To Everyone Who Didn’t Vote Trump

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Hello,

You might not know me, you might not read my blog but watching the election results come in this morning left me with a sick, sinking feeling in my stomach. I’m not American, but I am human and I know what it feels like to get a result that you think is wrong and dangerous. My country voted for Brexit, and in the process, we got a Prime Minister we didn’t vote for.  I know that there are so many of you who are scared, confused and angry. That you now have a man that uses division, hatred, racism, and misogyny to get to where he is today. You’re right to be scared, most intelligent people would be and, like Brexit, I have no idea how this happened.

It’s not that I’m going to tell you to get over it and just feel better. There’s a lot of uncertainty, a lot of fear about the future, as there is here. What I am going to say though is that you are not alone in this. There is anger, disbelief ,and shock around the world that lies have won this election. But, most of us know that this doesn’t represent the good of America. There are so many incredible people that I have personally met and he doesn’t represent you as the people you are.

To every woman, every ethnic minority, every disabled person, every LGBTQ person everyone he and his campaign have offended you are not alone. It may feel that way right now, that you don’t know who to trust or what’s to come, but stay strong. The rest of the world understand your feelings of loss and pain and we won’t forget about you. It might feel like your country is against you, but the rest of the world are not.

Lessons I’ve Learnt From Quitting My Job

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Last week I did something I didn’t think I would do, I left my first job as a graduate after 5 months. I never intended to get a job that I would leave so early. There’s a magnitude of reasons why I felt it was the right time to go, some personal and some professional. While I know I’m going to miss the people that I was working with (because let’s face it, they are amazing) I needed to do this for me.

Putting myself first

I knew for a while that I wasn’t 100% happy in the role and what I was doing, and that wasn’t anyone’s fault. I wrestled with myself, but people liked me if I left they’d be upset. What would the company do? Would they be mad? Will I be able to even get another job? Will this wreck my savings to move out? I slept badly and was really stressed for weeks. For once I decided to do what I hardly ever do. I put myself first. I needed to think of myself, my career and my personal life, because at 22 I deserve to try new things. I’d never thought of it that way.

Accepting that not everything works out

I always give 110% to everything I do, and work was no different. I thought I had found a job that I’d love for years and stay there. This was simply something that didn’t work, for me this time. I walked around for a long time feeling ashamed and stupid. Then, after talking to a lot of different people, I realised that I can’t control everything and trying new things makes us grow. I’ve always been the kind of person who will half kill themselves trying to get something to work, this is only the second time I’ve done this and I feel a lot better.

Realising that I am in control of my own life 

I realised that I could change my life. I wasn’t 100% at what I was doing, so I changed it. I sent out a few CVs and had a lot of calls back. I didn’t have a clue that would happen, I didn’t have the confidence in myself but even though this was a hard part of my life and a huge decision it taught me that I am in control. I can make my life what I want it to be.

The 105 Books I’ve Read So Far

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This year I set myself a target of reading 100 books by the end of year, relying on the fact I’d be finishing my degree, would have more time to read and I just wanted to have a fun little goal for myself to see if I could do it. Tonight I checked my Goodreads tracker and it told me that I’d read 105 books! I’m so happy that I’ve reached this goal and wanted to share with you the list of books I’ve read (and that are now in the review queue). Don’t forget I’d love to have more friends on Goodreads so add me! And now, here’s the list…

