Tag: weight

Top Posts of 2018

My Most Popular Posts Of 2018!

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I don’t know about you but I find my analytics absolutely fascinating. Stats might not be everything but year after year I love to see what my readers have been getting up to on my site. So, I thought, why not make a post out of it? 

I’ll always write what I want to write but, at the same time, my blog – and the opportunities I get from it is down to my wonderful readers. On that note I’m going to stop babbling and let you actually read! 

Number 10: Fibromyalgia And Me 

I’m really pleased this post made my top 10, because it was one I was very nervous about posting. I only got diagnosed with Fibromyalgia earlier this year and my reaction was…complicated.

I didn’t want people to see me differently BUT needed to reevaluate parts of my life. Now I feel much better and can be much more open about living with Fibro. The post that started it all is here.

Number 9: I’m Starting Again 

In July I found myself job hunting again and it knocked my confidence. This post was just chatting about how I felt, what I was trying to do and a general update. You can read about it here. 

Number 8: I’m In A Funk 

Another one of my mental health posts to hit the top 10. I wanted to get out there that I was struggling and comparing myself a lot to others. It was a to the point post about how we look at ourselves and comparison. 

Number 7: Carrying On: Surviving The Past Year 

A post from April about the previous 365 days that had been pretty tough (little did I know this year would have a LOT of ups and downs too!). I like to keep you guys in the loop and this was looking back on how far I’d come.

Number 6: I’m Obese? 

I really wanted to write about body image and expectations because of a few knocks I’d had. Following on from a doctors appointment where I was deemed overweight-obese by my BMI, despite being a size 12-14 I decided to get my feelings down once and for all! 

Number 5: Why I Will NEVER Use An App For Birth Control 

Responding to a worrying idea that people were using a fairly risky app as a way to try and prevent pregnancy got in the top 5. I made my feelings very clear and, actually, had a lot of great conversations about it! 

Number 4: The Pros and Cons Of Long Distance 

I’m in a long distance relationship for chunks of the year. I get asked quite a lot of questions, some weird sympathy and so I wrote about what’s it’s like – and you can check it out here.

Number 3: Taking The Plunge – I’m A Freelancer 

Not something I entirely planned for this year but it happened! I’m planning to do an update on being freelance in the new year too! The blog about how it all started is here. 

Number 2: Harry Potter Haul: Updated 

One of my most popular blogs EVER was a Harry Potter haul I wrote while at university. So, when I went to London for a Potter filled day shortly after Christmas I came back with a little collection and wanted to share! The updated version is here.

Number 1: Stressed, Depressed, But Well Dressed? 

This is one that really, really surprised me. I wrote the post a few years ago about a top I saw with the slogan on and how I felt about the phrase. Next year I really want to talk more about Mental Health! You can read it here.

So, that’s my top posts of 2018! Thank you to each and every one of you who head read, liked and commented on my posts – it means so much. 

Which of these was your favourite? I’d love to know in the comments below! 

*please note these were the most popular at the time of writing.

I'm Obese?

I’m Obese?!

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Earlier in the year at a hospital appointment, I stood on the scales and burst into tears. Still classed as overweight, even obese. Despite the fact I’m a UK size 12-14, I felt dread and disgust that those words would be put on my chart. The nurse patted me on the arm and said don’t take any notice, hers said the same, another nurse agreed. This was rated on the BMI scale, which has been part of various debates.

Now, if you follow me on any of my social media you’ll know that I have curves, I always have. When I think and look back on my relationship with my body I’ve always thought I was ‘fat’. I want to go back in time and shake myself because between the ages of 16-19 I was tiny, I shouldn’t have worried about crop today or short dresses. I should have loved every inch of my self and I didn’t.

I started having a lot more issues with my body after my spinal injury. I couldn’t walk properly for months and any definition I’d gained horse riding was gone and had been replaced with weight gain. I was on a stupid number of tablets, mostly having to rest or use a wheelchair and as a result, I put on a lot of weight, I knew that. My face always shows it first.

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Me in 2015

 

As soon as I was in recovery I tried to lose weight, counted calories and went to rehab gym and it worked! I got down to a slimmer size. Then I graduated, got a job and stopped going to the gym, stopped counting and got bigger again.

Why am I tell you this? Why am I sharing this on the internet? Because I’m done with BMI. I’m done with this idea there is one perfect body and size we all should be. BMI doesn’t account for the fact that my boobs could probably be classed as a small country. It doesn’t account for athletes that are classed as ‘obese’ because of muscle. It doesn’t account for people who cannot be as physically active as they would like due to illness or injury.

Even though it’s hard I need to try and love my body, I need to not get absorbed by numbers and comparisons. I have boobs and I have a butt and I love them very much. I also have a ‘pouch’. I had this idea that I should shrink myself into being the same as I was when I was 18 and that’s not how bodies work as we get older. We’re not meant to look like our 18-year-old selves for the rest of our lives.

