Tag: 20 something

Fresher’s week 2015

Leave a comment

After last weeks celebrations for birthday week, I am surprised I’m still awake after my second week of activities and shenanigans. This week was Fresher week and although I haven’t been out pounding the dance floor I have been pretty busy and, well, I definitely feel like a first year. I spent my first Freshers week being incredibly awkward and nervous and I spent a lot of time in my room, my second Freshers week I went out with my friends, signed up for societies and partied…for my third, I was actually having to be a responsible person.

I spent Monday in physio and working, Tuesday practicing with the boys and taking the Amp for emergency repair (not an ideal situation), Wednesday working with the newbies and taking them to enrollment, Thursday at Freshers fair and then straight to a show at the Fighting Cocks (quite possibly the best crowd I’ve ever played to, shouting, dancing, clapping and an encore!) and back to the fair again on Friday where we got over 100 sign ups for the Horse Riding Society! Get in!

12006675_10154262296828206_4438927703654326102_o 11057721_10154264553468206_6597061397404268063_n

I’d be lying if I said that everything was completely easy this week. I’ve struggled a lot with both my spine and my anxiety. I’ve got a love hate relationship with Freshers, I love that it’s the beginning of the year and I’m excited to get stuck in, but at the same time I get so anxious with so many people around and everything going on all at once. I’ve met other people like that too, which makes me feel a little better. I’m also freaking out a little out third year, all the work I have to do, the thought of applying for my MA and funding and not knowing what’s going to happen once I graduate. It was also more than a little bittersweet not having Eleanor, Maisha and Alissa around this year to hang out with too.

11986410_10154264637573206_4935909461458763394_n 10679580_10154263450503206_6048844589280864096_o

Overall, it’s been a good week, definitely challenging but I’m pleased with what I’ve achieved. Am I ready to go back? Yes. I can’t wait to get back into lectures and have something to get stuck into again. I know this years going to be a bit hard because of my spine and I’ll have to miss out on some things that I wanted to do, but maybe I’ll get to do something I hadn’t planned on. I have some great things this year, I love my job, I love my friends, my bands FINALLY getting somewhere, I have two lovely little hammies and the best guy around at my side. I think this year’s going to be a pretty good one.

Did I look that young? I must really be a third year

2 Comments

                     IMG_315712006675_10154262296828206_4438927703654326102_o

On the left is a picture of me just before I started my first year, my hair was short and I was both excited and terrified. On the right is a picture I took this morning while I was waiting to collect first years to take to enrolment, I’ll admit my hair has a little more frizz now than that carefully straightened bob from first year rather than being thrown up in a bun in the morning. Now, from the minute I got on the bus this morning I’ve been able to spot Freshers, is it because I feel crazy old? No it’s more because I remember being them.

I see them all wondering around trying not to look lost, carrying pieces of crumpled paper with their timetables on and being very well dressed. I think we all started like that, nervous, excited and a little confused at times but I couldn’t help thinking did I look that young when I started? Looking back at some pictures and reminiscing I know that I did and it still feels strange knowing that now I’m in my final year of my undergraduate degree, that I’ll graduate next year *gulp*.

I think the main difference is that I’m not that girl that burst into tears at least 3 times in the first week because she was so overwhelmed. I read the first year of blogs I wrote as a student and as well as being pleased my writing has improved, I don’t regret the struggles I had. I mean, yes I kind of wish I could go back and tell her to take a deep breath because she’s going to love it and this time it really will be the best time, but who wouldn’t? It’s no secret that I don’t want to leave, I want to make a life for myself in academics if I can’t go touring the world in one way or another.

So maybe I’m classed as old to the newbies but you know what I’ve been having the best time of my life and if anyone is reading this and they’ve just started university then hold on, you’re in for a fantastic ride.

Why having an alcohol-free freshers week is absolutely fine.

Leave a comment

It’s that time of year again, 18 year olds (and older) have got their grades and are heading to university. While some of us chose to move away from home, others might be sticking around but commuting. Freshers week has a reputation as an absolutely crazy 7 day party where everyone spends the majority of the time drunk. But what if you don’t drink?

Whenever I meet new students I’m always answering questions by nervous people who either don’t drink or don’t like clubbing. It’s true most university events are surrounded by alcohol, club nights or pub crawls but believe it or not it’s still possible to have a great time without drinking. If you’ve been following my blog since I started you’ll know that I hardly drank at all in my first year and went out to a club a grand total of two times, I did drink I’d usually end up wasted at pre drinks because I was so anxious about going out and I’d panic drink until I couldn’t go. In my second year I started going out with friends at least once a month because I had people I finally felt comfortable enough around and got the party bug. Fast forward to this year and I can’t go clubbing even if I wanted to because of my spine and if I want to drink I can’t take any pain medication for two days, which would you decide?
IMG_3266

After my Freshers Ball, sober but smiling. 

