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Goodbye 2014, what a year!

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I may have been a little rubbish at uploading lately but as it’s New Years Eve tonights post has to go up on time. For the last few years if I’ve been in tonight is almost always one in which I reflect on a lot of things, not always in a positive way. I remembered earlier thought that writing my last blog of the year cheered me up immensely last year, because sometimes you forget just how much you achieved in the space of a year and, well, I’m damn proud of myself this year.

January… 

  • I went back to halls
  • Attempted going out again
  • Got my first ever First
  • Went to the Harry Potter studio tour
  • Got nominated for a KU Talent award
  • Bonded with the boys
  • Met You Me at Six!

February…

  • I didn’t see much sleep or  have much relaxation time
  • Had 2 days of meeting and seeing We Are the In Crowd
  • Saw Taylor Swift
  • Got shortlisted for a KU Talent award.

March…

  • Got evacuated from my flat and ended up in hospital
  • Got the best job in the world as a Student Ambassador
  • Recorded
  • Went to the KU Talent awards
  • Failed my driving test (but that’s ok!)
  • Took my sister to Fall Out Boy
  • Spoke out about Mental Health!

April… 

  • Found mine and Ali’s first home
  • Started teaching
  • Took control of my illness.

May…

  • Learnt some basic sign language
  • Went back into the studio
  • Decided I didn’t want to be a secondary school teacher
  • Passed my driving test!!
  • Slowly started going out.

June…

  • Learnt how to make amazing cupcakes
  • Last practice session for a while
  • Got dropped on my head (literally)
  • Worked a lot
  • Made some amazing friends
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  • Fell in love with TFIOS again
  • Left halls (yay!)
  • Adopted Rhys for a few months.

July…

  • Headed back to Basingstoke
  • Passed first year with a First!
  • Took my first trip to Windsor
  • Got reunited with the boys
  • Played Basingstoke Live!
  • Nearly broke my wrist after having an implication with the wall
  • Picked up the keys to my flat
  • Celebrated my sisters 13th birthday!

August…

  • Bagged a magazine internship for next year
  • Met up with the girls in London for dinner and The Shard
  • Found out a job wasn’t for me…but found a place in the Ambassador team I loved
  • Went to Reading Festival
  • Celebrated 6 years 🙂

September…

  • Worked a lot
  • Focused on getting myself healthy
  • Had a whole week of birthday celebrations to turn 20
  • Became a second year
  • Had more fun with some fab friends!

October…

  • Played more gigs
  • Took long walks
  • Saw Ed Sheeran live
  • Wrote a letter to a friend
  • Started Horse Riding
  • Had some fab nights out!

November…

  • Got myself a Macbook
  • Celebrated Ali’s 21st Birthday
  • Fell in love with some animals
  • Went to my first rugby match
  • Saw Tonight Alive (again).

December…

  • Booked a hell of a lot of gigs for No People Club
  • Took part in my first Gymkhana
  • Saw Russell Howard live twice!
  • Had an amazing meal with friends
  • Got a fair bit of good news
  • Went home for Christmas! 🙂

This isn’t even everything. When I take time to just look at how much I’ve done I’m immensely proud of how far I’ve come in a year. I have the most amazing group of friends, a band that’s going from strength to strength and a strong support network. I know that new year, like this one is going to have challenges, my illness doesn’t disappear for the holidays, but I have hope and experience on my side. 2015 is looking quite promising, No People Club with be all over the place, more recording, more fun. The girls and I have some great things planned. There are some big birthdays coming up, my 21st being one of them! I’ve gone from hiding in my falt for days, to having a great social life and friends who understand.

So here’s to 2015, thank you for a great year and I wish you all the absolute best.

Boxing Day

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I am aware that some of my readers don’t have Boxing Day as we do in the UK, basically for me it involved a lot of shopping, a lot of food and more relaxing…kind of like a second christmas. As you’re all aware it’s a bit antisocial to blog on Christmas day…well apparently. So I had to wait until today to talk to you lovely lot! Yesterday was fun, the best Christmas morning I’ve had in a long time. This year I really was spoilt by my family and Ali, A new stereo, purse, nice coat, DVDs, some clothes, my riding hat, a load of horsey things. I felt really loved and lucky as well as ecstatic that I could really enjoy Christmas morning. Although the rest of my family got a little bit more than merry and things became entertaining to say the least, I was grateful more than anything for my health.

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Does someone think I like horses? 

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I almost couldn’t fit all of the presents in one picture! Spoilt! 

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My sister and I with our grandparents..complete with onesie

So while Mum had a little bit more sleep I got my sister up bright and early and headed into the sales, coming home with exactly what I wanted! I didn’t go mad this year because Ali’s clothes apparently have to fit in the wardrobe too…spoil sport! The rest of tonight will be spent cuddle up with Ali before he goes back to Kingston again tomorrow. Tomorrow for me means getting my new stereo fitted and a trip to the riding shop!