Spider Gwen vol 1 – Jason Latour

I Never Promised You A Rose Garden – Hannah Green

Fun Home – Alison Bechdel

Late Fragments – Kate Gross

Star Wars: Skywalker Strikes – Jason Aaron

Star Wars – Before the Awakening – Greg Ruka

Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them – J.K Rowling

Why Not Me – Mindy Kaling

The Trial of Captain America – Ed Brubaker

Harley Quinn: Hot in the Summer – Amanda Connor

Captain America: The New Deal – John Ney Rieber

The Namesake – Jhumpa Lahiri

Darth Vader: Shadows and Secrets – Kieron Gillen

Strong Looks Better Naked – Khloé Kardashian

Faceless – Alyssa B Sheinmel

Vader Down – Jason Aaron

Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier

Sex Criminals Volume 2 – Matt Fraction

Hot Feminist – Polly Vernon

Harley Quinn: Power Outage – Amanda Connor

How Hard Can Love Be – Holly Bourne

The Widow – Fiona Barton

Living Dolls – Natasha Walter

Girl Meets Boy – Ali  Smith

The Wicked + The Divine: The Faust Act – Kieron Gillen

Postcards from the Edge – Carrie Fisher

Me and Earl and the Dying Girl – Jesse Andrews

Wonder Woman – Jodi Picoult

The Wicked + The Divine: Fandemonium: Kieron Gillen

Phonogram: The Immaterial Girl – Kieron Gillen

Baboushka – Antony Johnston

Spider-Gwen: Greater Power – Jason Latour

Black Magick: Awakening – Greg Rucka

The Wicked + The Divine: Commercial Suicide – Kieron Gillen

Everyday Sexism – Laura Bates

Chewbacca – Gerry Duggan

Phonogram: Rue Britania – Kieron Gillen

Silk: The Life and Times of Cindy Moon – Robbie Thompson

Light Box – K J Orr

Moranifesto – Caitlin Moran

Phonogram: The Singles Club – Kieron Gillen

Maestra – L.S. Hilton

Sane New World – Ruby Wax

All of the Above – James Dawson

Deadpool kills Deadpool – Cullen Bunn

Deadpool Killustrated – Cullen Bunn

Huck – Mark Millar

Girl Up – Laura Bates

One Breath Away – Heather Gudenkauf

Harley Quinn: Welcome to Metropolis – Karl Kesel

Alex + Ada vol 1 – Jonathan Lunar

#Girlboss – Sophia Amorusa

Alex + Ada vol 2 – Jonathan Lunar

Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe – Cullen Bunn

Alex + Ada vol 3 – Jonathan Lunar

Barbara The Slut and Other People – Lauren Holmes

Wonder – R.J. Palacio

One – Sarah Crossan

Everything Everything – Nicola Yoon

Bloodline – Claudia Gray

I Call Myself a Feminist – Victoria Pepe

Deadpool: Millionaire with a Mouth – Gerry Duggan

Bombshells: Enlisted – Marguerite Bennett

Letters to my Fanny – Cherry Healey

Radio Silence – Alice Oseman

Highly Illogical Behaviour – John Corey Whaley

Archie: The Never Riverdale – Mark Waid

The Vagenda- Holly Baxter and Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett

Sex Criminals vol 3 – Matt Fraction

If I Was Your Girl – Meredith Russo

Obi-Wan and Anakin – Charles Soule

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child – J.K Rowling

Harley Quinn: Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Stab – Amanda Connor

What’s a Girl Gotta Do – Holly Bourne

Baby Doll – Hollie Overton

A Game of Thrones – George R. R. Martin

What I Couldn’t Tell You – Faye Bird

So Sad Today – Melissa Broder

On The Other Side – Carrie Hope Fletcher

Mad Girl – Bryony Gordon

The Perfect Girl – Gilly Macmillan

The Graces – Laure Eve

Short Stories from Hogwarts of Heroism, Hardship and Dangerous Hobbies – J.K. Rowling

Short Stories from Hogwarts of Power, Politics and Pesky Poltergeists – J.K Rowling

Grief is a Thing with Feathers – Max Porter

Hogwarts: An Incomplete and Unreliable Guide – J.K. Rowling

The Girl With The Lower Back Tattoo – Amy Schumer

Spectacles – Sue Perkins

Rad Women Worldwide – Kate Schatz

Milk and Honey – Rupi Kaur

The Girl on The Train – Paula Hawkins

A Boy Made of Blocks – Keith Stuart

Small Great Things – Jodi Picoult

Harley Quinn: A Call to Arms  – Amanda Connor

Where Am I Now? – Mara Wilson

The Wicked + The Divine: Rising Action – Kieron Gillen

When We Collided – Emery Lord

And A Happy New Year? – Holly Bourne

Our Super Adventure – Sarah Graley

The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*** – Sarah Knight

Scarlet Witch: Witches Road – James Robinson

Silk: Sinister – Robbie Thompson

The Girl in the Picture – Alexandra Monir

Belzhar – Meg Wolitzer

What have you been reading and what should I read next?! Let me know in the comments below!