People choose not to drink for a load of reasons medical, religious, or simply not wanting to. I remember being a fresher and feeling so nervous and like I had to drink if I went anywhere. I was so desperate to make friends and not be alone but I really do regret it. When I’m anxious or depressed, alcohol is not my friend, on more than one occasion I’ve gone out drinking when feeling like that and ended up crying when I got home, because I wasn’t feeling well and plus, alcohol is a depressant. Now I’m happier and have better mental health I can usually gage if I should have a drink or not.

What about you guys though? I’m going to give you some clichè advice, just be yourself. Starting uni is a whole new chapter in your life and for me it was a chance to start over and be who I wanted, it took a little longer but I’m pretty happy with who I carved out here. You’re a great person and I’ll bet you anything there is someone close to you feeling just as nervous and isn’t keen on getting wasted. If you’re in a new place with completely new people you have a right to not want to get hammered and a lot of people understand. There are people who like that kind of thing but if you’re not one of them it looks incredibly daunting.

If you’re not drinking there are so many benefits no hangover in the morning, you have more money, more time to go and do cool things (like exploring your new place!) and work out what you want. There’s also no problem with wanting to go out and try it too, that’s what uni is all about!

I completely understand how daunting starting uni is and sometimes I still feel overwhelmed…and I’m a third year! If anyone wants any tips, tricks or just a chat feel free to comment, email or tweet me!

Have a great Freshers week folks!

Milestones

Leave a comment

I’ve been thinking lately about milestones. I don’t know what it was exactly but I’m guessing it’s a combination of turning 21 (which I don’t understand why it’s a big deal in the UK), seeing more and more of the people I went to school with having children and getting engaged and a lot of my other friends graduating, starting careers and all that jazz. To put it simply milestones freak me out, I’m sure they do for most people. You’re supposed to do this, do that at a certain age, a certain time. For girls there’s a choice between being a mother and being a career woman, because we’re told we can’t have it all.

In some ways I’m lucky, I found the love of my life when I was 13 years old and we live together. Now we’re more than happy together, we’re both doing degrees we love and have careers that we want, but for everyone else it’s not enough. Everyone asks me when we’ll get married, when we’ll have a baby (never if). I just feel a bit stuck and part of that is because I am a woman. Ali NEVER gets asked when he’ll be a father, he’s asked about his job and what he’s going to do for work, it’s all pretty frustrating. I know that I’m an intelligent woman and I have big aspirations, so why do people ask about these ‘traditional’ things.

I’m in no way saying that people my age shouldn’t be married or have children, most of the women in my family had babies by the time they were my age and they’ve all taught me so much. My best friend became a mother at 17 and she’s one of the most awesome ones I know.The thing is my dream right now is walking across that stage to pick up my degree, being able to treat myself with money I’ve earnt and being happy. I will have children, I’d love to be a mum at some point but I wish people would understand there is so much more to me than the fact I can grow a human. I liked this picture below, it definitely made me smile.

0fa7ea56c0067b3e8747a2011f376ee1

This isn’t an anti-children post, which is how some will read it, it’s just a frustration that sometimes I’m judged by these milestones when I have other amazing things going on. I hate that I have to think about body clocks and all that crap when I’m trying to plan things out about where I want to be in my life, because I’ve been bombarded with media listing risks and problems. Like I said why am I even thinking about this as a twenty year old!

I appreciate that this post might not make much sense, I don’t even know if it does to me, but I can’t be the only one who feels like this. Who knows how I’ll feel in a month, a year or ten but I just want it to be on my own terms, not because of supposed milestones and other people’s ideas of what happiness is.

I’m off to Amsterdam!

Leave a comment

IMG_2263

When you’re reading this I will be boarding a coach for an 11 hour journey to Amsterdam through the night, tomorrow morning I will be seeing the beautiful sights with two of my best friends. I’m beyond excited to finally be going on a girls holiday and also absolutely terrified after I had to miss out on the trip to Prague because of my fracture, I’ve never been out of the country without my family or Ali before.

I’m looking forward to falling in love with the beauty and culture. We have a list of museums to visit, things to see, a visit to Hard Rock Cafe and there’s a certain surprise that the girls have planned, I have no idea! It’s also going to be rather amusing to go to the sex museum that’s not far from our hotel.

