A year in the life of a Fresher – Looking back

Aug 31, 2014Leave a comment

So this is it, I’ve come to the end of having the tag ‘fresher’. As of tomorrow it will be September, when I feel I’m an official 2nd year as well as my last few weeks of being a teenager. First year was full of challenges, full of fun and no doubt the best thing I have ever done in my life. I have so much to write about, so much I’ve done this year and I can see just how well I’ve done to get here. This time last year I wanted to start the blog, I was terrified and didn’t know if I’d get though a term…now I want to stay an extra 1 or 2 years to do my Masters.

Before I put all the pictures up of the great moments from this year I want to thank you all and assure you that as of tomorrow I will start writing on the page entitled Surviving Second Year I want to carry on this blog through uni and beyond. I have over 100 of you following this blog, nearly 300 twitter followers and as of yesterday set up an Instagram ( ChloeMetz_).

I’m proud of so much I’ve achieved this year and apparently I can’t add photos of everything (damn).

September

It started with playing Tetris with the car, some emotional goodbyes and going to Sainsbury’s in the pouring rain. I got used to shopping for myself, went to two balls, at one I got hideously drunk through nerves (oops) and the other stayed completely sober in a beautiful dress and had a great time. My 19th birthday wasn’t the best, but I knew people cared. In the first week I got to meet Deaf Havana, get my ID and Hoodie, meet some new people and start to work things out for myself. I was tired and handling my illness the best I could, although not always how I wanted to. I went to lectures and became amazed with how much brain hurt but also how much I loved it. I saw Paramore AGAIN, got over my fear of buses and learned that a lot of freshers don’t sleep…

October

Things changed in October, I started to realise who I was. I saw Sir Trevor McDonald and laughed with Joe (as I did for the rest of the year). I disagreed with people and realised that was ok. I got a kidney infection (not my best move) and had to go home for a little bit to get looked after. I got my finally A* and saw Tonight Alive and I had to start learning to pick myself up when I was alone. I got offered a job and had my first ever night out with the girls (thanks Bekkie!). I had so many late nights and went home to gig again for Reading week, six weeks already done!

November

Coming back to uni with a cheeky nose piercing! Then there was a special birthday, Ali’s 20th with a party of the two flats at Kingston hill and a visit from his sister. Then I finally realised Creative Writing wasn’t for me and decided to change my mind, although I had to carry on for the rest of the year I learnt I could. I went clubbing and hated it and at times I struggled along. If anything I’m most proud of when I struggled, I was doing okay even when things were tough and I was getting little sleep. Finding out I was Dyslexic was also a HUGE thing for me and such a relief.

December

The last month of my first semester done already. All my deadlines got closer and I knuckled down to get things done but that wasn’t the most important thing this month. This month kicked off a huge part of my life, No People Club formed and it was the start of me constantly being in Kingston Hill and having some incredible friends I hope I will have for life. Then I headed home for Christmas which I appreciated more than ever (especially with my beautiful camera!) and got a job I loved and the news I’d been offered a part on the teaching course later in the year!

January

My Gramps called me at midnight and said ‘Babe, this is going to be your year’ now I know he was right. I decided this was the year I’d pass my driving test and wanted to be more positive. I went to the SU bar more and more with the boys and got into practising, although I was still terrified. I got my first 1st on an assignment, played gigs with the boys and opened up to them too. I applied for the KUTalent awards, saw You Me at Six and found a fellow mad person in Amy.

February

Being me I forgot how to relax..again. So I worked really hard, had quite a few sleepless nights and stressed. I felt lonely too, especially at weekends. But I got so much out of music, Ali and I met We Are the In Crowd ( Twice!!!!) and I took my sister to see Taylor Swift. Little Lexi turning two was hard but we got there and she LOVED her pretty dress. Rhys finally turned 19 😉 I spent a lot of the month feeling anxious, like something wasn’t quite right but got through it eventually. Then I got the news I’d been shortlisted and after a visit from Mum I finally relaxed.

