morning (while Ali had fixed up my awesome hair do) and had to do a few adjustments at Con as well…hey, I’m still learning.

One of the things I love most about Con is how creative people are. You just look at some people and are in awe of their talent and creativity, I hope that one day I can do something so that someone might think that of me. Ali and I did get quite a few comments and smiles through the day. The best part for me though was when I saw kids who thought we were Rey and another Jedi. The kids in my building were left open-mouthed, whispering as we went past ‘They’re Jedi!’, it was so much fun just to see their faces. We were walking around with Ben and Abbie, just looking around, laughing, oh and buying…

 

Aside from the amazing stacks of Funko Pops around (yes, I have to be very careful with my spending and have saved up for Con for MONTHS before) there is also Artist’s Alley, a hub of incredible talent. I picked up so many different prints and pieces of artwork. It’s hard to explain how amazing it is to see and talk to these artists about their work and get customs done, things like that. You really never know what you’re going to find, it’s something Abbie and I get really excited about it.

It was nice to have Comic Con to look forward to after all the stresses of assignments last month, I just got to hang out with my friends, wear a costume I was comfortable in and just be the huge geek I am inside. Am I already planning October? You bet I am.

Mental Health Awareness Week 2016 on chloemetzger.com

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This week is Mental Health Awareness Week, as my regular readers know I’m really big on promoting awareness, sharing my own experiences with mental health and just generally getting mental health in every day conversation. Whether we like it or not there’s still a stigma attached to mental health issues and it’s not the way it should be BUT with weeks like this we can end the stigma sooner rather than later.

This week I’ve decided to relate all my posts to raising awareness of mental health. I’ve got posts planned around my experience, opinions, books related to mental health, motivation – it’s all going to be going on over here! As always I’d love to hear for you in the comments, on Twitter. I’ve found that when I’m really not doing well Twitter is one of the places I can talk to people to understand and generally be in a better mood.

I also want to do an honest mood update each day, because sometimes I can go a few weeks of feeling fine and then it’ll go downhill, it’s the ways of having Depression. For today I’ve been really sleep deprived so my mood hasn’t been the best, I’m at a really overwhelming point in my life and everything’s changing so I think that’s to be expected.

I can’t wait to write this week and raise as much awareness as possible! As always leave comments and questions below!

Book Review: Strong Looks Better Naked – Khloé Kardashian

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“In every life, there is struggle. No one is immune from pain and suffering. But it won’t last. Life moves forward. The circumstances will change. This applies to both the bad feelings and the good. Nothing lasts forever. When you think about this, the only moment you really have is the present, and you have to learn to enjoy it.”

Last year while I was resting up, I became a Kardashian viewer, starting off with Caitlin’s (then Bruce) family special about her impending transition. I was surprised when I loved watching and soon started watching more and more episodes and fell in love with Khloe. Not only does she have a pretty amazing name (the only famous Khloe I know of other than the brand) she’s honest and the release of her first book came at a time when I needed a boost.

Strong Looks Better Naked is a book focusing on Khloe’s transition of mind, body and soul and her journey of not only her weight loss but also her emotional journey. Being on Keeping Up With The Kardashian’s you might think that we know everything about Khloe’s life and that the tabloids have it right when it comes to her divorce from Lamar Odom, but this book shows that there’s still a lot that Khloe keeps private. We see a strong woman, but not the personal struggles she faced.

In the press Khloe has been referred to as the ‘chubby sister’ or the ‘fat sister’ and so her weight loss got a lot of attention, being called a ‘revenge body’. The book goes through the reasons behind Khloe’s gym addiction, as something to focus on when other parts of her life were privately getting darker. Weight loss isn’t the only focus in the book, she talks about a whole lifestyle change, mentally and spiritually, giving an honest account of the ups and downs of her journey.

Think whatever you want of the family, their show, the money and all of that but when I was reading the book I felt like it was totally honest. There are some parts which I didn’t necessarily agree with, such as cutting out all dairy, and I think you need to have your own input rather than following all of the advice blindly. That said though, it is good for some general advice and has some lovely quotes alongside the chapters too. I found it to be so motivating at a time where I was having to change my life after my spine had broken and I needed to go to tough physiotherapy. I felt like I could read about someone else’s healthy releases and try them out for myself, I became more than a little in love with the gym myself.