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Me in June 2018

So I’m going to try, try to be healthy while still loving the skin that I’m in. What about you? Do you have the same feelings? Let me know in the comments below!

Clothes sizes are BS

Clothes Sizes are BS.

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Ok, girls and guys, we need to talk about clothes sizes.

I can’t even count the number of times that I’ve stood in a shop changing room hating my body. Firstly, hello to everyone who designs them can we change the lighting situation no one looks good in them. Secondly, I have body hang-ups, I have done since I was a young teenager even though I look at my 16-year-old self now and want to shout at her you fool, you look amazing! Wear whatever you like! There is just one more thing, in every shop the clothes sizes differ.

I like to try a variety of shops on the high street I have H&M, Next, New Look, Primark (so much Primark) and even a little Topshop in my wardrobe. Labels don’t mean that much to me when it comes to clothes because it’s so hard to find something that’s flattering. I digress. In my wardrobe, I have clothes that range from a size 8 – a size 14. That’s 4 different dress sizes that all fit me. Confused? Me too.

Now the whole idea of these dress sizes is to have a universal marker, but this is so rare. Sometimes it even stretches to the same shop. Once I tried a size 10 dress on in H&M, it fit. I then went on to try a pair of trousers on and I couldn’t even get a size 16 done up. Because that is logical.

So why am I rambling on about my clothes and changing rooms? The summer season is fast approaching, as is the bullshit of ‘beach body ready’. I have a body, if I put it on a beach it’s ready. There’s also a lot of stress in buying new clothes for the summer and the little number stitched into them.

I’m not claiming I don’t do this. I get panicky when I go up a dress size, even when I know that it’s ridiculous. The thing is I definitely think it’s something that is constantly forced down our throats that there should be a ‘perfect size’. That a number correlates to your worth and then after that they don’t match up anyway. What is this madness?!

This might be a little out there but it’s something that I wanted to get off my chest and see what you guys think. As always, let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

Why You Don’t Need to Reinvent Yourself in 2018!

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You’ve seen it all around you. New Year, New You! 50% off Gym joining fees and weight loss programmes blah, blah, blah, blah. I can bet that I’m not the only one who’s bored and a bit pissed off with the messages that surround us in January.

There’s a lot of pressure in January that we put on ourselves and each other to give things up or change ourselves. I’ve mentioned in previous posts , while it might be a good time for some to be extra motivated, this isn’t the case for me and many others. It’s dark, it’s miserable, a lot of people are struggling with SAD . Not exactly the most motivating, right?

That’s not all though. Think about the messages you are seeing, what do they all have in common? I can guarantee 90% of them have some kind of financial gain from making you want to change yourself! Of course, there are some resolutions which are personal and healthy and I have no judgement on that.

I’ll level with you, currently, I am medically classed as overweight on the BMI scale, which isn’t ideal. That’s something I’ve been working towards changing for myself BUT I’m not getting stupid because it’s a certain month on the calendar. I’m going to take my time and do it slowly rather than losing a lot of weight in a short space of time and then put double the amount back on.

While there’s so much pressure and you can see other people doing it you can be yourself. This doesn’t need to be the year you do everything and reinvent yourself and if you don’t in the next 12 months your a failure. At the end of your life, your last thought isn’t going to be ‘I wish I spent more time working on New Years Resolutions, etc.’

Do things on your own terms, when you feel ready. Don’t let pressure from other people force you into doing things. Resolutions can be a great way of motivating yourself, but only if that works for you. As for me? I’ll be carrying on as I was, working towards my goals one step at a time for as long as it takes. You know yourself best, no one else.

My Goals For 2018

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Welcome to 2018! January 1st, the start of a whole new year. If you’ve been following my blog for longer than a year, first of all, thank you so much you’re amazing, anyway, you’ll know I don’t like New Year’s resolutions. I say it, again and again, every year. Long story short, it’s cold, it’s miserable. Why start something new when it’s kinda shitty and everyone feels a little down?

So I’m all about making goals and they don’t need to be big or have a huge final solution. They can be whatever you want them to be and you can start them when you feel ready! So I do have a few goals for myself BUT with the idea that I want to start them. It doesn’t have to be finished by the 31st December 2018 at 11.59 but if it’s started then I’m pleased.

Get to 5000 Twitter Followers

Originally I wanted to do this in 2017 but it didn’t happen but I did get to 4000 which is a great start. So I’m going to work to get to this goal and connect with more people.

Start working on my first book…whatever that may be! 

