Tag: university

That point in the year where everything is meh

Leave a comment

I’ve been thinking about what to write tonight all day, I could write about the news, about what I’ve been up to (not a lot), make a list anything like that. I just didn’t feel inclined to write anything magnificent or thought provoking because quite frankly I’m just a bit fed up. I didn’t want to write moaning post, I still don’t want to but I’m writing abotu student life and there’s a point in the year where most of us are fed up.

I’ve been looking at the same essays for weeks and weeks, adding to the same arguments, stressing over word counts and paragraphs like all of my friends. I can’t even sit in the library at the moment without feeling incredibly stressed and irritated. I guess I’m just sick of assignments now, I want them all done and to be over so I can spend some time relaxing and not worrying about finding critical analysis of Jane Eyre or what the hell my lecturers are going to think about my essay on personal and collective drug usage in certain novels. It’s driving me slightly mad and all I really want to do is go into town and have a few very large vodka and cokes.

So I’m a little tired, a little fed up and a little deflated. Hopefully tomorrow will be better!

Living in the Library

Leave a comment

11683_10153748027678206_1365137072672291846_n

For the last two days, I have spent my life in the library. Laptop, piles of books and a large amount of sugar to get us through me and Eleanor hit the library, hard. There are a lot of assignments to get through, I have Independent Research (4000 words), Victorian to Modernist (1500 words), 20th-21st Century (2000 words) and Locating Literature (2500 words). So all in all 10,000 words, the amount of words I’ll be handing in  for my dissertation this time next year.

So for the foreseeable future I will be camping out with library, possible falling asleep on piles of books (as I did last year) before settling down for some time to myself before starting my reading for next year. It’s not that interesting but I did have some good company to keep me going. Only 4600 to go words to go!

So many positive things!

Leave a comment

17195_10153739492263206_5683270209349587601_n

Today was my last day of lectures for my second year! The next time I go into a lecture it will be the final year of my undergrad degree! It’s gone stupidly fast! So to celebrate that fact, yesterdays good news that I’m going to Athens( !!!) and that I’ve been feeling really good about myself lately.

So this morning I got up (admittedly after hitting the off button on my alarm and missing my lecture) and got to work helping Ali finish his assignment, while also buying myself tickets to see Sarah Millican next year and booked my flights and hotel for Athens. Then off to uni, the hospital for blood tests, lunch with Dani, a quick Primark dash (seriously, one of my FAVOURITE shops on the high street) and then off to band practice. I never stop being busy.

I’m finally doing it, I’m finally taking hold of my life and making things happen. I’m travelling with a few breaks planned this year, Durham, Prague, Athens and Amsterdam for my birthday. The band and I are getting ready to have a busy summer, I’m going to be working, writing and hopefully a lot more swimming and riding.

I wanted to write this to all of you because I’m aware I haven’t been as perky as usual and while I’m trying to to fall asleep while I write this, as well as having a stack of blogs to upload this weekend, I’m finally really happy. I have incredible friends, family, an amazing relationship, my band and of course my education, which means so much to me. Basically I’m feeling positive and I’ll hold on to that as long as I can.

10 Reasons being a student is the best.

Leave a comment

We all know that being a student is that beautiful time between being a teenager and becoming an adult (gulp), so here are just 10 of the reasons being a student is THE BEST.

1.  You actually get to study what you want 

No more P.E! Can I get a woohoo! There is nothing worse than the classes you hate at school (for me P.E and Maths) and at degree you get to study what YOU want to!

2. More independence! 

Whether you’ve moved away from home for the first time or you’re commuting, you get to be independent. Sorting yourself you is actually a lot of fun. I know most people really enjoyed their first food shop on their own while lying to their parents that yes they had bought fruit…strawberry ice cream is kind of fruit 😉

3. Taking up new things 

You might take up things you’ve never thought of before in societies, I took up horse riding, I have friends who do rugby, fencing, and once I knew someone who attended Wine Society, no word of a lie! It’s cool you can try something out and make friends along the way.

4. Being able to explore 

Whether that be the world, new culture,yourself, your sexuality, university is the time to explore!! You can try new things and see what you like and don’t like.