March

Not the best start to the month getting Evacuated and taken to hospital for possible Carbon Monoxide poisoning, lots of long and painful blood tests before Ali could take me home. It sounds silly but then he was all I had and he was absolutely amazing. After sleeping for a few hours after getting the all clear, I got to go out and drive before coming back to the news that I had gotten the Student Ambassador job, something I’d wanted since before we started, which lead to me being PAID to blog, a dream come true. I still didn’t sleep (lucky me) but I did go to the awards. Losing hurt like hell but now I’m fighting to win before I leave! I spent time in the studio with the boys…little did I know the first of many hours. I failed my driving test (again) but felt on top of the world because I’d finally started getting my nerves under control. I took my sister to see Fall Out Boy and went to my last day of classes as a first year (eek!). Despite all of this I was still pretty low, but I had to keep fighting, I spoke at an event for lecturers and felt really proud and then tackled trying to find a flat.

April

This month really was mental health based, I found a new love in piano to help me through things, earning my own money was setting me on track and I was able to set up a new plan with doctors when I got really ill. On the positive though I recieved two awards from the English department, I won Academic Contribution in First Year and got commended for Best Overall Performance! I finally got to announce Basingstoke Live, finally found a flat and went home to rest. Two assignments down and two to go, no slowing me down!

May

This month I found out teaching really wasn’t for me…and that’s ok! I got through it in a Secondary School…something I never thought I’d be able to achieve. I found my place in practice with the boys and really enjoyed it and I got a little better and more confident with the band, recording, gigging, so exciting! . The best part though? After 5 attempts I passed my driving test!!!!!!! The best feeling in the world and the weirdest thing? I celebrated in a social way, drinks with the boys, drinks with my work friends and of course once I got home going out in the car with my sister was something very special.

June

Practice, recording, practice recording. My life this month and I loved it (minus getting dropped on the head). I said goodbye to teaching and saw The Fault in Our Stars (falling in love with it), made a cake for my Mum and made some big steps. I went on a night out with girls on my course, we’re now the best of friends and went straight to work the next morning…although at the end of the day I was exhausted I was so proud of myself and had so much fun! Leaving halls wasn’t emotional, I was ready to leave and wouldn’t miss them in the slightest (I like my sleep too much). Rhys came to stay and I actually learned a lot from him. I caught up with old friends and got used to being back in my home town (a big difference from the hustle and bustle of Kingston). Oh and don’t forget the bands teaser video!

July

BASINGSTOKE LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE. Only one part of this month but something absolutely incredible. Meeting up with friends, quality time with family and travelling to see uni friends. My results finally came back with 3 1st’s and 1 2:1, an average of 71%, a first wahooo! The singles were released and I nearly broke my wrist (again not the best idea). My baby sister turned 13 too 🙂 Other than that I was pretty bored…

August

So here we are, this crazy month. Moving again, Reading Festival, actually going into central London for a night with the girls, taking control of my health and myself, celebrating six years, working like CRAZY, finally getting work experience, sorting out next year and going out with the beautiful Jen and getting ready to turn the big 2 0!

That’s it a whole year and what a year it’s been. I’m so pleased, so proud and so happy to have done all of this. Thank you to everyone who has been a part ❤

Next year going to be crazy. I can’t wait.

Chloe 🙂

If you missed any of these or want to read more then click here and it will take you to the list of all my posts for A year in the life of a fresher

It’s almost the end

Aug 30, 2014Leave a comment

I can’t believe it’s been nearly a year since I started this blog. Tomorrow will be my last post as a fresher and from then on I’ll be ‘Surviving Second Year!’ Eeeeek! It’s been so amazing to track everything on here and get to know some of you, I now have 100+ followers on here and it really means a lot to me. I have plans for tomorrows post but for today I just wanted to say thank you for the last year, to every single one of you who has ever read a post, clicked a link. Thank you so, so, much!!!

Recovery

Aug 27, 2014Leave a comment

The last two days have seen huge steps for me and have opened my eyes. I’ve thought a lot about recovery from mental health today and I’ve realised that we don’t put a big emphasis on how well people do. I have a lot of friends who are doing great things that make me proud of them it could be something small like taking a walk to make themselves feel better or something huge like quitting self harming or opening up about their illness. Mental Health is a really personal thing and today I was able to face something huge, one of my biggest triggers.

