I left for the pub this afternoon feeling pretty down, I came back and remembered why it’s such a special place. No, I’m not drunk. I like the pub more than clubs because you can just sit and talk, you can sort things out with or without a pint and it’s a relaxed atmosphere. The band needed to bond today (well 4 of us, Dan’s still away) and although I was hesitant at first I went (while gaining a compliment on the way in, putting me in a better mood). We talked and things got sorted out that we’re previously really worrying. With all the heavy stuff behind us we were able to just relax and have fun and now I’m planning a trip to the US of A while the boys go and watch a film. The pubs worked it’s magic again.
Tag: friends
Back where I belong
So, as you’ve noticed the blog are gradually getting longer again the posts getting happier but maybe not as full. I’ve been on break now for over a month and for the past few weeks the boys and I have been at home for the holidays…meaning no band practice. I didn’t realise how restless I’d get, how much I’d miss the banter with the boys. So Easter break was weird to be honest, I missed the chaos, the music and I was desperate to get back to those rooms and start preparing for Basingstoke Live in a few months.
Today I got to and it just felt so amazing, even if I’m not slightly deaf in my left ear….cymbals are loud. There was just an energy, a togetherness in the room. I know it sounds stupid but I just felt so happy when I left tonight. We practiced, we messed up, we laughed and then it was off to the bar and finishing the night with chicken and sleep (Ali and Rhys had about 3 hours sleep between them because of assignments…typical students).
Now the boys are back, the buses are running again and I feel a bit more free and back where I belong really.
Hometown girls
Grace, Me and Lucy
Unexpectedly I ended up meeting up wit not one but two of my hometown girls and some of the oldest friends I have in Basingstoke. I’ve known Grace since I was 10 and Lucy since I was 13. We don’t get to meet up that often but it’s fun when we do. Now Grace is finally old enough we are able to pop down to the pub for a drink and a chat rather than having to sit in McDonalds for hours on end.
It was nice to catch up with them both, properly meet Lucy’s boyfriend and of course Ali was there too. We ended up reminiscing about school and how different we used to be. Sometimes I feel down being at home, seeing people I don’t want to see or just feeling lonely sometimes when I only have my family for company. Today was different I’m excited and happy and it’s been nice to see some old friends, especially as both of them are starting new things. Lucy is finally getting into the job she wants and Grace will be off to uni herself in September, despite how much I worry about her I know she’ll be fine.
10 Things I’m proud I’ve done in my first year
As I’ve come to the end of teaching in my first year I wanted to look back on 10 thing I’m really proud of. To others these things might not stand out but they meant a lot to me.
1. My Band
It means a lot to me that I met these guys, I’m closer to achieving my dream of being a musician than I ever was before. I’ve found people that took me on even with my faults. The EP might not be done yet but I’m pretty certain it’s going to be something special, here’s to lots of gigging in second year!
2. I made friends
A picture of me and my lovely Jen. I’ve made friends and lost them this year but that’s ok. I was terrified of not having friends this year and I’ve ended up with some good close friends and some more general friends. The point is that I managed to get out there and meet some people and they liked me! I don’t feel like I need more friends next year, although it would be nice. To those reading I may have only put one picture but you know who you are, I love each and every one of you, thank you for a fab year!!
3. I’m (hopefully) making a difference
And so are you! With this blog! I’ve managed to connect with a lot of people through blogging about my own experiences of mental illness and Dyslexia. From the feedback I’m getting and my ongoing work with the university disability department I’m hoping I can continue to make a change and run for disabilities officer next year.
4. I got my driving confidence
So I haven’t passed…yet. Still I’e got more confident with my driving and know I’ll pass before classes start in September and getting my license will be an amazing feeling. My anxiety and dyslexia will not beat me on this!!
