Let’s get back to work – College Fairs

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Our table at today’s Higher Education Fair! 

This time last year I was nervously waiting to start my A Levels and fighting to finish my BTEC early. This time two years ago (wow that feels like a long time ago), I was attending Higher Education Fairs trying to work out what the hell this uni thing was all about. Back then I was clueless I didn’t know what to expect, what I could do and honestly I wasn’t that confident. I’ve said before and I’ll say it again the Student Ambassadors helped me a lot in making a decision and realising I could do this.

So when the opportunity came up to go to one of the fairs that I eagerly walked around and help students I decide I jumped at the chance. I got to work with one of my favourite members of staff too, always a bonus. So after driving this morning (I’m definitely getting there guys!) I got to uni to be picked up and driven to Uxbridge College, hands down the nicest college I’ve seen so far (sorry QMC!). We were given food, drinks and hot drink vouchers as well as talking to a lot of students. I love it when I speak to people and I can see they are as nervous as I was back then, because I can listen and tell them not only the things they want to know but the things I wish I’d known before I started. I love my job and although right now I want to curl up and sleep after sitting in traffic for 45 minutes I’m happy and I know I’ve done a good job.

I hope that my blog will be filled in the next few years with my life as a Student Ambassador because I’m so grateful and proud of myself getting this job, it’s honestly blown me away and it’s something I’m good at. I couldn’t ask for a better job.

Back again, for the last time

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Technically this is the last term of my first year, although obviously teach ended weeks ago. I took the opportunity to go food shopping as Mum was giving me a lift back, there’s nothing I hate more than lugging bags of food back from Sainsbury’s in the rain! So we packed up the car, boot full and headed back. 

I must admit I’ve been nervous all day about coming back. I like listening to the noise in my house, I like having people I’m comfortable around, I like having the option of being around people. You don’t get that here. Well I’m sure you do in some flats but I find mine quite a lonely place and I don’t like sitting here with nothing to do. Surprisingly though, after a little wobble earlier I’m okay. I feel ok and kind of focused, I have deadlines, a job and a new flat to work out so it’ll be keep me busy. 

One thing making me nervous though is my mental health support team. I think I’m almost out of ‘alloted hours’ and I could be refused more. The problem is these don’t change with the circumstances of my condition. If I’m feeling awful and in need of help I can apply for more hours, but there is no certainty that it will be granted. I like my mentor a lot, she helps me work through things when I’m really anxious and cutting that off when I still have another 2 months of halls to live in doesn’t make me feel good. I’ll put in the application and fight if it gets denied but this is the problem with MH. We’re constantly told ‘lack of funding’ lack of this, lack of that. It’s taken me 5 years to get help at all, like hell am I letting it go now. 

So in two months time it will be goodbye to Seething Wells and hello to the new flat. I’m excited and nervous and just about everything. I’m hoping this will be really good for me, I wont be forced to be alone any more if I’m feeling down! 

So here it goes, one more term…. 

Some time with my sister and heading back

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Not our most flattering photo 

When I come home I like to make a big deal out of spending time with my sister. It was a really hard thing, leaving her behind to go to uni. I wanted to be around while she tackles being a teenager and she still has a way to go until she is one. Tonight’s treat was Nandos, just the two of us. It’s something we’ve done before and that we like doing together, as usual big sister pays! I don’t mind though. 

I am nervous about going back tomorrow, it’s easy to get lonely in halls and when I’m lonely it’s easy to get low. I’m trying to stay positive and focus in the future.  

Easter Sunday and Happy Birthday Nanna!

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The line up of eggs and treats! 

So I’m not religious, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t get excited over Easter…just for different reasons. I love chocolate, I’m a total chocoholic and it was my first thought when I wok up this morning. So I was pleased when my sister bundled into my room with an Oreo Easter egg and my dog, who cuddled up to me. 

Today is also my wonderful Nanna’s birthday! She’s been quite poorly lately and today is the first time I’ve seen her since she’s been in hospital. She wanted all of us together today and you could see it cheered her up and she’s getting on the mend now! It was nice as well to be around my cousins and watch them playing and laughing and having fun, if I’m honest I’ve missed it. I really am a family girl and it makes me sad that I’ll be going back in a few days. 

