Harry Potter Book Night – London

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Tonight I was lucky enough to be a part of Harry Potter book night! A whole night dedicated to the Harry Potter books and magic. For a nerd like me I was beyond excited after getting tickets a few months ago. I have to admit though when I first put the uniform on I looked about 14…which came in handy later when I got children’s prices for things, hahaha.

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I met Joe in central, getting no strange looks as of yet, that was until I had my cloak on going up the escalators to get to the street then there were a few laughs and giggles. It seemed weird that there weren’t more people dressed up, the closer we got the more I started to laugh, surely we couldn’t be the only ones dressed up?

Luckily we weren’t, nor were we the oldest there, in fact there were only a few kids at all (but they did have the best costumes). The evening itself wasn’t bad apart from being read to, one of my biggest peeves even when I was a kid. Unless you’re JK Rowling you can’t read to me and expect me to enjoy it. That said after a bit I warmed to the idea. Then the competitions started, of course I wanted to win and even the girl next to me agreed my hand was shooting up so fast it felt like Hermione was sitting next to her.  My Hermione-like ways won me a copy of Harry Potter with the new cover! Free books are always the best fun for me.
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I also managed to make a friend below is Pepper, an adorable 7 year old who is finding Harry Potter for the first time. She chatted, had made her own owl and won a prize for best costume (the hat was also pretty cool). I loved talking to her and her Mum because it reminded me (and Joe) that there are kids still finding harry for the first time! It seems so long ago since I did. It is amazing and I hope that I can pass on the love of that world to my own children later on.

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Pepper with her prize! 

I was also fortunate enough to meet and get my book signed by the new illustrator and hear how he created the covers after NEVER watching or reading Harry Potter! I couldn’t believe it! That said, I think that it made the covers better, he wasn’t influenced by anything. The covers are truly based on the words, which is pretty incredible.

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Original artwork on display! 

All in all it was a great night even if it didn’t last long and it ended after I’d managed to fall on my face, before going for cocktails! I had a great catch up with Joe and got to celebrate some of my all time favourite books 🙂

Evening thoughts

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I want to write every day. I’m not as good at it as I used to be, partially because I spend time outside doing things rather than staring at the same four walls nearly every night. I don’t know how I feel right now. I don’t feel great but at the same time I don’t feel depressed, just deep in thought about anything and everything. Ok that’s not strictly true, I’ve thought a lot about depression tonight.

I can’t go into detail, nor would I want to, but hearing about a young girl who is being bullied and even slightly thinks about ending her life isn’t ok with me. Ok so she might not be serious about it, but you never know. My sister’s at an age now where a lot of her friends have issues, at the age where people are very likely to develop things like depression, self harm and eating disorders. Being a teenager is so confusing and worrying and really bloody stressful.

It’s known on this blog that I have depression but I suppose on here I don’t go into detail about some of my history, it doesn’t hurt any more but I guess I want this to be a positive blog and well, it’s a very long and negativemy part of  past. I had Ali who I’m sure already knows how important he was to me in helping me carry on in some of the worst times. I still have times when I completely break down, where I scream and I can’t breathe and everything just gets a little too much… He picks me up and let’s me cry until I’m ready to talk about it.

It’s not just Ali that have seen these meltdowns (which used to be a lot more frequent), my family did and I worry the most about my sister. I wonder how she would have turned out if she hadn’t experienced me being so ill and I think that’s the hardest thing to face, that she was so young when I was so ill. I have to say though I’m so proud of her, she’s growing up to be an amazing person, she’s caring and intelligent and knows she can talk to me about what’s going on with her or her friends.