5. You can eat what you want….seriously

Want cake for breakfast? Go for it. Want a bowl of cereal for dinner, why not? Ok so it might not be that nutritional but it is fun.

6. You make friends! 

Ah making friends. Something which before we all come we’re absolutely terrified of. I met my band mates and some really good friends since being at uni, all of which accept me for the things that I used to get called weird for.

7. You learn some life lessons 

Like going out on an empty stomach and downing shots all night…don’t think you’re going to want to see daylight in the morning.

8.STUDENT DISCOUNT! 

I love student discount to the point that I’m a total dork about it. Most places offer a student discount, even 10% can make a difference, my NUS card was totally worth it and nice shops will check if you have it so you can spend money. I got a damn good haircut at a great salon with my discount that would have cost me nearly £50 at home !!!

9. You can decide what you want to do with your life

Most of us don’t know what we want to do at 18, so having 3 years to work it out is a good idea…even if most of us still don’t completely know at the end of it.

10. It’s  fun. 

I never thought I’d be this in love with uni. It is definitely not easy but it’s a great thing to do and I feel like a different person 2 years in!

Have I missed something off? Add with your comments below!

Giddy Up! My first time horse riding!

1 Comment

IMG_0718

I’ve never mentioned wanting to go horse riding prior to second year, to be honest I never thought it would be something I could do. So at freshers I signed up with Amy and later Dani. I didn’t hear much after submitting my paper work but suddenly rides became available and they were being snapped up really quickly! I thought about it for all of five minutes and booked my first ride, not nervous it was two weeks away, right?

Flash forward to today when my anxiety raised its ugly head, I went from being nervous to absolutely bloody terrified. How on earth was I going to do this? Horses were absolutely huge, what if I fell off? What if I made a complete idiot of myself or made no friends. I got so nervous and anxious I was nearly in tears but it was the social aspect more than anything else, then the horse. Ali made me calm down, If you don’t like it you don’t have to go back. I got the bus and hoped more than anything I wouldn’t fall off.

IMG_0708

Can you tell how terrified I really was?

The staff were all lovely but seeing the horses and I started to panic a little, how was I going to get on one! So I watched someone else ride for a little bit and Amy being the lovely thing she is waited to watch me. Now Amy, unlike my friend Amy from last year is so, so tall. Apparently her ride earlier in the day was in a huge horse, I thought mine was but apparently she was tiny. My horse, Jemima, was lovely, very beautiful and incredibly well behaved. According to my instructor Kate she’s a horse that calms down nervous people.

Getting on I mouthed ‘fuck’ to Amy (I’d nearly bolted myself earlier being so nervous), it took quite a long time to sort out my stirrups because I have such little legs, but at least I wasn’t put on a tiny pony which was another worry I had. I was really awkward and nervous at first but my instructor knew what to do and calmed me down, I relaxed and Jemima had me at ease. By the end of the lesson I could make her walk, trot, slow down and stop, plus I managed to get the rhythm fairly quickly too (being a musician is good for horse riding apparently).

Will I be going again? Definitely. I feel like it’s going to be hard work but I enjoy it, it’s something new and I’m loving that I’m part of a big group. The people I’ve met from society are all absolutely lovely, I have a social next week and we might all be getting jumpers! I’m part of a group that is actually a sport!

Today was followed by meeting Joe and now I’ve been invited on a night out even though I’m aching from horse riding…hmmmm do I or don’t I?

IMG_0713IMG_0714

IMG_0716

Finding new loves

Leave a comment

IMG_0674

It’s exciting when you find a new love on your degree. I’ve avoided Victorian Literature for a long time because of the way it had been taught to me, now I’m in university and I’ve absolutely fallen in love with Victorian poetry, only a few pieces but still. This is one of the greatest things about studying for a degree, I’m going down all these different paths and right now for academics I’m looking at prostitution in one module and Young Adult literature in another while on the side I’m looking at mental health in literature. I’m full of passion and excitement, which to me is what university is about.