At the same time I’m looking forward to getting back. I’ll be moving out of halls and into my lovely new flat. I’ll get the EP finished, write some new songs and hopefully pass my driving test. I’m really trying to focus on the positives now because I am getting nervous about next year, it takes managing money to a new level, my classes will get harder. So I’m trying not to panic and focus on the good things, like today. 

This afternoon was just as fun with an Easter egg hunt (where Mum forgot where she’d placed them so about an hour later we found them all!) which has to happen every year, even when I’m old. Followed by a lovely roast dinner, a quick drive and off to Ali’s for some quality time before he goes back to uni tomorrow (I won’t see him until Friday).

Happy Birthday Nanna, I love you to the moon and back.

 

5 Top Money Tips for new students

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1. Know what money you have from the start 

If you know what you have, you know what you can spend. I saw loads of charts and things saying how much will you spend on food and things and I had no idea. First things first have a plan for each semester and take your rent out before you plan ANYTHING, that way you have somewhere to live…that always helps.

2. Make a budget 

This is vital. From the money you have divide it into either a monthly or weekly budget. It’s still the same key thing, knowing what you have to work with. I had two bank accounts and transferred my budget each week, that way I couldn’t overspend without making a transfer and thinking about it. Anything I didn’t spend that week went into a savings account.

3. Stick to it! 

It will make your life so much easier, but if you have to go slightly over that’s ok. It helps if you have some emergency money stashed…it’s up to you if beer means emergency or not. 

4. Make sure you have food above all else 

This is vital. After rent, food is a must! I know some people who lived on stupid food just so they had enough for 3 nights out a week…I wouldn’t advise it! 

5. Treat yourself every now and again! 

I hate horrible visions of having no money and living on plain rice and being miserable but you can treat yourself! You are allowed! You’re a human being after all! 

Hometown girls

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Grace, Me and Lucy 

Unexpectedly I ended up meeting up wit not one but two of my hometown girls and some of the oldest friends I have in Basingstoke. I’ve known Grace since I was 10 and Lucy since I was 13. We don’t get to meet up that often but it’s fun when we do. Now Grace is finally old enough we are able to pop down to the pub for a drink and a chat rather than having to sit in McDonalds for hours on end. 

It was nice to catch up with them both, properly meet Lucy’s boyfriend and of course Ali was there too. We ended up reminiscing about school and how different we used to be. Sometimes I feel down being at home, seeing people I don’t want to see or just feeling lonely sometimes when I only have my family for company. Today was different I’m excited and happy and it’s been nice to see some old friends, especially as both of them are starting new things. Lucy is finally getting into the job she wants and Grace will be  off to uni herself in September, despite how much I worry about her I know she’ll be fine. 

Being Creative

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I know, I know my blogging skills have been slacking lately. I’ve been awful and all over the place for so many reasons I can’t list them all on here. I’ve had family stuff, illness stuff, house stuff name anything and it’s probably been a giant pain in the ass in the last few weeks but thinking about it this didn’t help me to understand why I not only wasn’t writing but why I didn’t want to. It seems odd that his time last year I was trying to write a novel and now I can’t bring myself to write even a song, but I think I’ve worked it out. Confidence. 

A lack of confidence with my writing is something I’ve never felt before. I’ve never really had to feel that way about it, my readers have always been happy and that was enough for me. Then I enrolled on a Creative Writing course and for me it couldn’t have been a worse decision. Now I’m not knocking Kingston, I love my uni with a passion but it’s not secret I’m leaving the Creative Writing course. I just don’t enjoy it, I haven’t really since the first week. I couldn’t get creative from the lessons, it stopped me being creative if anything and made me worry far too much of what others thought of me, I don’t need any more of that! 

Music and writing are now two things I can’t be academically involved with, I don’t want to do it to please people or to their rules. I want to be able to use the words I use and not be restricted because someone doesn’t like them. I want to be free to write in a way that suits me. 