The older she gets the more she’s exposed to and that terrifies me. I wish I could just wrap her up and run so she doesn’t have to know about how hard people hurt sometimes and what can come of it. I’m as honest as I can be with her, she’s still only young, and I answer any questions she has best as I can. My main thing is that I want her to be happy and to be ok, I never want her to hurt like I did. I know my family are great, she’s in good hands but I don’t know it’s a sisterly protection thing I think. She has our parents and family but it’s like I need to know she’s ok, I need to know when she’s sad and how to help. We’ve got a good relationship, great even, and I couldn’t live without her, when I moved I think she was the person I was most worried about leaving home and part of that was out of fear and panic, all I could think is What if she turns out like me? Like in some way I’d be responsible and yes to a point I do panic that her seeing me the way I was is going to affect her in some way.

It’s not only her it’s my family, Ali. When you’re really ill you just feel guilt all the time and the better I get the easier it gets to not blame myself, to actually believe that I was ill, not horrible. I was difficult and upset, but to them all I’m eternally grateful. I like to think that with every little triumph for me my family are there with me and now the friends who I’m opening up around.

So there are my thoughts for tonight. I don’t know if they make sense, I don’t care about the grammar, the punctuation. Sometimes you just need have to write.

A little message to my friends

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There is something about song lyrics, especially those other people have written that makes it so much easier to express myself. I’ve been reflecting a lot lately and so instead of writing a funny post or a list I wanted to write, well, straight from the heart. There are many amazing people in my life, people who are not my family but I know they’re there for me, I like to take the time sometimes to tell them this. So here we go, if February is the month of love there are a lot of people who I’d like to declare it for, so in no particular order.

Jordan

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       Next year it will be 10 years,I think, since you moved all the way to Australia packed with a teddy and drawings. I remember the tears, the worries, the long emails as we started to grow up without being next to each other. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t hard. From ‘stealing’ you when we were 7/8 to now when we’re both in our 20s (gulp), you’re now as much of an old woman as me! You’re always there, even when we haven’t spoken in weeks, we don’t need to. You were always proud of everything I achieve and for that I’m eternally grateful. I love you and I’ll come see  you as soon as I can, Happy Birthday. 

Lucy P 

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Hey Frizz, god what an awful nickname. You gave me one of the greatest things in my life a beautiful goddaughter who I can’t help but love and reminds me of you so much. We’ve fought…a lot, time and time again but somehow we always end up stuck with each other, even more now that the princess is involved. We get to freak out about getting all old and laugh at everyone who used to pick on us at school (oh what fun!). Thanks for not only sticking it out but helping to give me a reason not to give up when things get tough, someones got to be a bad influence on your daughter 😉

Lucy B 

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Fellow emo, fellow panicker, fellow MCR addict. Out of our entire group at school you’re the only girl still around and we tend to turn into 15 year olds again whenever we’re around each other although by now we’ve replaced the eyeliner and lace skirts for jeans and vodka. You’re crazy, as much as me and I love you for it, next time we’re both around it’s a noodle date.

Eleanor

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Eleanor, Eleanor, Eleanor. I don’t even know how I can begin to explain how much I love you, you’re my partner in crime. You just seem to understand and most of the time you’re just on the same page…the other times I can count on you for a good debate. You give me a kick up the ass when I need it and then other times you’re the hug that I need. Oh and we laugh, we laugh so bloody hard when we’re together, even when we’re supposed to be being deadly serious, but I guess that’s what makes the library sessions so great. You’re my cheerleader and I hope that I’m the same for you. I love you so, so much.

Daniela

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‘I can’t even’, just can’t even imagine my life without you in it. It’s thanks to you that I now have some of the best friends I’ve ever had in my entire life. You’re so sweet and thoughtful as well as being my favourite dizzy blond and always there for a cuddle. I can’t thank you enough and I don’t think I ever will for inviting me out last year even when I was so quiet and probably a little bit weird. Now you’ve got me going out, doing shots and actually being a little social butterfly like you! If you hadn’t guessed by now I love you so much.