5. I was shortlisted for a KU Talent Award
Out of all of the first years that applied I made it to the final 4 for my category. I had a great night with Mum. I wont lie I was gutted that I didn’t win but there’s always next year and third year…
6. I managed to go to a gig a month
I have seen SO MANY bands since I moved here to name a few Deaf Havana, Paramore, Fall Out Boy, You Me At Six, Tonight Alive, We are the in crowd the list goes on an on I’m so lucky and amazed that so far I only missed one month of gigs! I have so many memories, signatures and I’m not sure about what to do with all those gig tickets…
7. I became a Student Ambassador!
Clearly the best job you can get as a student. From 400 that applied to the final 50 that got the job! I’m so thrilled and couldn’t have asked for better. I can’t wait for the next few years of my job!
8. I got more than one first!
2 so far and hopefully more to come….watch this space!
9.I’ve got the confidence to want to do a masters
Not my best English but I’ve gone from saying I wont go to uni a few years ago to actively saving for my masters degree at Kingston. I nevver thought I’d get this far so I better make the most of it…
10. I survived
This is a huge thing back in September I was terrified. How would I live, handle money, have time with Ali, do all the reading, pass, learn how to cook. I might be exhausted at the moment but I’ve survived and I know I can live away from home now. I wont go as far as saying I’m a grown up but I’ve surprised myself.
So there is just 10 things. I wrote this because I know how up and down I’ve been feeling lately. Writing this blog isn’t always easy when my moods are against me, which in the last few weeks they have been. I’ve been feeling bad lately meaning that thinking of these positive things hasn’t been easy, it’s been a huge struggle. I think overall though I’m doing better, I’ll have blips just like anyone but I’m starting to get better. As a note to you all, I promised an entire year so I will continue writing for fresher until August 31st, then you will be pleased to know I will start ‘Surviving Second Year’ a whole more year for you all! Here’s to a fab summer and the rest of my degree!
I didn’t pass, but that’s ok!
I’ve been keeping something back from you all, something that has had me going up and down more times than a yoyo. I had my driving test today, I’ve been hinting at it on the blog for a few weeks but luckily none of you noticed. Before I start this blog I have to thank my best friend Jen, Ali, my parents and my sister. They’ve had to keep me calm for the past few weeks and it hasn’t been easy, there have been a lot of tears.
Jens been at my flat for 8am for the last 2 days running to keep me calm and just talk me through things, my driving instructor has dealt with various panic attacks and tears for the past week. As I said before driving tests wind me up to no end but something amazing happened. After warming up before and constantly stalling, panicking and being sick I started talking to myself. Sounds crazy, right? I’m pleased to say despite not passing I’m very proud of myself. I got in the car and had one panic moment where I started losing control but other than that I talked myself through, I encouraged myself like I was talking to someone else. I thought I failed before I actually did but I got through and it didn’t matter. I even said to the examiner ‘before you tell me can I just say for me getting through that was enough, I’m happy’ which is a huge achievement for me. I’m terrified of failing, I don’t handle it well in the slightest but today it didn’t matter.
What did I fail on you may ask? I didn’t overtake a cyclist and therefore held up traffic for a few minutes. That’s all. So my actual driving? Well enough to pass that damn test! That’s what I’m thinking now, I finally feel safe enough to go out alone in my car, obviously wont but I know I can now once I get that certificate in my hand. Also it passed so quickly and I got my manoeuvre near on perfect even though I had to do it backwards and up a hill.
I would have loved to have passed today, for a moment I thought I had. In a way though failing on something so silly made me more confident. It means I’m a good driver, I am a safe driver. So I got out of the car smiling ran into the flat and gave my instructor the money to book my test again for after the Easter break. I know I can do this now and it took me 4 times of failing to realise that I can do this! I hope it will be next time, I really want to finally have the weight off my shoulders. If it isn’t I’m pretty certain that I will pass before my birthday when my theory certificate runs out.
Either way today meant a lot for me and I’ve been happy ever since, I never thought failing would make me feel so good! So here’s to next time!! Oh and here’s to kicking Depression and Anxiety’s butt!
My first day at work
We have a walking talking Banana and Orange….Come to KU!
