10 Things you forget if you haven’t owned a cat in a while

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Going home for the holidays was so much fun, in particular I got to be the animal master. While Lottie was the chilled out pup she always is our new addition wasn’t as mellow. Ed isn’t even 20 weeks old yet, which means he’s a bundle of energy. We’ve never had a kitten before but we used to have a hyperactive cat called Tink for years and some things you forget about having a cat…

1. Meow has 50 meanings, but most of the time it’s ‘I’m hungry’.

2. 4am is playtime, who doesn’t want to play at 4am?!

3. Cat hair gets EVERYWHERE.

4. Nothing, at any height, is safe from being knocked over.

5. If you piss off a cat you better watch your back.

6. Play includes clawing and biting any limb.

7. Sleeping on someone’s head is comfortable…apparently.

8. Christmas trees are great to climb…as are chairs.

9. If they want your attention they will get your attention. No matter what.

10. All in all though, they’re adorable, loveable and so much fun. If I could have my own kitten at my flat I definitely would.

Looking Forward – Hello 2016

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It’s 2016. I look up at this year like a big mountain and I’m going to have to climb to the top.

I’m not going to write about resolutions because I don’t make them. A lot of people with depression will tell you the winter when it’s dark and rainy and just generally shit outside is not the best time to try and change your life. In the past I’ve made changes in the summer when I feel like I have more hours in the day, I feel like I can go outside and look at the sky because it’s clear and that just calms me down.

Instead of setting these huge goals and comparing myself to others I’m going to carry on with what I started in 2015. I’m going to stick to my weekly gym routine, although now I’m signing up to a bigger gym. I’m going to carry on trying to eat right to feel better about myself and lose some of the weight that I put on after the accident.

The biggest challenge, without a doubt, is going to be the changes I’ll face during the summer. I’m not scared of doing or submitting assignments, I’m nervous about graduation. I’m nervous about finding a job and starting my masters. I think, for me, getting through all those changes in my life is going to be enough hard work, so I’m not going to worry about resolutions.

Hopefully this year will be better than the last! Happy 2016 everyone ❤

My Year – 2015

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It’s been a funny old year for me. I sit down to write this post and I don’t know what to think. My overwhelming feeling is at one end I’ve learnt a lot but at the other I’ve also had to deal with things I wouldn’t have imagined. I feel like next year is going to be a mixed year too, but hopefully not as painful. 2016 has a lot of new challenges lined up and if I’m honest I am scared but I’m also excited. For now, here’s a roundup of 2015!

January

I played my first show in central London

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Back in January the boys and I played our first show just around the corner of Leicester Square! We got a great number of people down and had a great time!

I fell in love with a horse

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At the stables I fell in love with Ruby. In January I started going to the stable at the weekends, grooming and spending hours just playing and stroking her.

I had a tough time, then treated myself

I struggled in January for a few different reasons and so I went and treated myself to some new bits and a hair cut. I started to listen to how I felt and what I needed to stay well.

I got to share horse riding with my sister

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I got to take my little sister horse riding! She loved it and it was great for my Mum and Summer to see me ride.

February 

I celebrated Harry Potter Book Night

Joe and I trekked into London for Harry Potter Book Night. It was so much fun to dress up, hand out with one of my best mates, meet the new illustrator and win a signed copy of Philosopher’s Stone.

I struggled and I swam.

While trying to look after myself I started trying to swim whenever I felt down, a big step for me.

I got told I was a ‘game changer’

I got filmed for a documentary that a third year student was making. I was called a ‘game changer’ which I didn’t believe but was really pleased with all the same 🙂

March

I couldn’t say goodbye…and broke my heart

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The beautiful Ruby was sold and I never got a chance to say goodbye and it broke my heart. She was such an incredible horse and I had an amazing connection with her.

I won a KU Talent award!

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I was up for two awards this year ‘Second Year of the Year’ and ‘Overcoming Adversity to Achieve’, which I won. I was so shocked because the category was so strong, I had an amazing night with my Mum and it was definitely one of the highlights of my year!

I became a President 

I became President of the Kingston University Horse Riding Society and won most improved rider for the year! It was a true honor and another great part to the month.

I fell in love with Sign Language again

Working with young people who were hearing impaired was a great experience and made me even more determined to work with disabled students at the university.

…I dropped my phone down the toilet.

Oh yeah, that.

April 

I had the best Easter

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I had such a fun family easter! We really had fun all together, my sister doesn’t look happy because for the first time in years I beat her at the egg hunt!

I went back to Durham!

