Tag: mental illness

Book Review: My Lovely Wife – Mark Lukach

Leave a comment

Book Review My Lovely Wife Mark Lukach

Mark and Giulia have a wonderful life, a strong relationship and a future to look forward to. What they didn’t know was that their lives and relationships were going to be tested by Giulia developing a severe mental illness. This lead to her being hospitalised, suicidal and unable to trust anyone around her. Later, after the birth of their son, Giulia is again hospitalised but how does Mark care for his child and support his wife.

For anyone who has been in the grips of mental illness or knows someone who has been affected this is a challenging read because it is so real. Mark talks about the lack of movement from medical professionals, the lack of beds and the lack of information. I know that for me, personally, this was a tough read because it’s one of the things that scares me most about mental ill health.

That said, what I celebrated most about this book is that Mark does not shy away from how hard it is to cope with a partner with a mental health condition because it’s true. He shares his pain, bewilderment and anger at the situation and his feeling of wanting to run and escape, not because he doesn’t love his wife, but because it’s hard.

This isn’t all doom and gloom, there is a lot of love in this book and most importantly hope. This chronicles finding a new way to love and a new way to move forward in a relationship when the unexpected is thrown at you, which happens more than people would like to admit. They have still found a way to laugh and love, which is important.

I’ve never read a book like this before and while I was nervous going in, I now recommend it to everyone. This is what long-term love is. This is fighting through together and doing what needs to be done for the other person, even if they may not thank you in the moment. I gave this five stars. Not only was it brilliantly written it meant a lot to me to see the other side. I’d love to read more from Mark about his life with Giulia and their future.

What’s Up With Me?

6 Comments

I’ve been a little bit quieter recently on the blog, on my Twitter and in my general life. Now, I don’t feel that I have to explain everything to everyone but it’s been bothering me slightly. I haven’t written about mental health in a while now, partly because I didn’t know what to say, partly because I’ve been mixing with new people and I didn’t want the first thing for them to know about me was my history rather than the person I am now.

So what is up with me? It’s been a really weird month. My Great Nan died at the beginning of the month, so there was also a funeral. I’ve had some hospital appointments and a week off. So it’s been a mixed bag but even with that, something felt off. Something within me felt strange and I just blamed it on things in my life and feeling tired. Standard stuff.

That was until last night, I’d just had enough of feeling crappy and exhausted when there wasn’t anything that I could pinpoint anymore that was making me feel this way. I’ve been going through areas of my life and couldn’t understand what was going on and I was worried. Then something clicked. Something had changed.

About 2 months ago I changed some of my medication and I was told it would be a straight swap, one for the other but it would help with my back pain as well as serving as an antidepressant that I was already on. There was a catch though…nobody told me the dosage would change to be a lot lower and therefore offset the chemical imbalance again. Not fun.

And that’s the thing, I have a chemical imbalance, that’s all this is. It’s just like a Diabetic I can’t help my illness any more than they can. So I spoke to my doctor, we’re trying out some other options and it was a huge weight off of my shoulders to understand. Living with Depression is all about ups and downs.

I’ve been doing this long enough to know when something is up and trying to work around it. I haven’t been crying every day or the typical Hollywood version of depressed but everything just felt a lot heavier and like it was more effort, that’s when I knew something wasn’t right.

So, that’s what’s been up! I’m pretty proud of myself for clocking it and then doing something about it.

 

Have any of you ever experienced this? Let me know in the comments below!

My Mental Health Goals For This Year

3 Comments

It’s been a while since I’ve posted about mental health, and that’s mainly because I haven’t known what to write. I’ve had so many ideas for other type of content that I’ve kind of tried ot focus on all the positives. That’s not to say that mental health posts can’t be positive, which leads me on to this one…

Last year was incredibly tough for me mentally, my confidence took a few beatings and my self esteem got smashed. I had to build myself back up quite a few times in the space of 12 months (my 2017 in review is here), so I’m proud of myself but want to take better care of my mental health in 2018.

So, here are my goals…

To be able to celebrate everyday achievements 

I’m way too hard on myself. That’s a fact. I want to try and celebrate everyday achievements and be pleased about the small things to try and get a more positive way of thinking.

To work on managing my anxiety in a healthy way 

I get anxious, I’ve had anxiety for years and I want to focus on healthy ways of tackling it. Whether that be through writing, listening to music or simply talking about it rather than letting myself get so stressed and worried that everything seems 100 times worse.

To look after my body better 

Ok, ok, I’ll admit last year I wasn’t great at looking after my body. I know that when I get a bit of exercise I feel better. I’ve also been making steps to drink more water and having a skin care routine too! Fingers crossed!