I’ll admit getting up at 6 and being on a bus by 7.20am was not my ideal way of starting a new job. After Mum and I managed to see the clock at both 2 and 3am I was genuinely surprised I woke up feeling okay apart from a little sick from a lack of food. It was pretty calm for 7am, quiet and not that cold either which felt very nice when I’d had little sleep (although I’m glad I went with jeans instead of shorts).
I ended up being at work early and planned to grab a drink and something to eat but everything was shut, food would have to wait. I got stuck in straight away though and chatting to the other ambassadors, the worries of last night seemed to be behind me thank goodness. We started putting banners up, helping anywhere needed before being assigned our roles for the day. I was going to be on accommodation tours…damn! I was nervous not knowing how they were run and not have the best experience all the time but because I was new I was placed with another ambassador Beth who I already knew and luckily shares the same love of books and certain lecturers. I didn’t need to be worried as after leaving our second tour another coach came and I had to take over….in front of my new boss.
This burst of energy just came out of me, I loved the people and I loved them asking me questions. It was like being on stage working the crowd, making them feel at ease and making them laugh. I done the same tour from 9-3.30 and at one point took a group of 43 people with a fellow ambassador to make sure I was ok. I made a difference! By the end of the day after long conversations about 3 people decided they were going to make Kingston their first choice, one girl after asking what negatives I experienced. I told her that 90% of things like timetable issues would be sorted and said that I found the university brilliant. I wasn’t lying when I told them that coming to university was the best decision I ever made.
The day went very quickly and I made lots of friends and felt like I belonged almost instantly. This is something I CAN do, something I know I’ll enjoy until I leave, hopefully after my masters in 2017! I told people today I was staying for my masters and that’s true I am now more determined than ever to get that scholarship and study!
As work came to a close I was asked to go to the pub with Beth (trying to hide my childlike excitement that I had been invited to the pub by people!) we took a stroll through town after free pastry and then she took me to a lovely pub right on the river and we talked about everything from books to our own lives. Beth is very special, I want more than anything to see her go on to do well because she is one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met.
The view from the riverside 
Although not at our most glam, Beth and I after a hard days work
I now have a chart on my wall with how many Ambassador things I do, I’m hoping to beat my friend Adams who is a SA celeb around here! With meetings planned ahead and more days work planned I don’t think I’ll ever want to give up this job. Ever!
Driving, Pictures, Friends and Reading Festival!
It felt weird this morning, waking up and not having to get my butt across campus and head into the studio. Instead it was trying to haul my but to the car park and get driving again. I’ll take my test again at some point this year, yes it’s booked, no I’m not telling you all! After going through all the hardest parts of the test routes and being sleep deprived I started to worry, can I ever pass this test?!? I’m on my 3rd time and now I’m told that my Dyslexia makes it harder to drive in test conditions! Still onwards and upwards.
As promised on my twitter feed Sophie (Dan’s girlfriend) got some great shots of us here are some of my favourites. We’ll be heading down to Brighton at some point to get some more done.
I think this sums us up pretty well.
My pose photo
Duck face at it’s finest
Something I wanted to try, it worked!!
Was definitely not almost falling off the tree…
As you can see Sophie has done an absolutely fab job even though she was as tired as the rest of us! We’re looking at booking more time with her with the added bonus that she’s a No People Club girlfriend.
Ok so moving on tonight Jen and I went to a flat viewing and found the most beautiful, perfect, amazing flat I have ever seen. Unfortunately it was too big for Ali and I and the rent started too early but Jen might be able to take it. I haven’t mentioned Jen as much as I wanted to but honestly I could write 10 entrys in a row about her, she’s funny, understanding and only lives about 20 minutes from me at home as well as living close in halls. Surprsingly we never met at the Head Start programme but met up in the summer and lost contact…that won’t be happening again! She also has a wonderful boyfriend, Ben who is now one of my good friends and one of the only people in Seething Wells I can talk music with (thank God!). They’re the best friends I’ve got around here and constantly make me laugh by acting like and old married couple…so adorable!!
