Livin' The Vida Lockdown: Day Ten - Getting Into Routine...Kinda

Livin’ The Vida Lockdown: Day Ten – Getting Into Routine…Kinda

Well people we’ve made it through a week and a half of the first part of the UK Lockdown and I think I’m getting into some kind or routine or a new normal at least.

This morning felt a little easier, there was no magical change and I haven’t suddenly fallen in love with not leaving my home or seeing a real life human being, but it was okay. I might have slept terribly but I got up and felt more normal.

For the first time in I don’t know how long I was able to get up, drink my tea and catch up on some YouTube without feeling the panic and dread. I managed to do some bits around the house, shower, wear real clothes, get some ideas down and crack on with work.

It might not sound like a huge deal, maybe to some it isn’t but adjusting isn’t going to be easy. Every day that I can have some kind of control over my life and the little bit I can still do by myself and for myself. For the last few weeks my anxiety had gotten to such a level that I haven’t felt like myself at or, or like I have any way to make myself better.

I got frustrated this evening when I did feel that wave of sadness and hopelessness hit. I did cry and want to crawl into bed for a few hours. You know what I did? I let myself have some time to get the emotions out, I talked to Ali and some of my friends about my anxieties about going outside…and it was still progress.

As each day continues, I’m hoping I can have a little more structure. I’ve still got an alarm set for weekdays that I try and stick to and have a rough to-do list written down. It’s not ‘normal’ and so long as this virus is around it won’t be but finding some day to day routine has to help.

Are you getting into any kind of new routine? I’d love to hear about it! Let me know below or tweet me on @chloemetzger!

Blogmas 2019: Unpopular Opinions – Christmas Edition đźŽ„

So, as you all know I LOVE Christmas but there might be some opinions I have that aren’t popular. Seeing as you guys love my unpopular opinions posts I thought I might crack one out for Christmas.

As of November 1st, it is time for Christmas

Halloween is done and it’s time for Christmas – someone defrost Michael Buble and Mariah Carey!

Christmas shopping throughout the year is ok!

Most of my Christmas shopping was done by the 1st December and I’m not kidding. So many people thought I was a giant weirdo which, ok maybe I also am, but I LOVED it.

You don’t need alcohol to have a good Christmas

Personally, I don’t really drink over Christmas. I think I get it from my Mum because she was almost always the designated driver while I was growing up so I’ve happily taken that role on now.

Children singing in public places is not needed

Nope, nope, nope. I WAS one of those kids but bloody hell the last thing you need in a packed shopping center is a load of children singing, 20 odd parents standing still with phones

You can keep your Mince Pies and Christmas Puddings

Gross, gross, GROSS.

Vienetta is a perfect Christmas dessert

The best, much beautiful, many yums.

Eating out on Christmas Day is shitty

Here’s the thing people who can’t be bothered to book pay a lot of money for someone else to cook for them BUT what about everyone working? Most service industries do not let their staff have any time off over Christmas.

It sucks but I get it with hotels but Christmas Dinner? No one needs to go for an overpriced meal when they can cook at home most of those people want to be at home with their families not serving your parsnips.

Are there any you don’t agree with or would add?

I'm Attempting Blogmas 2019

Blogmas 2019: I’m Attempting Blogmas

It’s the first of December which means we’re officially counting down to Christmas! Advent calendars have been opened, you trees are going up (or maybe they’re already up) and it’s the start of Blogmas! Yes!

I’ll be honest with you, I kept going back and forward on whether I was going to do Blogmas this year – it’s a lot of work and I wasn’t sure if I could do it again to myself alongside everything else I’m doing at the moment including working my ass off so I can have a break over Christmas! Although, who are we kidding here? Of course I’ll end up doing some kind of work – but I digress.

I’m excited to write about one of my favourite times of the year, a mix of fun and silly posts but also some which might be harder to write or harder to read about some of the struggles that people face. Will it be random? Most likely.

That said I’m trying not to put pressure on myself – if I miss a day because I’m busy, that’s ok. If it gets to half way through and I need to put my health first, that’s ok too.

So, buckle up it’s time to get festive!