I’ve wanted to write a book for years, I get ideas, I start writing, I hate everything I write, I stop. The cycle goes on and on. I need to carry on writing, even if I think it’s awful because the end result might not be…

Work towards a healthy weight

My weight has really changed in the past few years there’s a lot of factors, the biggest of which was breaking my spine, but other things too. Emotionally I wasn’t in a good place during the early part of last year but I did make a change. Between July and November, I lost just under half a stone, which is a start but I want to continue to make progress. I know what my goal is but it’s very personal and I don’t want to share it.

Write more poetry

I’ve loved writing poetry more this year and really getting into it. I’ve even published a poem here! I want to work on it and maybe share a little more…

Be a kinder to myself 

Sometimes I’m too hard on myself, I’m gonna try and change that this year.

Work my ass off in my job and see results

I started a job as a Social Media Manager in 2017 on a new project which is really exciting. I want to work hard and see results and see it grow. I’m so excited.

Manage my Anxiety in a healthy way! 

I’m a lot better than I was with my Mental Health but it’s an ongoing thing, I want to carry on getting my anxiety under control.

 

What are your goals for 2018? Let me know in the comments below!

Mental and Physical Health

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I have a confession to make my lovely readers. I have not been looking after myself. In the past few months, I have been severely lacking at going to the gym and keeping up with my fitness. There’s a lot of reasons that my fitness has taken a hit, partly due to not feeling up to it after work, partly struggling with pain levels and mostly motivation. Yep, motivation, that little bugger.

When the gym was 5 minutes away and I only had a few hours of uni a week, working out was easy. If I felt like going to the gym I could just go, I could make it the first thing I did in the day and if my muscles were aching I could spent the rest of the day in comfortable clothes and blankets with and write from home. I don’t have that luxury anymore. You see I start work at 8am, meaning if I wanted to get an hour in at the gym before work I’d have to get up at 5am. I would not make it through the day if I did that.

There’s a lot of pressure at this time of year to go on a complete fitness hype. To work out all the time and join clubs to slim down, cut back on what we eat. To those of you who are motivated by things like that I salute you, but I’m not one of them. For me my body, my weight and my mood are very personal to me. The thought of being weighed in front of others, or having the pressure of a weigh-in would not do me good, I’m pretty sure it would do the opposite. Likewise, I don’t have bathroom scales in the house, because I know that I can get obsessive.

When it comes to my mental health, food can be a crutch for me. When I’m sad I’ve been known to cheer myself up with food and then be weighed down with guilt. I’ve also been known to get so obsessed with a number on a scale that I don’t want to eat. It can really go either way and I’m not willing to give the dark part of my brain something to feed on. It’s because of this I’ve started taking the measures that I did before, when I was at uni. While it’s not the same (I move around a lot less as I have to drive to work and only have a half hour lunch break) I do want to make a positive impact on my life, because I have been frustrated with myself.

I’m going to the gym with my sister and have cut down on what I eat. I’m so used to snacking because I get bored and not being able to say no to food going spare (today I passed on free Dominoes pizza, it was a proud moment), but I’m not doing it anymore. I have an allotted amount of food to eat. I want to try and stick to this. Of course if I’m going out for the day or evening with friends and want to have something I will, I’m not cutting out the things I enjoy completely.

Really I just want to get back to focusing on my health and feel good about myself, my mind and my body again. No fad diets. No wanting to be a ridiculous size or weight.  Just happy and healthy, that’s all I want to be. Also, next month I’ll be having spinal injections to tackle the pain, meaning that I’ll hopefully be getting around and able to work out a bit more without having to stop for pain!

Feminist Fridays: You’re Not Guilty, Just Hungry

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In the last few days I’ve found myself using negative language in regards to food, when talking about eating a cupcake or getting take out with a friend I’ve been describing eating these things as ‘bad’ or ‘naughty’. I’ve been surrounded by other women talking about a ‘naughty’ slice of cake or hating themselves for not sticking only to fruit. I’ve also noticed that I hardly ever hear men speaking like this. I don’t hear men worrying about getting into a certain outfit for Christmas events.

I don’t know where this came from. Why there’s this idea of naughty food. Actually, that’s a lie, I know exactly where it came from. It came from diets, from women being told that to be beautiful they must look a certain way. Of course, if we’re having a little history lesson here, the concept of beauty changes throughout time. Look at the early 2000s when everyone who was anyone strived to get to a size 0, whereas a hundred years ago being that thin was seen as a sign of poverty, to be bigger was to be more desirable.

With Christmas just around the corner so many of us are denying ourselves the food we want to slip into a dress perhaps. I’ve been told by countless women they’ll buy clothes they know are too small in order to make them lose weight. Now, I’ll make it clear I’m not against anyone looking after themselves and being fit and healthy but I do wonder what impact this will have in the long term. How linking food to behaviour will impact not only us but those around us. By calling a piece of food good or bad will impact us mentally with these feelings of guilt that really don’t belong.

