Tag: happy

Last night!/We love KU!

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Last night was supposed to be some chilled out bowling, a drink or two and making some new friends. It turned out to be so, so much more than that and one of the best nights I’ve ever had at uni, although it could quite well have ended very differently.

I’d gone almost straight from work to meet the girls outside the bowling ally…apart from I didn’t know who I was meeting except from Daniela. Time passed and soon it was half past with no sight of anyone I recognised. Anxious didn’t even cover how I was feeling, I was trying not to cry and all sorts of horrible situations ran through my mind, maybe they didn’t want to hang out with me after all? I’d been surprised in the first place that anyone, girls, wanted to hang out with me. You can imagine how crushed I was when I thought no one was coming. Just as I had decided to go home and try not to be too upset then my phone lit up, Dani was apologising and saying to head to Spoons and I’ll see the girls.

From that point on the night was full of laughter, happiness and a night I wont forget. I went to two pubs and then I finally made it to Pryzm night club!!! The biggest surprise? I absolutely loved it! I drank a lot I danced, laughed, made friends and got home safe. I couldn’t be happier that someone has given me a chance to be one of the girls.

Fast forward to 6am, I had hardly slept, a few hours at most and I headed into work feeling a little off but otherwise good. I was at work for 7.45 and got straight into it. I love meeting people, talking to them and making sure they get all the info. I was able to work with people who remided me of me as well as a few disabled students. I got home exhausted but happy and started to pack. Overall the past week has been exhausting and amazing, I’m so damn excited for second year!

Cupcake Creations

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Today was cupcake day, something I’ve been both nervous and excited about for the past few weeks. My Mum and sister had been to one of these classes before, at Christmas, and so Mum asked if I wanted to come along to the next one. Now as you all know I’m not the girliest girl most of the time but I do love to bake on my own. When I’m at home I do like to just make some cakes for the sake of it and snack on them for the next few days, baking is more my thing than cooking.

Mum couldn’t come in the end she’s been really sick, some bug or something that Dad has too. So I took my sister and sat in the class, at the start I thought oh God everyone is so quick while I’m stumbling along. There were a lot of people who obviously had spent a lot of time working on cupcakes but others were as slow as me. As we tried to make bows I got more and more frustrated it just wasn’t working. I was folding and twisting and it just wouldn’t go the way I wanted it.

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Experimenting with different flowers and techniques such as the ribbon rose, traditional rose, peals and an open flower.

You all know that I’m a perfectionist, I love getting things write and get easily frustrated when I get things wrong. I get irritated like this quite a lot, especially when it takes me longer to understand things but I’m gradually accepting that it’s a part of who I am, sometimes I take a bit longer. Other times I’ll get things, just like today’s rose making, I can definitely make roses for cupcakes as well as small flowers. I’m so excited that I now have this skill! I can’t wait to make and experiment with my cakes in the new flat, maybe that will fatten Ali up a bit, everyone always say’s he’s too skinny! The best part about today though was spending time and helping my sister while she also helped me. I love being around all my family and Ali at the moment, it makes sometimes feeling down a lot easier.

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My favourite decorations I did today, they came out beautifully 

Real girls EAT CAKE!

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So I’ve fallen in love with a song lately. My sister showed this song to me and yes it is explicit content but it’s funny, it’s catchy and I like the message. The song is called Real Girls Eat Cake! I can’t think of a better message especially young girls like my sister ( if you don’t mind the swearing). Food wise I’ve always tried to be a good role model for my sister I always eat in front of her I always encourage her to not worry about stupid fad diets and to love herself (although she is the tiniest thing!).

I wanted to share this song with you all because I love it! It’s just so catchy and I’ve had it on repeat for about an hour and it just makes me smile. This is the great thing about my female friends all the ones who have the same sense of humour as me love it too, especially my friend Sonia! I want you all to enjoy this and go eat some bloody cake! Yeah about that… the first place I went other than the petrol station in the car? Sainsbury’s. This was with the sole intention of buying fresh cream cakes for my family because I love them…and I got lost on the way to Tesco’s the night before.