Using food as a crutch

Hello there lovely readers,

If any of you follow me on Twitter (it’s @chloemetzger if you don’t) you will know that recently I’ve been devouring Melanie Murphey’s Fully Functioning Human (Almost). Melanie is a Youtuber and has recently become an author, I absolutely love her videos and just generally her positivity as well as honesty. I bought the book because I thought it would be good, I didn’t guess it would make me confront myself about my eating habits.

Recently, I found out I have a B12 deficiency, although it’s not through diet it did make me think about how I can increase the vitamin to supplement my treatment. So food was already on my mind. The chapter I was reading happened to come at the right time. I’d had a tough day at work, Ali was away in rehearsals, I’d had injections and I was just down and a bit lonely, I went and got a McDonalds including McFlurry on the way home. You guessed it, I’m an emotional eater.

I’ve never addressed my eating habits on this blog, how my mental health and eating are connected. I’ve had it in the back of my mind for a while that my emotions are a big part of what I eat. To put it simply, food makes me feel better. I know that if I’m having a bad day popping into my local supermarket and buying a big bar of chocolate will cheer me up. That said, I overcame these feelings before I graduated! I picked up on what I was doing and cut down.

It’s so easy to make a small treat turn into something really unhealthy. For example, I LOVE Chocolate Eclairs, they’re one of my favourite cakes. When you go to the supermarket a pack of 4 can be as little as ÂŁ1, whereas buying one from the counter is ÂŁ1.50. The same goes for sweets, a ‘share pack’ is ÂŁ1 whereas and individual bag is 70p. So we convince ourselves we’re getting a better deal, then we eat it. It makes it so much harder when you’re trying to live a healthier lifestyle.

I’m about to face a challenge in my life as Ali goes away for 2 months. I also know that in the past year I’ve neglected myself and let unhealthy habits creep back into my day to day as a way of coping with any lows or loneliness. So that I don’t feel down on a Friday night and order a Pizza and Garlic Bread just for myself and then feel gross afterwards. I don’t want to go and buy up all the offers on sweets or biscuits or crisps to fill any sadness.

So, I’m going back to basics like I did when I was first recovering from my broken spine. I’m cutting back and not buying foods I know I will eat in one go but I’m not cutting anything out completely. I’m going back to the gym and trying to get up to two or three times a week. And finally, when I feel the urge to go and stuff my face, I’m going to try and distract myself. I’m going to write or read or call a friend. I’m determined to do this.

IMG_5802

This is me last week, let’s see where we are in 2 months.

Have you ever struggled with using food as a crutch? Let me know in the comments below!

Calling all Feminists!

A few weeks ago I had a conversation with some other women my age about feminism. They didn’t call themselves Feminists and asked me what I write about and what a feminist is. I was honest and said that overall it’s about equality but for each person, feminism means something different. Which got me thinking…

All around the world, there are feminists of every race and background. I’ve been writing my Feminist Friday posts for a few months now but I’m a cis, white, university educated female. There’s nothing wrong with that but I want to share with my reader’s other people’s feminism, why they are a feminist and what it means to them. I want to include everyone, which is a big part of MY feminism.

So, this is where you come in. I want to share your stories, I want to talk about you all and really explore what Feminism is to you.

If you’re interested please email chloefmetzger@gmail.com or drop me a tweet on @chloemetzger, I really can’t wait to hear from you all!

 

 

10 things you need to know before taking medication for Mental Illness

There is a lot of debate over medication and mental health. As someone who takes medication, I wanted to put together 10 things I feel you should know before taking medication.