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I was lucky enough to take a trip back up to Durham to see Ali’s grandparents for their anniversary. I absolutely love going up to Durham it’s beautiful and always relaxing.

I got my two babies

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I bought Hamski and Noodle home ❤ My two little fur babies came home together and although they were eventually separated they originally loved cuddling together! They also proved to be a much needed distraction in the coming months.

I fell off a horse…

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Yep, a simple fall meant my first ride in an ambulance. I was taken in, left in a hospital in the middle of nowhere and luckily had Laura with me. At first I was told I was fine and got back on a horse 3 days later…

May 

I found out that I had broken my spine

After 2 weeks of feeling really sore and then an MRI scan I found out that I’d broken my spine with further damage to other vertebrate, muscle, soft tissue and nerve damage. The 7 hours wait to find out what had gone wrong was just the start of a very long journey ahead.

I used a wheelchair for the first time

I cried a lot when I had to use the chair because I couldn’t walk. Luckily Amy came to get me so I didn’t miss out on our girls dinner before Alissa went back to the US. I ended up having fun and forgetting about the chair for a little bit.

I was part of a winning society!!

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I wasn’t in any fit state to travel so I had to cancel Prague with Dani and Eleanor. To keep my spirits up Amy and Laura took me to the society awards where our society won 2 awards!!

I got my first Spinal Brace

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My physiotherapist is an angel and made sure I had my brace before I flew to Athens. It was hot, sweaty and uncomfortable but it done the job, I was honestly just relieved to have some support for my spine!

June 

I went on my first international creative trip & my first holiday with just Ali (by accident)

What was supposed to be a solo trip to write became a couples trip when I still couldn’t walk! Ali and I ended up having a great time and I finally felt like a writer!

I got a dream job

I got my job as a Social Media Coordinator, one I applied for but never thought I would get. It’s honestly been one of the best jobs I’ve ever had and it was great having the responsibility!

I got a new tattoo!

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I couldn’t go to Foo Fighters in my wheelchair (it was cancelled in the end anyway) so I used the money to get a tattoo that was particularly meaningful then and still is now.

I bought a lot of books…a lot.

What else is a girl to do when she’s mostly stuck in the house?

July 

I said goodbye to friends again

I said goodbye to Eleanor and Maisha as they jetted off for a year of study in New Zealand! Proud friend moment!

I played Basingstoke Live!

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This was my first show post diagnoses. I had my own box, my brace had been taken off and there was a ramp for me. I don’t know how but I got through and it was a great show!

I got frustrated.

I quickly realised I had put on a fair bit of weight and couldn’t really leave the house, sad times.

I had my sister come to stay 🙂

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One of the highlights of my summer was having this munchkin stay with me and going to see Paper Towns early!

August 

I met Don Broco

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Acoustically beautiful and some really lovely lads,

I celebrated living with Ali for a year!

We didn’t kill each other even when I couldn’t move without him! He’s been amazing this year!

I went to my first book club

I got out of my comfort zone, met a friend and bought a lot of books!

I went to the Zoo with some little monkeys

Even though I had to use a wheelchair for our family day out and got rained on I had a great day spending time with family 🙂

I got addicted to comic books

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Damn you Joe, Damn you!

I survived second year!

Despite everything I got through second year with a 2:1 overall…5 marks off of a 1st!

September

I became a third year

Dun, dun, duuuuuuuuun

I got told I was medically shorter than last year!

If I wasn’t short enough, I was told after my CT scans that I have officially lost height and may never get full feeling back in my left leg. That said I also got told that I was healing nicely!

I went to Amsterdam

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A great 21st birthday trip with Dani and Amy! Amsterdam was so much fun and my back behaved itself which is a first.

I turned 21!

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I had an incredible 21st I was spoilt and just felt so loved. This was the handmade cake that my sister made me, I don’t think I’ve ever been given so much cake in my life!

I had a stall at Fresher’s Fair

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Rounding up new recruits for the society!

I watched Star Wars…finally 

Now I’m completely obsessed! This started the countdown to see the new film.

I got recording! 

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We got serious about the EP and I was able to record without a panic attack or doubting myself. A big win for me!

October 

I was mentioned in the New York Times

Just for mentioning the 5p plastic bag charge!

I met Katie Piper

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I met one of my idols, Katie Piper. We had a great chat, photos and talked about Hampshire where we’re both from. It was also amazing to get a message from KAtie written in my book, she really is a lovely woman.

I went to my first Comic-con

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I fell in love with Comic-con and bought a stupid amount of pops, spending the last of my birthday money. It really encouraged me to get creative for the next one in May.