Sunday Seven: What I’m Listening To

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One of my greatest loves is and always has been music, one of my favourite parts of the day is picking my music for the journey to and from work. While at the moment there is a lot of pop, this changes from time to time (Ali’s made a great Pop Punk playlist which I listen to regularly). So here are a few of my current favourites.

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Lady Gaga – Joanne 

I’ve always been a fan of Gaga, but her last album wasn’t my favourite. Picking up Joanne proves Gaga’s talent as she’s able to switch between styles and write songs from the heart. My favourites from this album are ‘Joanne’, ‘Sinners Prayer’ and ‘Hey Girl’.

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Crybaby – Melanie Martinez 

This is such a strange but important album. Melanie Martinez is unlike anyone I’ve ever seen before and has a very unique voice. My favourites from this album are  ‘Doll House’, ‘Sippy Cup’ and ‘Mrs Potato Head’.

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Badlands – Halsey 

I first listened to Halsey after watching a fan made Suicide Squad trailer focusing on Harley Quinn. There’s something about listening to Halsey that makes me feel pumped up for the day, and like a total badass. My favourites are ‘Castle’, ‘New Americana’ and ‘Hold Me Down’.

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Brand New Eyes – Paramore 

This album got me through some tough times, in fact, all of the Paramore albums have. I listen to this when I just need to sing along to something that I know absolutely every word to. My favourites are ‘Brick By Boring Brick’, ‘Playing God’ and ‘All I wanted’.

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Technicolour – Sainte 

I absolutely loved We Are The In Crowd, this is some of their members in a new band called Sainte. So far they’ve only released this song but I’m hoping there is a lot more to come.

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Get Weird – Little Mix 

I saw Little Mix with my sister and they were surprisingly good, I didn’t realise how much I’d like them. Now, their latest album is my go to album to cheer myself up. ‘Hair’, ‘Weird People’ and ‘Grown’ are some of my favourite tracks.

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McFly Mix 

I absolutely love Tom’s Youtube channel and in doing so have been listening to a lot of McFly for fun. Repeated most on this album are ‘Love is Easy’, ‘The Heart Never Lies’ and ‘Transylvania’.

What have you been listening to recently? Let me know in the comments below!

Saturday Night

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So guys what are you all up to on this wild Saturday night, a Bonfire Night party, a crazy night out on the town, start with drinks and see where it goes. Or maybe you’re like me, curled up and seeing pictures flick up on Instagram and Twitter. I’m not usually one for FOMO, but occasionally I just feel this guilt as a 20 something that I should be doing amazing things. That I should be going WAHOOOO PARTY FUN. That isn’t me though.

I’ve struggled for the past few years with this sense of guilt. When I was in my first university I went to a club once, had a panic attack, left on my own and curled up with a magazine, finally happy. In second year I went out and drank so much that my anxiety was temporarily forgotten and I became someone else. In third year I had the excuse of my back to curl up in the flat and sleep.

Now I’ve left uni I’ve realised that for the majority of the time I don’t care. When I work Monday-Friday I don’t want to spend every weekend spending the money I earn on watered down alcohol in a place with awful music , getting drunk to push away my anxiety and then regretting it the following day. I completely understand that going out partying is what some people love to do, but I love to sleep. I love going out at the weekend and exploring something, seeing family or spending some quality time with Ali.

I guess I’m writing this because I know how lonely I’ve felt seeing everyone’s snaps and weekend fun, and then the sadness that I’m ‘not fun enough’ because that’s not what I find fun. I know that there are so many people who feel this way too, who love to just chill out or do something that doesn’t revolve around alcohol. You’re not alone and you know what, we’re pretty cool too.

Feminist Fridays: How Girlpower inspired my Feminism

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Today is the 20 year anniversary of the album ‘SPICE’ one that shaped my life. While a lot of people would find it odd that I’m equating the Spice Girls with feminism (particularly after those comments by Geri Halliwell about ‘bra burning lesbians back in 2007), but hear me out. I worshipped the Spice Girls as a little girl, from the age of two I would watch their videos on the TV and beg my Mum to put the tape on again and again. I remember watching them switch the Oxford Street lights on on TV and had the dolls, the clothes and knew the words to every single song. It was more than pop music, because by the time I was five I was shouting Girl Power at just about anyone who would listen.