  1. It’s not an easy fix – These aren’t ‘happy pills’ as people like to joke. For me, taking medication was similar to a fog rising, it didn’t instantly make me happy but it gave me the strength to make changes and help myself.
  2. Medication isn’t for everyone – It works for some, but not for others
  3. Your body needs time to adjust– In my experience, and that of most people I’ve spoken to, the first few weeks on new medication can have negative side effects. I had a week of feeling really poorly BUT it was worth it. If you can, see if you can get through that period.
  4. If you don’t feel it’s right, go back to your doctor – That said, if you really are struggling and don’t feel you can carry on or after a while feel your medication isn’t working as it should, go speak to your GP. I had three adjustments in a year on the same medication.
  5. You’re not weaker or less of a person for taking medication– There is so much BS about there about not being your ‘real self’ while on medication. If ‘not being my real self’ includes feeling better, not feeling exhausted and unbearably unhappy, I’ll take that, thanks.
  6. There are so many different types! There are so many different types which are used for different symptoms and reasons.
  7. A lot of people are ill-informed, don’t let them scare you – I’ve found two types of people in this category. The first type, people who’ve had a bad experience on medication. I don’t think they mean any harm but no medication is the same for everyone, just because it didn’t work for them, doesn’t mean it won’t work for you. The other type of people don’t know anything about medication and just have, in my personal opinion, uneducated. Do what’s right for you.
  8. You can still have children if you’re on medication – This was something I was really concerned about because there are quite a few side effects and as a woman you have to be extra careful if you want to have children. I have been reliably informed that medication can be managed and monitored, hooray!
  9. You might need to try different medications to find the right one – This happens with a lot of medication, it’s no different when it’s for your mental health. There are so many different types for different issues. Keep going until you find the right one.
  10.  You’re the only person who matters – Everyone has an opinion, but that doesn’t mean they control your life. If you find medication helps you get through the day then you do you, this is your body and your health, no one else’s.

What would you add to this list? Let me know in the comments below or tweet me @chloemetzger

Mental Health, my story so far

IMG_4410

So, to kick start Mental Health Awareness Week I thought I would share with you my own personal mental health journey. I’ve written a lot on this blog about how I live with my mental health, what helps me and some of the not so great times.

If you don’t know me or my blog hello and welcome! I’m Chloe, a 22-year-old blogger, graduate, writer, musician and mental health campaigner. I’ve been living with Depression and Anxiety diagnosed since I was 18 but undiagnosed from around 15 (it took a long time to get a diagnosis).

I’ve had quite a lot of time to think about myself and the fact that I am more than an illness, more than a diagnosis. I struggled throughout my teenage years for a lot of reasons, I was bullied a lot which definitely kick started my illness. I spent a lot of time isolated and desperately unhappy, with no professional help. That was pretty shit. Moving on to college I was slightly better with a new start but still struggling with my mental health, I did have some councilling at the time and sought out my diagnoses, which I got at the age of 18.

Little after that, I went to university after starting my first trial of medication, freaking out and not taking it (not something I’d recommend). I spent my first year pretty sick and being incredibly unhealthy with my mental health, I’d spend days locked in the dark of my room alone, not eating and avoiding people. Towards the end of that year I went back on medication because I was at a really low point, where everyone had noticed.

For my second and third year I was better with the help of my mentor who I had talking therapy with once a week for 3 years. I also started to speak out more about my mental health and working towards educating others, I was also lucky enough to make a speech (watch here) which made my passion even stronger.

I will admit I’ve had a really rough time in the past year since graduating with figuring out who I am, getting used to not having the professional support I had at uni, trying to work on being a graduate and getting used to new doctors (not my fave).

So, that’s a little bit about me. My illness is a part of me, but not all of me. I’m hoping you’re going to enjoy this week. If you have any questions for me drop me a comment below, email me at chloefmetzger@gmail.com, or tweet me @chloemetzger. I can’t wait to hear from you all!

Feminist Friday: Is having a Vagina a pre-existing condition too?

18320833_1987287084824829_4666213770969273726_o

I woke up this morning and was flicking through my news app and my hazy eyes focused again on a smug picture of Donald Trump, this time with the headline ‘Obamacare is dead’. I’m not American, nor do I live in the US but have watched the past few months unfold with waves of nausea after being faced with the blatant problems with sexism and racism in the US.

Once again ‘making America great again’ will have a nasty impact on many. The list of what is being considered a pre-existing condition is horrifying. As I was reading though I realised something, once again women were having someone choose their options for them because they own a vagina.