Overall I think this is a great book to read if you’re going through a transition in your life this is a great read. I honestly had reservations about reading it but I ended up falling in love with Khloe’s story, her way of writing (as documented on KUWTK, Khloe wrote the book herself rather than using a ghostwriter). I gave this four stars ****, I really enjoyed reading, but as I said before didn’t necessarily agree with all of the advice given, which is fine. It doesn’t feel like a self help book but definitely gave me the kick I needed when I was struggling.

Sunday Seven: My Next YA Reads!

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After having to read so many heavy (and sometimes dull) novels for my degree I decided to push the boat out and buy myself a stack of YA novels to get me through the summer months. More daylight means more reading, right? So for this week here are 7 of my next YA reads! I’m also on Goodreads if any of you would like to connect (link on the right of my homepage).

 

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A ‘Study Machine’ who cares for nothing else bust grades meets a fellow genius, after a podcast reveals more than it should both of their lives start to collapse. I won’t lie I was drawn to this initially by the title and cover, then I read the synopsis and was hooked. I can’t wait to get stuck in.

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After being told that they can’t afford to be taught at home anymore conjoined twins Grace and Tippi need to get the hang of the ‘outside’ world fast. They may have defied the odds medically their whole lives, but can they handle high school? This is something so different I needed to pick it up. I’ve always been interested in twins, but I’ve never read about conjoined twins, very exciting.

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Parker has his own set of rules don’t deceive him…especially using his blindness, don’t be weird and don’t betray him. It’s a fact that we need more books with disability in them and so I picked up Lindstrom’s novel off of the table in the book shop. I haven’t heard anything about this book but I’m hoping it’s going to be great.

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Despite being best friends for years, Caddy has always wanted to be more like Rosie and when Suzanne shows up she learns that a little trouble can also be fun. I keep seeing this novel everywhere and I caved and picked it up. It’s going to be interesting to see the effect that a third friend has on their relationship and just how much trouble they can get away with.

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Being allergic to everything sucks, being stuck inside your house and not seeing anyone but your Mum and your Nurse sucks…cute boy moving in next door? Now THAT might be interesting. I am really on the fence about this novel, the protagonist has a rare disease which means she is allergic to everything, when she see’s the new boy next door her thoughts start to change and she thinks that maybe she should start taking risks. I’m a little sceptical because it sounds like the whole, ‘this boy is going to save me even though the medical world can’t’ thing BUT I reserve judgement and hope that isn’t the case.

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What would you do if a character from your favourite story came to life? Jodi Picoult is one of my favourite authors EVER. So why haven’t I picked up the YA Novel she wrote with her daughter? I have no idea but it’ll certainly be interesting to see her writing style combined with her daughters.

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Auggie has always been different and now it’s time for him to finally go to school for the 5th grade. As well as living with a facial disfigurement Auggie has to make friends and deal with others who don’t want to give him a chance. I’m reading this at the moment and it’s already melting my heart. I haven’t seen ONE negative review of this novel, fingers crossed it stays as good as it currently is.

 

How about you guys? Anything to add to my list or have you already read any of them? Drop me a message in the comments below and let me know!

Treat Yo’self

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I have a problem. Like many other people in this world sometimes I forget about someone that needs to be looked after and treated well, myself. To an extent I think most of us do this, we work ourselves to the point of exhaustion and yet if we saw a friend doing this we’d be the first one to tell them to take some time out, have a break, we might even treat them! I’ve learnt that we need to learn to treat ourselves! We need to learn to take a little me time, even if it’s something small, a nice bath, a take-away or just a cupcake on the way home. In this post I talk about some of the ways that I’ve treated myself in terms of things BUT treating your mind is also super important. Have a day where you leave your phone on silent and just do something you want to do. That might be sleep, it might be doing something creative, listening to music WHATEVER, just switch off. I have to admit, switching off is one of the things I am worst at. I always have to be doing something and talking to someone and checking my phone, sometimes I have major online FOMO. That’s something I’m working on, because if I do get to go into digital for work (and I really hope I do) I need to be able to literally and figuratively switch off!