Fear not my faithful followers I won’t be leaving you with nothing! I’ve got a few posts lined up for this week like this months book haul, my piece for suicide prevention day and a book review. Although if you want to see what I’m up to you can follow me on Instagram as I’m sure I’ll be posting up some of mine, Amy and Dani’s adventures follow me on @chloemetz_.

Catch you all at the end of the week! 🙂

I survived second year! – 10 best bits

Leave a comment

I did it! I’ve reached the end of the second year of my blog and second year of university. As of tomorrow it will be September again and I’ll be heading back to uni at the end of the month to take on my third year!

This year has been pretty special I’ve learnt a lot and changed a lot. I’ve lived with Ali for over a year now, I was finally allowed to join full field English Literature, made more friends than I thought I possibly would, made a good dent in my mental health recovery, been generally happier, played a load of shows with the boys, took up a sport for the first time since I was 9, won a KU Talent Award, got another job that I love, travelled for uni and broken a part of my back. If that isn’t a crazy year I don’t know what is. I’ve absolutely loved second year. I’m not going to say there weren’t point when I really struggled, because I did but the difference is that I had more people to support me through this year than I have in a long time.

I could write so much about every aspect of second year because it’s been one of the greatest, no matter how it ended. I’ve made new friends and stayed in touch with some others and the thought that I’m going into my last year of undergrad is scary! So for you all tonight I’ve put 10 of my best bits of second year and I’ll remember it with warm memories for the rest of my life.

11173397_10153828594858206_6577519276301041296_n

  1. I finally got my two little adorables this year, Noodle and Hamski. Even if they have had to be separated now I’m so in love with both of them ❤

2015-07-12 11.01.07

2. No People Club played a lot this year. We spent a lot of our weekends loading up my little car and driving to shows in London, Kingston, Basingstoke and Portsmouth. I’m gutted we had to take a break while my spine healed but we’ve got more stuff planned for the next year and it’s going to be awesome. We also have our awesome fan and sticker guy, one of my best friends Joe, who’s stuck around too.

 IMG_3640

3. My second tattoo finally happened! When I found out I wouldn’t be going to Foo Fighters because they’d sold out of disabled tickets I was heartbroken so I got this tattoo instead. I’ve been very up and down this year and not as stable as I’d like but I’m assured that most people would have lows after a big break and spinal brace let alone someone with depression.

11350649_10153953766313206_7222295612951813287_n

4. I got to go to Athens. I was so, so thankful to be given the opportunity to go to Athens and not have to pay the Creative Writing course fee. Although I was supposed to be going on my own initially, Ali got to come with me because I was still using my wheelchair and not able to move as much. A fab first holiday and it got my creative brain going!

 11050314_10153704024088206_4197782836317781087_n

5. I got my KU Talent award for Overcoming Adversity to Achieve, awarded to be by Sir Trevor McDonald who I actually had a great conversation with while we were sitting at the same table. I’m still gobsmacked I won as there were so many amazing people. I’m so proud that I now work for KU Talent and will get to attend this years awards too!

IMG_1645

6. I started Horse Riding! In October I had my first ride and I was hooked. I had a great 6 months before my fall, including meeting this cutie who really stole my heart. Even though I still have a long way to go in terms of recovery and I don’t know if I’ll go back to riding, but I’ve been voted to run the society this year so I’ll be around the horses anyway. I also made an amazing friend in Laura, who’s been with me every step of the way.

IMG_0894

7. I gave a speech about living with mental health for the university’s diversity conference. It was a great way to connect with people and share my experience and if you want to watch you can click here to watch.

IMG_0478

8. I finished second year with a 66% average, a 2:1. I’m slightly bummed out that I dropped a few percent from last year but I surprised myself with some assignments. It’s made me even more determined to get what I need to get a first this year.

girls!

9. I had some absolutely amazing friends by my side through everything. Here’s a picture of me and the girls as Alissa’s birthday meal, my first outing in my wheelchair which they managed to make fun!

11741189_10153406101991963_286158971070072252_o

10. I got to live with a boy, and I still kind of like him.

Oh and a sneaky 11, I’m still working and awesome job and I’ve got another one, always fun!

What have I done this summer?

Leave a comment

I’ve been thinking a lot about the expectations of summer today and for the past few weeks. As we creep closer to September and the evenings start getting darker that little bit earlier summer is scampering away before our very eyes. While I was lying on the bed at my appointment yesterday, as my physio was telling me to slow down and not push the muscles too hard something in me snapped. NO! I wanted to scream in my head, No I’m done, I want a summer do over, I want to go and explore the world and write books and go all over London. Just give me a do over. But I was sat slowly trying to pull my knees towards my chest and having my reflexes checked every week to make sure that I wasn’t getting worse. I was waiting on doctors appointments and adjusting medication levels every few weeks. What the hell was I going to say once I got back to uni?

