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Teacher Training

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Tonight was my first teacher training session. I was pretty nervous when I turned up, I had no idea what to expect and I wasn’t sure I would know anyone who got through. My nerve calmed down a fair bit after a surprise visit from Ali, not because of any romantic gesture just to borrow my tape measure but either way it was nice to see him. I got there about 20 minutes early (talk about over eager) but thankfully I wasn’t the only one I started chatting to some of the other girls and found out I wasn’t the only first year on the scheme. As Kingston is so good to us we were all offered a hot drink and biscuits.

The session was 3 hours long but it was interesting. Within the first 15 minutes our confidence was already being build up by the team we were working with and started making jokes where we could. I was pleasantly surprised to recognise some people I already knew as well as some people I had been interviewed with. The evening overall was fun and I was pleased that we learnt about so many different factors in educating children and I learnt new things.

Throughout the session though I was fighting with myself. For this scheme I’ll be teaching in a secondary school, somewhere I vowed not to go back to. I had more than a pretty rough time at school and tonight I felt some powerful emotions, even if I didn’t let it school. After going over policies and responsibilities schools have towards students I was slightly shocked to realise just how wrong my school were. The lack of support I had throughout my education I assumed had been normal but now I see that it’s not. The senior staff had a duty of care and they obviously didn’t fulfil what they should have. As I sunk into a deeper state they all looked the other way, done the bare minimum and left me to it. There were a handful of members of staff who cared enough to get  me through, I still try and visit the LSU (learning support unit) sometimes to let them know how I’m doing and say thanks, they cared and they didn’t have to. If I see some of my old teachers in town I’ll say hello and just let them know they made a difference. As for the others? I’d love to prove them wrong, I’ll got back with my degree and just say ‘see I wasn’t as useless as you made me out to be!’.

I guess what I’m getting at is that tonight made me realise I was failed and I want to make a change. I might not end up becing a secondary school teacher but I want to do something to change the lives of young people. I don’t know how yet, teaching?, writing?, performing? I have no idea yet but I think this is going to be good for me, maybe in those 15 days I’ll make some kind of difference.

Me and Amy

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The best picture we could get between all the laughing and singing 

Amy, oh Amy, Amy,Amy. Tonight the best one and I decided to go out and instead of hitting the bar we went out for dinner, our first date as Amy called it. We ate, we laughed and all of a sudden would break into song and dance in the middle of the restaurant, the staff absolutely loved us. It was such a good night out because for some reason it’s never the two of us  alone. We’re planning to do this a lot more now because well it’s cheap, it’s fun and Amy comes out with phrases like ‘mind the garlic bread, it’s pointy’. I’ve come home after an hours loop on the bus, freezing cold but smiling and all because of this beautiful,crazy little one 😀

On a Mad One

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Amy has a phrase for whenever one of us gets angry/upset/annoyed and needs to vent until we calm down we go on a ‘mad one’. Now in the last few months there have been various forms of this and today it hit me, big time. I haven’t had a break or a rest since the beginning of January it’s been at least 4 weeks of non stop work, so today my brain just said no. Throw in room issues, bus issues, a disgusting smelling kitchen, arrogant show offs from earlier in the week and generally irritating people and you’ve got how I feel right now. I know people will read this, some may think I’m talking about them and be offended…if that is you think about why you’re offended, then you’ll get to how I feel when I write this. I ended up in the university Starbucks with Amy having a little heart to heart and she just made me feel ok , she reminded me that I am a part of something and going up to Kingston Hill just lifts my mood 90% of the time. 

I hate feeling low, it’s one of the worst things in the world and sometimes a ‘mad one’ is just a part of a low. I’ve tried to be positive today and when I was with Amy it was ok, I didn’t think about everything that was bothering me too much and I just talked it out. The problem is when I’m upset and alone or when I’m surrounded by people who just don’t help. So I’m spending this evening locked in my room listening to You Me At Six and trying to get this assignment finished. What people don’t tell you is no matter how much you love uni (and I honestly do) being in halls is hard work. Not every flat has a magical connection and sometimes you lock horns, not in a big way but when you want to slob out and just eat crappy food all day you feel this pressure, well I personally do. I generally find it quite hard when I’m having a bad day, feeling like someone is constantly looking at what you’re doing. The bottom line, it’s not like you’re at home, you have to think about a lot more, you can’t want around in some of your PJs because they might be ‘too revealing’, you don’t wear make up and people think your ill! 

