Tag: family

5 Reasons my Mum is the absolute BEST. 

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I’m sure it comes as no surprise to you guys that I think my Mum is absolutely incredible. Well, that’s because she is. Mumma Metzgie as my friends call her is an absolute gem and I wanted to write this post about her because she deserves it!

1. She never lets me down

Never, ever, ever. From day 1 and I don’t think she ever will.

2. She’s the strongest person I know

She’s been through a lot of crap, she was the first person I’d turn to when I was bullied because she’d been there and she really hold our family together. It’s hard to explain but she’s just so bloody strong and calm ❤

3. She can drink most people under the table and down a pint.

My Mum is still going out with her friends on nights out and is amazing drunk, so, so much fun. It probably helps that she looks 10 years younger than she is as well.  

4. Life is never boring with my Mum

She’s almost always laughing at something. Mum is the biggest kid you will ever meet, to the point where her favourite place in the world is disney world and she plans to dress up as Elsa or Ana for Halloween in Disney World. Sometimes I get too stressed and serious but Mum always manages to get me to relax and have fun…although I’m still hesitant over a night out with her. All my friends love her and most of the guys think she’s attractive. You go mumma, go!

5. She’s never given up on me.

She hasn’t always had it easy being my Mum, but she’s never given up. Going to meeting after meeting, dealing with me when I’m having a meltdown, talking to me constantly when I need it and when I was younger she really fought for me. I am who I am because of all of this, my Mum believed in me no matter what

Happy Mother’s Day Mum, you really are the best.

10 things that helped get me out of a low mood (and hopefully can help you!)

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Ok so I disappeared yesterday because of a pretty crappy low (yay, depression). Now I’m back and I’ve been looking after myself for the past 2 days now I want to share 10 ways to help when you’re on a low. These help for me, hopefully they will for you as well!

1. Take a shower or bath

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When I used to have a REALLY bad low, before I was diagnosed my Mum would always send me to the shower to calm down. Now when I have a low it’s always the things she recommends first. I don’t know why but water has always made me feel calmer.

2. Be comfortable

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When you’re feeling particularly rough you do not need to wear super tight skinny jeans. Today and yesterday were comfy jumper and jean days. Also at night make sure your comfortable with some good PJ’s and an early night, even if you can’t sleep being able to relax will help.

3. Take some time to think about what YOU need right now

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Do you need sleep? Do you need to go for a walk? Be around friends? Work out what it is you want and need to make yourself feel even a little bit better. I’ve had plenty of days where for the morning I had to be alone but later my friends made me feel a lot better. It’s a personal thing and taking baby steps if you need to.

4. Talk it out or write things down

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Some of my best songs have come from horrible moments. Writing or talking, generally just getting it out of your system is healthy. Of course there are other ways too, some people do art or sport, whatever works for you.

5. Eat some good food

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Screw the diet. Comfort food is the best. For me a bit of chocolate and a good cup of tea can really make all the difference.

6. Get some natural light

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10 minutes of sunshine is proven to boost Serotonin levels, even if it’s overcast try and go outside. I know what it’s like when all you want to do is lie in the dark and forget everything. When I feel like that and just want to be alone I walk to my local shop, it only takes 5 minutes and I don’t talk to everyone

7.Exercise

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When I used to hear this I used to get irritated, why if I didn’t want to get up would I want to exercise? I know by now that just being around the horses lifts my mood and going riding is great to make me have a more stable mood, it gives me something else to think about. I can’t ride every day though, so Sunday I decided to head to the pool (the only other exercise I can stand) I only done half an hour but felt much better.

8. Put yourself around people who make you feel happy

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It usually takes me a little while to get to this part. For the first part of my lows I normally want to be alone but gradually I’m ok being around people. Moving in with Ali was a hugely positive part of getting better since moving to uni, sometimes I’ll see friends or text my mentor to see her but I almost always phone my Mum to talk things over. Support is always key.

9. Have a little treat

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If I’m sad and go wandering I usually buy myself a little something partly to cheer myself up and partly because I left the house, because sometimes that’s the absolute worst part. It’s usually just something small, a bar of chocolate, cupcake or a book, whatever money I have spare really.

10. Don’t be so hard on yourself

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Everyone has good and bad days, depression or not. Don’t blame yourself if you’re out for a day or even longer, just work through as best you can and don’t beat yourself up!

