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Our boys, Our girls

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Every day, every night there are brave men and women fighting for this country. I caught up tonight on BBC 1’s ‘Our Girl’, Molly’s off to war. I love the programme but every time I watch it I get a lump in my throat. It’s not even for the characters, it’s because seeing a drama gets me so worked up because I can’t imagine what it’s like to live and work through that. I love Our Girl, although I normally watch it not on the night it’s aired but later when I can reflect on it and, well, appreciate it. Personally, I think the BBC is doing a great job, as is Lacey Turner.

Lacey Turner in Our Girl, BBC 1 on Sunday nights. 

 

When Lee Rigby was murdered last year the country went into shock. A young solider, father, a man who had fought for us was killed on the streets of his own country. It reminded us of the loss of our troops as well as the danger in the UK. I’m not going to sugar coat it, but I’m not here to scare you. There are terrorists but that doesn’t mean we should live in fear. As I write this the government have been voting on whether to enter another war, this time on ISIS. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous, for our country but most of all for our soldiers. I was one of the many who hoped they may get a break from what seems to be never ending conflict.

I’m old enough to remember when you could go and see the cock pit of a plane on a flight and meet the pilot, when you didn’t have to have your shoes searched and full body scanners weren’t around. I remember before 9/11 (it was a week before my 7th birthday and I didn’t really understand what was happening). All of this said, I’m pleased we have these measures in place now, but I wish we hadn’t had to implement them for the reasons we did. Basically anyone my age has grown up watching the news coverage and because of this I have had nothing but respect for our men and women in uniform, at one point I wanted to become and RAF pilot myself.

After watching tonight I had this overwhelming need to do something to support our troops, but I didn’t know how. Scrolling through the Help for Heroes website I realised I could do something. Instead of buying a new hoodie from Topshop, Jack Wills or another band hoodie I could buy one from HFH, donating money to a good cause and showing my support. Am I nervous about wearing it? The pride overshadows any nervousness I have after Lee Rigby’s death.

Next on the to buy list

I’m passionate and proud of our military. I want to end this post by reminding you all of the website http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk/ and to support our troops! They risk their lives so we can live ours.

Healthy Body (image) Healthy Mind

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2 year difference, left me in 2012 and right me in 2014 

In my bathroom there is a huge mirror, it stretches across a large portion of the wall above the sink. When I first moved in it really bothered me, wheneverI got undressed for my shower or got out of the shower my body was staring back at me, imperfections and all. I’m not a big girl, but I am curvy, my hips have driven me mad for what seems like eternity (jeans shopping, hell on earth) and I’m quite tiny. Something was different when I had a shower this morning. I looked at myself, really looked. I decided there and then I was done with anything to do with slimming down, I was finally happy with the way I looked after a long time of battling with it. Yes my hips still give me hell when I go shopping but I found positives, above them my waist was almost funnily tiny and I could see the tiniest hint of my ribs, that I didn’t like.

I had a fair bit of puppy fat when I was at school before drastically slimming down when I was 17 to the point where I could fit in to an 8 easily and a 6 at times…I hadn’t fit into a size 6 since I was 12 or 13. I’ve always been self conscious and as with most young girls it changed my eating habits at times, if I felt particularly bad I’d avoid eating, sometimes getting so worked up I’d cry over a chinese. I did want to be thin, I didn’t understand why I had lumps and bumps when my sister, aunt and cousins were all absolutely tiny. My Mum didn’t take and shit ‘it’s your build, the same as me’ at 15 it doesn’t make you feel much better at all. My sister is tiny at at times, although she is 7 years younger than me I was jealous, she had a life time of being able to fit into designer clothes ahead of her while I couldn’t fit into their ‘large’ sizes. Crying in the changing rooms was a regular occurrence and there was nothing I hated more than going shopping. I feel right now that my mother was a saint.