The thing is creativity is where I can be myself and not have to worry and I’m afraid doing Creative Writing as a course really knocked my confidence. While my peers loved my work there were more than one academic who didn’t because it wasn’t their style. I now have a load of rules in my head that are stopping me from writing. I don’t review any more because I’m so nervous about making a mistake and not ‘grabbing’ the reader. I’ve forgotten what I started doing 2 years ago and why. I wrote because I loved it and that bought people in, it still does when I stop worrying enough to write one. 

I’m not knocking all Creative Writing courses, my classmates seemed happy and came up with some fab stuff but it just wasn’t for me, it made me really unhappy and kind of made me forget why I write. I don’t want to worry about nit picking and the correct punctuation when I write something for the first time. I did have two fantastic teachers this year, both I value very highly and they liked my work and gave me constructive criticism if and when it was needed. 

My  point is that now I’ve decided to stick with academics I’m hoping I can have creativity as fun and release. Do I want it as a job? Of course I do but I know that kind would be different. Now is the time to trial things, make mistakes and then go for it with the writing and the music. 

Hampton Court

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Hampton Court Palace 

I’ve been moaning on about wanting to go to Hampton Court since I moved to Kingston. After driving past countless times I decided I’d take my sister, who’s never been before. I’d been when I was at primary school, about 10 (eek!) years ago but wanted to go again because it looks so stunning. So on the train (and it was a damn long train) to Surbiton and then on to Hampton. I was worried my sister wouldn’t enjoy it, she’s not a geek like me but it turned out she enjoyed it even more than me. 

Surprisingly. she loved looking at the portraits, the painted ceilings and asking me lots of questions and listened when I explained things to her about Henry VII and his queens. It was fun although it didn’t take very long to get around and most of our time was spent getting lost in the gardens, looking for a way out and going in and out many times before coming back in. 

 

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Some of the intricate detail of the ceiling 

 

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We even managed to find a Tudor version of our dog, Lottie.Image

One of the gardens 

 

Although we were only there for a few hours, Summer really enjoyed herself and I’m already planning our next day out! There are so many things we can do and I’m wondering if she’d like the gallery seeing as she was so interested in the paintings. 

It was nice to spend some time with my sister today laughing having fun. We ended up going into central and heading to Hamley’s, so got a really cool sticker set (I’m slightly jealous and now want one too) where you make them and they’re shiney and stuff. I also took her to Carnaby Street and we took a walk around. I can’t wait to do more things like this as she gets older. All in all a lovely day but I’m shattered now, bed for me! 

 

Hurry Up Ali!!

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I’ve been waiting all day for Ali to come up. I’ve watched daytime TV, had a go at assignments, cleaned, played with the dog. I don’t deal well with doing nothing, I get bored pretty easily. So I offered to pick Ali up from the station today, well I say me, I mean Mum. So I’ve been sat here for hours now, only to find out he’s still going to be a good few hours yet because of rush hour and traffic. I’ve really not got much to write to you about, there have been some personal things going on but they arn’t the kind of thing I want to write about on here, I hope you all understand. 

So that’s it for today hopefully things will get a little more exciting in the next week or two! 

Driving…myself mad

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I’ve finally got back in my car. I thought yes, finally, this will be great! It was slightly different than that. I get nervous when I drive, especially when I’m not used to using my car and when I have my Mum as a passenger. Now you all know how much I love my Mum but having her as a passenger would drive anyone mad, you see she…worries.

I’ve been going out pretty much every day since I’ve been feeling better and my confidence is building and I’m getting more adventurous. Well when I go out with Dad I don’t really have a choice but to be adventurous we go just about everywhere in and around Basingstoke in all conditions, so you could say I’m learning a lot. With that in mind Mum isn’t as worried about letting me drive as she used to be.

Either way I am dying to pass my test now, having only failed last time because I didn’t overtake a cyclist I know I can pass next time and now Mum has seen me drive again she’s pretty certain as well. Even if I don’t drive again for months once I pass I just want that certificate and a license and then I’ll be happy, so, so happy. For now I just have to go slightly mad over it all, such fun!