Almost on queue my anxiety  kicked in today, with a days of depressive thoughts too. What if everyone just ignored me when I couldn’t keep up or go on nights out properly? What if I just sat in the corner while everyone talked about how awesome their summer plans were and how they were glad they spent their last summer before graduating having fun and being young? All I could say was that I fractured my spine, got to go in an ambulance and slept a lot.

So I got sad, got angry, and tried to convince myself getting out of bed and getting dressed was going to be a good move. I threw on some clothes after a while and scraped back my hair, intending to take some pictures of Kingston in the sun. The short story is that it didn’t happen, the long version includes a lot of muscle spasms and swearing. So I moped even more and did housework. Now I bet you’re thinking why do I want to read her moaning about life being sucky, WAIT, this bits almost over, I promise.

I thought the words, what have I done this summer? After waves of negativity I had a lightbulb moment, I managed to get my spine to heal back together. I realised how awesome and amazing my body had been this summer. I might not have done anything that other people I know will have done like a trip to Australia or going to Reading Fest, but my body has managed to piece itself back together and escape never being able to use my legs again.

11128098_10153828284988206_896650709_n11220873_10153929545088206_25953263734917719_n IMG_2705

I realised that it was pretty awesome that I’ve gone from needing help to get out of bed, to walk even the tiniest bit and helped out of the bath every time (now it’s not as often) to having the independence to go to work and my physio appointments without everyone being anxious about it. I’ve learnt to deal with doctors and have a love for nurses. I’ve learnt that I can handle levels of pain I wouldn’t imagine and that if my determination ever needed testing this would do it. I didn’t back down on going to Athens or performing at Basingstoke Live, as people keep telling me I’ve been pretty bad ass.

I still have a long way to go, more appointments, more physio and having to adjust my plans but your body healing itself is a pretty awesome thing and it even makes me forgive the stretch marks that have caused me so much upset lately. Even with all that and the chance I’ll never be able to ride again/ it will be too much of a risk, the experience has made me grow, as cheesy as it sounds. I’ve picked myself up from lows I never thought I’d have and I’ve seen the beauty in the people around me.

So that’s what I’ve done this summer, how about you?

My experience of Acupuncture

Leave a comment

As a part of my fracture recovery I semi-voluntarily get stabbed with tiny needles all over my spine and occasionally my legs. Doesn’t that sound like fun? What I thought was just something that you paid people to do if you were slightly mad, is actually funded on the NHS. Now I’ll be honest I was very sceptical about the way this works and if it works at all. I’m still trying to figure it out myself. After weeks and weeks of still not being able to move and a little persuasion I was booked in to acupuncture.

I said last week that things are only slightly improving with my spine, leading me to be willing to try anything and everything to get rid of some of this pain and get a more active lifestyle back (I was supposed to be super ripped by this point, then I decided to fall off a horse). Meeting Nicola I was nervous, more than nervous but because she is absolutely fab she managed to make me feel informed enough to give it a try. Nicola is the most amazing physio, she answers any and all of my questions, encourages me and understands when the pain is a little bit too much. I don’t think I would have let anyone else use me as a dart board three times.

A lot of people ask me things like what does it feel like? Does it hurt? Do you watch? I can answer honestly that it feels like someone is jabbing you, not in an ‘oh my god what the hell are you doing’ kind of way. Some lucky so and sos don’t feel it at all apparently, I most definitely do. For me there are certain points which are quite painful, whereas others are just a bit annoying, for example there’s one in the middle of my lower back that I’ve had every time and I can usually ignore it. Another point that I had today was on my hip which lead me to swear out loud, it didn’t feel great and the weirdest one I’ve had so far is the backs of my knees, I don’t even know how to describe that. Obviously with it being on my back I can’t watch it, nor would I want to.

If you don’t like needles, scroll past this next image…

*

*

* 

acupuncture

*

*

*

*

Sometimes it can cause pain afterwards and, you guessed it, I’m one of the lucky few who get a fair bit of pain after. I can also get sleepy too. I’ve had 3 sessions and I haven’t seen any incredible results yet unfortunately. I’m going to have a few more sessions, partly because we tried the alternative today and I nearly cried in pain as Nicola tried to relax the muscles. I can’t say that I’d recommend it to people other than to help curb a needle phobia, I’m starting to not be that bothered as long as I don’t have to see it.

