No People Club are awesome.

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No People Club Stoke LiveI’m good at shamelessly plugging my band. Really good at it and I think that’s because I’m so proud of it. We’ve got a good sound, good reception at gigs and we’re going to be playing so many shows soon that I just have to share them all with you. We didn’t win battle of the bands today but we’re still pretty awesome. So come and see us, like us on Facebook and Twitter and stuff. This band really is my baby.

Hannafords Bar – 27th Feb

229, London – 7th March

The Sanctuary, Basingstoke – 14th March

The Green Door Store, Brighton – 25th March

The Fighting Cocks, Kingston – 26th March

RMA Tavern, Southsea (Portsmouth) – 9th April

Sticky Mike’s, Brighton – 28th May

The Star , Guilford – 19th June

More To be announced…

Come and see us!

http://www.nopeopleclub.com

@nopeopleclub

facebook.com/nopeopleclub

Postmodern Jukebox

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You’ve never heard of Postmoder Jukebox? Where have you BEEN! Tonight myself and the beautiful Eleanor were lucky enough to see them perform in London. I’ve been a fan of Scott Bradlee for a while now and of PMJ since seeing the above video. Basically they take new songs and give them an incredible twist of varying styles my favourites so far have been Fancy, Blank Space (which I think sounds better than the original) and Stacey’s Mom.

The show tonight was sold out and for good reason, they were incredible. It was a little bit cheeky but there is true talent in the show. Costumes, dancers, incredible arrangements I was definitely fangirling. When I a) found out they were on tour and b) found our El was also a fan I had to go. So we got the tickets well before Christmas. I have to say once you watch one video it becomes addictive, I’ve watched all the videos, have all the albums on my iPod, it’s incredible.

You all NEED to go and check them out! You won’t regret it!

Breaking Out

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If you came here looking for something incredible about a spy or whatnot then you are in the wrong place. This post is about me and I think I’d be a pretty useless spy to be fair (I’m far too clumsy!). The sun was shining today, you know that big yellow thing in the sky? Yeah that. It’s like a huge serotonin injection so it can be pretty amazing at kicking depressions butt.

I haven’t been great in the past week, I didn’t realise at the time but now looking back I can see it. I was more going through the motions at times rather than enjoying my week off, I kept busy as I could though. The worst point was definitely having to phone in sick to work on Thursday…that actually hurt because I hate it when my illness stops me doing things, unfortunately sometimes it does.

So yesterday there were ups and downs and I went to bed on a not so positive and angry note. This morning when I woke up though relaxed and better. I actually got up and got straight on with what I needed to do…something that hasn’t happened in a while. It wasn’t until the sun came out that I realised something was different.

We have a big bay window in the flat and blinds that aren’t very good, so the sun comes right through. It was like the outside was pulling me, the sun, the blue skys. My brain wasn’t that into it though, it took me a good hour of tug of war with myself before I put my clothes on to go out and headed out the door (fighting myself a little all the way). I managed and just took a walk through own in the sunshine and I loved the business of Kingston, it wasn’t driving me crazy it was actually kind of comforting. It was like I’d been locked in my own head for too long.

Coming back to the flat I got on again, like a wild thing. I just had so much energy and ideas and everything. This is what happens sometimes and I get a little bit skeptical, either I’m having an insanely good mood or it’s something a little less pleasant. Sometimes I have these massive boosts before I crash…I suppose I’ll wait and see.  I hope it’s the first one because I was damn miserable all week and today just felt like forgetting everything I was upset about…just for a little while.

Then I couldn’t sit still again so off to the pool. It was nice and therapeutic, just counting the laps, helping my brain relax rather than go into overdrive. I got to 20 laps before heading home to work again but I was a little bit calmer.

I’m glad I ‘broke out’ today. Sometimes when I’m low it’s like there are bars on the windows and doors, I can’t get out even if I want to. Little times like this make me smile the most. So now I’m finishing this after a nice shower smelling of lush and hoping more than anything this carries on tomorrow.

Loving You!

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It’s no secret that I’m in a relationship and I’m very lucky. I though a lot about what to write tonight, do I write about Ali, about all the people I love? Valentines day list or something similar? Then I got around to thinking surely the thing people feel today is loved but we should all try and love ourselves a little bit more.

Ali once said to me that I need love myself or how could he truly love me? This was years ago but it stuck with me, I stopped feeling self conscious and negative as much as I could around him but it wasn’t until I got to uni I learned to like myself. I know I’m not the only young person to want to change something about them, you reading this right now, you know there’s something you want to change too.

