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‘A business mind’

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The quote I chose to use for today’s title is something a little different. It was something that was said to me in my mentoring session today which struck me as not only odd but something to be pleased about. I don’t go into detail about my sessions and I probably never will. They are a space when I can be perfectly honest, not let people down and say some things that have been rattling around in my brain, without causing shock. 

I have a business mind, not in a bad way but I like having an end goal and I like planning, especially when it comes to work. I work hard and I try and make connections with people on whatever level I can. Not necessarily because I want something from them, fr from it. When I meet people I’m interested in them, in the kind of relationship we have. I take note and keep a kind of log in my brain of people I know, I hope that will pay off. 

While it seems strange I take this as such a compliment it’s for a reason. My mind is functioning and thinking of a realistic future. I’m not dreaming and day dreaming about things I want, I’m making them happen. I’m talking to digital media people, I’m sitting down and throwing out ideas to Ali for a song before they’re finished. I’m working towards something and I feel like I can. It’s a huge step for me because for the first time in, well as long as I can remember it’s more of a feeling of I can, rather than can I? 

I’m setting up work, work experience in the industry and gigs for us. As soon as the boys are all back I want to sit down and sort things for the band. I’m the one who’s starting to organise girls night and a trip to Athens next summer (although that largely depends on writing talent and money). 

I’m not about to go jetting across the world but these things, they’re a start. I’m realistic in the fact that if I take on too much I could get very sick very quickly. So I’ve started learning to say no too and state what I need from people without feeling selfish. 

 

All of this will lead to something. 

 

Getting ready for the year of the twenty something.

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In a few short hours I will end the last month of my teenage years and then in a few weeks embrace the title of 20 something for the next decade… Ask me a few months ago and I would have told you I am point blank refusing to enter my twenties, I will have my 18th birthday again and never grow up. Now it’s a different story. This month has been an odd one but I feel like it’s changed me so much already. It’s no secret that my teenage years were pretty rough, school was hell and it was in my teens that I experienced some of my deepest lows, a place I never want to go again. Now I’ve been able to put that behind me, it feels so freeing. My god I sound like a hippy. I’m still your straight up rock chick, the amount of Jack Daniels I managed to knock back last night pretty much certifies that, as does the long list of tickets that I’ve already bought for this year…oops. So I’ve written a list about some of the things I’m most proud of, this is only the start. 

 

Moving in with Ali wasn’t the only thing to change me, but it’s helped. It’s nice having someone to share dinner with and waking up next to him in the morning, it’s nice to know that when I go back to uni I’ll come back to smiles rather than my little room in halls. If I’m on a low it’s generally easier to handle, not all the time though (I’m still working that part out). I feel so happy and content and this is something I’ve waited for. We’ve made the right decision now this is our first little home together 🙂 

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I’m going out with friends Freshers was a bit tough for me, I wasn’t in the right mindset with all the changes to go out and party and I didn’t know what I wanted. I’ve been to club night twice now and had a girls night in London, something I wondered if I’d ever actually do. After my night out with Jen last night I’m planning another, this is a BIG deal for me and I’m really proud of myself for being able to do it and not letting my illness get the better of me. 🙂

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Jen and I last night on her 19th Birthday 

 

 

Sorting out my mental health  I’m going back to mentoring tomorrow after having to leave because I only get a certain amount of funding for each year. Honestly I’ve struggled this summer for a lot of different reasons. Ali and my Mum have helped a lot but it was hard being away from friends I’d made, missing the life I’m used to in Kingston. I want to focus this year on my strategies for lows. I know they may never completely go but at least with some help they’ll be more manageable. 

I love my job I’m in a job that I love. Student Ambassador doesn’t sound gruelling but it gives me so many opportunities. I got out and talk to kids who remind me of myself, I share my love for my uni and my subject. Now I get to write professionally, be a content editor and help with the media and marketing stuff. I learnt so much by just being in the office for a week and it’s cemented my passion for digital media. I love my job so much and after having more than one that I didn’t enjoy growing up it’s so refreshing to feel good at what I do! 

 

I don’t feel under pressure by the future. Who says when I should and shouldn’t do something? I’m not in a normal relationship, I’ve spent over a quarter of my life with Ali and I’m only 19. We’re not getting married any time soon because we both want to have careers, which we’re both getting on with. I’m going for internships  and continuing to write (work experience in now 100% confirmed for April 2015!!!!) and he’s getting work experience in his field as well as both of us throwing ourselves into the band. I’d be lying if I felt completely free, a lot of people I know are getting married and having children or have their ideal engagement rings in their head…I don’t think about all that too much. The only thing, which is slightly pressured is having children but that’s biological. Ali and I are happy and well, I think we’ve done one of the hardest bits by living together, now we’re just going to plod along and see what happens after we graduate. 

In short I’m ready to say goodbye to my teenage years and hello to my twenties. That said I will not be stopping eating Turkey Dinosaurs, ice lollies or raiding the sweet shop…ever. 

Jen

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The birthday girl 

To people who don’t know Jen she’s just your average pretty girl at uni. For those of us who are lucky to know her we know she’s something pretty extraordinary. This is one of my best friends, someone I’m proud to give that label too. 

Today Jen turns 19 years old yippie! A year that I’m certain is going to be the best for her yet. I could write 6 or 7 blogs on reasons why this girl is so incredible. She may be quiet at first but once your her friend BOOM she’ll blow you out of the water. She’s stronger than most people will know and she’s come through things still smiling. Even now with her bright blue tape on her leg from her latest surgery she’s still laughing and still one of my few Jack Daniels drinking companions. 

Happy Birthday Jen, this will be your year. 

 

Clearing.