November 

I tried to be classy with Joe

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McDonalds and Galleries…what more could you want.

I was allowed to go to the gym class!

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A big step in my recovery! 6 weeks of gym sessions proved my spine was healing the right way and I loved them.

I left the society

Unfortunately I couldn’t cope running the society. I had to step down immediately and spent a lot of the month after pretty poorly both mentally and physically.

December 

I got to meet Ed!

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I got to meet this adorable little man that now takes over my bed!

I saw Star Wars!

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I fell in love with the new cast and am now even more obsessed. Star Wars is the best.

I went to Olympia!

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Laura finally got to use her 21st birthday present and we went to Olympia Horse Show! Such an amazing day out and we’ll definitely be going again next year.

I had an incredible Christmas 

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No lows, family time, amazing gifts. A great Christmas ❤

I decided I wasn’t giving up…

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This year has had some huge challenges and I’ve gotten through them. There’s no doubt I’ve struggled this year a lot and there will be times next year where I’m ready to give up but I won’t.

Happy New Year to all of my lovely readers and thank you so, so much for all your support this year ❤

Not little forever

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Today is my not so little cousin Elliott’s 16th birthday which is crazy. I still remember going to the hospital to meet him for the first time, I was five and he was a premature baby and my aunts first child. Now it wasn’t the first time I’d met a little cousin, I already had two female cousins but Elliott I specifically remember meeting. He’s gone from this teeny tiny baby to a gorgeous 16 year old boy.

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I was really sick today and so I had to miss his birthday dinner and little family party which broke my heart. I love trying to be here for all of the kids birthdays because I’m close to them. The only difference is that I don’t see some of my family members any more, which means I’ve missed birthdays and celebrations and in the future I’d love to see them again.

So while I was home being looked after by my dog, who didn’t leave my side for hours, I started thinking about all the kids. Then I started thinking about 2016 and all the things I wish for them.

For my sister, I wish for another brilliant year of just happiness and being so badass like she already is.

For Lollie and Ralphie, I just wish for a lot of fun this year and for you to just enjoying being kids and running around and playing.

For El, I hope that the hard work you put in to show in your results and that you really enjoy college. It’s going to be the making of you.

For Harv, I hope you don’t break any bones this year and  carry on being the awesome little dude you are.

For Kieran, I wish for you to love being a big brother! It’s honestly great having a small person in the house!

For Lexi, I hope for a great last year at nursery and an amazing time when you start school.

I honestly want all of them and my other cousins to have a brilliant 2016 and I’ll do anything to make it even better.

Happy 16th Birthday El, love you lots.

I’m not ready for 2016

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2016 is supposed to be an exciting year for me. Graduation for a lot of people is something to celebrate but with graduation comes a minefield of uncertainty and basically leaving me on the verge of panic attack central. As the days creep closer to the new year I feel like I’m digging my heels in and just saying no, no, no, no.

I’m not feeling happy or confident about graduating. I don’t like not having a plan and knowing what I’m going to do. I don’t know what I’ll graduate with, I don’t know if I can get a job or if I’ll get the one I want, I don’t know if my MA will run or if I’ll be able to afford it. Where will I live? Will I be able to deal with doing my MA and working at the same time? All these questions are running around my head and my anxiety is attacking me like a laser.

I’m hoping I’ll calm down and take it day by day, month by month but you do get asked a lot of questions. Everyone is interested in a kind way but it’s still stressful. Knowing that in a few months people will be coming to view mine and Ali’s home for the past few years and that I’ll have to start boxing things up again…To say that all this makes me emotional is an understatement and this is all probably a lot work because I’m tired and generally emotional at the moment.

It isn’t all doom and gloom. Some nights I think about exciting things and plans I have and ideas for the blog or the book I’ve always wanted to write. I guess it’s all ups and downs. I’ll try and go into 2016 with a day by day attitude because there are going to be a lot of changes coming my way and I am really anxious. I’m hoping I can work on my techniques and keep fighting the anxiety because I really do want to enjoy what I have left of my undergraduate degree and hopefully there will be good things to come in 2016.

 

 

Picture from Pinterest

Christmas and Boxing Day Haul

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After a lot of issues with WordPress trying to upload these pictures to my website I can finally write about my gigantic haul over Christmas and Boxing Day ( it’s like Black Friday sales for my US readers).

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I was up at 4am and then 5am on Christmas morning and it was so worth it! I have been so lucky this year with gifts from all of my family with just some of them.

