I'm not where I thought I would be - are you_

I’m Not Where I Thought I Would Be – Are You?

Next week I’m going to be 25 years old and while it might not be a landmark birthday (although my next one will be 30 *shudder*) it has made me think quite a lot about where I am, where I want to be and what I’m doing. I don’t think I’m alone in saying that my life looks very different to what I thought it would be like when I was a child/teenager.

So I thought why not have a look at those expectations

I thought I would…have bought a house.

*laughs, laughs, cries* I don’t know anyone my age who went to university and can afford a house. The only people I know are those who have been working since they were 18 and saving hard. I’m happy for my friends who have their own houses, I’m also jealous. I am a long way off of owning a home so for now, renting it is.

I thought I would…be married.

25 is aaaaaaaaagggeeeee away and so grown up right? Haha. So I thought. Although, on my 25th birthday I’ll be a little over a year away from getting married! So I guess this one was close.

I thought I’d have…at least one child

My Mum was 21 when I was born, my Dad was 22 so for me I thought this was a great time to have a baby. In 1994 it wasn’t such a bad idea but both of my parents left school at 16 and worked quite soon after.

So, I assumed I’d also have my own rugrat in my early 20s. But instead I packed up my life went to university and spent my 21st birthday in a Wetherspoons with a bunch of friends and was carried home by Ali and my friend Lex.

There was a little while where I doubted whether I’d be good at being a parent, whether it was something I really, really wanted. After a few issues and a little scare something might be wrong (thankfully it’s all fine) I know I want children but I’m not in a rush.

I thought I would…be working for someone.

From being a little kid to my early twenties I had a LOT of ideas about what I would do with my life. There was a musical theatre actress, singer, teacher, Dr of Literature, Marketeer. It kept changing so, that’s one thing I didn’t have a solid idea for.

But I was never one of those people who thought that I would go off and build my own business, my own empire – now that’s the dream. It just didn’t seem like something I could do but at this point in time I don’t know how I could do anything else. Funny how time changes things.

Looking at all of these, I think that I definitely based what I thought my life would look like based on my parents – I mean didn’t most of us look at a grown up in our lives and go that’s what my life will be like or that’s who I want to be. But, even though the gap between me and my parents is 20 years, the world has changed so much. I can’t get a 100% mortgage, we’re fighting more for jobs and having children later.

So while I’m nowhere near where I thought I would be at 25, I’m not unhappy. I have a flat I’m renting, a fiancĂ© I adore, my own freelance job and beautiful hamster babies. It might be a little different but it’s still pretty good.

Are any of you nodding along with any of these? What did you think you’d be doing at 25? Let me know in the comments below. 👇

Life Update: How’re Things Going?

Hey girls and guys, it’s been a little while since I wrote this kind of post but I think it’s time.

We’re over a quarter of the way through 2019, I’m fine, it’s fine we’re all FINE. In all seriousness though, it’s gone pretty quickly and each month has had something memorable for me some big, others just a personal moment. It seemed like a perfect time to catch you guys up.

Three months down and quite a few changes. I moved house, started an awesome freelance project, got engaged, got a new hamster and I’m sure there are so many other things I’m forgetting as I’m typing this. As you can imagine, with all that change I felt very overwhelmed and had times where my mental health wasn’t at it’s best. I’m doing okay now, I’m on the waiting list for some therapy and I’m going to get through it.

So, what does May look like over here? Hopefully, I’ll be blogging a LOT more. I’m not promising every day, although I did think about doing every day in May – right now that’s not a pressure I want to put on myself. The funk I was in is slowly passing, so let’s hope that continues.

I also have 2 award events I’ve been invited to, hopefully a good amount of work to keep me busy, a Hen Do (Bachelorette party for my US readers), hopefully booking my wedding venue (!!), a family meal and at some point I hope to get some sleep. Oh! And before I forget this month is Fibromyalgia awareness day and Mental Health Week. So keep your eyes peels for those.

In short, this is a post to say I’m back. I haven’t been feeling 100% but I’m working though it and I’m looking forward to blogging again.

May, I am so ready for you.

Life Update: I’m Getting Married!

Hello, lovelies!