Amy

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Amy! You’re crazy enough to get onto a horse with me. You may be quiet but that doesn’t mean I forget you, you always make me laugh with some of the things you say and I can always rely on you for long term relationship advice. You share my old soul too, loving books and tea, although I have to say you’re damn brilliant when we go out together, those moves are damn fab! I loves yoooou

Maisha

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I swear I lose you every week titch. The only human being I know who is so small, which I think is why you disappear but it doesn’t matter because when we are together we are always laughing at the most stupid things. I love you!

Laura 

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I don’t have a picture of us but this is my first lesson! 

Who else would let me near their horse and trust me not to race off and get lost! We’ve only been friends this year but I’ve learnt so much from you. You’re definitely my coach when it comes to riding and just the sweetest person I’ve ever met. You always encourage me, even when I just can’t get a lesson to go how I wanted it to. I can’t wait to go on a hack together, let’s hope I don’t fall off! I love you!

Summer- Rose

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Ok so I cheated with this one, she is my sister, but she’s also my best friend and the one person I can rely on without question for the rest of my life. I’ll keep this short due to the cheating but you’re cute and a madame and when I grow up I want to be just like you.

Rhys, Dan, Ben, Ali

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You’re all special to me, individually but it’s as a group that I feel most at home. We drive each other crazy and spend so much time together now, and well it looks like we’ll be spending even more together. Before I was in this band the thought of heading out on tour and playing every single month was really nothing more than a dream and then I met the four of you. So let’s,you know, take over the world and stuff

Joe 

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You drive me insane. Literally insane. Sometimes I don’t get you and other times I understand perfectly what you want to/ are trying to say. You’re miserable and grumpy but really you’re not, you’re damn soft…sorry I guess I just let that out! You were the first friend I had in this place and hopefully we’ll still be stuck together at the end of it. You’re my favourite art geek and definitely a Harry.

Ali

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Do I have to even write this? I’ll say it simply you’re probably my favourite human so I think I’ll stick around if that’s ok?

The Pier.

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From time to time I write stories, I wanted to share this one with you.

Walking along the pier she could almost imagine that nothing had changed. She could still feel the sand under her toes, the sun prickling on her skin and through her t-shirt, although by now she’d stopped pretending she was a princess. Of course things had changed, she’d swapped a bucket and spade for a camera and notebook, her fathers hand for a pair of dark sunglasses. The Ocean was something that caught her in the middle, of course it changed but it stayed the same.

She listened to the waves before looking up towards the sky, throwing her head back she listened. The seagulls circled, calling to eat other about the nearest bit of food. The children screamed and ran while the water chased them, destroying their castles, it didn’t matter they’d soon make another. The plink of the amusement park and the whirr of the candy floss spinning. She followed the sounds she used to squeal over, being silent now.

Her feet took off up the banks and closer. She pushed the glasses up her nose and pulled her hat down a little more. The boards creaked beneath her and she let herself look below, to the waves gently lapping it was almost inviting. There was a time when she would scream, not wanting her feet to touch the ground, she was certain she was going to fall. As soon as the thought ambushed her, her fingers found the pole and gripped almost involuntarily. They used to carry her, taking it in turns, so she could just bury her head and listen without being scared.

She wasn’t scared as much now, not that she would admit it anyway. Of course most things were how she always wanted them now, more than she could ever imagine but with that came a tightness in her chest. She wanted to come here whenever her body threatened to out her, but it would be months before she came again. She picked up the camera and began clicking again at anything, everything, until she found it.

It wasn’t significant to anyone else, just one of the many benches along the Pier. Even on this busy day it was free, call it destiny or whatever you want, she didn’t really care. She lowered herself, lifting her face so that the sun caught her freckles.  This is where her fortune was told, not by someone magical, well not to you or I. They told her about the future while she craned her neck to see the sea, they held her hand and told her just what was to come because no one but her could do it.

A tear escaped and she doesn’t wipe it away. The notebook opened and her hands craft what they were meant to. The Pier, the same, different and a part of her all at the same time.

10 Reasons being a student is the best.

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We all know that being a student is that beautiful time between being a teenager and becoming an adult (gulp), so here are just 10 of the reasons being a student is THE BEST.