I had a disagreement recently about my school days, although not always said in the best of ways the message was clear it needs to be a part of my past, not who I am now. So I’m rephrasing that my school days were a big part of me and I don’t want to give them the credit for making me who I am. I battled through and came through the other side. It’s strange but I usually forget that people don’t know here and when I say something people are really shocked, I’m not. Which I suppose means I can’t get mad at the people who saw it happen for not making a big deal out of it, because they’ve seen me so much better and that’s how they chose to think of me. I don’t want to go into huge details about some of the things that attributed to my depression and anxiety but the basic facts are: bullied from the age of 11 on and off, mental and physical, was very ill from the ages of 15-18.

Bank holiday Monday (for my American readers it’s a public holiday…but no one celebrates), I found myself walking into my old secondary school, a huge trigger for me. My chest started to get tight but I kept walking, I was ok then while my Mum queued to get my sisters uniform for the new year I went back to the car. It was here I started to panic, it was as if I could see bad memories…like they were ghosts. I felt sick and just wanted to escape into my iPod (my main coping mechanism at school was blocking the world out with music) Then something incredible happened, the power of my own mind started owning those memories. I started thinking about the good things that happened, I pictured memories I had with Ali at school (after all I never would have met him if I’d never gone), the few friends I had and it started to work.

The main building

It sounds silly but I looked out the window, sat up straight and said ‘it’s just a building, the building can’t hurt me’. This thing of logical thinking about the past experiences I’ve had is new to me. I was able to stop myself before I got too bad and that’s the best feeling! I did it!

Just after my 16th birthday, I remember being really poorly when this was taken

Recovery is something that can take a long time and takes different paths for different people. I have weekly sessions and will soon have a plan with goals. Other friends I know have a therapy called CBT, some having medication and others are on a longer plan. My twitter followers have their own ways of coping. When I was at school (above) I really didn’t deal with it well, I wasn’t coping and I’ll admit that openly. I don’t think I started dealing with it until I started uni and had the right medical support.

It doesn’t matter how long it takes, although I’ll be honest I don’t always feel like that. I do want to be ‘normal’ and not have meetings, appointments and doctors appointments but I suppose it’s just a different kind of normal. Just like some people’s normal is shopping for new clothes when they’re recovering from any illness or for other people it’s taking certain things out of their life. Every one is different so rightfully everyone’s illness and therefore recovery will be different.

I want to say: celebrate your recovery, don’t feel ashamed of bad days and good luck.

Chloe 🙂

Should I Vlog?

Aug 25, 2014Aug 25, 2014Leave a comment

I love any type of social media. I do Twitter, Facebook, WordPress, the only two I’m missing are Instagram (because it’s never really appealed to me…and my Dad has it) and Youtube, ok that’s a slight lie. I had a YouTube channel when I was at college but I really wasn’t very good at it BUT in order to be the Social Media Queen I want to me. Mwhahaha, no evil laugh? Damn it.)

Writing is fab for me, I love it but I want to talk to EVERYONE meaning that I might have to undertake Vlogging too. So my loyal readers I want you opinion, once a week my ugly mug on YouTube for the world to see. I don’t know what I’ll talk about, anything and everything I suppose like I used to. One thing I really want though is it to be BETTER than my college ones which were a little bit all over the place and ranty (haha! Just like this blog at times).

I have a lot of favourites on YouTube at the moment, charlieissocoollike and Emma Blackerry being my absolute idols YouTube wise. They seem to do it flawlessly with awesome equipment, beautiful Macs, I hope you don’t all expect that, I currently have my lovely little Toshiba video camera (in Red of course) and my DSA laptop…ok it’s not top spec but it works. I plan to work my way up on this one, if you guys are interested.

So I ask all of you, would you click the Vlog link as long as I promised to still write?

Tweet me, email me chloefmetzger@gmail.com or reply below! If you just want a chat go for any of these as well I love talking to you guys!