Evening thoughts

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I want to write every day. I’m not as good at it as I used to be, partially because I spend time outside doing things rather than staring at the same four walls nearly every night. I don’t know how I feel right now. I don’t feel great but at the same time I don’t feel depressed, just deep in thought about anything and everything. Ok that’s not strictly true, I’ve thought a lot about depression tonight.

I can’t go into detail, nor would I want to, but hearing about a young girl who is being bullied and even slightly thinks about ending her life isn’t ok with me. Ok so she might not be serious about it, but you never know. My sister’s at an age now where a lot of her friends have issues, at the age where people are very likely to develop things like depression, self harm and eating disorders. Being a teenager is so confusing and worrying and really bloody stressful.

It’s known on this blog that I have depression but I suppose on here I don’t go into detail about some of my history, it doesn’t hurt any more but I guess I want this to be a positive blog and well, it’s a very long and negativemy part of  past. I had Ali who I’m sure already knows how important he was to me in helping me carry on in some of the worst times. I still have times when I completely break down, where I scream and I can’t breathe and everything just gets a little too much… He picks me up and let’s me cry until I’m ready to talk about it.

It’s not just Ali that have seen these meltdowns (which used to be a lot more frequent), my family did and I worry the most about my sister. I wonder how she would have turned out if she hadn’t experienced me being so ill and I think that’s the hardest thing to face, that she was so young when I was so ill. I have to say though I’m so proud of her, she’s growing up to be an amazing person, she’s caring and intelligent and knows she can talk to me about what’s going on with her or her friends.

The older she gets the more she’s exposed to and that terrifies me. I wish I could just wrap her up and run so she doesn’t have to know about how hard people hurt sometimes and what can come of it. I’m as honest as I can be with her, she’s still only young, and I answer any questions she has best as I can. My main thing is that I want her to be happy and to be ok, I never want her to hurt like I did. I know my family are great, she’s in good hands but I don’t know it’s a sisterly protection thing I think. She has our parents and family but it’s like I need to know she’s ok, I need to know when she’s sad and how to help. We’ve got a good relationship, great even, and I couldn’t live without her, when I moved I think she was the person I was most worried about leaving home and part of that was out of fear and panic, all I could think is What if she turns out like me? Like in some way I’d be responsible and yes to a point I do panic that her seeing me the way I was is going to affect her in some way.

It’s not only her it’s my family, Ali. When you’re really ill you just feel guilt all the time and the better I get the easier it gets to not blame myself, to actually believe that I was ill, not horrible. I was difficult and upset, but to them all I’m eternally grateful. I like to think that with every little triumph for me my family are there with me and now the friends who I’m opening up around.

So there are my thoughts for tonight. I don’t know if they make sense, I don’t care about the grammar, the punctuation. Sometimes you just need have to write.

Where do I come from?

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We all wonder where we come from, I’m no exception. I’ve been researching my family history on my Mum’s side for a good few years now with my Gramps, I know we’re of Swiss-Italian nationality a few generations back (hence the name) but there’s a point where we get stuck and can’t go back any further, which annoys me. I don’t know as much about my Dads side, even though he’s interested in finding out about them too.

I think it’s important that we know where we come from, if we wish. I have friends who are desperate to track down family, some lost, some they’ve never known and some they will never know. I’m currently obsessed with two shows, Long Lost family and Who Do You Think You Are? I love the past, the history and the things that people find out.

I don’t think I’ll ever stop researching, in an academic sense or in this kind and it will be nice to connect with my ancestors. It’s great being so close to London, so let’s see what we can find…

A visit from the family

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My beautiful Roses from my Grandparents 

Since moving in I’ve felt a little up and down, with the moving and leaving the caller job, trying to find other work, getting used to being around Ali all the time etc. I was nervous about my parents coming to visit. Mum and Dad have never seen the flat before and although I knew they’d like it I wanted it to look nice. 

I’ve spent the day in the Student Ambassador office, I received special training from The Student Room (eeeek!!) and started in the office looking at strategies, writing replies to people and getting ideas. I’m once again doing what I love. It was a long and fairly tiring day but I really enjoyed it (I enjoyed my after work nap as well). 

I was worried that Mum and Dad visiting me would upset me, I love living with Ali but when I’m on a low I crave familiarity. I’d had to come straight from a doctors appointment as well with a doctor who I had to discuss my mental health with. Yay. It’s safe to say she didn’t have a real grasp of depression when she kept saying I was ‘doing fine’, recommended counselling and basically tried to push me off as the uni’s problem. 