1.  You actually get to study what you want 

No more P.E! Can I get a woohoo! There is nothing worse than the classes you hate at school (for me P.E and Maths) and at degree you get to study what YOU want to!

2. More independence! 

Whether you’ve moved away from home for the first time or you’re commuting, you get to be independent. Sorting yourself you is actually a lot of fun. I know most people really enjoyed their first food shop on their own while lying to their parents that yes they had bought fruit…strawberry ice cream is kind of fruit 😉

3. Taking up new things 

You might take up things you’ve never thought of before in societies, I took up horse riding, I have friends who do rugby, fencing, and once I knew someone who attended Wine Society, no word of a lie! It’s cool you can try something out and make friends along the way.

4. Being able to explore 

Whether that be the world, new culture,yourself, your sexuality, university is the time to explore!! You can try new things and see what you like and don’t like.

5. You can eat what you want….seriously

Want cake for breakfast? Go for it. Want a bowl of cereal for dinner, why not? Ok so it might not be that nutritional but it is fun.

6. You make friends! 

Ah making friends. Something which before we all come we’re absolutely terrified of. I met my band mates and some really good friends since being at uni, all of which accept me for the things that I used to get called weird for.

7. You learn some life lessons 

Like going out on an empty stomach and downing shots all night…don’t think you’re going to want to see daylight in the morning.

8.STUDENT DISCOUNT! 

I love student discount to the point that I’m a total dork about it. Most places offer a student discount, even 10% can make a difference, my NUS card was totally worth it and nice shops will check if you have it so you can spend money. I got a damn good haircut at a great salon with my discount that would have cost me nearly £50 at home !!!

9. You can decide what you want to do with your life

Most of us don’t know what we want to do at 18, so having 3 years to work it out is a good idea…even if most of us still don’t completely know at the end of it.

10. It’s  fun. 

I never thought I’d be this in love with uni. It is definitely not easy but it’s a great thing to do and I feel like a different person 2 years in!

Have I missed something off? Add with your comments below!

Horses with Mum and Sums

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Me and my sister visiting Rubey 

Visitors today! Yippie! My Mum and Sister came to visit me on her day off school. So naturally I had booked a horse riding lesson for my sister, basically because she’s the only person apart from my friends brave enough to come with me!

It was so much fun and cheered me up to have them around and introduce both Mum and Sums to the horses, especially Rubey (that is how her name is spelt). I also had them watching me ride…although the horse I was on today was not in a good mood and was not happy to be around other horses. The best bit though? I finally came off the lunge and was controlling the horse on my own!!!! Yippie!

My sister, however, turned out the be a natural at horse riding. She did so well on Princess who I booked knowing that she’d be a good horse for her. I got more than a little excited when she started on a rising trot and started to get it, definite proud big sister moment.

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As usual I had to go and see Rubey after as well as before and she was so cuddly it was amazing. She has an absolutely lovely owner as well, Sapphire is brilliant with her and one of the sweetest kids ever, she certainly teaches me a lot when I help out at the weekends.

So that’s today, oh not to forget meeting up with Joe too!, my Mum enjoyed it  but she’s decided horse riding isn’t for her. All in all a pretty good day apart from Eleanor still being poorly but she’s never down for long!

I’m thinking of doing some more fun posts over the weekend and uploading anything I’ve missed!

January payday/meday

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Hello you lovely lot!

It may not seem obvious to you guys but I’ve had a lovely hair cut and I’m feeling better. I have been struggling a little and just feeling a little out of place, slightly but not too much luckily. So today I was feeling a bit off and irritated after seeing a poorly Eleanor (feel better soon El!) I trecked into town to have a browse…that became an expensive browse.