So I’ll say it and I want you to repeat it. I’m not guilty, just hungry. Life is short, while I know we all want to be our best selves eating a muffin while you’re out for coffee with your friends isn’t the end of the world. Buying a dress in your actual size and knowing you’ll be comfortable rather than struggling and feeling self-conscious if it doesn’t fit isn’t a terrible thing.  If you’re hungry, eat. Starving yourself and denying yourself won’t make you happy. You’re beautiful just the way you are.

Fit Not Thin

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I know that in the past few months I’ve slipped a little on my fitness. I’ve still got a strong appreciation that I can use my body after the accident, but there were a bunch of reasons I just lost motivation. You could say they’re excuses, maybe they are, but they’ve impacted not only my motivation but the way I felt about myself. I started reverting back to old ways, attempting to cut out food and give myself tiny portions, which made me absolutely miserable. I hated having to log everything and feeling guilty if I went out for dinner.

I like food, a big part of hanging out in my office revolves around the local burger place and I don’t have to tell you that sitting and eating some rice and possibly chicken if my calories will allow it is no fun when the guys are tucking into some beautiful burgers. I have the willpower, I’ve done it before but back then I didn’t mind, it was the only way I could control my body and the way I looked, now I have a little more scope for fitness and less time to faff around with calorie numbers.

I came to the conclusion that I need to separate being thin and being fit. I’ve been self conscious about weight since I was bullied at school. I was not fat, not at all, but I had a little puppy fat and most of the popular girls in my year were naturally very thin, I had curves and was frequently told to go to weight watchers. I used to get stressed about food, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t now sometimes. I don’t like salad and fruit on its own makes me really nauseous (no idea why, it just does), so eating lunch at school was a nightmare. Now it’s better I can eat vegetable soup or something where the veg is in a sauce (I know, I’m like a baby) but then I could eat the mush from the canteen or my packed lunch, that was it. I fretted and stressed because I didn’t have a ‘perfect body’ and hid under baggy clothes and jumpers whenever I could. Part of this was teenage insecurity, honestly though the picture below from my 15th birthday I hated and thought I was ‘fat’, I very clearly wasn’t.

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Anyway, back to the focus of this post. I realised I had some of these thoughts again, panicking and stressing about food all the time, it’s not fun and it’s not how I want to spend my life. I’m going to focus on being as fit as I can whilst recovering from my spine still. I don’t want numbers to dominate my life, because I’ve been there and it doesn’t always create the right results. I refuse to let myself have scales in my house because I know I’ll just get obsessed with some numbers and a BMI chart, where’s the fun in that? So there it is I’m going back to the gym, the workouts and just wanting to be as fit as I can.

The Gym Return.

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On Monday night I sat down and set up a gym membership, my goal was to get back to my workout routine pre deadlines. I have to admit knowing that I’m going to have to fit it around work rather than having my chilled sessions with Alice made me think twice about signing up. That said after my routine slipped I noticed that I put back on a little bit of weight and I wasn’t feeling as good in myself. With the move as well my mental health has been more tricky to deal with so I needed to dose myself up with some gym love.

I’m writing this, and I know it will be short, curled up in blankets and trying not to fall asleep but I feel SO GOOD. My body aches but I’m just proud of myself for getting off my ass and going after work. It helped that I went with my sister too and got to work out and talk to her. The most important thing is that I’m doing this for myself. I want to get fitter and try to help the pain in my spine, I want to be able to help my depression by working out. Losing weight is a plus but it’s not the reason I’m going any more, feeling healthy is much more important than what anyone else thinks of me or my body.

 

Image from Pinterest.

1 down, 1 to go – Fitness and Weight Loss!

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I’ve been really honest about how my injury has impacted my life in loads of different ways. I’ve really been trying to work on building up everything in the gym and not overdoing it. That said I was a little worried over christmas because there’s so much food and everyone is offering you ‘just one more’. I both did and didn’t want to see how my progress was going and I was pleasantly surprised.

On the right is before and the left is now, 1 stone lighter! I’m very strict with myself about checking my weight I mentioned it before  that I wanted to be careful and that I didn’t want to get obsessive and controlling again, like I was in my teens.

I’m really proud of what I’ve been able to achieve here and it’s all been in a healthy way. There have been no crash diets, no cutting out food groups, unhealthy amounts of exercise or not eating. Everything you see has 100% come from portion control, healthier eating and 1 hour a week exercise (the only exercise I can do at the moment).

I wanted to share this with you all because before I didn’t believe in this. I thought I was stuck the way I was and the whole exercise and  small portions wasn’t something I could do but I did and I actually really enjoy the gym. Thank you for all the support I’ve received on my blog, Twitter,  Facebook and Instagram. I can’t wait to carry on my fitness and share it with you!