To accept rough patches as part of life, rather than defining life

I need to stop panicking when I hit a rough patch and thinking this is where it’s all going to go wrong. It’s a known fact anxiety can do this, but I’m stronger than my anxiety.

To make time for self care every week 

A bath, a good book, getting away from a screen, whatever I need to do! It’s really easy to burn yourself out so I’m trying to give myself a little bit of time each week to keep myself in good shape!

What are your mental health goals for this year? Let me know in the comments below!

Blogmas Day 15: How to stay mentally healthy during the holidays!

3 Comments

Christmas is fun but it can also be really stressful! At Christmas time we want to go, go, go. We feel we need to go shopping for gifts, see friends and family, go to events, look our best and prepare for the big day.  In short, it can be a lot of pressure on anyone, so when you have a mental illness can be very overwhelming and it’s so easy to struggle during the holidays, here are my tips to stay healthy.

Take time for yourself

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the festivities and everything that ‘needs’ to be done that we often forget to take some time to ourselves! It’s important to be able to wind down and switch off no matter what time of year it is.

Get enough rest

It can be absolutely exhausting to live with a mental illness on a day to day basis, add to that seeing friends and family, going out to join in with events, trying to match the excitement of others. It’s important that no matter what you still get enough rest. It’s so important to prioritise you rest and sleeping habits.

Decide what is a priority for you 

Expectations can be really high at Christmas and if,  like me, you’re a bit of a people pleaser it can be hard to say no. I’ve needed to tell myself, firmly, that I can say no and I need to look at my priorities. My priority is seeing my family, close friends and making sure I use the time I have to recharge my batteries. That’s the priority.

Take the pressure off! 

Banish the ‘should’, you do you over the holidays. I’m not going out on New Years Eve to any pubs or parties. I’m going to spend the night in my own home and go and see my family are a good sleep. I’m going to not have something on every single day and try to go with the flow.

See the day how you need to

For some people they want Christmas to be a day filled with family and that’s what’s important. For others, it’s just another day. Do what’s right for you.

Feeling S.A.D

3 Comments

It’s dark, it’s raining and let’s be honest, pretty miserable outside. Since the clocks went back a few weeks ago I’ll be honest, it’s been a little bit more of a struggle. For many of us, it’s normal to feel a little bit blue in these months, but there are times when this goes deeper. During the winter months, there are many people who have to deal with Seasonal Affective Disorder, also known as SAD.  But what is the difference between feeling down and having SAD.

 

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that comes and goes in a seasonal pattern.

SAD is sometimes known as “winter depression” because the symptoms are more apparent and tend to be more severe during the winter.

The symptoms often begin in the autumn as the days start getting shorter. They’re typically most severe during December, January and February.

SAD often improves and disappears in the spring and summer, although it may return each autumn and winter in a repetitive pattern. (NHS Website)

In my personal experience of living with depression since I was a teenager, the winter months can make depression worse in itself, particularly after the excitement of Christmas is over.

While some will just call it the ‘winter blues’ regardless of whether your depression is seasonal or throughout the year it is still depression and something that people need help with. I don’t agree that having SAD is any lesser a pain or struggle than other types of depression, hence why I wanted to start the conversation and talk more about this.

Mental health issues impact so many lives and it’s important to talk about different types and their causes to get help and beat stigma at the same time. If you feel like you are struggling, maybe it is sadness or perhaps you just don’t feel like yourself talk to someone.

If you see a doctor and feel like they aren’t listening go back and see another, write down how you are feeling and why you think that is. Our minds are both brilliant and confusing things but together we can make the world a little brighter and a little easier.

What are your experiences of SAD? Let me know in the comments below.

 

Book Review: Turtles All The Way Down – John Green

5 Comments

35504431

‘Your now is not your forever.’

16-year-old Aza is going through the motions to get through high school with her vibrant best friend Daisy at her side and trying not to spiral. Because Aza has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), making life that little bit more difficult. Getting through her day to day didn’t include trying to find a missing billionaire or his handsome son.

I started reading John Green just after The Fault in Our Stars came out so I could spend the years between books reading the rest of the novels he had written and I was still desperate to get my hands on the latest novel. Well, it was worth the wait because he’s managed to get it right again.

The reason the Aza and Daisy even begin their quest to find the missing billionaire is the hundred thousand dollar reward for information.  For Daisy, a reward would mean financial freedom, for Aza, however, her curiosity is based on Davis Pickett. Of course, as with all of Greens novels, there is an element of love and desire, after all, he is writing about teenagers.