  • Chocolate, lots of chocolate
  • Hair Curlers (so excited for these and they work a treat).
  • Lots of little presents from my sister candles, a handmade mug, chocolates, more chocolates, a chocolate and cookies mug and other things.
  • Money which was used in the sales (more on that later).
  • Strong Looks Better Naked by Khloe Kardashian, #GirlBoss by Sophia Amoruso and Why Not Me by Mindy Kaling
  • Star Wars cookie mix and cutters, candy sticks, 2016 annual and calendar (you’d think I liked Star Wars or something)
  • Pug Slippers, socks and knickers in my stocking
  • Models Own Nail Varnish
  • The Trial of Captain America
  • Jack Wills Set
  • Harry Potter Travel Mug
  • Fox Screen Cleaner and Fox toy
  • Hot Water Bottle
  • New Umbrella
  • Dressing Gown
  • Harry Potter Hogwarts Library and a George Foreman Grill
  • Cosmopolitan subscription

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And of course I was treated to Pops too! I now have a good section of the Avengers, Batman, Cinderella and Olaf from Frozen. I wrote on Christmas Day how grateful I felt. I was honestly overwhelmed by all the gifts that I’d received I know how lucky I am.

Early on Boxing Day morning I headed off with my Sister, Mum and Nanna. We always get up stupidly early to get to Next and Lush and this year my sister and I did get a good haul!

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Revolution Blush and Highlighter set – £3.99 in Superdrug. IMG_6023

Wildlife cup and straw £3.00 and R2D2 keychain £4.00 both from Accessorize. IMG_6024

Lush Rose Jam Shower Gel, Snow Fairy set, Bear set (x6 bath bears) and Lord of Misrule Shower Gel. All Lush was 50% off.IMG_6020

Yankee Candles, also 50% off in Boots. Large candle £9.99 and medium candle £7.99. The last forever, which is why they’re not cheap! Very excited to use these in the flat even when it’s not Christmas!

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Two pairs of long shorts (£10 ech) and black decorated leggings (around £15) from Next. I also picked up some lovely nail varnishes for £2 each.

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Lush bath balls l-r. Cinders (x2), Magic Wand, Dashing Santa, Yogg Nogg, The Magic of Christmas , Fun play stuffs, Peeping Santa, Star Dust, Holly Golightly (very glittery),  Candy Mountain.

As you can see this is a pretty huge haul! I’m so thankful for everything I received and the money which meant I could buy myself some treats in the sales too!

What did you guys get for christmas? I’d love to hear in the comments below!

 

Grateful, Grateful, Grateful

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Hello lovely readers and Merry Christmas! I’m not going to write a long post tonight because I have been up since 5am (thanks so much Summer!). Yes my not so little sister was too excited to sleep and so I got woken up and wasn’t allowed to go back to sleep. It’s not all bad though we were opening presents at 5.30 this morning.

I’m writing because I just feel like I’m bursting with happiness and just feeling content. I’ve spent last night, all of today and tonight with mine and Ali’s families. I’ve been really spoilt and no low was allowed to get in my head thankfully. I was worried because when I’m super tired it’s a prime opportunity for me to feel bad but I managed to beat it off.

I just keep saying thank you and I’m so grateful, especially as Ali wasn’t working! Laying with Ali chilling tonight  just bought back all these memories of when we were younger and it was nice to remember. I’ve felt so close to my sister too this year and that’s amazing.

I’ve also been thinking about people that aren’t so lucky at this time of year. I’ve been in the depths of depression before and it’s the worst but it won’t be like it every year. I’ve sat and thought of all the homeless, our service men and women and people in general who don’t have an easy time.

I hope you’ve all had a good christmas and if you haven’t remember tomorrow is a brand new day!

 

My Top 11 Books of 2015

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At the time of writing this I’ve read 77 books this year, which is less than I wanted to read this year! Boo! Although there is still time…I might get to 80. So for today’s review I thought I’d tell you the 11 best books I’ve read this year, because I couldn’t get rid of one.

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How to Build a Woman– Caitlin Moran

This is definitely the most influential book I read this year. I tried reading Caitlin’s book when I was younger and hated it, but I decided to try again for my Writing Women class this year. I laughed so hard reading it and just felt I could say I’m a feminist without seeming crazy or arrogant. I’ve not religiously watched all of Caitlins talks on YouTube and read How to Build a Girl and a good chunk of Moranthology. Read my review here.

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Reasons to Stay Alive – Matt Haig

Haig has written a phenomenal book. I’m usually sceptical of books related to mental health, because it’s so hard to put into words but somehow Haig has put in exactly how I’ve felt. It’s also great if you’re living with someone with depression too. Read my review here.

