I don’t know what I’m doing

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I took myself off the blog for the last few days for a combination of things, I’ve been busy, my backs been keeping up at night and I’ve been freaking out more than a little bit. So I spent my time with family, at work, sleeping and occasionally having an almost panic attack.

I had a conversation with my Mum last night and just ended up saying ‘you know what I have no idea what I’m doing with my life, I have no idea what to do when I graduate, I just really don’t know’. Honestly that is how I feel right now but my Mum, being the babe she is just said to me ‘You know what Chlo, no one knows what they’re doing, just do what you want to do’ and there it was. It’s something so simple but something that we all forget.

I don’t think that anyone’s job choices will make everyone happy. Some people will make choices based on what other people want and then make themselves happy and to be honest no one really gives a shit. You get a job, you make people proud, blah blah blah, but no one else has to go to the job every day, has to work with the people in it and to you know earn a living and possibly do it until they die.

Does any of this mean that I understand what to do with my life? Of course not I still get stressed out all the bloody time. Will I get a good class degree? Do I go and do a grad scheme I like the look of? Do I go all in and just do my PhD and worry about money later? Do I just go and get a job straight away? Part of me just wants to go please someone give me a crystal bloody ball so I know what should happen!

I don’t think I’m alone in this. I’m guessing that there are a lot of people who just freak out sometimes and don’t know what’s going on or what they should do or if they’re even doing the right thing right now. I don’t think it’s specific this fear and uncertainty can impact anyone regardless of race, gender, sexuality, class etc. Who knows maybe everyone else is just pretending very well.

4 thoughts on “I don’t know what I’m doing

  1. Daisy says:

    I had a proper panic attack last night. I’m feeling it too and it is not cool. Your mum’s advice was good, we just need to keep calm and take one day at all time.
    Posts like this make me feel happy that I am not the only one! Hope you feel better.

    Like

  2. rclifford527 says:

    You know, a little over a year ago, I was in your place. I thought I knew what I wanted to do, but I didn’t know how to get there. Did I move and look for a job? Did I try to find a job without moving? Did I go to grad school at all? I had no clue. But I had a professor who helped me work through things, and a mother like yours who gave me good advice. The bit of advice I have is that it really is okay not to know what you’re doing right now. Freaking out is part of the ‘oh my god I’m graduating in a few months’ panic. If a third year (or senior or what have you) doesn’t go through it, they’re more than human. But you’re going to get through it. If you ever, ever, need someone to talk to, someone who’s been through the graduation thing, I’m here.

    Like

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