It must be said I think this sets a different tone for John’s work. While we’re used to difficult themes within Green’s novels, ones that I frequently cry in, Turtles felt different. This is an own voices novel, Green has openly spoken about his life with OCD (you can watch a video about it here) and you can tell. I am familiar with the process of mental spirals and having it put into words was incredible.

Something that is not often seen in literature is the honest feelings of those around someone with a mental illness. I’m not going to spoil anything but Green has shown the honest reality of what it’s like for the person with the illness and those around them, because it’s not easy.

I gave this novel 5 stars because I loved it. As I thought I finished it within 24 hours in love with the characters and the way Green writes them. I know that some people haven’t liked this as much but I’m not one of them because it was wonderful. I also loved the ending, of course, I won’t spoil it for you, but it wasn’t typical, nor what I’d expect.

John Green is still, and probably always will be, one of my favourite authors of all time.

7 ways to Help Your Mental Health Day to Day

Leave a comment

As the days have gotten shorter and it’s a lot darker, anyone’s mental health can take a hit. Recently, while having a medication review, I spoke to a doctor about medication and dosages. He told me that he does not unless he has to for the patient, lower or bring anyone off of antidepressants in the winter months.

I completely understand why he does this. A lot of people feel good at the end of the summer, it’s been warm, there might have been holidays or romance and a lot of time outside the house. In the Autumn & Winter, however, it can get harder.

So, how can we help ourselves, well…

Recognise when you’re not feeling great

Remember that it’s ok not to be ok, it’s like a giant light has gone off for the world, it’s going to knock you! That and it’s cold, not exactly the best conditions to be happy. Know that it’s ok to feel that way and you’re certainly not the only one.

Try and leave the house 

Despite the temperature drop try and go outside. Throw on a big jumper and a coat and go somewhere. It can be as simple as popping to the shop or going for a 10 minute walk.

Practice self-care 

Self-care is really important in whichever way you chose to do it. I’m trying to be healthier and not rely on food  so, recently, I’ve found a nice bath and some poetry makes me feel a lot better.

Make a list of things to look forward to 

I used to really struggle with my day to day because I wasn’t happy with my personal situation. I needed a reason to look forward so I started making notes and writing on calendars at least one thing I was looking forward to. I didn’t need to be anything big but I had a focus point.

Take your time

Take your time with building yourself up. There’s no rush to be the happiest person or to shake off feelings. We’re all different and we all have our own challenges.

Get enough sleep! 

I cannot stress this enough. Sleep is so important to our lives, make sure you get the amount of sleep you need. I know that I can deal with 6 hours a night but to be fully functioning I need 8 hours.

Make sure you eat 

I’m awful at this, I’ll admit that I’m awful at this. When I’m absorbed in something, or when I’m sad food is something I forget about. Don’t be me! Make sure you’re eating and fuelling your body.

You Can Do It! – World Mental Health Day 2017

Leave a comment

Hello there,

I don’t know what lead you here, maybe you’re feeling a little lost, maybe you saw this on social media and thought I’d see what she has to say. I’m here to tell you, you can do it.

For many, when you have a mental health condition, it can seem as a huge barrier. It can seem like it’s going to stop you achieving your dreams and what you want to achieve in life. There’s a lot of negative portrayals in the media and literature of someone’s life ending. That may have been the old way but with the right help, support and treatment (in many forms) you can achieve what you want to achieve!

Don’t let anyone tell you that what you want to get out of life isn’t possible because of some brain chemistry. What a load of rubbish! Some of the greatest thinkers, performers and artists to have ever lived have had to deal with mental health conditions. It’s a well known fact that in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Dementors were created out from J.K Rowling’s experiences with depression.

Sometimes, the biggest and only barrier is yourself and the voice in your head. It can be completely exhausting to fight your own mind on the simplest thing. I remember years ago when I started university, the thought of getting a bus gave me an anxiety attack. Yep, getting a bus. Then I moved to London and didn’t have a choice, the first few times I was petrified, I was so anxious and panicked. Now, getting a bus in London doesn’t phase me at all, I used to do it all the time. BUT my brain would come up with all these scenarios, it took time but I tamed my brain in that situation and many others.

It can feel like you’re up against the world but I promise you slowly, you can do this. You can do anything. Talk to others, keep going back to your GP until they listen, do what you feel you need to do.