Now I love going shopping, although there are shops I avoid because they make me feel uncomfortable. I haven’t done calorie counting ever (because when people do it I want to batter them with one of the huge bags of pasta from the supermarket), I don’t understand when people go on a zero tolerance to carbs diet either. I understand cutting out white bread if it makes you feel ill, things like that but denying yourself food so you look ‘perfect’ I’ve been there, I’ve done it and I just like the cake better.

Every friend I have both male and female have things they don’t like about their bodies, noses, muscles, bums, boobs, arms, legs everything is on the list! It’s completely normal! I’m not saying this new found revelation is going to make me love every big of my body. I’d like to be more toned on my legs and my tum but I don’t want to obsess over it any more. All this said I have friends who either have or are recovering from eating disorders, it’s not the same thing at all. They’re ill and it takes a long time to get better from an eating disorder, I hope that I can help them feel more positive about at least one part of their bodies.

People will nag at me about what I eat, what I do, what I wear I just want to say IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. I’m going to eat what I enjoy, wear what I feel comfortable. I also make a big deal out of telling people if they look good because it can change someones entire day, it’s not uncommon for me to shout at one of my friends ‘ oh my god your boobs/butt looks great today’ it’s not because I’m gay, it’s because I want people to know that there is always something beautiful about them.

You right there reading this, there is something beautiful about you too, don’t forget it!

‘A smile is the best make up any girl can wear’

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Marilyn Monroe quote

The better I get, the more I smile. Even when there are days that are filled with stress or upset I’m working my way through it and not going into a total meltdown, new to me! This quote as well make me just feel, well, feminine, I don’t need make up to look beautiful or feel sexy, just a smile. Ali proves this to me every day I’m currently sat with more spots than I’ve had in a long time, my hair scraped back in an old baggy T-shirt, he still loves me. He thinks I’m beautiful when I’m sick, when I’m sad, when I’m angry but most of all when I smile. So take note girls from the beautiful Ms Monroe and smile more, because you’re beautiful.

Reasons why being in second year is awesome

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While most people I know were terrified at  the thought of first year being over, I was excited…ok still a little terrified too. There are loads of awesome things about being in your second year of uni! Move over first year, you don’t get all the fun!!

 

You already have friends 

Ah the pre uni fear of ‘how will I make friends’ not any more! Unless like me your half transferring (slow clap for me), even then I already have friends. You don’t have to be super nice to everyone you meet or walk around with a constant smile. Scowl as much as you want second and third years you already have buddies for life (well hopefully).

No more living in Halls!!

For some Halls are a haven but more often than not flatmates become a problem. This year you get to choose who you live with and also where. I love my flat, flatmate (ok yes it is my boyfriend) and where abouts I live. I can also now walk around looking however I want, eat what I want and nobody asks me why!

You get to choose what you study

Module choices (for most of us anyway) you start to specialise in what you actually want to do! This is my favourite part of becoming a second year, even my core modules look pretty good.

You know where to go

Your uni town/city is now your second home, you know where you like to go, where the best prices are, the best nights out! You might as well be Wikipedia.

…and where to avoid 

Which clubs have a reputation, where not to eat lunch and which spot in the lecture theatre doesn’t get Wi-fi.

Your not doing work for nothing 

The good and not so good part about first year is that not matter how badly you do as long as you pass your ok. The flip side is that if you do really well that also doesn’t count. So instead of being terrified just think every assignment takes you one step closer to your degree!

Your in a sweet, in between spot not a Fresher but not in the terrifying final year.

Ok so now you, really, have work to do but your not a newbie any more, you’ve earned some  privileges and are heading up the uni hierarchy yippie! At the same time you don’t need to start worrying just yet about what to do after you finish uni, you have a whole year for that! 

You’ve learnt from your mistakes last year

Be it money, how to cook, cleaning you’ve had a year of living on your own and so you know what to avoid now…or at least you should do…

You can finally be annoyed at someone younger than you 

Last year you couldn’t understand the glares from older students when you checked your Facebook for 5 minutes online, why they practically growled at you or didn’t understand that you needed to revise too. Now you get a little pay back and can be just a little grumpy and use that deadline as an excuse.