So, as all of you who follow me on Twitter will know, yesterday I submitted all of the work for my degree. That’s right, I’m free! Duh duh daaaaah! It is one of the best feelings ever and after I submitted I wandered around town a little bit, determined to treat myself to something, I’d worked bloody hard and so wasn’t going to get anxious over spending a little bit of money (which is a big deal for me, I am obsessed with savings). There was nothing in town so I ended up having to order online, which it where I picked up 6 YA novels. I decided to give my brain a break from chunky books that I didn’t really like, that I had been forced to read and study for months. These were things I could read and enjoy, there was no weight on my shoulders to have a big opinion and defend it,  I just wanted to read for FUN, so I treated myself. Aren’t they pretty?

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Books, books, books! 

It may not be anything big or flashy or something to remember but it just perked me up, I feel like I’ve earnt the time to read what I like, have lie ins because I’ve stayed up too late reading and all that jazz. Soon I’m going to have a full time job, something I’ll have for the next 45 years, who knows if I’ll have this time to just do what I like whenever I like again? I’m hoping that I’ll become a writer and so part of work will be reading a load of novels and then writing my own, then I can treat myself again 😉

For everyone reading this I just wanted to recmind you that it’s ok to treat yourself in whatever way you can. You’re getting on with life, surviving and I know a lot of you are working damn hard so relax, treat yourself!

 

 

 

 

 

Treat Yo Self image from Pinterest.

Thoughts at 2am…

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I thought that by now, with less pressure and less stress in my life I would be happily curled up and asleep at 2am, but apparently it’s a good time to write. It’s quiet here and just leaves me alone with my thoughts. It’s nights like this were I’ve tried everything your supposed to do that I just turn to writing instead, which some people will nag ‘the light of your computer will wake you up more!’ but honestly nothing’s getting me to sleep right now. I don’t like mentioning or talking about the pain in my spine still bothering me but lately it hasn’t been at it’s best. I’ve been sat in a very rigid chair for about 10 hours a day for the past few weeks, for anyone’s spine that would cause problems, for mine it’s hell. So while I’m trying to wait for the second lot of painkillers to kick in I thought, why not let my mind wander, see where I end up.

I’ve been trying to fall asleep for a few hours so a lot has been going through my head, just thoughts zipping past like cars on a motorway. One keeps coming back to me though, I suppose it’s because of an essay I was writing today, I can’t seem to escape the bloody things even when they’re done! I was thinking that pain, in all it’s forms is something that makes us human. When a person is in so much pain, mentally or physically, they will let go of what they thought they knew, sometimes of their opinions and prejudices, all that matters is stopping that pain, unless you are incredibly stupid that is. Great pain is a humbling experience. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you come from or anything like that pain and fear make us all the same, because it is.

I’m a true believer that once someone has experienced true pain in their lives it will change them for good. For some people it will make them bitter, angry, resentful. For others pain makes them appreciate more, try and be more compassionate and understanding as a person. For a long time after my spine broke I would be angry, I’d be filled with tears and hatred that my body had let me down. Thousands of people fell off horses all day, why did it happen to me! Why did the doctors risk it! Why did my notes keep getting lost! I was miserable and honestly the anger was just making me more tired, more sad. I’m not saying people aren’t allowed that time, of course they are. In the words of John Green ‘pain demands to be felt’, I know I needed that time because I was so upset and heartbroken and unsure of the future. If you were told that there was a chance you might just lose the ability to walk by trying to walk (and do the one thing that would make you better in the long run), wouldn’t you be?

I held on to the pain and frustration for a long time, I was convinced that I was just a burden and there was no point to anything when it took me so long to take a few steps, when going out somewhere meant having to take my wheelchair or that I had to sit while everyone else could stand. I wish I could tell you there was a wonderful eureka moment where I let go of it all, where I just went ‘ok, enough is enough let’s get on.’ I was always carrying on but after time and after I learnt what my body needed and how to start managing the pain I felt a little calmer, a little more able to deal with the world.

I would never wish my injury on anyone, the fact that it’s causing me to be awake at 2am the day before my final deadline because of physical pain is not a fun thing BUT I do believe that it’s made me into a better person. The injury taught me more than I would have believed it could. I quickly learnt that life was what you made of it when you got given something shitty. I learnt that as much as I wanted to organise everything for the next 30 years I couldn’t. I learnt that life is a mess a terrifying, wonderful and always evolving mess and you just fit in where you can. I realised I was allowed to take a break and not be this built up image of ‘perfect’ I’d associated with myself. Am I annoyed that I might not get the first I worked for because of the early days of fuzzy pain? Of course I am. Am I going to let it taint my whole university experience, final year and the progress I have made? No. Likewise I learnt what I need in friends and that I can be alone comfortably more than I give myself credit for. I learnt that I can handle a lot more than I can give myself credit for and that while my body might not look like a magazine cover, it’s mine and it’s actually a pretty amazing thing. Being in horrific pain lead me to most of this, which is something so strange to me. Either way, the past is the past and my future is my future so I’m going to see what I can do with these experiences and be the best person I can be.