Sometimes all that compared with a bad day is just a little too much. I’m trying to look forward though, to next year. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it but Ali and I will be living together so it makes life a little easier. I just feel so comfortable around him, I can do whatever the hell I want and not feel like I have to think about it or discuss it later. I guess what I’m tring to say in this blog post is that honestly I struggle sometimes living with a whole block full of people and not feeling close to any of them and it’s just a part of life. Plus, going from somewhere where you feel like you belong, the band, Hannafords etc to being completely alone isn’t the nicest feeling. Now I’m shaking off this ‘Mad One’ I’m hoping that I can get rid of it and go to uni feeling a bit better about everything and just get on with my work before going out with Amy tomorrow night! 

Band Bonding

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Today was a very early start, 10am soundcheck after a busy weekend was honestly not my idea of fun. We’ve worked really hard over the last few weeks on our set for the festival as well as getting to know one another and really becoming a band. So we hyped ourselves up, watched a few friends and ended up…well actually going shopping for Rhys. I’ve found a new ally when I go shopping in Rhys and Dan strangely. I managed to leave without buying anything and stopped Rhys buying the whole shop. The last few days have really made us connect as a band, we’ve laughed together, got angry together and settled tonight with some good food and a few drinks. I know that this is the start of something pretty amazing, we’re heading into the studio this weekend…things are getting excited!!

You Me At Six (Part 1)

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While I hoped this post would be full of beautiful pictures of You Me At Six playing and rocking out on stage while I took beautiful pictures. Unfortunately that didn’t happen, why you ask? Short girl syndrome (a joke I hoped to make with the boys when I met them…more on that later), despite standing on a raised edge I could just about see them, with great difficulty. Instead I screamed, I shouted, I danced and later got crushed by people who have NO gig manners. Seriously people don’t just shove each other, be polite at gigs especially when your going to meet them anyway.

Photo: You Me At Six!!!

Ali and I in the amazingly long queue! 

The pushing and shoving wasn’t during the performance, well not where I was standing anyway it was when all hell broke loose for the signing. We were ALL going to meet them (for the amazing price of £11, thank you Banquet Records) but people went crazy. Luckily we didn’t queue for too long but they shouted that only one item could be signed. I’d thought before of bringing my T-Shirt for signing and didn’t know if I’d get away with it, as you can see from above I did! They were absolutely lovely with me trying not to fan girl but it was Max I ended up talking to, he liked my ‘old school’ t-shirt for the ‘Save it for the bedroom’ era (check that song out!). I’ve fallen in love with him a little bit, not in a stalker way though although I’m not sure if he thought I could be.

The lovely Max! (not my picture) 

So now I have something to cherish for the rest of my life. I love the fact that they appreciated it and as you’ll notice this is only part 1, in April Ali and I will be heading into London to see them do the whole set. The new album is absolutely incredible even though I was unsure at first (I’m not going to lie I do miss those cute emo boys with floppy fringes but I’m not 15 any more!). I actually can’t wait for it despite knowing that there will be a case of short girl syndrome again no doubt! Anyway, it’s gigs like this that make you realise how great independent record shops are it was £11 for that ticket, CD and I met the boys, I’ve also met Deaf Havana and will be meeting We Are The In Crowd because of them, one day I hope that No People Club can repay the favour.

Getting emotional and chicken… a normal Saturday with the boys.

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Today has been tiring, emotional and fun. The band and I spent the afternoon practising for the Artss show on Monday and as much as I love the band sometimes it gets really hard. I’m singing songs that I wrote when I was absolutely cut up and sometimes when I give my all the emotion just kind of pores out and occasionally it can make me go back to how I felt when I wrote it. Living through those emotions can be really tough especially when I’ve been moving on and then I get stuck right where I was before, I lost what I thought was a good friend, actually a few ‘good friends’, learnt things that were hard on me and I got through it by writing on them and putting that emotion onto a page. It’s why a lot of No People Clubs songs are upbeat, when they’re upbeat it’s harder for me to get upset and think about it and today I did. Funnily enough this turned into a big thing for the band and we ended up opening up to each other before going back to the flat and ordering CFC (Chicken) and I actually felt so much a part of something that it made me really emotional. So right now I’m absolutely exhausted (emotions and a lack of sleep are an awful combination!).