So here are 5 things that I’d like to change first of all…

1. My stretch marks

2. My hatred of being alone

3. How anxious I get about stupid things

4. General hip and tum area

5. That there are some things I just can’t let go of

But here are 10 things I love about myself…

1. I have lovely eyes

2. I’m smart

3. I work hard

4. When I love someone I give them my all

5. I’m a good musician

6. I’m a good writer!

7. I can make a great cup of tea

8. I’m actually a fairly decent horse rider

9. I’m doing really well in my degree so far

10. I’m actually quite a cool person

The second list was harder to write but these are things I feel, I didn’t ask someone who loves me. I think we all need to work a little bit on loving who we are and if something really bothers you taking measures to change it if we can.

I hope you all have a lovely day and just remember, you’re pretty awesome.

Back to Basingstoke :)

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Last night I took a train back to Basingstoke. After a lovely catch up with Eleanor I was in a good mood to head home, even if it was just for the day. I woke up this morning and actually forgot where I was for a second, that was until my dog and then my sister came to wake me up, although I’m pretty sure Lottie’s reasoning was to steal my bed (see the sleepy pup picture? She stayed like that for a good hour).

The reason I’d come home was to see Lexi for her 3rd Birthday! I had a small suitcase full of presents with me. Before that though I spent some time with Mum and with Sums before she went to school. Dad had already gone to work so I decided to persuade Mum to go to the horse riding shop to get some more Jodhpurs, not the kind of clothes shopping she looks forward to. I ended up leaving with two new shirts, Jodhpurs and a chew toy for the dog…spending more than I intended to…oops!

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Then off to my grandparents, who are always pleased to see me, and were impressed with the pink shirt (my Mum and Nanna have been trying to get me to wear pink since I was about 14…it was a slight shock that I picked these out).

When it got to seeing Lucy and  baby girl though I was just so excited. I haven’t seen them since before Christmas with both of us being so busy. So as usual it took Lexi a while to get used to me again and we had to open her presents (the cheapest turned out to be her favourites at first!), as soon as she was though she took off. We had to ‘hide’ in the library and she seemed to forget Lucy was with us. We played and she showed me all the books she liked…including a childs version of Charles Dickens. I told her she wouldn’t like it (known that at 3 years old even a children’s version wasn’t going to be fun), but Lexi being Lexi (and definitely her mothers daughter) was stubborn ‘I like Dicken’s!’ she said and refused to let them go….maybe I should take her to my Victorian to Modernist Lectures?

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Lex with her stack of Dicken’s books, you can see the stubbornness in her smile! 

It was a great afternoon full of cuddles and giggles and hand holding. The love I have for her I really can’t explain, she’s just incredible and so smart. She loves her Mum too, she’s so protective and sweet. Although once she loves you she really does, I know this when she got very concerned I’d disappeared when I went to get my food.

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With Salt the rabbit and Woo the Dog. Both noisy, squeaky birthday presents the rabbit from Lucy’s brother and the dog from me….sorry Luce! 

It’s safe to say I’ve had a great day with family, all of them. I was excited to go home and excited to come back to Kingston. Now I’m in recording listening to Rhys beat the crap out of drums, hopefully it goes well after all I’m feeling pretty damn happy right now.

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Cuddles with baby girl 

Why I love being a Godmother

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Today is Lexi’s 3rd birthday! It’s been three years since I was both terrified and in love for the first time. Let me tell you about the first time I met her, I was absolutely desperate, when Lucy was up to it she asked if I wanted to meet her in town and of course I said yes. This teeny tiny baby girl all wrapped up in her buggy was so, so beautiful and after a while I was able to hold her and she started screaming, and screaming some more. Terrifying. I knew I loved this kid already and I was used to kids but her little roars made me panic, all of which Lucy found hilarious when I told her later.

I’ve been able to watch this little girl grow and become her own little person she’s sweet and funny, she loves pink (which was a huge surprise) and once she gets to know you will talk and talk.

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I love being a Godmother for more than just the normal reason of being able to have them for the day and give them back, although that part is pretty great. I love that I get to be involved in someones life from day one, I get to help out and be there for her mum and also get an idea of what it’s like to have kids myself (if I ever find myself getting broody I’ll ask to see/have Lex for the afternoon and I’m so tired at the end of it I remember why I said not yet). I love when I get text updates about what she’s been doing and what her favourite film is this month.

Basically being a Godmother is the best! Happy Birthday Lexi, I love you so much xx

Picture of the day!

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10407210_10153613102758206_918236493107446324_nI’m off out this evening after a full afternoon of mucking out, riding and assignments! So I just wanted to share my picture of the day (thanks to Laura for taking it). This is Jemima, the first horse I have ever ridden, she was so good today and I’m even closer to being able to go out on a hack!

10 things that helped get me out of a low mood (and hopefully can help you!)

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Ok so I disappeared yesterday because of a pretty crappy low (yay, depression). Now I’m back and I’ve been looking after myself for the past 2 days now I want to share 10 ways to help when you’re on a low. These help for me, hopefully they will for you as well!

1. Take a shower or bath

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When I used to have a REALLY bad low, before I was diagnosed my Mum would always send me to the shower to calm down. Now when I have a low it’s always the things she recommends first. I don’t know why but water has always made me feel calmer.