I haven’t spoken about wanting to do an MA much on this blog but every day I get more of this overwhelming feeling that it’s not something I just want to do it’s something that I need to do, maybe I wont progress on to PhD (that bit depends on funding) but need to take that next step. There’s something about research that lets me just immurse myself in it, the only other thing I’ve felt like that about is music, the first love I ever had.

This might seem a bit sappy but today just put it into focus for me, every one of my lectures keeps telling me to be more confident, I know how to do this and I’m good at it and believe it or not I’m starting to listen. I submitted some pieces for first checks today and I’m not panicking for once, I know that they are good enough right now and I can build through the year.

Loving my degree, loving life!

Alone time

Leave a comment

Last year I spent so much time alone. In halls I could go three days sometimes without seeing anyone, not even my flat mates, I’d cocoon in my room and sleep, study and watch TV and if I felt like eating (which when I felt like this wasn’t often) I’d eat at strange times sometimes cooking late at night because my sleeping pattern was all kinds of messed up. I didn’t like it, I felt miserable, alone and would often just sleep for something to do.

It was a surprise to me this year that I am so busy that I hardly have time to be alone. I live with Ali now and we share a room and even when I’m having an off day he manages to persuade me to go outside, be around people. It’s one of the many things I talk to my mentor about, she says that she always tries to get people with depression to go outside and be around people, one of the worst things for depression is being isolated. I didn’t realise until the other day that last year I worried my Mum, she knew I wasn’t doing as well as I said I was and apparently got quite worried that the only times I was going out of my room was to see Ali or the boys. I didn’t feel that it was a problem then but now I can see that I wasn’t very well last year.

And so today came, after pretty much seeing people every day for about 3 weeks straight I felt a bit overwhelmed, I needed a breather. Tuesday’s are one of my days off uni and so I used today as my ‘recovery’ day as my mentor and I call them. I thought that to get over this I need to keep going, going,going but actually I need rest too. Some things that are easy for people without a mental health condition, like having a group of close girl friends, takes a lot of energy for me, I’ve been out of the loop of those kinds of friendships since I was about 14/15 and being ‘a girl’ worries me sometimes. The girls are incredible about it though, which helps,

So I spent today on my own and it was actually kind of nice, I got stuff done, cleaned and put music on when it all got a little bit too quiet. Many people won’t understand this, hey it’s just being alone! This is all a part of me getting better though and learning new things.

Right now I kind of like the peace and quiet of being alone.

I’m afraid I’ll have to disagree…

Leave a comment

It’s taken 4 weeks of my degree to decide that, just like music, I cannot study creative writing. I was so desperate to fall in love with my course and feel like I’m enhancing my abilities but I’m so disappointed. I love Kingston, I love the lecturers and they definitely have talent but I’m honestly bored. This week my task is to read all about Villanelles and Sestinas and then write one, yep I bet you’ve never heard of them either. I used to like poetry, reading it, writing it, studying it. I never in a million years thought I would miss it at A Level, but I do. We have to write a poem that has about 6 different rules in regards to structure, rhyme and god knows what else, this is one of my pet hates! I hate it when your restricted. To me poetry or writing in general is a form of expression! I’m not interested in this mathematical madness of line 3 relating to like 12 which must be another way of saying line 6 before repeating line 42.

I’m sighing as I read my assignments list because it just bores me to tears, well one side of it does anyway. I was chatting to some friends about it the other day and in regards to novel writing they think that I’m being too advanced for first year. I’ve started character bios, plot summaries, chapter summaries and writing every day a year ago. I thought that we were expect to come to uni like this but apparently a lot of people have never tried writing anything like this before. If I’m honest the whole thing makes me feel a little awkward. I’m not the best by any stretch of the imagination but at the same time I know what I want to write and where my strengths lie. I don’t fully regret taking Creative Writing, I think I just prefer studying English Literature at the moment. Second year should be a lot more fun and more of what I’m into, I’ve decided to Major in Literature because the modules (well the modules at the moment) just speak to me more and seem more interesting than the Creative Writing ones and the only one I got excited about is a core module anyway.

I don’t want to sound like I’m moaning and I’m hoping that I will enjoy the course more as the year goes on, it just isn’t want I expected it to be. I really just want to write something that matters to me, something that could matter to someone else, I just don’t think a huge poem is going to do the trick!