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KU’s advert in the i newspaper 

While I didn’t end up working on the Clearing Hotline for the uni I still managed to be involved. On Tuesday I had specialist training with The Student Room (I was SO excited) so I could work online this week and talk to people about results. 

I loved chatting to people, congratulating them and helping people who didn’t get exactly what they wanted. It did make me sad though that people who got results like AAB were disappointed, I just wanted to hug them and just shout YOU DID GREAT! I’M PROUD OF YOU AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU! 

It’s opened my eyes and reminded me that I was so nervous, so worried when I was about to receive my results. I’m looking forward to spending more time in the office and hopefully helping and encouraging people. If you got your results today then well done, no matter what results if you managed not to throw up during them then you did better than me! 

 

 

 

 

Settling in

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I love Kingston. I really, really do. I’ve been in the flat since Sunday and today is the first day that it seems normal to be here. It’s normal to wake up next to Ali, it’s normal to sit down to eat together in the evenings. It’s normal to go to work in the mornings while he’s still asleep and it’s normal to work in a team of people who actually think I’m good at what I do. 

If anything this is slowly improving my confidence, something I needed before I went back to uni again. Don’t get me wrong, I miss my family and I miss being able to see my dog whenever I want to but it’s slowly becoming ok. The hardest thing by far is missing the dog, I keep seeing people walking their dogs on the way to and from work and my brain is shouting I have a dog too! She’s cuter than yours! Ok so maybe that’s a little bit extreme but hey, I’m a proud owner. 

I’ve spent most of the day in the office today and there are loads of exciting things going on, I wish I could tell you more but for now I must keep my lips sealed! Tomorrow is results day and Clearing so I’ll be busy online all day until quite late at night. It’s great to be able to talk to people and help them, I’m hoping I can be of some use tomorrow! 

A visit from the family

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My beautiful Roses from my Grandparents 

Since moving in I’ve felt a little up and down, with the moving and leaving the caller job, trying to find other work, getting used to being around Ali all the time etc. I was nervous about my parents coming to visit. Mum and Dad have never seen the flat before and although I knew they’d like it I wanted it to look nice. 

I’ve spent the day in the Student Ambassador office, I received special training from The Student Room (eeeek!!) and started in the office looking at strategies, writing replies to people and getting ideas. I’m once again doing what I love. It was a long and fairly tiring day but I really enjoyed it (I enjoyed my after work nap as well). 

I was worried that Mum and Dad visiting me would upset me, I love living with Ali but when I’m on a low I crave familiarity. I’d had to come straight from a doctors appointment as well with a doctor who I had to discuss my mental health with. Yay. It’s safe to say she didn’t have a real grasp of depression when she kept saying I was ‘doing fine’, recommended counselling and basically tried to push me off as the uni’s problem. 

As soon as I got through the door though, I relaxed. My Mum, Dad and Sister were here, looking very comfy. Mum and sums sat on the sofa, Dad with a cup of tea and everyone was chatting. Having everyone together made me so happy. I got a load of moving in cards from home, flowers, chocolate and a vase for us from my Grandparents and Mum and Dad took us for dinner. 

Now I’m the most comfortable I’ve ever felt in the flat, the family are gone but I’ve got a part of it staying with me. I really wouldn’t change a thing 🙂 

 

 

In the news: Well loved actor Robin Williams dead aged 63

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The world woke up this morning to the tragic news that comedy icon Robin Williams has been found dead in his home. As if that wasn’t cruel enough, the cause of death is currently being deemed suicide pending a coroners report. A man that made so many of us laugh had been struggling with deep depression for a long period of his life and had recently checked in to a rehab clinic to try and beat his daemons once again.

Williams was known for a variety of roles, a graduate from the prestigious Juilliard school of the arts, went on to dazzle the world with his comic genius. While many will remember him for his time as an alien, my generation will fondly miss the voice of Genie and for me personally, Mrs Doubtfire. I have fond memories of watching the film over and over again always laughing at the same points.

The world has lost someone truly great and in the world of comedy he can never be replaced.

Rest in Peace, your legacy will live on.

I am not ashamed.

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Today I had to do something I’ve never had the courage to do. I was honestly with an employer about my mental health. I stood up for making myself feel better and I’m hoping I’ve made the right choice. I’ve left my job on the hotline because it wasn’t right for me and honestly it was too much. I’ve got some other things going on helping out in a different department that won’t be so emotionally stressful on me. 

I am not ashamed of who I am. I have an illness that can be medically treated and I’m registered with that illness. Just because it is in my head does not mean I should lie or cover up about it, although I’ve been guilty in the past of doing this. Mental illness is something that many people don’t understand and many people don’t know how to handle it. I was very well treated when I explained to my boss and he was very good about it and said feel free to re apply for the position when I felt better and in a place to deal with the emotional demands. 

I wanted to share a success story because there aren’t many. I don’t know how much I’ll talk about my illness when I go into full time work in a few years and it’s true it does depends on who and where you work as to how you are treated. I am not embarrassed and not ashamed because although I have an awful time I can still bring things to a company, sometimes that others won’t have thought of. 

I am me and I am not ashamed.

Living with me (poem)

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Living with me 

Two sugars and milk please, 

of course you know that you decided to live with me. 

I like bright colours, 

you like black. 

I like diet coke, 

you like full fat. 

What am I talking about all this crap? 

I suppose I should tell you what you really need to know. 

I’m not always easy to live with,

but I hope you won’t go. 

Sometimes I get grumpy, 

Sometimes I’m up all night, 

Sometimes I’ll sleep half the day 

and others I’ll be like a child wanting to play. 

You know I’m not simple, 

You know I can be a pain 

but living with you, I think things can change. 

I think I might smile more, 

Eat a little better too, 

Really I’m hoping to get a lot better, 

I’ve already started 

and that’s all because of you.