I want to be positive about food because I have had issues in the past with how I felt about myself and I took it out on my food and it meant I didn’t enjoy it. I’m still not that keen on cooking, but I’m sure that will pass as soon as I’m back to a clean kitchen, not halls! I may have to track down some lovely cake tomorrow though because real girls eat cake 😉

Basingstoke, Kingston, Kingston, Basingstoke

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So I’m lying here, thinking about life and stuff. Yeah now that is original as a start to a blog post isn’t it. It’s been good to be at home fore the past few days I’ve actually been writing a bit as well as driving around, ok driving around a lot. I love being at home but I’m realising as soon as I get to the few days point in Basingstoke I start getting bored and used to it. Like the roads for example I’m used to them now, I know where to go and I’m totally at ease, I can’t wait to drive to Kingston! 

Not all of Basingstoke is boring though, today I got to see my beautiful Goddaughter  and take out my sister and cousin Lola. It was just something simple, a McDonalds and a walk around town but it’s things like this I absolutely love about being home, spending time with the people I love. Although I didn’t get as big a conversation with Lucy (Lexi’s mum) as I wanted because of all the little people running around but it made me smile and wore me out! 

I am missing Kingston though, although I don’t feel as divided any more I just have two homes now and two lives that link sometimes but not all the time. I don’t feel stressed about it any more I’m just hoping that the good spell will carry on. I’m definitely getting more used to things and feeling better! ImageImage

 

 

Here, There, Everywhere!

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Now that I have a set of wheels no one can stop me. I will do anyone any favour and do absolutely anything to get out and about in the car. After going out with Summer yesterday she decided she wanted to come along with me today as well so being me I headed to one of the busiest supermarkets in Basingstoke. The reason? I felt like cake and in trying to find it last night I got lost. Off to Sainsburys it was (and I nearly got lost on the way there as well!). I bought the whole family cakes and then had to try and get out of the car park, not too difficult.

Then came the real challenge of the day, the pets at home car park crawling and with tiny spaces. Long story short I’m not that good at parking, it takes me a lot of practice and longer than most at the moment but eventually I will be able to park just as easily of everyone else…I hope. Pretty much the only way you can keep me out of the car is if it has no petrol in it…which hasn’t happened yet! I cant still get to grips with town centre in the evening but drive well enough in the day.

Watch out guys my Astra can take over the world! Or you know the M3…when I get around to tackling it anyway.

Works night out!

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Adam and I, I’m sure going to miss this guy! 

Tonight I found myself in the pub again but this time with different friends and making new friends! My job as a Student Ambassador lets me do a lot of things and tonight it was a night out with my fellow KUSAs to say goodbye and goodluck to the thirds years because we’re going to lose them.

I’m really proud of myself because I was so nervous and I really threw myself into the night out and made a lot of new friends. I absolutely loved it and may have had a few more ciders than I planned with dinner but it was all in fun despite the rain! I really love some of the third years and it’s going to be so weird having them leave and being a second year ambassador, I can only hope I can do as much by the time I’m a third year.

So there we are the second night in a row of having fun and actually being out and I’m really enjoying myself! It’s unbelievable how much passing my test has boosted my confidence and made myself feel better!

I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST!!!

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I’ve been waiting for that certificate since I turned 19!!!! 

After 2 years of learning, 4 failed attempts, 2 idiot cyclists and a red car named Harry I’ve finally passed my driving test!! I’m ecstatic and it’s really changed my life! Ok so I haven’t been out in my car but I have so more opportunities now and I’m going to have more independence. I strangely calm this morning, I listened to music and talked on the phone a lot before getting in the car. There was a moment of melt down before where I just thought I couldn’t do it but I kept talking to myself, my techniques are working. It felt like I’d never pass and I did with only 4 minors as well and a perfect manoeuvre. I have 80 odd likes on Facebook which is crazy?!? I was nearly crying, my instructor was nearly crying it was just an incredible feeling. So what’s next? Getting home and back to my car and finally being able to go out on my own! I’m happy, happy, happy! 

Getting my groove back!

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Not my best photo but it was in a dark pub! 

As corney as the title is I genuinely felt like I got my groove back tonight! I’ve been in a rotten mood all day after waking up late, my bus breaking down and feeling overly emotional. Being around people was the last thing I wanted to do this afternoon so I wasn’t all sweetness and light at band practice today. Although Ali being Ali decided it would be  good idea to give me a mic stand rather than to just giving me the mic and it worked. Although at first I wanted to stick it somewhere for him even suggesting it, I got into it and I started to sound better, although slightly deaf at the end of it. I knew we had an open mic night tonight and I was nervous, I think this also made my mood a little bit more crappy than it normally would be. I just felt stressed and nervous and still had yesterdays driving lesson on my mind.