As soon as I got through the door though, I relaxed. My Mum, Dad and Sister were here, looking very comfy. Mum and sums sat on the sofa, Dad with a cup of tea and everyone was chatting. Having everyone together made me so happy. I got a load of moving in cards from home, flowers, chocolate and a vase for us from my Grandparents and Mum and Dad took us for dinner. 

Now I’m the most comfortable I’ve ever felt in the flat, the family are gone but I’ve got a part of it staying with me. I really wouldn’t change a thing 🙂 

 

 

My Gramps

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Today is my Gramp’s birthday. I could write pages about it him because he is one of my favourite people in the entire world and he has been since I was a tiny baby. I would stand in my cot and wait for him to get me up, I wouldn’t go to sleep until he’d come home (much to my Mum’s annoyance, especially when she had things to do) and he’s one of the few people in my life to sit and talk about history, religion, politics. 

In light of his birthday I wanted to share one of my favourite memories. I’d been taken into hospital for stomach problems. My Mum had to go and get my overnight bag and my Dad was at home looking after my sister. So I didn’t have to wait on my own Gramps came up to sit with me, because we’re a normal set of people we decided to discuss religion and family history. These are the kind of things we do and as I’ve gotten older they haven’t changed. After he retired we’d sit on Sundays and have these kinds of talks, mostly history. 

So happy birthday to one of the most wonderful men in the world! 

A day in London with Mumma Bear

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Just some of the pictures from today. 

Today I headed back into London for a trip with my Mum! I’ve been waiting for this for a few months as we decided to go on a big shopping trip after her birthday so that we had money to spend in the sales. That part didn’t go as to plan but I’ll get to that later. We had an absolutely amazing time and I was just laughing and smiling all the time. I was just as crazy as my mother for  change and despite trying on a load of clothes I didn’t feel low about my body which is a big change for me.

I know from my past experiences of sales shopping I can get pretty down about the whole thing because I don’t feel like I ‘look right’ in a lot of the newest fashions or I don’t know how to wear them, which sounds silly but some girls make it look effortless. Mum and I hardly found anything after getting through Oxford Street a lot quicker than usual, we then decided to walk to Hard Rock Cafe London. What looked online like a short walk was actually a very bloody long one, but we saw some of the beauty of London in the sunshine.

I love London, I love being able to see the history of a street in my mind as I walk past the old buildings. The heart of the city sets my imagination on fire! Would I live there? No, not in the centre I don’t think but somewhere like Kingston, Wimbledon, Richmond would be nice.

I treated Mum to a cocktail in Hard Rock as well as myself. Mine was so sour you couldn’t drink it quickly if you wanted too! It was nice to spend time with my Mum, treat her and have a laugh. She’s been through a lot with me and a lot of trips in the past haven’t been easy with me,  because of that I love to treat her.

After cocktails it was off to meet the lovely Joe who spent the afternoon with us in Leicester Square and Covent Garden. By this time though it was starting to get busy so after a wander around we headed back to BTown.

I have such an amazing day today and I don’t think I’ve laughed so much in a long time. This was just one thing I want to do for my Mum to say thank you to her being a rock. I love these days out we have now I’m older and can treat her…you’re still not getting a house in America yet Mum, I’ll have to earn a bit more first!

Basingstoke, Kingston, Kingston, Basingstoke

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So I’m lying here, thinking about life and stuff. Yeah now that is original as a start to a blog post isn’t it. It’s been good to be at home fore the past few days I’ve actually been writing a bit as well as driving around, ok driving around a lot. I love being at home but I’m realising as soon as I get to the few days point in Basingstoke I start getting bored and used to it. Like the roads for example I’m used to them now, I know where to go and I’m totally at ease, I can’t wait to drive to Kingston! 

Not all of Basingstoke is boring though, today I got to see my beautiful Goddaughter  and take out my sister and cousin Lola. It was just something simple, a McDonalds and a walk around town but it’s things like this I absolutely love about being home, spending time with the people I love. Although I didn’t get as big a conversation with Lucy (Lexi’s mum) as I wanted because of all the little people running around but it made me smile and wore me out! 

I am missing Kingston though, although I don’t feel as divided any more I just have two homes now and two lives that link sometimes but not all the time. I don’t feel stressed about it any more I’m just hoping that the good spell will carry on. I’m definitely getting more used to things and feeling better! ImageImage

 

 

Time out with the guys/ Happy Birthday Ben!

