Why I Moved Back To My Home Town

When I moved to Kingston back in 2013, a lot of people thought I wasn’t going to come back. I absolutely loved Kingston, I loved being 20 minutes from Waterloo but still only an hour from home. I didn’t have to bump into people that I went to school with, or be defined by mistakes I made. It sounds a bit silly but it was important to me at the time.

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So if all was so rosy, why did I come back? Surely there would be more job opportunities in the city, I loved the place so it would make sense to stay and that was the plan. Then Ali and I started looking at rent and realised pretty quickly with graduate salaries we weren’t going to be able to live somewhere nice. Whereas, at home, we could get so much more space for our money.

We came back and I got a job locally and the thought of commuting to London filled me with dread, and that’s before I understood Fibro! With every year that passed, we got further and further from moving back to Kingston. Staying here I have family around for when Ali goes on tour and we have more of a chance of getting a house at some point.

For such a long time I felt like moving back to my home town made me a failure. I came back, did it really prove anything? I’ll probably end up having my children in the same hospital I was born in, I see people I’ve known since I was a child on a regular basis. Did this mean I haven’t lived?

And really, I don’t think so. I think I needed to move away to know who I was, to grow up and let go of what I was holding on to from when I was younger. Now I’m back, I couldn’t imagine moving again. I love having my family in the same town, that I have my friends and my life here. These things have become more important than ever for me since Ali started touring.

I’m interested, have you stayed in your home town? Did you move away? Let me know!

Homeowner Dreams www.chloemetzger.com

Homeowner Dreams

There was once a time when owning a home was a milestone that the majority of people reached. It was a milestone of growing up, something you did before starting a family. When my Mum and Dad bought their house in 1996, this was the case, they’d never even had to rent before. Skip forward more than 20 years and meet me, their eldest child, and part of generation rent.

Think back to when you’d ask people what they would do if they won the lottery. Buy flash cars, luxury holidays etc. Now, say you won 20K on the lottery, in the South East of England that might get you a deposit for a small house. Not the whole house, just a deposit on a house. This is what young people like us are facing.

Will Young People Ever Be Able To Afford Their Own Homes?

The majority of you reading this are in the same position, the prospect of being able to save enough to merely put down a deposit on a house is more than most 20-somethings make in a year in their area. But, don’t forget people think if we bought fewer sandwiches, we could make the sacrifices to find that money…I’m not kidding that’s a genuine article I’ve linked to.

I don’t know when, or how, owning a home became something seemingly unachievable for most young people. While some are able to live at home until they are in their mid-twenties and save, that is not the case for the majority of us. That and we want our own space, not to live with our parents until we’re between 25 & 30. I don’t go on expensive holidays, I don’t drive an expensive car (I saved for 3 years while at uni for my current car), I take lunch with me most days but I am still paying almost double a mortgage to live in a 1 bedroom flat.

While my partner and I try and work out how we will be able to manage to try to scrape together money to put towards our own home, the prospects look increasingly bleak. A lack of affordable housing and sky-high deposit payments are just the tip of the iceberg. We’re told to give up any luxury, move out of certain places where it’s cheaper etc, this is completely ignoring the issues at hand. Most of which centre around greed.

I know this might have come across as a rant but, truly, this is a post born out of frustration. It doesn’t matter how good you are with money, we’re going back to a state of working people missing out. If you are able to get help from wealthy relatives, you might make it. Although for the average person Homeowner dreams have become just that, dreams.

What are your thoughts on becoming a Homeowner? Have you managed? Let me know in the comments below!

Sunday Seven: 22 and a half

This week I hit 22 and a half, I know most adults don’t count their half birthdays, but firstly I don’t see myself as an adult and secondly I like using this as a benchmark to take stock of what I’ve done in half a year. I mentioned way back in January that I don’t like making New Years Resolutions, instead, I like to use my year birthday to birthday to see how things I have been going. So let’s take a look back and see what I’ve learnt in the past 6 months.

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You don’t need loads of friends to be happy 

Now I’m back in Basingstoke we don’t have as many friends around, but that really doesn’t matter. I still talk to Joe all the time, although it sucks I can’t just pop and see him. I also have Abbie and Ben on the other side of town. I have a lot smaller group of people that I’m in contact with but it’s really about the quality rather than the quantity.

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The pain of losing someone you love never goes away, you learn how to deal with it

A few weeks after my birthday I lost one of my hamsters. Although, to me they are my babies. Noodle passed away and it broke my heart, I still miss her each and every day and that never stops.

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I want to write, so I’ll goddam write 

Enough messing around, it was time to get serious, get planning and get on with it. We’ll see what happens…

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Having your own space is key to happiness 

We finally moved home! Having our own space has made it much easier for me to relax and have time to myself and Ali.

