The end of birthday week

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I am writing this feeling more than slightly worse for wear. Last night was…well actually very cheap because everyone bought me drinks. That said though I also consumed them and, well it’s only your birthday once a year. This years birthday has been incredible, a whole week of friends, family, celebrations, beautiful gifts and amazing messages from people that I love so, so much. If this week has taught me anything it is just how lucky I am right now and how happy I can be. I’ve had a week without slip ups or major lows. Obviously it can’t be my birthday every week but hopefully these memories will help me when I’m feeling a little down.

Saturday was off to see Wicked for Amy’s birthday surprise it has been so, so hard not to tell you all because I’ve been SO  excited! The show was great (as always) and is one of my favourites. I used to perform songs from it back when I did musical theatre and last saw it 5 or 6 years ago with my school. Now I’m older I appreciate just how, well, dark the plot really is. I won’t spoil it but the ending is my favourite part. We then went over to Wagamamas (my first) before racing to Waterloo to get back to Kingston for my birthday drinks.

IMG_0381 Outside the theatre 

I got to the drinks later than I thought but more people turned up than I realised. We all crammed around a table in Wetherspoons and let the drinks, selfies and chat begin. The best part?! JEN IS BACK!!!! WAHOOOO Jen being away was really hard for me and I missed her really badly. Ben is also back too and surprised me with chocolate. I drank a lot, laughed a lot and ended up going home earlier than I intended *cough, cough* accompanied by my friend Lex who came from Central to see me.

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More than anything I’m just so grateful and that’s how I want to end this post, to anyone and everyone who wished me a happy birthday, made time to see me, came out with me, sent me something, everyone. I love you all and thank you so much *raises glass* here’s to being 20.

 

 

 

 

 

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Birthday presents from Jen, my girl knows me well!

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How today ended up, nothing like a McDonalds to get you over a hangover. 

It’s my birthday!!

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I’ve waited for weeks but my birthday finally arrived. I saw the clock change to midnight and woke up five minutes before I officially turned 20 (6.55am) after being woken up by a text. Excited and a little tired I plodded into the living room after cuddles with Ali. I got phone calls from the majority of my family, I loved speaking to the little ones the most and then I just relaxed, embracing the calmness after a lot of work.

To say I’ve been lucky over the past 2 days is a huge understatement. I’m overwhelmed with the love, the messages, the presents, kindness of all the people around me who care. Messages came in at midnight, Ali stayed awake with me, 75 people wished me happy birthday on Facebook…I’ve come a long way and feel so happy.

As usual my mentor made me feel on top of the world before my Mum, Dad and Sister came to visit before going for dinner and dancing around the flat with my sister. I loved seeing them and as usual I was spoilt, with a huge cake, Pandora charm, PJs, Chocolate. I’ve received so many presents charms, perfume, gift vouchers, note book, clothes, candle, money and of course my Russell Howard tickets from Ali.

I had the boys here, Alyssa, Carly and got to go to the pub and then again out tonigh for my birthday mean and I’d been spoilt again and another cake at dinner.

I feel like my heart is about to burst with the love I feel and is humbled the right word? The emotion is overwhelmed and I am so, so lucky and happy right now.

I’ll leave you now with a few pictures while I savour just how lucky I am.

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My Russell Howard tickets!

 

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Family photo!

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Cake from my Mum and Dad
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My breakfast this morning tea and a mini cupcake! IMG_0362

Just some of my presents 🙂

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Not a birthday without a balloon
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My surprise cake from Dani and Amy

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Son, me,Dani Maisha and Amy at my birthday meal! IMG_0371

More presents from tonight ❤

The new adult

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As of tomorrow I won’t be fixing teen to the end of my age any more. I’ll feel more like an adult than I ever did at 18, I have a flat, bills to pay and work hard at my job as well a studying. I’m actually having to think about the future a bit and what I want. Like many other people my age, it terrifies me but it’s also the calmest I’ve felt in years. I know that makes no sense, at all.

I have a lot going on at the moment in every area of my life, that is except with Ali. We’ve been together for 6 years and moved in together. Apart from the getting used to living with each other and not have to actually plan to see him, it works better that way. That said 20 carries a lot of expectation and baggage.

Excuse my french but well, fuck me let’s all get married and have babies as soon as we get to our twenties. That’s what people seem to do. The next 10 or 20 years of my life will be spent trundling through weddings, baby showers and christenings. Not my idea of fun.