10 Ways to Survive Freshers Week!

Leave a comment

1. Say Hi to all your flatmates! 

This really is a must, you’re going to live with these people all year, like it or lump it. I was lucky and got really nice flat mates (even a nice girl on my course!), if you guys arn’t  that alike remember they on’t have to be your best friends you just have to get on.

2. Go to your induction lectures 

I had 3 9am starts down on my timetable which I was DREADING but after attending one the rest of my 9am lectures were cancelled. Also they give you good tips in these as well as important info, we even got our first task in one lecture. On top of that you get to meet your course mates and lecturers, in a way these are even more important than your flat mates these people will see you for 3 years (first impressions count). 

3. Cry when you need it 

So you’re in a new town/city, a new room and you’ve just spent £9000 on fees I think your entitled to a good cry. Almost everyone I have spoken to has had a break down at one point or another, so don’t bottle it up! I always found that after I made my self go and do something so that I wasn’t wallowing.

4. Phone or Go Home when YOU need it 

So if you’re like me you will more than likely get quite homesick, here’s a secret, you’re allowed to phone home! After talking to other people I know that most of us are phoning home most days (every day in my case) and a few people have had to go home for varied reasons. It’s not the best idea to go back every weekend if you can help it because you do need to make friends but I know a few people at my uni who have done freshers and gone home for the weekend. It’s all up to you and how you feel. 

5. Don’t buy everything on the booklist, ask what you NEED. 

Ask any second or third year they will say the same thing only buy the CORE textbooks. I study English and we read a new book a week for one module (as you can guess that is impossible to budget for) but we get the resources online to read which is helpful. Even our lecturers have said that you don’t need to buy absolutely everything, talk to people about what you really need.

6. Don’t feel pressured into going out every night 

I went out drinking twice in freshers week and that was definitely enough. There is a big pressure to go out and be wild every night, coming from some of my friends who did it, it’s boring. The problem with freshers is that absolutely everyone thinks they need to be out every night meaning the clubs and bars are rammed. If, like me, you are not that into the club scene then just do something else until it calms down. go to a few flat parties for an hour or two and show your face then go do something else you don’t need to be wasted to be a good fresher! 

7. Learn who you are

This kind of ties in with what I said above, learn who you are and what you want to do. If you don’t want to do something then say no! It’s all up to you now, try and be comfortable in your own skin (I know how hard this can be trust me).

8. Get to know where you live! 

Take the wrong bus, walk the wrong way all these little mishaps allow you to get to know where you live and where things are! 

9.Don’t spend your Student Loan in the first week

I thought it was obvious but apparently not. I know people who went full out shopping the day the loan came in…let’s see how tasty those shoes are at Christmas…

10. Enjoy yourself! 

It’s stressful and new and scary but once that bit calms down have fun learning about yourself 🙂 

The day I became a real Journalist!

Leave a comment

Image

I realise that a lot of my posts are being very boring and samey at the moment. It’s just constantly saying goodbye, packing and being nervous. Today I thought this post would be the same and I’m very aware of boring you all! So to my surprise whileI was eating with my Mum I recieve and email from Be the Red Carpet magazine (something I have recently joined) asking if I could cover a phone interview with Lee from 90’s pop band 911 as they are making a big come back. My nerves were in pieces and me and mum had to run around town trying to get everything done as I researched, wrote questions and prayed my phone wouldn’t die before I called him. So my first interview took place in my mums car in the town center car park, luckily Lee was an absolute star and was so kind to me. It was so surreal to just phone him up and have a chat although it always helps when the person is laid back. I definately want to be a journalist now, well if I can’t be a musician I will specialise in music and events. It gave me so much self confidence!

Today was non-stop from the minute I woke up. After shopping and the interview I raced to my grandparents to say goodbye and have my family birthday party with all my little cousins, it really was a lovely time. Then tonight packing again! There have been tears already between me and Mum but that’s to be expected, we cry at anything and eveything. I’m not nervous about moving yet, I don’t think it’s hit me properly. I’m really hoping everything fits in the car tomorrow!!!