My Big Mouth: Reading Festival Friday Review

Aug 25, 2014Aug 25, 2014Leave a comment

Ali and I at Reading Festival

I was one of the lucky ones who managed to get tickets to Reading Festival this year. As I entered Friday’s sold out arena I had one goal, to come out with an honest opinion of a festival. Now I’ve been to day festivals before, seeing Kids in Glass Houses, Don Broco and Lower Than Atlantis back at Butserfest 2012 was a great moment, playing Basingstoke Live this year was another, but I’d never been to one of the ‘big’ festivals after watching Reading and Leeds for the last few years. So after arriving pretty later I found it easy to just walk in, only having my bag searched (which I found really surprising) and get into the arena and sit at the Main Stage for the majority of the day.

My wristband!

Blood Red Shoes

I’d heard of Blood Red Shoes before but I’d never really listened to their music before. They seemed pretty good and I liked their overall sound, something was missing though as I listened. Even with some well matched vocals, a killer female guitarist and all three of them being able to sing. I couldn’t put my finger on it, then I realised there wasn’t a Bass Guitar, which seemed to hinder it a little. I also noticed the difference between their old songs and new songs as they introduced them, the old songs seemed to be a lot stronger, whereas their new stuff seemed a little too repetitive.

Deaf Havana

I’d seen Deaf Havana acoustic last year and wasn’t disappointed. So seeing them at Reading was one of the main reasons I bought a ticket. The set was different to what I expected, but not in a bad was necessarily. As the set went on the guys seemed to relax, although they shouldn’t have worried. As soon as they began to play, a mix of their new and previous album, people ran towards the stage and a sea of Deaf Havana T-shirts were clearly visible. The fact that they snapped a string didn’t matter to the hundreds of fans they had pulled in and in fact added to what I’d already known – Deaf Havana is full of nice guys who generally respect and appreciate their fans. As if they haven’t gone far, they’re going to go even further still. I did miss hearing some of the older albums but as a lot of the bands I listened to in my early teens, the musics changed and although it is sad, we accept that.

Main Stage during Jimmy Eat Worlds Set

Jimmy Eat World

I was actually pretty disappointed by Jimmy Eat World’ set. It got to the point where I got pretty bored and headed off to the NME stage instead. The performance just seemed kinda average in comparison to some of the other people playing on the Main Stage. Of course when it came to playing their biggest hit The Middle the crowd were dancing and having a great time, that said I don’t know if I’d pay to see them on tour.

Mallory Knox

I managed to catch the end of Mallory Knox’s set and kicked myself. We got down to watch the last two songs and I wish I’d have gotten there for the start, the place was rammed and the crowd were going absolutely crazy, the boys have slowly but steadily got bigger since I last saw them on the bill at Butserfest 2012. After seeing just two songs I want to get the album and THAT is how you do it at Reading!

Me between sets

Enter Shikari

I was really excited to see Enter Shikari’s set, I’d heard they were incredible live and Sorry you’re not (a winner) has been a top track for me since I was about 15. The music side of the set was fantastic and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more energetic audience. It was absolutely fab, that was until the rants started, about just about anything. For me becoming a preachy band kind of ruined the set a little bit, I just wanted them to play the songs we know and love! Other than that absolutely fantastic!

Vampire Weekend

How these guys got to such a high point on main stage I don’t know. Although they had a huge crowd I was so bored throughout, comparing the sounds to those you get on kids TV. Their two most well known songs I liked and recognised but other than that all the music sounded exactly the same with noises made rather than words….I won’t be going to see them again any time soon. Or ever.

Paramore

It’s no secret Paramore are my favourite band. Ever. So as it started to get colder I held on to this while we waited and got a great view of the stage. As usual they were absolutely incredible with fantastic lighting and so much energy that it came through to the audience. We danced, we sang our hearts out that was until the power started cutting out and then it completely cut out. Hayley thought it was because we didn’t want to hear a slow song! When they then realised and couldn’t hear themselves they proved just why they should be Reading and Leeds headliners. They came to the front of the stage with acoustic guitars and said ‘we’re not moving until this is sorted out’ before Hayley sang an acappella version of ‘The Only Exception’ with the crowd. The effect was chilling and something no one who was there will forget. The rest of the set was incredible and possibly the best I’ve ever seen them, including a dinosaur singing Misery Business. It made me proud to be a Parawhore.