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Today’s purchases

Being well at christmas :)

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The presents are wrapped, onesies on and I’m settles, happy. Tonights post might not be very long but I just wanted to say I don’t care about presents, turkey or anything else, all I could wish for and want this christmas is to be well! I’ve been there before, on a bad low on christmas day and it was one of the worst points of my illness. I’ll admit sometimes I get nervous around christmas time I don’t want history to repeat itself, but I wanted you all to know that I’m happy, I’m well and I’m looking forward to spending time with my family, my lovely partner and his family too :).

Have a wonderful Christmas my lovely readers! I hope yours is filled with happiness, but please remember those who struggle in the holidays x

me and sums onesies

Learning the ways of a horse rider!

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Me and Josh 

Once Laura told me that once I’d caught the ‘riding bug’ I wouldn’t be able to stop, it turns out she was right. So I didn’t miss a ride this week and because I haven’t seen her in two weeks, I travelled to Dorchester to see her and meet the famous Josh, the horse she loves and adores. After 2 hours on the train and quickly getting changed I was off to the stables to learn as much as I could in a day.

Firstly an uphill walk to get Josh and meet the other horses and walk him down, which was my job. He turned out to be a lovely and calm horse, although totally obsessed with Laura. We had a job ahead of us, Josh was covered in mud, and so three shampoo washes and a good grooming later Josh looked beautiful and finally had a white tail! We had to wait a while for the school but finally I was allowed to ride him. Josh was amazing! Walk, off the lunge, trot and finally I got to canter! My first canter! It is honestly the most fun thing in the world. It also needs to be said that Laura is an incredible teacher! Hopefully I can take some of these back and help out with the lovely Rubey!

Did I just go back in time?

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The last time I saw everyone! 

I feel like my posts are so short at the moment but I’m in and out all the time! Tonight I feel like I’ve gone back in time, I’m back in town, playing Sanctuary and surrounded by people I went to school and college with, dancing to old bands and laughing. It’s been fun and supported a great charity, Mind. After driving back from Kingston it was quick hello at home then out into town, I love seeing everyone but I realised when looking in the mirror I’m not the same girl I was when I was 17. I’m more relaxed, mentally better and although I felt panicked before I was ok. I sung, had fun and now I’m at home relaxed. This year has honestly been brilliant and it was SO much fun to see everyone again!

I’m so lucky!

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I may be writing this a little intoxicated, well at least I was earlier but right now I feel so lucky, so very lucky. I’ve just gotten back from my last day of first semester and an amazing night out with my girls. Good food, great drinks and a lot of laughs. This time last year I was lonely, spending most weekends alone in my room and wondering what this was all about. Now I have a great time in class, brilliant friends, career ideas as well as carrying on the success of No People Club and being able to live with Ali. I feel so, so lucky right now.

Finally: Getting back to myself

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After a long few weeks of feeling, low, helpless and not myself I can say that I’m finally pulling through again! It’s been 5 days of solid steadiness and I couldn’t be more pleased, just in time for Christmas! My first realisation, Friday morning, as I was driving back to the flat I’d been awake for an hour where I had just gotten up, dressed and headed out, no anxious thoughts or dread I just, well functioned normally. While Saturday I was slightly off (from a lack of going outside waiting for damn parcels), I carried on and was ok and got on Sunday as well. The last two days I’ve been smiling to myself and humming christmas song and I’m so pleased I could dance around.

I’m not in the mind that I’m completely better, I’m still seeing doctors and mentors more regularly and I’ll carry on without complaining and not rush because when you go through a bad low, like I have been for the past 4/5 weeks it does scare you. I was terrified I’d never get back to this point where I could feel in control and I’d be stuck in sadness for ever, it’s horrible but once you’re starting to get better and have even a little bit of confidence you’re keen to make sure you don’t slip again. It’s a part of my life and I know I will probably slip again but I know I have great people supporting me.

I wanted to write to you all with this sense of amazement and happiness because I want to detail what’s real to live with mental health problems. For me these little victories mean the world, like no anxiety attacks. I’m back to chatting with people at horse riding, texting and seeing my amazing friends (who have also been angels) and being just easier to live with (although I say now I couldn’t have gotten through these last few weeks without Ali) and to top it all off I had band practice today! I just feel so much better after a good ride this morning (on a very tall horse) where I could feel myself becoming a better rider, then a long walk down Kingston Hill which I never done before but just made me feel refreshed.

If any of you are stressed or having a rough time at the moment, just take every day at a time and baby steps when you can. Lows totally suck, but they will go eventually with the right help.

Russell Howard round 2!

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Back to the O2 tonight for Russell Howard part two. This is my birthday present from Ali and although I’ve waited for three months it was definitely worth it. Russell is definitely my favourite comedian and he didn’t disappoint tonight, although I can’t say I loved the support act as much, it was Russell’s usual charm and interesting way to look at life that made me laugh non stop. As ever with Russell, and I won’t ruin the ending, but the ending was happy and left you with real happiness. Great birthday present 😀

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