I think if I wasn’t struggling so much with pain and it hadn’t been so long I would have held off. I don’t see it as anything magical or groundbreaking, that said it might be more to do with what’s wrong with me rather than the actual treatment, who knows. I’m hoping that after pain clinic and seeing the Neurosurgeon I can finally get back on track, get rid of acupuncture and get back into some fitness!

Image from paramount-physiotherapy.com

Why I’m not a beauty blogger!

1 Comment

IMG_3733

Hello there!

Today I thought I would talk about beauty blogging and why it’s not happening on this channel. Now I want to start off saying that I admire beauty bloggers for what they do, I know some great ones! So this is not a thing against beauty bloggers they’re great, all done.

Now back to me, why don’t I want to be a beauty blogger you ask? It’s not that I don’t want to it’s that I  have absolutely no idea about it. I’m not really that girly, I don’t know much about make up. While most girls were playing around with make up at school (and telling me I’d look ‘so much better’ with make up…erm thanks? I guess?) I was kind of just applying a lot of eyeliner and hating the world. So the older I got I played around with my Mum’s lipsticks, a lot more eyeliner and that was about it. I acquired some blusher and bronzer at some point later from a christmas present. So I had all these odds and ends, no idea about makeup at all and still couldn’t really apply what I had.

Let’s fast forward to my first year at uni most of the girls around me had whole routines and expensive make up. I just kind of looked on it awe at the girls around me. So off I popped to Boots with a bit of cash expecting to know what to buy, how hard could it be? Oh my god I had no idea at all what to buy. What does any of it mean, matte, shiny what, what?!

Now I’m 20 years old, and I’m slowly getting up there with the big boys. I can kind of do winged eyeliner, cover up the spots that used to make me really sad and I have some to die for MAC lipstick, oh and there’s less eyeliner…much less eyeliner. That said, sometimes I still go out and look a little orange from too much bronzer, I still don’t know what half of the makeup counter does and don’t even start me on contouring….all I see is colouring your face. Sorry!

So there you have it, that’s why I’m not a beauty blogger, I don’t have a clue! That and I’ve never wanted to be someone who feels like they can’t go out without make up? I’ve never wanted to rely on it like that, I want to have the choice. How about you guys? Any other 20 somethings with hardly any make up skills?!

A quarter life crisis (five years early) – growing up, meltdowns and questions.

Leave a comment

Sometimes I am sure that I’m actually still a sixteen year old trapped in a twenty year olds body. It’s my annual crisis, you know the one I mean don’t you? The whole, what am I doing with my life, am I behind? Look at what my friends are doing while I’m stuck at home. Yup all that came today. I’ve said it once I’ll say it again, the pictures of people’s kids, engagement rings and weddings make me break out into a cold sweat, I don’t feel ready for this stuff!

I get so worried about what I should be doing that I freak out. Never mind the fact that I’m not keen on having a small person around right now, would probably burst out laughing if I got proposed to and am too broke/ addicted to expensive things to get married. Yup, that pile of books get in my amazon cart, a sale on handbags well it would be rude not to look and as for Topshop? Well I’m like a bloody magpie.

So I sat this afternoon, like many hormonal girls before me, in my PJs, my hair atrocious with chocolate in one hand and a coming of age book in the other (book of choice this time Caitlin Moran’s How to be a Woman) sobbing my little heart out. I had a bit of a fit at Ali, locked myself in the bedroom and let it all out. I cried because I don’t feel like a grown up, I have no idea whatsoever about grown up things like marriage and mortgages and I don’t have a life plan. Yup, yup, yup feeling sorry for myself and a little bit of self indulgence.

I get told that it’s perfectly normal to have days where you completely lose your shit and feel like a child again. There are days when I want to crawl up into my Mum’s lap and let her tell me it’s going to be ok. Well, nowadays I have to settle with cuddling up to Ali while he does the same thing and assures me that doing badly on that one assignment will not balls up my entire life or a phone call to my Mum about what job I’m going to go into.

You can probably guess that I’ve calmed down now, had some good old comfort food and vented to my Mum. I guess I’m writing because it should be something we can talk to each other about, all us 20 somethings who really feel like everyone else has their shit together and you’re clutching at straws. So I’m allowed to feel a little lost and scared that two of my best friends are moving across the world and another is getting a real proper job with proper (not student loan) money. I’m allowed to get a little freaked out that it’s my last year of undergrad and the next few years are going to be grown up and scary because, well, that’s what you’re 20s are for right?

So I’m sorry to everyone who’s waiting for any big announcements from me, I’m still in Little Mermaid Pjs (thank you Primark) and working out how to be a woman in the first place. Basically, I’m just being a 20 year old student who doesn’t have a clue.