I’m going to leave you all on that note and just finish by saying that I’m really excited about this band, if the boys can understand how much I put into my songs and accept it’s hard then they’re definately worth it. Watch this space.

Relaxing and Pizza

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Kym, Ali and Ben… the best picture I could get. 

As you can guess by the title tonights blog is not terribly exciting or action packed, despite classes this morning we’ve used tonight to relax and get some pizza. I think going out drinking twice a week has started to get boring but we’ll soon see!

Still not a culinary master…

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Although I haven’t mentioned it much I hate cooking. Hate it. I’m not into making food in a pretty was  just to eat it, baking is different for some reason. The general cooking for one is just bloody miserable and cooking for more than one is pointless! Today however I was feeling pretty good about the cooking thing I made eggs for breakfast, Spaghetti and Meatballs for lunch, brownies for Ali and chicken dippers for dinner…ok so the last one doesn’t really count.

I think there’s a lot of pressure when you go to uni about learning to cook, people make out its a huge thing and some people take it really seriously… I don’t. Honestly I think if there is one time you can piss around, make weird combinations and eat whatever you want at whatever time it’s when your in halls!! Go crazy! Eat what you want! I can’t cope with all the gourmet stuff, all the vegetables and fruit and loveliness, be a grown up adult, go on I dare you!

Friendsday Wednesday!!

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Today has very much been a day about friends and I really didn’t expect that. I’ve woken up happier and felt calmer today, I’m finally starting to beat my illness I think. My low days are getting further apart and if they happen I’m working on dealing with them. As part of it I try to go out or do something at least twice a week, usually on student night. Today alcohol wasn’t included it did include, however… 

Nandos! 

A lovely meal out with friends and meeting some new ones, the food wasn’t fab but the laughs and company was well worth it. Thank you to Bekkie, Jess, Emily, Liv, Rhys and Olly for a great time! 🙂

 

 

A bus driver who thought he was in Fast and Furious….

A lovely thank you note and gift from my flat-mate for taking out the rubbish! 

 

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And although I don’t have a picture for it  lovely conversation with my friend Gurdeep! 

 

As you can tell I haven’t gone out drinking this week (although the rest of my halls definitely have!) but I’m not really missing it, it’s fun sometimes but after going out every Wednesday and Friday for 2/3 weeks it gets a bit boring! Next week I’m hoping to see a film with the lovely Amy! Keep an eye out for some more ‘Amy moments’!

The KU Talent Awards and me!

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I promised myself that I would try and get as involved as possible in university life. I didn’t join the liveliest societies so I set about working hard and trying to be positive. When I was online I found out about the KUTalent awards and that I could apply for one, the rising star award for first years. There are loads of different categories for students, staff and companies. I’m nominating myself, I know it sounds crazy and I haven’t been doing it for that very reason but after taking to some staff they said I might as well. The more I filled in my application the more I realised that I’ve truly settled into university now and how much I’ve achieved in such a short space of time. 

Now on day where I wobble it’s hard to remember this I fell alone, tired and emotional, on days like that the blog can help me realise that I’m gonna do ok. I don’t know if I’ll win the award but that’s not what counts really, my tutor read my application and agreed with what I’d written. She agreed so much she’s offered to write me a reference highlighting just how far I’ve come since turning up and heading to sainsbury’s in the pouring rain wondering how I’d do it all. I’m not the same girl as I was when I started, there are definite improvements.

I know how refelctive and possibly cheesy this sounds but I’m actually happy here. I have my lows, who doesn’t? It just feels wierd while I watch the confident people starting to miss home, I feel ok. I still miss them but it’s settled in my head I live here now. It’s because of that going back to Basingstoke in June is going to be the weirdest experience ever.  I’m determined to go back stronger, happier and try and make the most of the summer and who knows? I might even have an award in my suitcase.