I have been a little quiet on social media the first part of the week and that’s because I was keeping a secret and I didn’t trust myself not to spill the beans because…I’M GETTING MARRIED! Yep, that’s right this girl is going to be a Mrs.

If you’re interested in the details then read on, if you’re just here for the news, thank you!

As my regular readers know Ali and I have been together for 10 years after we met at school. We’ve spoken before about getting engaged and married but it wasn’t a rush. Lately, we’ve been talking about it more and so I hoped it might happen soon.

On Monday, we met our friends Ed and Emmi for lunch and a catch-up – no mention of getting engaged, nothing. While walking around Emmi and I looked at rings, half joking half serious aaaaand something weird happened. Ali was actually talking to me about which ones he likes, which ones I like. We looked at a lot of shops.

Then came the last shop, coincidently where we bought my necklace for my 18th birthday and had a browse. While looking, our friend Ed nudged the sales assistant to show us the engagement rings. I don’t know why but I started to freak out? Damn this was just looking right? RIGHT?

Then Ali asked to look at the two we both liked. We ended up choosing one while internally I was trying to work out what the hell was going on. Were we engaged now? The ring would take a few days to be delivered to our home, I was sworn to secrecy until it arrived and then I was asked…

LONGEST TWO DAYS EVER.

I avoided everyone, I didn’t trust myself and although I didn’t know when I’d be asked I thought it might be a good idea to go and get my nails done and then, after a day of teasing on Wednesday night Ali asked me to marry him.

I’m going to be his wife?! Which is crazy. We waited to tell all of our family and close friends before the rest of the world and I’ve just been blown away by how loved we are. People I haven’t spoken to since school got in contact saying they’d been waiting to see this. Work colleagues, people from uni. As I write this I’ve had over 300 Twitter likes which is insane?!

So, yeah, I’m getting married. I’m pretty excited and my fiancè is pretty cute.

Muddled Millennial_ The Beginning

Muddled Millennial – The Beginning

As I write this, I am sitting in Cookie Monster Pyjamas, with a doughnut pillow behind my head and an existential crisis brewing in my head. Welcome to my ongoing mid-twenties crisis. Take a seat.

I’d been toying around with writing a few blogs about being a millennial, because everyone seems to think we’re terrible and um, I think we’re kinda okay. Maybe not all of us, but for the most part. I kept putting off writing it because, well, I was procrastinating. It’s as simple as that.

The logical part of my brain is telling me I need to calm down, it will all be fine I am not the only one. Plus, when I googled quarter life crisis there was a HELL of a lot of people feeling the same. So I thought I’d do what any self-respecting millennial with a blog would do, write about it. Standard.

So, you know the crushing panic that comes with being in your mid-twenties? You do? Awesome we’re on the same page. I’m in this weird part of my life where my friends think I have my shit together, I think they do but really we’re all muddling along.

I’m watching my feeds fill up with ‘I said yes!’, baby posts, new jobs, amazing holidays and here I sit, in my pyjamas. The thing is I don’t have a bad life, in fact, I’m fortunate. I have a wonderful partner, a nice home, family and I’m working for myself – so why do I feel so stressed?

When we were kids we thought we’d have everything sorted by 25. I thought I’d have a mortgage, be married with a kid. Have I done any of these things? Nope, not one. I have done cool things – but sometimes even that feels like it’s not enough.

So, this is a kind of muddled, messy introduction to my latest series where I’m going to spill the tea about being a millennial and hopefully get some of you to as well!

Are you also a muddled millennial? Let me know in the comments below!

 

Book Review: 30 Things Before 30 by Hope Alcocer

30 Things Before 30 - Hope Alcocer

‘Twas the night before my thirtieth birthday and all through the house- wait, I don’t have a house. I rent a ridiculously expensive apartment in New York City with the occasional cockroach and a radiator from 1908 that sounds like it’s about to eat me.’

Now, 30 seems scary right? I know it sounds it to me. Next week I’m going to be 24, officially in the ‘mid-twenties’ section of my life. Gulp. I’ve spoken to a lot of people who feel like when your 30 you’re supposed to have your shit together. That’s why I picked up this book and I am so glad I did.

This isn’t going to tell you what you should have done by the time you were 30, but that’s the beauty of it. In this Hope talks of her life and how things didn’t follow a rigid life plan that we’re all supposed to. She talks openly and honestly about her struggles with mental health and the clarity this gave her later on.