At the same time I will hopefully be doing something that doesn’t bore me to tears, don’t get me wrong I love my friends and family but being in a stable relationship doesn’t mean I don’t want fun and adventure. I want to go places next summer, Greece is looking good, Italy is a possibility as well as going to different parts of the UK to explore. I’m just about to hit 20 and the next 5 years  I hope are going to be different, exciting. Go on tour, work on the city.

Will I do the normal things?  Yes I don’t doubt that but I’d rather be fun about it. It might be young and silly but I want to do things my own way. I want to have a life that is my own, not in a selfish way but I want to have kids and show them things, not let them rule my life. I’ll do what my parents did I’ll still go abroad but I’ll take them, I’ll still see friends even if they come with me. I’ve spent the past 6 years with a boyfriend trying not to be one of those annoyingly sickening couples, which I’m sure we won’t be.

So I’m going into the new time of adult and kissing my teens goodbye. Am I scared? Yes. Am I excited? Definitely. Are there days where I want to crawl into bed and shout I’m not growing up, never, ever, ever!? Of course there are.

So I’m entering something I have no idea about, let’s see how this goes…

Kicking off birthday week.

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So, birthday week has kicked off! With yesterdays cupcake class done (and me shopping on amazon for pieces to buy so I can make more) and I headed into work for a reasonably normal day and ended up finishing earlier than planned, result! Which meant going off to meet Joe for a surprise present…I’d heard a bit about it but had no idea.

So off to Spoons (as usual) to talk about all manner of things, some you should talk about loudly in a pub, others you probably shouldn’t haha. Joe had handed me something on the way it was light and he’s decorated it in pretty pink paper…thanks dude!

The result was something that took my breath away a hand drawn portrait of Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter. Something that had taken so much time, effort and careful consideration. Apparently it had a few emergency’s as well…it shows how loved I am. No, not in that way he’s my best friend and there is no attraction between us, that’s laughable.

I’ve left a close up below so you can all appreciate how outstanding it is and what an incredibly talented artist Joe is (he was turned down for an art course believe it or not…no I can’t see how either). I can’t believe how much work has gone into this. It now has pride of place on my bedroom wall, as it should do.

 

 

 

Cupcake Queen!

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Ahead of an incredibly busy week I started cake decorating! Thanks to the wonderful Kate from Sugar Town Cupcakes (check them out on Facebook, absolutely amazing) I can now add amateur cake decorator to my CV, ok I’m not that good yet. These classes take place in our local library from time to time. One one of my earlier blogs I learnt how to make loads of flowers, today it was birthday cupcakes and I was chuffed with how they came out!

It seems like a perfect way to start birthday week (yes a week, if the Queen get’s two birthdays why can’t I have a birthday week?!) I have so much planned, tomorrow I’m seeing Joe for my mystery present, Tuesday I have band practice and a concert, Wednesday work, Thursday my family are coming to see me, Friday a birthday meal and Saturday a big surprise for a friend and then an evening out!

I have my plan for the week, I’m feeling better and well who wouldn’t smile after being taught how to make these beauties!

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A certain little lady

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Lexi 

There are three little girls who are important to me. My sister (who isn’t actually that little any more, my cousin Lola (who is apparently very much like me when I was her age) and my God daughter Alexia, Lexi for short. I see Summer and Lola usually whenever I come home, I always see them on their birthdays and Christmas. When it comes to Lexi I’m not as lucky.

I’ve been friends with Lexi’s mum Lucy since I was 11, when I constantly forgot her name and used to call her ‘frizz’ because of her hair. It is because of this I first met Lexi when she was 2 weeks old, I fell in love with her and well, it never stopped. I got texts for all her firsts, collected her with Lucy when we finished college and LOVED to babysit if Lucy needed it. Lucy managed to get through her exams and then final year of college and then go on to study law at university, taking Lexi along with her. Out of all my friends in Basingstoke I think that saying goodbye to Lucy and Lexi was the hardest. Even at times when me and Luce weren’t that close (we’re both quite fiery with strong opinions) I always cared about Lexi. Imagine how excited I was when we arranged to meet today? It’s been about 2 months since I last saw them. I was nervous, last time I met up with Lucy and Lexi it took her a while to warm to me again, today that wasn’t a problem I got so many cuddles and giggles, it melted my heart.