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Beautiful & Beautiful Ever After – Katie Piper

I have been a fan of Katie Piper for years. Getting to meet her and get my own message and autograph was a huge highlight of my year. Both of these books are incredibly honest, Katie has the ‘just getting on with it’ attitude a lot of us with physical and mental disabilities have. Her two autobiographies are a brilliant read and full of heartbreak but also full of hope. Review to come in 2016 but you can read about when I met Katie here.

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Go Set a Watchman – Harper Lee

I rushed home from work to buy this the day it came out. There was a lot of divided opinion but I for one thought it was an incredible book. There is a completely different message than there was in To Kill a Mockingbird, but I think that it is just as important. Read my review here.

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Am I Normal Yet? – Holly Bourne

I have a book crush on Holly Bourne. Am I Normal Yet? is a fantastic piece of YA literature. Bourne always manages to create a magnificent story and this one is no different. Considering mental health, young people and what ‘normal’ is, she created an instant favourite once again. Read my review here.

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This Book is Gay – James Dawson

I picked up this book a long time ago and decided to finally read it (before James announced he was transgender, he is still using male pronouns for now) because I was curious. I felt like I could know more about the LGBTQ community and I’m so glad I did. I honestly think this book should be given out in schools during sex education! Review to come in 2016.

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The Art of Being Normal – Lisa Williamson

This was the first book I read in 2015 and I absolutely loved it. It’s a great addition to YA literature and has the power to open up conversations about the Trans community. I completely forgot to review it so I’m afraid it will be a 2016 review!

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Orange is the New Black – Piper Kerman

Unlike most of the people I know I wasn’t addicted to the TV show. I didn’t mind it but I just didn’t find it as engaging. Instead I saw a Ted Talk by the real Piper Kerman and decided I want to read her book. I didn’t regret it. This is so interesting it looks not only at Piper but at the women around her and casts a critical eye on the prison system. I really recommend this as something to pick up in the new year.

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Extraordinary Means – Robyn Schneider

I was recommended this book by a friend of mine, I’d been curious about it for a while but also sceptical of the blurb. I was totally wrong, if you are a fan of John Green then this is definitely a novel to pick up. It’s funny, heartbreaking and I’m not ashamed to say I cried at one point. The review for this is coming up in February and I can promise you will love the main character as much as I did, so keep your eyes peeled!

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Suicide Notes From Beautiful Girls – Lynn Weingarten

I can easily declare that this was the most amazing book that I read and that was released in 2015. I have told everyone to buy this because Weingarten has an incredible talents for writing that will keep you up until the early hours. I said ‘oh my god’ multiple times while reading and still think the twist is genius. Read this but make sure you don’t have to be up early the next day as you’ll devour it in one sitting. Read my review here.

I just wanted to say thank you so much for all of the support I’ve received about my book reviews. I’m so grateful for all the feedback and love I’ve received. There are going to be reviews throughout 2016 and I have some great books coming up!!

Kids and Christmas

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Lexi with one of her presents 

Today one of my FAVOURITE parts of Christmas celebrations happened. Every year me, my sister Summer, my oldest friend Lucy and little Lexi meet up to see each other and exchange presents. Summer plays with Lexi and Lucy and I get to catch up while they run around. Every time I see Lexi she’s shot up even more and she’s the funniest and cutest little kid ever (at one point picking out an Auntie card and handing it to me, so freaking cute).

I’ve written about how amazing it is to be a Godmother/Auntie many times. I’ve documented Lexi’s life through pictures on my phone and I will be doing that for many years to come. She loved the presents she got from everyone (the Belle soft doll in the picture is from the US, my Mum got it when she went earlier in the year) and this is the best reaction to presents. Kids being excited is one of the most awesome parts…I also get excited on a kid level….whoops.

As you all know I don’t have any human children of my own. BUT I do have hamster babies which I may have, sort of, spoilt when I went to the pet section of Wilkinson today. I have heard though from everyone I know with sprogs that when you have them christmas gets even more amazing because seeing their faces makes the day magical. I have to say just by seeing how Lexi reacted today I can understand how people say that, it was adorable.

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My fur babies 

Even though I’m 21 now and my sister is 14 we still get stockings and sent to our rooms early on Christmas eve so the house can be decorated for the day. We still wake up at stupid o clock in the morning, but now we take selfies while we wait, oh and we still get filmed opening all of our presents. Spending time with my sister, seeing Lexi and Lucy and just being home has got me so excited for Christmas now! I’m going to enjoy however long I have of being young, childless and acting like a big, excitable kid!