There is a whole chapter focused on just trying. Try something out, do what you need to do. This was so refreshing, we’re told so many times that 30 is the end of something, the end of fun perhaps? And Hope challenges this.

This didn’t feel like a self-help book, it felt like listening to a friend give you a pep talk and most importantly, Hope doesn’t pretend that she has all of the answers. She admits that she’s muddling along with whatever life throws at her, she makes mistakes, she doesn’t have a clear idea about what she’s doing but she carries on.

For anyone who’s nervous about heading towards their 30s, no matter how close or how far, this is perfect. In fact, even if you just want a positive read then this is also fab. I gave this 5 stars, it’s a book that I hope to read a few more times to share in Hope’s wisdom. I look forward to also read her first book.

I’m Starting Again.

Things have been, interesting lately and because of circumstances out of my control, I’m starting again, again. Earlier in the month, I lost my job, which wasn’t the plan. Due to contract changes I was no longer needed and to say it was a shock is an understatement. I was gutted to leave a job that I really enjoyed and people I loved only a few months after getting promoted. So, now, I have a month to find another job and I didn’t expect to be here.

I’ve had a few jobs since leaving uni, contract roles and one that just didn’t work out so it’s not that I haven’t been here before, I have. Despite everything, I’ve actually been feeling pretty positive most of the time, reaching out to contacts on Linkedin, attending interviews etc. At the time of writing I’ve had 2 interviews and have a few more booked in, that’s in a week since being told I no longer had a job. So, it’s looking good. It’s also been the boost I needed to get serious about my own projects and freelancing. My website is in the process of being set up and I’ll enjoy working on that while I’m searching for a full-time job.

I didn’t intend to be starting again, but I’m not seeing it as a bad thing. I learned a lot when I was in my last job, I worked out what I really loved to do and while it was shorter than planned, it was good while it lasted. So, now I have to figure out what’s next but, I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, I think everything happens for a reason. What exactly that reason is I don’t quite know, but I’m sure it will become apparent.

So, what have I been doing while I’ve been off? House-sitting for my parents, trying to read because my reading this month was abysmal, applying for job, interviewing and just having some time for myself. I was due to take some time off anyway and I guess I got it, haha. Either way, I’m hoping this will be good for me and I can start a new job re-energised and ready to go. Keep your fingers crossed!

What are you doing

What are you doing?!

Over the last week or so you might have seen the question: what are you doing? The whole thing kicked off after Forbes named Kylie Jenner the next self-made billionaire which was controversial at best. Then the New York Daily News but you this tweet.

What are you doing? Kylie Jenner

Yep, anyone else feel a little gut punch when they first read that? I did. Even if you don’t think about the enormous privilege that Kylie has there’s something not quite right with this. I take my hat off to her for making a business and being successful from that but it was just damn ridiculous to ask what we were doing with our lives. It adds to this idea that we should all be at the same level, that there is an ultimate goal and if you’re not there, then you’re a failure.

I used to have a plan for my life. I was going to graduate with a 1st, I was going to get married in my early 20s, have 2 children by the time I was 30 and a career I enjoyed. I had everything mapped out until I didn’t. Hell, as I write this I’ve got no idea what I’m doing. I’m not married, I don’t feel ready to have a baby any time soon, I don’t have the best selling novel or a big job. Does that mean I’m a failure? To people who changed their minds or had a life change, are they failures? In short, no.

In the age of social media, it’s easy to forget that we’re seeing people’s highlight reels. We might see these super successful 20-year-olds or our friends with a ‘perfect’ life. We don’t see the sacrifice, the late nights, the tears. We don’t see the days where you look and feel like shit, where you want to pack it all in. I know for a fact these successful, beautiful or brilliant people have days like that. They are human, as are we.

There is so much pressure on us to look perfect, to follow a certain path. What struck me about it is the stress I personally feel about timelines. I can bet most of you reading have felt this too! Each of us are doing something with our lives. For some of us, that means getting out of bed in the morning, for others it might be being creative, raising kids or working a job. We’re all living our lives in different ways and that’s what important.

I’d love to hear what you are up to, however big or small. Live your life, and screw what anyone else thinks.