As the rain started to come in and I started to freeze I headed home rather than waiting through the 45 minute change over for Queens of The Stone Age. Instead I was at home by the time they started and able to watch their set online which was pretty good but I’m glad I watched it from home.

Reading festival was pretty cool and depending on who’s playing I might be there again next year, give it 5 years and I might even be playing 😉

An Update on Yesterday

Aug 25, 2014Leave a comment

I spent yesterday afternoon acting like a Cyber Squirrel. I curled up with a blanket around me laptop in hand and edited a load of posts for My Big Mouth that I wanted to show you all before going to the pub with the aim to publish them when I got back later in the evening then this happened.

Yep, I had a fabulous night last night, having to run out of the pub and try not to throw up while driving home were particular highlights. I only ask for one evening out in Basingstoke and to top it off, one of the guys I’ve thought was cute since I was 10 years old was sat right by the toilet I had to keep running to to throw up. If I was single that would bother me a lot more than it does now, although come on 10 year old me was dying inside.

That’s pretty much it. I’m already up and working on getting the posts up today, including Reading Festival Review and A Date with The Doctor. Exciting stuff!

Sorry guys but today WILL be worth it!

Onwards and upwards

Aug 21, 2014Aug 24, 2014Leave a comment

Today has been bloody fab! I’m on a high and hopefully will stay this way for a while. I have a lot of plans, things booked and next year is looking incredible. I had a meeting today with someone who I count to be one of the friendliest people at the university and talked a lot about academics as well as being creative. I’m full of hope that I’ll be heading to Athens next year for an international summer school with Kingston’s Writing School. Although I initially thought it was all about fiction, it turns out there is also a non fiction course. Of course I’m terrified and to some extent I’m wondering if I should go alone but at the same time it’s 2 weeks in the beautiful city of Athens and time to sit in the sunshine, write and reflect, something I think could me good for me. Right now I’m back at home and off to Reading festival tomorrow, knowing I got one of the Student Ambassador opportunities I really wanted. Onwards and upwards 😀

Dinner with a fellow nerd

Aug 20, 2014Aug 24, 2014Leave a comment

Photo: #100happydays #day51 friends renuinted!

I’ve written about Joe many times. My Star Wars loving, Doctor Who and comic book fanatic, Artist, 80s kid born too late best friend. I buggered off to Basingstoke and he buggered off on holiday and after having to re arrange about 3 times we finally got to sit down, have some proper food and a catch up about what’s been going on.

To try and explain to you all how important Joe is in my life I re organised my mental health meetings so we could have our weekly natter in the library like the pair of grannies we really are. There isn’t a great deal to report apart from a beautiful Harry Potter bracelet, casually insulting each other and me deciding to throw my drink across the table (the ever so graceful person that I am) and as always discussing everything and everyone. Gotta love catch ups with Joe!

‘A business mind’

Aug 18, 2014Leave a comment

The quote I chose to use for today’s title is something a little different. It was something that was said to me in my mentoring session today which struck me as not only odd but something to be pleased about. I don’t go into detail about my sessions and I probably never will. They are a space when I can be perfectly honest, not let people down and say some things that have been rattling around in my brain, without causing shock.

I have a business mind, not in a bad way but I like having an end goal and I like planning, especially when it comes to work. I work hard and I try and make connections with people on whatever level I can. Not necessarily because I want something from them, fr from it. When I meet people I’m interested in them, in the kind of relationship we have. I take note and keep a kind of log in my brain of people I know, I hope that will pay off.

While it seems strange I take this as such a compliment it’s for a reason. My mind is functioning and thinking of a realistic future. I’m not dreaming and day dreaming about things I want, I’m making them happen. I’m talking to digital media people, I’m sitting down and throwing out ideas to Ali for a song before they’re finished. I’m working towards something and I feel like I can. It’s a huge step for me because for the first time in, well as long as I can remember it’s more of a feeling of I can, rather than can I?

I’m setting up work, work experience in the industry and gigs for us. As soon as the boys are all back I want to sit down and sort things for the band. I’m the one who’s starting to organise girls night and a trip to Athens next summer (although that largely depends on writing talent and money).