Thank you!

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Hello, hello, hello! I want to say a massive thank you to all you wonderful people for the response of not only my blog yesterday but some of the fab conversations I got to have on Twitter too! I did have a little moment of ‘I don’t know if I can finish all of this’ and it helped that I had such lovely people commenting, liking and tweeting me, it means a lot. Tomorrow I will be submitting my final assignment of my undergraduate degree and that is crazy to me. It feels so insanely good to know that as long as the marks come back ok I’ve worked hard and achieved a goal that I didn’t know if I could. There are a lot of people who have helped me along the way, both encouraging me in real life and online. My blog has given me somewhere to talk to the world and realise that most of the time I’m not alone in how I’m feeling.

That little nudge of ‘you’re going to be ok’, even if it’s from a complete stranger can really change someone’s day. I couldn’t sit and write a ‘normal; post because I just felt so much gratitude, there are some people on here that have subscribed from the first few days and I feel like I’ve come on this journey with me. Of course this is just the start of a brand new chapter in my life which, of course, I’ll be blogging and I’m hoping to have a little bit of a change up on here…maybe, but you will soon see. Like I said yesterday there’s a lot that I want to do once I finally submit the final essay. So really just thank you to everyone who’s read, commented, liked, tweeted, instagrammed, emailed, I read each and every one and really appreciate it and hopefully as I progress the blog will grow too!

 

You can buy the above print and have it made into adorable cards, there is a link on Pinterest.

Sunday Seven – Seven Dr Seuss Quotes to Live By

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Lately I’ve come across a lot of really awesome Dr Seuss quotes and they’ve just made me wonder at his mind. I’m going to start counting him as one of my heroes. I won’t lie I have been feeling pretty rough lately and having confidence doubt about myself, my work and all that jazz. SO for this weeks (slightly late) Sunday Seven I wanted to share some of my quotes to live by the wonderful Dr Seuss.

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I want to scream this from the roof tops! I wish this was repeated to teenagers constantly. I wish I could say I was someone who wasn’t bothered by what other people say, but I am. I need to look at this quote sometimes to remind me of the people that matter.

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Ah, what a perfect quote for a bookworm. Book are one of the best and wonderful things that can really change a persons life. BOOK FOR THE WIN!

 

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I feel like I should put this on gym clothes and just have it made into a huge canvas to put in my future office/writing room. Everyone has been at that point where they’ve thought, why should I carry on? Why bother. Hell I feel like this now while I’m in the final few weeks of my degree but the magic Dr Seuss has made me feel a hell of a lot better.

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I know that for a long time I was consumed by my past. I was so terrified and stuck in the past that I wasn’t making the most of my present and future. This is really important especially when I’m about to go into the unknown. I’m determined to not be stuck in the past, I want to embrace the future are really take in what’s around me.1cbe9bd21bcddfd88f275d828656e69e

This is SO important. It’s a quote I keep going back to when I’m feeling really down. I might be struggling, but there is only one me. There is only one me and no one else can do what I do or has what makes me, me. And that’s pretty cool.

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When you were a teenager, didn’t you just wish you were normal? Just beg and pray at night to fit in and not be a freak. When you’re a teenager, especially one that doesn’t quite fit in, normal seems like a perfect thing. The older I’ve gotten, and I know I’m still pretty odd to some people, I still don’t fit into one square. My quirks make me, me and it’s part of what makes my successes happen. I love this because most of the best and most successful people are ‘odd’ and god damn it I really want to be one of them now and never slip into normal. Screw normal.  06971f03ccc83abf85df467b07a8950a

This, this, this, this. Another quote that I keep going back to at the moment. The past year has been life changing and it’s going to happen again. Sometimes I get sad thinking that university is going to be over soon or the fact that I’ll probably never ride again, things like that. I think it’s natural, but like this quote says I need to try and appreciate them for all the good times. Because damn, the past three years really have been full of good times.