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I ended up getting myself a new jumper from River Island (£25.00), Elle magazine because well who doesn’t love Kiera Knightly, Humans of New York book (which I was BEYOND excited to find), some more books…which Ali doesn’t know about so shush! Basically it was pay day and I felt like I deserved the treat because I have been working hard and even if my attendance at uni has slipped I’m still trying and that’s the main thing.

So what else? Sometimes I worry about what I put on this blog, I wonder whether I should do more themed days or write what I feel or plan? I’m really not sure because I do want this to be a good blog and as ever if you have any ideas/things you like please,please,please! Tell me in the comments or tweet me, even email, I love hearing from you guys.
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January book haul…Oops 

I’ve also realised it’s nearly February, feels like it’s only just been christmas but whatever. So I have a lot going on, band wise it’s pretty quiet but other parts of my life not so much. I have assignments to hand in, birthdays to prepare for, reading week, lots of work, kerrang tour! It’s going to be an exciting month and hopefully a good one.

I realise I haven’t spoke too much about how I am right now and some of you are kind enough to ask. I’m doing okay, better than I was before christmas but still a little…unsure? I’m getting there though and the band is busier than ever, I’m on top of assignments so hopefully I’ll start to feel a little bit more relaxed and happier.

As always thank you SO, SO much for stopping by to read this 🙂

לא נשכח אותם – We Will not forget them

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Today marks the 70th Anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz, a day which many of its inhabitants never thought would come. To us now it is hard to imagine what happened, in fact to anyone with a heart it is hard to comprehend how human beings could be treated so badly.

To listen to the survivors, to see where they were held sends a shiver through my sign. I’ve never visited the camps, although one day I hope to visit, to pay my respects to the people. Whole families destroyed, lost and people murdered for just their own beliefs.

It is important we learn from this, we listen and never forget. This kind of terrible hatred has been seen in France recently and must not continue, if we can’t stand together then what happens next?

I could have written this factually but I wanted the emotion, I wanted the feels of passion that I have for these people, for the Jewish community. We didn’t live through this and slowly the survivors are dying after sharing with us the terrible sights they lived through, shared their pain. We owe it to those who were brave enough to talk, to remember as much as we can and try to prevent such terror happening again.

I pay my respects to those lost and thank those who survived.

We will not forget you.

Back at the keyboard (finally)

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Hello you lot, I’ve really been away from this keyboard too long. What’s been happening? Sickness, damn nasty viral, crappy sickness, that’s what. The bug caught up with me and knocked me for six. I was in bed all of the Monday and Thursday while spending the rest of the week feeling goddamn awful and going to bed at 8.30….yikes.

So I’ve just got back from home this afternoon and then dinner and drinks with Eleanor and her boyfriend Freddie, while not third wheeling. They’re a pretty awesome couple to hang out with their piss taking of each other reminds me of Ali and I..speaking of which. I’m writing to you from my flat waiting for Ali to get home after a long day airsofting (think paintballing but with BB Guns and a lot more equipment) so he’ll be tired and bruised more than likely when he gets back.

I’ve honestly missed blogging, I think other than the music this is the thing that I feel like I need to do, rather than want. I love to share my ideas and thoughts with you guys and I’m planning out some of the stuff that will come next like mental health features, uni tips and just the general experience which I never thought would be as fun as it is.

So now I have to upload a crap tonne of blogs I drafted for you all over the past weekish.

Speak soon!

Gigs

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Gigs can be funny old things. There are times when I go to a gig expecting nothing but actually have a blast and get a lot from the crowd, other times it’s the opposite. Tonight was a funny one, last week we played in London to a busy pub while tonight we played in Kingston…to not many people.

Now I’m not going to say I was ecstatic when we were playing to a room with a handful of people, but to be fair it let me relax a little bit. It’s kind of like we play shows and I always want it to go as best it can, but as with anything sometimes things don’t go as you planned. Although I thought the chances of being booked again were slim I was wrong and the promoter is a top guy who wants to play us at other venues.

Either way we met some great other bands, our set went down well and to be fair it ended positively even if I had a big dip in my confidence.