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It’s ok not to be ok. 

I have a problem with wanting to be perfect. I always have. In the last few months when things have gotten tricky I’ve had to remind myself that I’m allowed to feel tired or overwhelmed, that I’m human. So, I did what I always do and I wrote about it and it made me feel a lot better.

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Leaving a job that isn’t right for you doesn’t make you a failure

Back in November I left my first full-time job for a variety of reasons. I wasn’t happy there and didn’t feel like it was right. When I left, even though I had another job lined up, I felt like a failure because I hadn’t been there long. That said it lead on to bigger and better things and just because it didn’t work out didn’t mean I was a failure.

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Grades aren’t everything. 

For a good few months, I hid my degree certificate. I didn’t want people to know that I wasn’t perfect and didn’t get the first I’d been dreaming about. I hated mentioning it and whenever I did I’d follow up with ‘but I was only 3% off of a first!’ as if getting a 2:1 in literature was something to be ashamed of. I won’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt but at the same time my life was a mess in third year, to come out at all with a degree is fine with me. It now happily sits on my desk while I write.

Sunday Seven: Things To Look Forward To In 2017

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Happy New Year!!!

Hello, lovely, lovely people and welcome to 2017! We’re almost a day in and I wanted to share with you some things I’m looking forward to in 2017. Now I’ve said before and I’ll say it again I don’t believe in new years resolutions, nope, nope, nope. I want to spend the whole year setting goals and I know for a fact that I find it harder in the dark winter months to be happy and motivated. So, instead, I focus on things to look forward to! So, here are 7 things I’m looking forward to.

A New Home 

This year at some point Ali and I will move into a new home. It means so much to us and we’re really excited!

Getting Stuck Into Work 

I can’t wait to get even more stuck in with my job, it’s a really exciting time for me. I’m in a company I love and a job I really enjoy, I can’t wait to see what this year brings.

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Carrying On With Spine Recovery 

In the next 8 weeks I should have an appointment for my spinal injections. While I’m absolutely terrified I’m also excited because it’s another chance at relieving the spinal pain I’ve been living with for the past 20 months!

Going on Holiday! 

Ali and I will finally be getting a relaxing break together later in the year, a week in sunny Spain. We haven’t had a relaxing holiday in years so it’ll be a nice time to chill out and spend some time together.

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Improving My Blog 

I’m really focused on my blog and this year I can really focus on it without university work taking up each and every evening. I have some great ideas and plans so keep an eye out!

Celebrating 9 Years 

Yes! The boyfriend and I celebrate 9 years together this year, which is crazy. I’m so lucky to have my best friend by my side every day.

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Caring For Myself 

I bought so much stuff from Lush in the sales, meaning I have a lot of bath products for relaxation purposes. I’m really bad at relaxing, I’m always doing something so I need to work on that but this year I can make that time for myself.

What are you looking forward to? Let me know in the comments below!

Sunday Seven: Seven of this weeks pics!

 

I’ve spent most of the past week in Basingstoke, meaning I’ve been very snap happy this week, so for a little something different I wanted to share my top seven snaps of this week.

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Ed doesn’t like me shutting the door whenever I’m at home, he wants all the attention, no matter what time it is. I snapped this little pic while I wanted to sleep and Ed wanted to play.

IMG_7626 This week my little cousin and Godson turned 13. 13! Harvey and I are really close, he’s my little dude and I can’t believe he’s gone from this chubby cheeked baby to a really awesome little man. Also, check out the cake that my super awesome sister made!

IMG_7634 It was doughnut day this week so I popped to the shop and picked up these beautiful, scrummy pink ones. They tasted good, so good. IMG_7600

I was finally able to pick up my Illumicrate from my parents! I was not only surprised but loved every item in the box and can’t wait for my next one. If you missed my post, find it here.IMG_7627

Lottie is my shadow whenever I come home. This didn’t change this week, if you couldn’t find her you could guarantee she was on my bed fast asleep…even if it’s a choice between my Mum’s double bed or my single, she still chooses my bed.

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This is Betsy, my aunts puppy, she’s also known as Chewbacca by my cousins. I swear she’s like a little walking rug apart from she jumps up and wants cuddles and has a fondness for cake. Don’t you love this little smile too?!

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Another one of my little mischief maker in the evening.

If you want to keep up with more of my snaps, make sure to follow me on Instagram @chloemetz_!

Mental Health Awareness Week : Where I am now?

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I’m a very open person when it comes to talking about mental health, I’ll share my ups and my downs and have been online for 3 years now in the hope that it will help others to talk. It’s been raised more than once whether I worry if being so open will hinder my chances of getting a job, something I’ve written about before. I’m a firm believer of using your past to enhance your present and not being ashamed of who you are. I write about mental health often because I refuse to be ashamed of this part of me and I know that it’s just one part of me! I’m so much more than one diagnoses, I’m a daughter, sister, partner, friend, writer, blogger, musician, book reader, former horse rider, world traveller, the list goes on.