The venue turned out to be very different to what we expected and after some discussion/ slight worry Ali and Rhys headed back on the bus to grab acoustic guitars instead and we just went ok lets give this a go even though we’ve never practised it before. That’s what being in a band is about right? I can honestly say being up in front of everyone and singing was the happiest I’ve been in weeks. Instead of feeling nervous I kinda just gave in to the music and felt like I was on cloud nine. The once noisy pub now had its eyes on us and was clapping and cheering for us, even the new songs. It was incredible and a total hit! IT might not have been the crowd we thought we’d be playing to but it was damn fun. Also Rhys surprised me with his INCREDIBLE backing vocals!

It’ safe to say we all left tonight in a seriously good mood and ready to kick ass with the EP. It’s put me in a good mood for recording tomorrow, even though I’m still pretty nervous. The thing is people really liked our sound, they liked us and I really loved people being so positive about our music. I’m insanely happy and ready to crawl into bed and get a good nights sleep before recording again tomorrow.

Back to the Studio and back to being me

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Today something changed. I’m back online and the happiest I’ve been since I got back from Easter break. It doesn’t take a genius to work out that I’ve been struggling for the last few weeks and I’ve been deeply unhappy and felt very alone. This week, so far, seems to be transforming that mind set. I’ve still had some times where I’m alone in the flat but not as many. I’m not hiding in my room as much as I have been the last few weeks. 

After going home for the weekend I started feeling better, then my meeting with my MH mentor made me feel so much better. She understands and is used to seeing people like me but never makes me feel like I’m just another student. I talk to her when I’m feeling particularly down and we try and work out ways to help me. This time it was more talking things out and she understood why I’d been hiding and why’d I’d felt so low lately. She knows me well enough that when I said I’d sat in silence without even my music she knew something was wrong. So that (after a long introduction) is what today’s post is about. 

Music is a huge part of my life, but sometimes it also makes me so anxious. It was finally my turn in the studio today and I was nervous. I hate making mistakes but this is the kind of thing where you make so many. Take, after take,after take but it wasn’t that bad. Despite only having a few hours we managed to get one song finished, 3 more to go and more hours in the studio tomorrow! It was tiring but it actually started to get fun and I started to feel better. I didn’t dwell on every take, I just kept going. 

As much as I hated watching the boys walk the opposite way home I’m smiling tonight. I’ve got my music back on and I’m singing along, so you know I’m on the mend. I wouldn’t wish my lows on anyone, no matter how much they’ve hurt me. I wouldn’t wish not wanting to get up, to do anything and to neglect the things and people you love because of something you can’t control. That said, I wouldn’t change who I am. This illness doesn’t define me, it’s a part of me that sometimes does take a few days away. I’ve had it for so long I worry about what they call ‘going back to normal’ I’ll never be a 13 year old girl again and that’s who I was before any of this kicked in. I suppose I’m realising that maybe this could be the start of feeling better. The things I’ve noticed so far? As my friend Will says (see I told you I wouldn’t say you were evil on my blog :P) I have a smile that means I could get away with murder with anyone BUT Ali. I know that I’m actually pretty nice when I’m happy, I care about people a lot and my pain, my joy, my life comes through my music. I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Hedgehog Watching

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I’m home! Surprise! 

I’m happy, so, so happy to be home and relaxing. I’ve been surprising people since I got back. No one but my Mum knew again and I loved the looks on my families faces, especially my grandparents! I spent this evening watching hedgehogs with Gramps in their garden, he’s kind of adopted them and feeds them every night. Sometimes they’ll come up to him and walk around, it’s cute and I’m so glad I finally got to see them eating. 

I’m also in my new room, which is really weird but I really enjoy it. It’s a lot smaller but it’s kinda homely. I’ve unpacked some of my books which I brought back with me and I’ve cleared out some of the boxes. It wont be long until I head back for a month/the summer. Today another one of my flat mates moved out and headed back to India, another will be leaving this week and then another at the end of the month, soon it will just be me and one other flat mate. It’s going to be even quieter….if that can happen. It’s because of this I’ve bought new books and I’m going to be trying to get out more as well and do more things, if I can. 

I’m going to enjoy curling up in my new room and relax for a few days before heading back. Besides, I’ll be back in a few weeks I have a cupcake class with Mum, her birthday and fathers day around the corner!