This morning I drove to work to Spice, listening to songs the reminded me of my childhood and thinking it about what these songs mean to me now and I was surprised. I was gobsmacked at how different these girls were. While I might not have completely understood the lyrics as a little girl, as a grown woman I was proud. Wannabe spoke about friends being more important than boyfriends, 2 become 1 was about safe sex, Love Thing was about women not being interested in a serious relationship and just being themselves, Mama about the connection with their mothers and Who Do You Think You Are about the industry. These weren’t soppy love songs or about women focusing on being sexy and nothing else. As I grew I listened to their other albums and the messages were similar.

I knew that Girl Power meant that I was equal to the boys, I could kick butt. I never felt like I was less than any boy or that I couldn’t do a job because I was a girl. The Spice Girls started that for me, that belief and while I do find Geri’s comments troublesome I understand her resistance to the word. Hell, I was against calling myself a feminist and the label of feminism wasn’t appealing. The interview says:

” OK, concedes Halliwell, maybe she is a feminist: but she has a few distinct caveats. One objection seems to be that she fears feminism will emasculate and demoralise men: but her bigger problem is its image. “It’s about labelling. For me feminism is bra-burning lesbianism. It’s very unglamorous. I’d like to see it rebranded. We need to see a celebration of our femininity and softness.” 

Something which I’m sure a lot of us have felt about portrayals, particularly looking at how feminism was viewed in the 90s.  Either way watching them and listening to their positive messages about what it means to be a girl and rely on each other and I truly think it shaped who I am today and I think they helped a lot of other little girls too.

 

Book Review: Baby Doll – Hollie Overton

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‘A dead bolt has a very specific sound. Lily was an expert at recognizing certain sounds–the creak of the floorboards signaling his arrival, the mice scurrying across the concrete in search for food.’

Held captive for eight years, Lily has grown from a teenager to an adult in a small basement prison. Her daughter Sky has been a captive her whole life. But one day their captor leaves the deadbolt unlocked.This is what happens next…to her twin sister, to her mother, to her daughter…and to her captor.

For a debut novel Hollie Overton has struck gold. I bought this after watching someone on Youtube who had been sent an ARC and intended to read it and I’m so glad I picked it up. I didn’t just read this novel, I devoured it. Reminiscient of Emma Donoghue’s Room, Overton has attempted to capture what life is like after being kidnapped and imprisoned. With similarities to real cases in the media such as Jaycee Duguard, who was imprisoned and gave birth to her captors children, the novel focuses on how Lily can face a world that she hasn’t known for almost a decade.  The most interesting part of the novel, however, is how her return impacts her entire family and how they’ve been living their lives.

The writing is fast paced and appears to be well researched, from Lily’s initial escape to her attempts to reconnect with her family, a world that is fascinated by her and her captor. Speaking of whom, this is the first time I’ve read the perspective of a captor, it was both brilliant and chilling. I felt incredibly uncomfortable reading his side of events and thoughts behind what he had done. While it’s easy to dismiss him as ‘insane’, Overton has breached something that people haven’t before and added to Lily’s torment.

The change in family dynamic and how the lives they have been living impact Lily’s return were incredibly interesting. We don’t normally see what happens when these victims have to go back into the real world and how their families have to learn how to live with their loved ones, when they aren’t the same daughter, sister or granddaughter as they were when they left. Lily and her twin sister are strangers to each other, while Lily is a mother to six-year-old Sky, raised in captivity, Abby has scars of a suicide attempt and is pregnant herself. Reading about the sisters lives and their attempts to come together highlighted the difficulties of these kinds of situations. There were twists and turns that made me gasp in shock and while some have argued that Lily copes too well with what happened to her and the outside world, I feel it highlights that everyone is different. That said, I feel that if one of the subplots had been disregarded there would have been more time for Lily’s recovery within the novel.

I gave this novel 4 out of 5 stars. It’s been a long time since I’ve read a good thriller. This was compared to Gone Girl and The Girl on the Train, both of which I thought were terrible, but Baby Doll was a breath of fresh air. The novel dealt with so many different emotions and aspects of this kind of case. While I had mixed feelings about the ending it was different and not something I guessed beforehand (which is such a relief, I’m sick of guessing twists). I’d highly recommend Hollie’s first novel. Is it perfect? No. That said, there are few first novels that are. If you like a good thriller and are looking for something different this is a read for you. Hollie is one to watch.