Sleep is NOT for the weak

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It wont be any surprise to those of you following my blog for the past year that I write about sleep a fair bit. Everyone NEEDS sleep and seeing as I crashed out at 7pm this evening after walking around like a zombie all day it’s safe to say I’m not being a lightweight here. I have blogs to upload, work to do, well everything to do actually. Last week was so crazily busy that my body has just started shouting at me, enough!

I hope you all won’t mind if I take tonight to get the sleep I need and upload everything tomorrow. I will say that so far being 20 has been absolutely incredible and I’m loving it. I feel so loved, happy and supported by so many different people. I have a load of projects coming up, my courses look fantastic and of course I have more blog ideas, vlog anyone?

So while a lot of people are hitting Freshers again this year, getting a few hours sleep a day, drinking every day I won’t be joining them. I have a whole week of my birthday to enjoy myself so now I’m looking forward to letting the Freshers do their thing and being all old and curling up tonight before going to the ball on Friday.

More interesting posts to come, I promise!

 

Chloe 🙂

The end of birthday week

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I am writing this feeling more than slightly worse for wear. Last night was…well actually very cheap because everyone bought me drinks. That said though I also consumed them and, well it’s only your birthday once a year. This years birthday has been incredible, a whole week of friends, family, celebrations, beautiful gifts and amazing messages from people that I love so, so much. If this week has taught me anything it is just how lucky I am right now and how happy I can be. I’ve had a week without slip ups or major lows. Obviously it can’t be my birthday every week but hopefully these memories will help me when I’m feeling a little down.

Saturday was off to see Wicked for Amy’s birthday surprise it has been so, so hard not to tell you all because I’ve been SO  excited! The show was great (as always) and is one of my favourites. I used to perform songs from it back when I did musical theatre and last saw it 5 or 6 years ago with my school. Now I’m older I appreciate just how, well, dark the plot really is. I won’t spoil it but the ending is my favourite part. We then went over to Wagamamas (my first) before racing to Waterloo to get back to Kingston for my birthday drinks.

IMG_0381 Outside the theatre 

I got to the drinks later than I thought but more people turned up than I realised. We all crammed around a table in Wetherspoons and let the drinks, selfies and chat begin. The best part?! JEN IS BACK!!!! WAHOOOO Jen being away was really hard for me and I missed her really badly. Ben is also back too and surprised me with chocolate. I drank a lot, laughed a lot and ended up going home earlier than I intended *cough, cough* accompanied by my friend Lex who came from Central to see me.

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More than anything I’m just so grateful and that’s how I want to end this post, to anyone and everyone who wished me a happy birthday, made time to see me, came out with me, sent me something, everyone. I love you all and thank you so much *raises glass* here’s to being 20.

 

 

 

 

 

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Birthday presents from Jen, my girl knows me well!

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How today ended up, nothing like a McDonalds to get you over a hangover. 

It’s my birthday!!

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I’ve waited for weeks but my birthday finally arrived. I saw the clock change to midnight and woke up five minutes before I officially turned 20 (6.55am) after being woken up by a text. Excited and a little tired I plodded into the living room after cuddles with Ali. I got phone calls from the majority of my family, I loved speaking to the little ones the most and then I just relaxed, embracing the calmness after a lot of work.

To say I’ve been lucky over the past 2 days is a huge understatement. I’m overwhelmed with the love, the messages, the presents, kindness of all the people around me who care. Messages came in at midnight, Ali stayed awake with me, 75 people wished me happy birthday on Facebook…I’ve come a long way and feel so happy.