Things such as

  • Pregnancy
  • Breast, Cervical and Ovarian Cancer
  • Acid Reflux (often a problem in Pregnancy)
  • Cesarian Section

would all stop you getting coverage under Trump and his party. It must be recognised there are also issues such as enlarged prostate and testicular cancer that will impact only men, this is an issue for everyone. It’s horrifying and harrowing that people are fearing for their lives because of something they cannot help. America is supposed to be one of the most forward-thinking countries in the world…I doubt that now seeing as birthing the future leaders of the world will now mean you might not be able to get insurance.

I’m incredibly lucky I live with the NHS, if it was the same in the UK there is no way in hell I would be insured because of previous problems I’ve had. It’s a scary reality when dystopian novels such as The Handmaid’s Tale are getting chillingly close to real life.

At what point do Republicans just make having a Vagina a reason for exclusion officially? At what point do they fall backwards in time and make it so women are legally second class citizens. We need to talk about this, we need to make ourselves louder than ever all across the world to make sure it is known to the misogynists that not only are we equal, we are strong and capable.

What are your thoughts on the new bills being passed? Are you going to be impacted by them? Let me know in the comments below or drop me a tweet @chloemetzger!

Success?

success

A while ago, I was speaking to a friend when he surprised me, he told me I was successful. It stopped me in my tracks, because I haven’t classed myself as that in quite some time, in fact, since graduating I’ve felt more ordinary than I ever have in my life! At times, I’ve even felt like a failure.

Part of this is the struggles I’ve had with my confidence (it took a large dip after breaking my spine) and the other part, who knows? On paper, and to many people I know, they do believe I’m a successful 22 year old. I have a job, a degree, a home and a stable relationship.It ticks all the boxes, doesn’t it? Which I why I feel so bad whenever I say the words out loud, I’m not doign well enough.

I’ve always had a problem where I both want and need to be one of the best. I was talented both musically and academically growing up, apart from driving I found a way to make things appear as if they came easily (they didn’t). Despite my struggles I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me, for the things I’d gone through, so I worked as hard as I possibly could. I won awards, competitions etc. I felt like I was going places.

After graduating, for the first time in your life, your achievements aren’t given prizes or certificates, you’re not given feedback and a grade on things you spend hours on. So I guess in that respect, it isn’t unusual for someone to feel that they’re not doing as well, because you have to jugde it for yourself (particularly hard when you are an anxious person).

So I sit here and I try and see that I am successful, I might not be where I want to be at the end but it doesn’t mean I’m not. I think for many of us, that may be it. We confuse success with where we want to end up. I can only speak for myself, but that’s where I think I’ve been going wrong. I don’t have a house, a book and my life sorted out. Who the hell does in their 20s?

Maybe this is where I say something cliche like ‘success is a state of mind’, maybe it is. All I know is that it means so many things, to so many people. I’m flattered to think that my friend think I’m successful, I hope that someday soon I feel that way too!

What does success mean to you? Do you feel successful?   Let me know in the comments below or tweet me @chloemetzger

Feminist Fridays: What Makes Me Feel Empowered?

What Makes Me Feel Empowered

Empowerment ‘the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one’s life and claiming one’s rights’. We hear a lot about women’s empowerment when talking about Feminism but, I wonder how many of us think about that it means to us. I feel that this will be different for each and every woman based on their lives and choices. Because feminism is about choice, even if you don’t agree with that choice personally.

So what makes me feel empowered?

Earning my own money

Being able to support myself makes me feel empowered and greatful for the women who came before me and fought for it. I don’t have to rely on anyone if I want to buy something or live somewhere, it’s all me!

Having control over my body

I’m lucky enough to have access to contraception in the UK for free. This means I can choose if and when I become a mother. I can make those decisions. Similarly, I can dress how I like and it’s not subject to anyone else’s orders.

Gaining an education 

I could my education as one of the greatest things in my life. I’m as smart as any male and earned my degree and awards. No one can ever take that away from me.

Having an opinion 

This blog is full of my opinions and how I wish to express them. Being able to share my thoughts and feelings gives me empowerment.

What makes you feel empowered? Let me know in the comments below or give me a tweet on @chloemetzger