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Despite waking up feeling like I’d swallowed gravel and was living in a heat wave tonight proved to be a great night. After last nights promise of an ‘early night’ (I laugh at myself as I write that, essay inspiration always strikes at midnight) I ended up going to bed at 2am again, not my smartest move. That said I did get 980 words of my essay done, half way and I’m not sure if a word of it makes sense! I got myself up and out of bed this morning, warmish shower and tried to carry on despite feeling like death warmed up. My voice was gone, I couldn’t cool down and all I wanted to do was curl up and sleep. Nope not today, still too much to do! I need to pack, pick up my work camera and get to Ali’s all before 4. After eating and possibly reading more of the Hunger Games (yes I’m now hooked, I have no idea how) I was feeling a bit more human. 

Eventually I got to Kingston Hill on time (haha beat that sleep deprived body!) and helped the boys move stuff up for recording while having a lovely little chat with my favourite scouser, Phil. That then turned into a trip to ASDA and it was made pretty clear I’d have to wait to get back to Katniss and Peeta for a little while. I did love it though, me, the boys plus Phil. I felt happy and relaxed, exactly what I’d told my mentor I needed the day before. I was starting to feel sleepy though despite my voice somehow making it back to me and instead of starting on wine when we got back I headed back to Ali’s for food and some rest. 

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Well that was until we hit the bar with a Jack Daniels and honey in my hand and began dancing around the pool tables, not alone I may add, attempting to play pool a little bit drunk an dancing in an empty SU some more. After all this was a birthday party! Ben is finally 21 (the old man of the band as I have nicknamed his beardyness) and although we lost him a few times it turned out to be a great night of pool, drunk band mates, initiating me as a ‘lad’ and some really embarrassing dancing. It may have been one night but the memories will last a life time :’). In the end we didn’t make it into town, the boys had quite a few pre drinks and after we made sure Rhys got home ok, Dan had his alarm set for the morning and we’d said goodbye to Ben I was sober, and that’s how I write this. We have to be up pretty early tomorrow, the boys are recoding and I’m going home! Maybe I can still get in a chapter or two though…

I didn’t pass, but that’s ok!

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I’ve been keeping something back from you all, something that has had me going up and down more times than a yoyo. I had my driving test today, I’ve been hinting at it on the blog for a few weeks but luckily none of you noticed. Before I start this blog I have to thank my best friend Jen, Ali, my parents and my sister. They’ve had to keep me calm for the past few weeks and it hasn’t been easy, there have been a lot of tears. 

Jens been at my flat for 8am for the last 2 days running to keep me calm and just talk me through things, my driving instructor has dealt with various panic attacks and tears for the past week. As I said before driving tests wind me up to no end but something amazing happened. After warming up before and constantly stalling, panicking and being sick I started talking to myself. Sounds crazy, right? I’m pleased to say despite not passing I’m very proud of myself. I got in the car and had one panic moment where I started losing control but other than that I talked myself through, I encouraged myself like I was talking to someone else. I thought I failed before I actually did but I got through and it didn’t matter. I even said to the examiner ‘before you tell me can I just say for me getting through that was enough, I’m happy’ which is a huge achievement for me. I’m terrified of failing, I don’t handle it well in the slightest but today it didn’t matter. 

What did I fail on you may ask? I didn’t overtake a cyclist and therefore held up traffic for a few minutes. That’s all. So my actual driving? Well enough to pass that damn test! That’s what I’m thinking now, I finally feel safe enough to go out alone in my car, obviously wont but I know I can now once I get that certificate in my hand. Also it passed so quickly and I got my manoeuvre near on perfect even though I had to do it backwards and up a hill. 

I would have loved to have passed today, for a moment I thought I had. In a way though failing on something so silly made me more confident. It means I’m a good driver, I am a safe driver. So I got out of the car smiling ran into the flat and gave my instructor the money to book my test again for after the Easter break. I know I can do this now and it took me 4 times of failing to realise that I can do this! I hope it will be next time, I really want to finally have the weight off my shoulders. If it isn’t I’m pretty certain that I will pass before my birthday when my theory certificate runs out. 

Either way today meant a lot for me and I’ve been happy ever since, I never thought failing would make me feel so good! So here’s to next time!! Oh and here’s to kicking Depression and Anxiety’s butt!