As usual my mentor made me feel on top of the world before my Mum, Dad and Sister came to visit before going for dinner and dancing around the flat with my sister. I loved seeing them and as usual I was spoilt, with a huge cake, Pandora charm, PJs, Chocolate. I’ve received so many presents charms, perfume, gift vouchers, note book, clothes, candle, money and of course my Russell Howard tickets from Ali.

I had the boys here, Alyssa, Carly and got to go to the pub and then again out tonigh for my birthday mean and I’d been spoilt again and another cake at dinner.

I feel like my heart is about to burst with the love I feel and is humbled the right word? The emotion is overwhelmed and I am so, so lucky and happy right now.

I’ll leave you now with a few pictures while I savour just how lucky I am.

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My Russell Howard tickets!

 

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Family photo!

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Cake from my Mum and Dad
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My breakfast this morning tea and a mini cupcake! IMG_0362

Just some of my presents 🙂

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Not a birthday without a balloon
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My surprise cake from Dani and Amy

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Son, me,Dani Maisha and Amy at my birthday meal! IMG_0371

More presents from tonight ❤

The new adult

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As of tomorrow I won’t be fixing teen to the end of my age any more. I’ll feel more like an adult than I ever did at 18, I have a flat, bills to pay and work hard at my job as well a studying. I’m actually having to think about the future a bit and what I want. Like many other people my age, it terrifies me but it’s also the calmest I’ve felt in years. I know that makes no sense, at all.

I have a lot going on at the moment in every area of my life, that is except with Ali. We’ve been together for 6 years and moved in together. Apart from the getting used to living with each other and not have to actually plan to see him, it works better that way. That said 20 carries a lot of expectation and baggage.

Excuse my french but well, fuck me let’s all get married and have babies as soon as we get to our twenties. That’s what people seem to do. The next 10 or 20 years of my life will be spent trundling through weddings, baby showers and christenings. Not my idea of fun.

At the same time I will hopefully be doing something that doesn’t bore me to tears, don’t get me wrong I love my friends and family but being in a stable relationship doesn’t mean I don’t want fun and adventure. I want to go places next summer, Greece is looking good, Italy is a possibility as well as going to different parts of the UK to explore. I’m just about to hit 20 and the next 5 years  I hope are going to be different, exciting. Go on tour, work on the city.

Will I do the normal things?  Yes I don’t doubt that but I’d rather be fun about it. It might be young and silly but I want to do things my own way. I want to have a life that is my own, not in a selfish way but I want to have kids and show them things, not let them rule my life. I’ll do what my parents did I’ll still go abroad but I’ll take them, I’ll still see friends even if they come with me. I’ve spent the past 6 years with a boyfriend trying not to be one of those annoyingly sickening couples, which I’m sure we won’t be.

So I’m going into the new time of adult and kissing my teens goodbye. Am I scared? Yes. Am I excited? Definitely. Are there days where I want to crawl into bed and shout I’m not growing up, never, ever, ever!? Of course there are.

So I’m entering something I have no idea about, let’s see how this goes…

Kicking off birthday week.

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So, birthday week has kicked off! With yesterdays cupcake class done (and me shopping on amazon for pieces to buy so I can make more) and I headed into work for a reasonably normal day and ended up finishing earlier than planned, result! Which meant going off to meet Joe for a surprise present…I’d heard a bit about it but had no idea.

So off to Spoons (as usual) to talk about all manner of things, some you should talk about loudly in a pub, others you probably shouldn’t haha. Joe had handed me something on the way it was light and he’s decorated it in pretty pink paper…thanks dude!

The result was something that took my breath away a hand drawn portrait of Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter. Something that had taken so much time, effort and careful consideration. Apparently it had a few emergency’s as well…it shows how loved I am. No, not in that way he’s my best friend and there is no attraction between us, that’s laughable.

I’ve left a close up below so you can all appreciate how outstanding it is and what an incredibly talented artist Joe is (he was turned down for an art course believe it or not…no I can’t see how either). I can’t believe how much work has gone into this. It now has pride of place on my bedroom wall, as it should do.