Lots of love,

Chloe

World Suicide Prevention Day 2017 – Tips for Tough Days

Leave a comment

It’s World Suicide Prevention Day 2017, each year it’s something that I dedicate a post to because it’s important. The fact that we need a day for suicide prevention shows something. We live incredibly busy lives, we’re constantly going, going, going, looking at the world around us and having 24-hour news and updates on the good, and bad in the world. It can all get a little too much. When you’re at your lowest ebb, and suicide seems like an option, it’s hard to know what to do to help, if there is any help at all when you’re slowed down struggling to cope while the world seems so fast. So, for this year I wanted to share some tips, for the days when everything seems too much.

Know that it’s ok to unplug

I love social media and growing my following BUT, sometimes it’s too much. To see other people seemingly having a great time when you’re not feeling great it’s ok to switch off for a while and turn off your internet and just be.

Speak to, or be around, people that love you 

This is so important. It doesn’t matter who these people are, but it can help to be cared for in the smallest of ways.

Get some natural light 

Hear me out. I’ve been in those times where my mind tells me to just lie in the darkness and just sleep, mainly when I was living alone at uni. When you get up, open the curtains or try to go outside for 10-15 minutes. Natural light can really do you good. If not you can get a lamp to replicate light, which also helps with SAD (Seasonal Affectiveness Disorder).

Try and do something you enjoy 

I know it can be really hard when you’re in the darkest parts of depression but even a little something can make you feel a little better. Maybe listen to an album you like, do something creative, cook? Whatever you feel up to doing. I, personally, try to listen to some music or write.

Allow yourself to cry 

My boyfriend is on tour right now, it’s tough. For the past week I’ve been trying to keep myself busy all the time, every evening pushing my mind and my body to distract myself. Yesterday I finally let myself acknowledge that I was missing him and had a good old ‘ugly cry’, didn’t set my alarm and just slept for as long as my body needed.

Know it’s ok not to be ok 

I wrote a whole post on this a while back, it’s ok not to feel ok. It’s part of life and if you have a mental illness it’s a part of life you know all too well. We have down days, sometimes we relapse, it’s all part of recovery.

Know that someone loves you

It can be so hard to remember this. Someone in the world loves you, so much. You’re worth this life. I promise.

If you need any help or are feeling suicidal please, please talk to someone. In the UK you can contact the Samaritans, they can talk things over with you on 116 123. If you feel like you’re in immediate danger of harming yourself please call an ambulance.

How is my Mental Health right now?

1 Comment

IMG_5964

As I write this, I realise I haven’t really been writing about myself and mental health, not for a while! We’ve gotten to September already and while we’ve still got 3 months of this year left, it feels like 2017 has just been a bit of battering for me and my old mind. Actually, if I’m honest since my accident in 2015 it’s been a bit of a struggle but in terms of this year, how about a bit of an update?

Back in April, I lost my job as most of my regular readers know. At the time it was the worst thing what could have happened in my mind. My depression became unbearable and after 5 and a half months at the company where I was incredibly unhappy and then being let go out of the blue meant that my confidence was shot to pieces. Even when I had a job offer for temporary work I was in a constant anxious state that I wasn’t good enough, that I’d be let go again and I was just an awful human being.

After applying for job after job while temping and not getting jobs, I decided I’d had enough. I was sleeping better at this point and not doing the long drive, so, mentally I was better than I had been since the year before, yeah that long. In my mind, a job was a job and you didn’t leave no matter how much you hated it (this is the worst thing I could have thought). This time I wanted to work for a company permanently that I enjoyed, in a great atmosphere and not too far a commute. So I did what I needed to do I researched and I called around, which eventually meant getting my current job that I love.

In all of this I felt like, mentally, I was on a tight rope. I needed something to come through, to prove to my ‘Mind Goblin’ wrong, that I wasn’t awful and I wasn’t useless and I could do a good job. I was right, the Mind Goblin was wrong. That was that, everything was going to be great. So I got the job, I went on holiday. I forgot to take my medication in the sunshine and had a drop on holiday, but within a day or so I was back on form.

The last 2 months of my job have been incredible, overwhelming and a boost. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve still had anxiety attacks, I’ve still had the usual good days and bad days because that’s a part of my life and a part of my condition. Being more content doesn’t mean it disappears or that the ‘Mind Goblin’ doesn’t appear sometimes trying to take over my mind. I’m not writing this to tell you I’m fine and perfect but I’m taking it day by day. Which is all anyone who lives with a mental health condition can do.

As I write this I’m experiencing my first time as a ‘Tour Wife’ while Ali goes across the country with work. It comes with its own challenges, mostly loneliness and not having anyone to talk to when my Mind Goblin creeps out and I have to fight him away on my own. Or maybe not on my own. I’m lucky to have some wonderful friends, family and a great set of colleagues to chat to and to have for company.

Basically, it’s been good, bad and ugly but I’m getting there.