I Want to Write a Book

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One of my lifelong ambitions is to write a book. I’ve always loved to write. I’d fill up notebooks with little stories or character profiles and illustrations of my own characters. I even remember some of the stories about fairies, twins and magic stones. I know, weird. Every November I look at NaNoWriMo and go yeah I can do that, I can do it woo! But I don’t think it’s my style, I want to research and do this properly…that and I have to decide which idea I’m going to work on, which I can flesh out. But what makes me stop and hesitate is self-doubt and the desire for perfection. I want to write something worth reading, something I’d want to read. So that’s my aim, that’s what I want to do.

Any other future authors out there?

Halloween Memories.

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Happy Halloween! It’s already the end of October and a holiday that I absolutely LOVE. I have a love affair with Halloween but as I write this at 9 on a school night we’ve had no trick or treaters, sad times. I’m a giant kid on most holidays (I still don’t sleep on Christmas Eve, I still compete in the Easter Egg Hunt with my sister and I still count down to my birthday) and it was so hard not to go to work in full fancy dress today.

Some of my favourite memories from my childhood are from Halloween. When I was really small all my cousins and I would go trick or treating together covered in glitter and face paint. We’d visit all the neighbours that had known us since we were born and my grandparents would give us our pre-made bags, aunts, uncles and parents would give us special treats from Thorntons. Later my parents would throw Halloween parties (even though I felt a little old). The best times though were when I was in America for Halloween. The USA knows how to do Halloween properly. My parents took my sister and I in 2009 and then Ali too in 2010 to Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween party. It’s absolutely amazing

The best times though were when I was in America for Halloween. The USA knows how to do Halloween properly. My parents took my sister and  then Ali too in 2010 to Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween party. It’s absolutely amazing all the characters are dressed in costumes, there are shows and a parade and all the sweets you can eat. The park is open until around midnight and you come away with bags and bags of sweets (so many that I usually take a bag or two home to the UK). It’s also a fun atmosphere, I’m not into Halloween to get scared I’m in it to have fun!

 

The last few Halloweens have been very different, parties with friends or staying in eating sweets that trick or treaters didn’t come for (what a shame!). One day though I’m going to head back and party with Mickey Mouse, because that’s how it should be done.

Feminist Friday: Scary NOT Sexy.

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It’s the beginning of Halloween weekend, which means the delights of sweets, parties for some and London Comic Con for me. For the last few years, I’ve been to some kind of Halloween party, I’ve always dressed up. That said, but the older I’ve gotten the more uncomfortable I’ve felt about the costumes available to me. Every costume I looked at in the shops this year and last year and the year before that had the smallest amount of fabric possible. A man could be a surgeon, nurse, wizard or characters from TV and film, while pre-bought costumes for women are all about being ‘sexy’. Hell, you can get a costume to be a sexy bumblebee and prior to the release of the new Ghostbusters movie that women’s version of the costume was a tight fitted, bum skimming dress. I don’t know about you, but I think it would be hard to catch ghosts in something that barely covers your bum.

I know that people think I’m overreacting when I call out this sexist BS, but how can I not? Why are women expected to wear costumes that are designed for men. Let’s be honest, they’re not designed for women because wearing hardly any clothes in October not comfortable. Now I understand wanting to wear something a little flirty or fun, but the industry has gotten ridiculous a Finding Nemo costume for men is Nemo, a costume for women is a skimpy dress in Nemo colours. What?

This might seem silly, it might seem like something that’s not worth shouting about, but it is. Why should I have to wear a costume that doesn’t fit because the one made for women isn’t for me to enjoy myself it’s for the viewing pleasure of others. This is what it means to be objectified by industry. I refuse to buy these stupid and sexist costumes. If that means I have to make my own I will. Halloween is supposed to be a little scary and fun, not a boob fest! Don’t feel pressured to buy or wear these costumes, you’re worth more than a cheap revealing costume. Screw being sexy, be whoever you damn want and for me, that’s the Scarlet Witch for Comic Con, an awesome, smart and badass female, not a ‘sexy cat’.