Jen was also with me when I booked my first Reading Festival ticket!! I’m beyond excited and ended up buying them on the bus, as you do as soon as I saw Paramore had been announced. I also managed to buy Ali’s ticket for his 21st birthday present (I know right how did he get so old so fast haha!). So I have so much to look forward to! I’m so excited and nervous and just everything but the most important thing, I’m looking forward again.
It’s days like today that remind me why I’m a musician
I spent today curled up in the Kingston recording studio listening and watching as the boys did their thing. Today wasn’t a gig day, we didn’t get to play to a screaming crowd but it sure as hell put a smile on my face. After years of trying I’m finally bonded with people who want this to work as much as I do. I’ve had a few ups and downs when words like ‘tour’ were mentioned. It’s not because I don’t want to, it’s because I want it to work so badly and I was terrified of getting my heart broken again.
We’ve only been a full band since December and we’re gigging, writing, recording, sorting out a tour and we get a good response. It’s all going so fast and I’d be lying if I said I haven’t freaked out but it’ll be worth it. The boys have been at the studio now for at least 10 hours recording Rhys’ drum parts over and over but no ones in a bad mood, no one is too tired or too pissed off. It’s that kind of energy that makes all the difference, I’ve never experienced that before. Sure, we all have our own ups and downs but we try and deal with them together. The bottom line is I already love them all and I don’t know what I’ll do over the summer if I don’t see them. I really think we’re on to something pretty special…watch this space.
Let’s go on holiday!
Since I was sixteen I’ve wanted to go on my own holiday. There have been various plans mentioned some with girl friends, one lads holiday that never happened and I’ve bugged Ali about going abroad for a year or two now. Either way as you can guess none of these have happened so far…until today. As I mentioned on Tuesday I met up with my friend Sonia, on our way to drinks we were stopped by a sign about summer holidays in the window, something we’re both interested in. She asked if I’d maybe want to go on holiday with ehr later in the year and not much more was said.
Today however something made me just want to do it. Ali’s not that bothered about going away for a chilled out holiday (he’s much more a city breaks or historical place kinda guy), so he encouraged me to text Sonia and start making some plans. My Mum also said might as well go for it. As of now we don’t know when or where we’re going, there are talks of Amsterdam as well as a cheeky girls holiday in the summer, who knows? Either way it looks like I’m going on holiday!!
A lack of sleep and some serious reflection
It always gets to this point at night where I start trying to wind down, telling myself I should go to sleep or I’ll feel tired in the morning. Although my eyelids are fighting to close and my head is starting to ache I know that I won’t. Today has been a better day than I anticipated full of kind words, friends and a few surprises that I didn’t think would happen. I’m having such a good time at university at the moment I feel good about myself and my life, I come to these moments where I reflect on it and I feel pretty damn proud of myself.
I’m not the kind of person who loves themselves and thinks they’re the next best thing, actually ask a lot of my friends and they’ll tell you what they tell me, that I need to love myself more. Ali once said to me that I needed to love myself more, how could I expect him to be in love with me when I didn’t love myself? I’ve always known that I’m my own worst enemy, my harshest critic. There is no pressure from family, Ali, my friends it’s all from me and me alone. So when I decided to apply for the KUTalent awards I was really putting myself in for it, I felt awful self nominating. Honestly I didn’t feel good enough to apply but after talking to some staff at the uni I thought I might as well have a go. The result was a reference from my tutor to the board that almost made me cry. I won’t tell the world every detail but for someone I admire as an academic to think so highly of me gave me such a confidence boost. It made me feel like I could actually give something to the university.
I also ended up into venturing into look for flats, the outcome wasn’t fantastic but I know what I’m looking for now and Ali and I are quite excited. It’s new, its scary and it’s a bit grown up. The day continued with speaking to a few friends, Joe, Sonia, Amy and ended up with a drink or two with Sonia at the Students Union. The great thing about Son? Although she is definitely Marmite she doesn’t judge and is truthful as well as honest. I’ve also managed to bag my sister and I tickets to see Taylor Swift and The Vamps on Tuesday!! Totally worth it to hear her voice so happy at the end of the phone!
Let’s hope the good mood stays and the sleep eventually comes…
Chloe Metzger 