I also think it’s important to take stock of how far I’ve come every now and again, because I’m thankful for the opportunities I’ve had. While I’ve been at uni I’ve learnt to deal with depression and anxiety, I’ve learnt methods to stop the thoughts before they get too much. I’ve had jobs that I’ve fallen in love with and have made me genuinely happy and excited to go to work, something I hope to continue. When I started university I wasn’t sure of myself, had very low self confidence and was so, so anxious. I remember trying to go out drinking in a club for the first time and being paralysed with fear, I came home and cried begging to be normal for once. Then in second year I went the opposite way, all my new friends went out a lot and go drunk, I hadn’t had a close group of friends like this so I did that too, even though I was going off of the effects alcohol. It took a long time but now I feel comfortable with myself enough to just tell people I don’t drink  to get drunk, it doesn’t make me happy in the slightest and the people who matter accept this.

When I look at the girl I was on my first day to who I am now I’m impressed with myself. I’ve overcome a lot to get where I am today and that doesn’t mean that I don’t sometimes have days where I’m low and struggling or nights where I can’t sleep because my mind is going 100 mph. With my sessions with my mentor, blogging, living I’ve learnt and am still learning ways to just live alongside my illness, just like anyone else with an illness would. For three years now I’ve tried to notice what makes it better, what makes it worse and when I just need to step back and breathe for a minute.

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3 years ago the thought of having to get busses and possibly getting lost was enough to send me into a panic attack, this was one of my ways to feel better, sending silly selfies to Ali to make me less anxious. Now I don’t even think twice about busses. 

What I know, and what I want others to know, is that having a mental health condition doesn’t make you any less of a person. Actually, I think what I’ve had to go through has made me a better and stronger person. The hours in A & E when I was a kid checking the bullies hadn’t broken my bones, the sneers from other kids because I was ‘fat, ‘ugly’, a ‘slut’ or ‘couldn’t sing'(none of which were true but to a 15 year old it hurts), the kids who would find my blogs leave comments and then try and embarrass me in class, the fact it was better for my health for me to study from home, the fights, the bruises, everything else they tried to do,  ALL OF IT. People ask if I wish it had never happened, I’ve gotten to the  point now where I think if that hadn’t happened I wouldn’t be the strong, smart, independent woman I am today. If this didn’t happen it might not have triggered my illness, sure but I choose to look at the positives. Being honest and open about my life and experiences has meant that I’ve met incredible people, made amazing friends, won awards, it’s all about what you do with a shitty situation when you’re well enough.

I had rough times, times where I couldn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel and I wondered what was the point. I never want to feel that way again and that’s what drives me. I also want other people not to feel alone and if my blog can show one person that your diagnoses isn’t your life then I’ve done what I wanted to do. Mental illnesses are annoying but they don’t mean that you can’t have a life, it might have to pause for a while but that’s ok, when you’re ready you can take baby steps to put it all back together again.  Right now I’m feeling ok, a little anxious because I don’t know what the future holds but I just remind myself nearly all 3rd years feel that way. All I know is that I’m going back to Basingstoke a different girl to the one who left, one who’s 100% stronger and more kick ass.

Back to Mum and Dad’s

So last wee was super hectic I have a load of back log of blogs I need to check over again and upload (they will be up hopefully by mid week). I was working eye day, 6.30 starts and late bedtimes. I’ve also been packing, as of tomorrow I will have moved back in with Mum and Dad, oh and my sister’s new and totally creepy Goldfish… Ellie Goulding-Goldfish. It feel weird that I’m the last one in the flat, Ali’s home already and I’ve been keeping myself busy. Honestly though moving back with Mum and Dad for the summer and then into our new flat feels weird to me. After tonight the majority of times I cook it will be for 2 people, I’ll share almost everything and on the plus side I’ll have someone to come home to again.

Although halls weren’t necessarily the best thing I’ll miss the independence of living here. I can go out at whatever time, come back at whatever time, eat what I like, sleep and shower at weird times. You know normal student stuff. Don’t get me wrong I want to go home for a bit it will just be different to last summer, I’m a very different person to who I was then…oh and I now have a much smaller bedroom. Great.

It will be nice though, having my dog back with me, driving my sister around, seeing my cousins and grandparents and catching up with a few people. Let me say this now though when I go home I feel amazing, I feel like I’ve achieved a lot by going to uni like I said I’m not the same girl I was when I left in  a good way. 

 

So I’m going to get back to finishing packing and Basingstoke? I’m coming back for ya! 😉