So why am I writing about this cheeky little toddler on my student blog? She’s a big part of my life and so is her mum, who is also a student. Lucy manages a toddler with just her student loan, how she manages I don’t know. Actually how she does uni and be a mum at the same time slightly baffles me, but Lucy gets on with things, we’re quite similar like that. Although we’re fairly different we have fun together. I’ve always wanted to make sure she’s still Lucy too, not always Mummy! Even if nowadays I can only give her a couple of minutes while I chase Lexi around the library. I also happen to show the pictures around the office at work whenever I get the chance, who doesn’t say aww at that beautiful face!

The rest of the day was spent with family and right now I’m exhausted, whether that is to do with a certain toddler or not I don’t know. Whenever I see her I think a lot too, I’m a long way off from having a family of my own, and Lucy fully understands and respects that. Sometimes though I look at the adorable little curls, the way she cuddles her mum and I just melt a little, but don’t worry my faithful followers there will not be any growing of small people for a long time yet!

Counting down…

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So today is…

7 days until my birthday

8 days until my birthday meal

9 days until I’m part of a big surprise

11 days until my Student Loan (thank god!)

18 days until I go back to uni

I love being excited and September has always been a month where I am in full countdown mode, December is too but well who doesn’t cont down to Christmas? I could down until book releases, albums I want to read. I love it. When I was struggling at school I’d check off each day I was at school and would be able to tell you how many more days there were. I like having something to look forward too, it’s important to me. I like to organise what I’m doing. Control freak? I suppose sometimes I am but it’s a way of not being anxious.

Why am I writing about all these count downs? I realise that I’ve written a lot about mental health lately and while I haven’t been negative I have been struggling. I wanted to show you all how amazing this month is going to be, how amazing this year is going to be actually. I have so much that I’ve got going on, it’s going to be a little overwhelming at times but I’m just so excited about it all! It’s not that I’m wishing my life away I’m just focusing on the positive things to come. I hope everyone can do this at least once in a while 🙂

LISTEN UP! Suicide Prevention Day 2014

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It’s no secret that I’m passionate about mental health, nor is it a secret that through my life I have had to deal with bad lows. I’ve watched friends as they hit self destruct and have people close to me who came through after a suicide attempt (and I am thankful for every day I spend with them…you know who you are).

I’m using today’s blog to raise awareness and I know lately my blog has been full of mental health but I want to make a difference. Today has been the first day this week that I’ve felt 100% again after meeting with mentors, going over my plan and carrying on.

Suicidal feelings are not as uncommon as we’d like to think, it’s different from thinking about death. It’s a terrible sense of hopelessness and feelings of everything just being too damn much. It can take a little or a lot to shift a person out of this, for some it’s an attempt that didn’t work, for others it someone to help them or a change in their life. It’s not a set formulae, there’s no magic cure, each case is different because we, as people are different.

There is something we can all do, it’s simple but it could save someone’s life. We need to talk and be open. If any thing losing the great Robin Williams last month has shown that even the brightest people can be hiding the pain they really feel. A person doesn’t suddenly wake up and think ‘I’m going to kill myself today’ listen to the people around you, recognise anything you think unusual and talk to them. You have no idea how much someone just saying ‘how are you really doing today?’ can change someone’s life. 

Some people believe that suicide is a selfish thing. ‘How can they do that to the people who love them!’ people often exclaim. Think about it. Really think about it. These people mostly believe there is nothing they have left to offer the world, they see themselves as worthless and their loved ones would be better without them and their burden. They’re not selfish, they are ill. It is an ILLNESS and I’ll scream that at the top of my lungs if I have to. Some of the most famous suicide notes ever written talk of the love for family, children in particular and feelings that they would be better off without them. This is not selfish behaviour.

All I ask is that maybe today you call someone who’s been feeling down or let someone going through a rough time know that you are there for them, you have no idea the good it could do. I’m not saying everyone is suicidal but as someone with depression a little light can make a world of difference. Just talk.

Rest in Peace to all of those who cannot be with us today.

 

Thank you for reading,

 

Chloe

Getting my teeth stuck in

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Second year is approaching and not as fast as I would like. Everyone I speak to is so eager to get back to uni and I’m no different. It has been a long 5 months off, I’ve been bored, I’ve been busy. Now I’m ready to get my teeth stuck back into being academic. I’ve been doing my Independent Research Project over the summer research pages, criticisms, novels anything. Books have been brought, papers printed and emails going back and forth.

The boys will all be back by the end of the week, my other friends are slowly coming back and it’s birthday week next week. I’m going to be so busy and I can’t wait for it all to start. For now, I’m struggling through my Victorian Literature reading list, we’ll see how long that’ll take me!