I’m not about to go jetting across the world but these things, they’re a start. I’m realistic in the fact that if I take on too much I could get very sick very quickly. So I’ve started learning to say no too and state what I need from people without feeling selfish.

All of this will lead to something.

Getting ready for the year of the twenty something.

Aug 17, 2014Leave a comment

In a few short hours I will end the last month of my teenage years and then in a few weeks embrace the title of 20 something for the next decade… Ask me a few months ago and I would have told you I am point blank refusing to enter my twenties, I will have my 18th birthday again and never grow up. Now it’s a different story. This month has been an odd one but I feel like it’s changed me so much already. It’s no secret that my teenage years were pretty rough, school was hell and it was in my teens that I experienced some of my deepest lows, a place I never want to go again. Now I’ve been able to put that behind me, it feels so freeing. My god I sound like a hippy. I’m still your straight up rock chick, the amount of Jack Daniels I managed to knock back last night pretty much certifies that, as does the long list of tickets that I’ve already bought for this year…oops. So I’ve written a list about some of the things I’m most proud of, this is only the start.

Moving in with Ali wasn’t the only thing to change me, but it’s helped. It’s nice having someone to share dinner with and waking up next to him in the morning, it’s nice to know that when I go back to uni I’ll come back to smiles rather than my little room in halls. If I’m on a low it’s generally easier to handle, not all the time though (I’m still working that part out). I feel so happy and content and this is something I’ve waited for. We’ve made the right decision now this is our first little home together 🙂

I’m going out with friends Freshers was a bit tough for me, I wasn’t in the right mindset with all the changes to go out and party and I didn’t know what I wanted. I’ve been to club night twice now and had a girls night in London, something I wondered if I’d ever actually do. After my night out with Jen last night I’m planning another, this is a BIG deal for me and I’m really proud of myself for being able to do it and not letting my illness get the better of me. 🙂

Jen and I last night on her 19th Birthday

Sorting out my mental health I’m going back to mentoring tomorrow after having to leave because I only get a certain amount of funding for each year. Honestly I’ve struggled this summer for a lot of different reasons. Ali and my Mum have helped a lot but it was hard being away from friends I’d made, missing the life I’m used to in Kingston. I want to focus this year on my strategies for lows. I know they may never completely go but at least with some help they’ll be more manageable.

I love my job I’m in a job that I love. Student Ambassador doesn’t sound gruelling but it gives me so many opportunities. I got out and talk to kids who remind me of myself, I share my love for my uni and my subject. Now I get to write professionally, be a content editor and help with the media and marketing stuff. I learnt so much by just being in the office for a week and it’s cemented my passion for digital media. I love my job so much and after having more than one that I didn’t enjoy growing up it’s so refreshing to feel good at what I do!

I don’t feel under pressure by the future. Who says when I should and shouldn’t do something? I’m not in a normal relationship, I’ve spent over a quarter of my life with Ali and I’m only 19. We’re not getting married any time soon because we both want to have careers, which we’re both getting on with. I’m going for internships and continuing to write (work experience in now 100% confirmed for April 2015!!!!) and he’s getting work experience in his field as well as both of us throwing ourselves into the band. I’d be lying if I felt completely free, a lot of people I know are getting married and having children or have their ideal engagement rings in their head…I don’t think about all that too much. The only thing, which is slightly pressured is having children but that’s biological. Ali and I are happy and well, I think we’ve done one of the hardest bits by living together, now we’re just going to plod along and see what happens after we graduate.

In short I’m ready to say goodbye to my teenage years and hello to my twenties. That said I will not be stopping eating Turkey Dinosaurs, ice lollies or raiding the sweet shop…ever.

Chloe Metzger

Lifestyle, Books and More

Month: Aug 2014

A year in the life of a Fresher – Looking back

It’s almost the end

Recovery

Should I Vlog?

My Big Mouth: Reading Festival Friday Review

An Update on Yesterday

Onwards and upwards

Dinner with a fellow nerd

‘A business mind’

Getting ready for the year of the twenty something.

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