2. Be comfortable

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When you’re feeling particularly rough you do not need to wear super tight skinny jeans. Today and yesterday were comfy jumper and jean days. Also at night make sure your comfortable with some good PJ’s and an early night, even if you can’t sleep being able to relax will help.

3. Take some time to think about what YOU need right now

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Do you need sleep? Do you need to go for a walk? Be around friends? Work out what it is you want and need to make yourself feel even a little bit better. I’ve had plenty of days where for the morning I had to be alone but later my friends made me feel a lot better. It’s a personal thing and taking baby steps if you need to.

4. Talk it out or write things down

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Some of my best songs have come from horrible moments. Writing or talking, generally just getting it out of your system is healthy. Of course there are other ways too, some people do art or sport, whatever works for you.

5. Eat some good food

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Screw the diet. Comfort food is the best. For me a bit of chocolate and a good cup of tea can really make all the difference.

6. Get some natural light

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10 minutes of sunshine is proven to boost Serotonin levels, even if it’s overcast try and go outside. I know what it’s like when all you want to do is lie in the dark and forget everything. When I feel like that and just want to be alone I walk to my local shop, it only takes 5 minutes and I don’t talk to everyone

7.Exercise

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When I used to hear this I used to get irritated, why if I didn’t want to get up would I want to exercise? I know by now that just being around the horses lifts my mood and going riding is great to make me have a more stable mood, it gives me something else to think about. I can’t ride every day though, so Sunday I decided to head to the pool (the only other exercise I can stand) I only done half an hour but felt much better.

8. Put yourself around people who make you feel happy

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It usually takes me a little while to get to this part. For the first part of my lows I normally want to be alone but gradually I’m ok being around people. Moving in with Ali was a hugely positive part of getting better since moving to uni, sometimes I’ll see friends or text my mentor to see her but I almost always phone my Mum to talk things over. Support is always key.

9. Have a little treat

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If I’m sad and go wandering I usually buy myself a little something partly to cheer myself up and partly because I left the house, because sometimes that’s the absolute worst part. It’s usually just something small, a bar of chocolate, cupcake or a book, whatever money I have spare really.

10. Don’t be so hard on yourself

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Everyone has good and bad days, depression or not. Don’t blame yourself if you’re out for a day or even longer, just work through as best you can and don’t beat yourself up!

My Big Mouth: If it’s not your body, it’s not your decision.

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After watching the BBC3 Documentary on abortion in Ireland this week I decided that it was right to write this post. Despite abortion becoming legal in the 1960s in Britain, Northern Ireland decided that they did not want to partake in this. Getting an abortion in Northern Ireland is illegal, meaning many women resort to either trying to induce an abortion themselves or paying out to travel to England for the procedure.

When I was younger I didn’t understand why anyone would get an abortion, who didn’t want a baby? The older I got, however, I realised that the issue wasn’t as black and white as it seemed. For any woman getting pregnant brings anxieties, for someone who was desperately trying not to get pregnant it can be heart breaking because no matter how careful people are there is always a chance, which some people seem to forget. More often than not there is a stigma of an accidental pregnancy even though we’re all aware that condoms split, pills fail and there can be defective implants and yet women are still judged and in some parts of the world treated like criminals.

I’ve never had an abortion, I hope that I never have to. I do, however, have friends who have gone through a lot I’ve had friends who felt the only option they had was to have an abortion: I have friends who have had miscarriages and have to deal with that heart break, I have friends who continued with the pregnancy and others who can’t get pregnant at all. My point is that each woman is individual, they have their own thoughts, plans and having a child should not be forced upon them. I did research into the idea that it is ‘killing’ a child, apart from the foetus cannot feel pain at this point.

Do I think the limit should be lowered? Yes. I think that 20 weeks is too late for an abortion in my personal opinion, just because of the rate in which we can premature babies alive, this is one of the grey areas. That said, the majority of abortions happen way before this point when there is no change a foetus could have life as for a long time it is not a ‘baby’ as we see it, but cells. As harsh as I know that sounds it is the image of this perfect baby from conception which can lead women to reacting in a way they otherwise wouldn’t. This needs to be handled from a medical perspective, not one of emotions.

Which is why when I see protestors outside of abortion clinics or standing in the street yelling abuse and holding horrific pictures to women ,who frankly have enough going on without it, I get angry. Who are THEY to impose their beliefs on another persons body? I doubt there are any women who are happy to go through an abortion, it’s not pleasant and it’s nothing someone sets out to do. I don’t care what your religion says, it is that woman’s choice and often they are thinking of the implications of the sort of life a child would have at that time.

So yes, I am pro choice. I don’t think it’s anyone else’s business quite frankly and we do not need to shame a woman but let her live her life without shame, embarrassment and stigma.