Tonight was my first teacher training session. I was pretty nervous when I turned up, I had no idea what to expect and I wasn’t sure I would know anyone who got through. My nerve calmed down a fair bit after a surprise visit from Ali, not because of any romantic gesture just to borrow my tape measure but either way it was nice to see him. I got there about 20 minutes early (talk about over eager) but thankfully I wasn’t the only one I started chatting to some of the other girls and found out I wasn’t the only first year on the scheme. As Kingston is so good to us we were all offered a hot drink and biscuits.

The session was 3 hours long but it was interesting. Within the first 15 minutes our confidence was already being build up by the team we were working with and started making jokes where we could. I was pleasantly surprised to recognise some people I already knew as well as some people I had been interviewed with. The evening overall was fun and I was pleased that we learnt about so many different factors in educating children and I learnt new things.

Throughout the session though I was fighting with myself. For this scheme I’ll be teaching in a secondary school, somewhere I vowed not to go back to. I had more than a pretty rough time at school and tonight I felt some powerful emotions, even if I didn’t let it school. After going over policies and responsibilities schools have towards students I was slightly shocked to realise just how wrong my school were. The lack of support I had throughout my education I assumed had been normal but now I see that it’s not. The senior staff had a duty of care and they obviously didn’t fulfil what they should have. As I sunk into a deeper state they all looked the other way, done the bare minimum and left me to it. There were a handful of members of staff who cared enough to get  me through, I still try and visit the LSU (learning support unit) sometimes to let them know how I’m doing and say thanks, they cared and they didn’t have to. If I see some of my old teachers in town I’ll say hello and just let them know they made a difference. As for the others? I’d love to prove them wrong, I’ll got back with my degree and just say ‘see I wasn’t as useless as you made me out to be!’.

I guess what I’m getting at is that tonight made me realise I was failed and I want to make a change. I might not end up becing a secondary school teacher but I want to do something to change the lives of young people. I don’t know how yet, teaching?, writing?, performing? I have no idea yet but I think this is going to be good for me, maybe in those 15 days I’ll make some kind of difference.