When I was in year 10 I had no idea about uni, about my future, about anything I wanted to do. I’ve been working with some incredible kids lately and I wish I’d been that focused. My sister is only a year younger and my cousin the same age and it feels so strange to think that it’s been 5 years since I was that age and I’ve totally changed, I wouldn’t even recognise me from that age I was so sad. I’m not 15 anymore but I am still confused sometimes and don’t have my life all together but I suppose that’s ok. The kids were learning some valuable things from us ambassadors, things I wish I’d known. It’s says like today when I really love my job.
Category: Uncategorized
My first Gymkhana!
I’d never done anything on a horse that could have been remotely competitive, that changed today. Gymkhana is a lot of games in which we all compete for Rosettes, I now have two thanks to horse Shadow (who I’ve never ridden before!). I’m so excited, to show you all the pictures. Not only did I get to compete, get some new skills and hang out at the stables for 2 and a half hour. I also got to spend some more time with a lovely horse, Rubey, who has now figured out how to undo my coat and likes to play! I just had to book another ride for next week, I’m not ready to let go just yet!
Playing ‘around the world’
How to explain ‘Head Sick’ – Mental Health
Me age 16 trying to be ‘normal’ and ‘fun’ on a bad low
Calling in sick to work is not a great experience for anyone, especially when it’s for something mental health related, because it relies on people having knowledge as well as people not judging you. You can’t phone your boss and say ‘I feel really sad, I can’t come into work’. A lot of people think that bad depression means you just lie in bed all day and that’s that. For most of us, that isn’t true because we can’t let it, we have bills to pay and things to do and even if you don’t care about those things you go on in cycles but don’t feel anything towards what you’re doing and then the says you do have off/ evening when you can crawling into bed and staying there becomes all you want to do…sometimes.
I’ve been mentally ill for about 5 years now and the picture above is me at one of my worst points. Being 16 was a terrifying year and there is so much I just don’t remember, my mind just goes blank. The picture above was be trying to be happy, fun and normal. I hadnt been diagnosed and every just said it was my hormones but I felt crazy, when I did manage to go into school I’d normally leave early or just sit in my lessons and slowly going numb, not taking anything in. It was torture.
In a way it’s good that I can’t do that anymore, I need to work to have money, I need to go in to get my degree which I care a great deal about and differing from first year I live with someone who knows when I’m unwell and helps me any way he can. Days when I am low and not functioning are what I call ‘Head Sick Days’ and I’m thankful that my tutors and my friends know when I really need some time as well as encouraging me. I hope though, one day, that everyone can have this kind of understanding and help that they really deserve because depression, anxiety, bipolar etc are all illnesses and we need to support those who need it.
I’ve been pretty rocky for the past month, a lot of lows and needing a bit more support than normal from those around me, but I don’t feel hopeless. 2015 is looking to be fun and busy, especially for the band and my work. So right now my posts might not be exciting but I’m taking it day by day a step at a time, with ‘Head Sick’ time included.
My Big Mouth: Zoella who? Ghost Writers should get credit!
Teen Blogger Zoella with a copy of Girl online (photo belongs from Daily Mail Website).
Teen blogger Zoella Sugg was in headline this week after her debut book had outsold J.K Rowling. For someone so young an inexperienced to beat a much loved author means this young girl must have some talent…except penguin have now announced that the novel was not written by Zoella, instead by a ghost writer, although jumping to Zoella’s defence her fans are content because she came up with the plot.
For a long time the thought of ghost writers have upset and angered me. The process of writing a book (especially one to sell this many copies upon release) makes me feel very disappointed as a writer. I have hundreds of ideas in my head for plots, if someone managed to create that into an incredible novel, I’d be a little peeved but I wouldn’t say nope it’s all mine. The hours of writing it takes to create a novel (and believe me I’ve tried) is something that deserves recognition. While some fans claim she was honest about it the whole way through and that means it’s ok. What about the author! Could this not have been a collaborative effort? Instead of simply putting Zoella’s name on the cover why not the names of both of them?
In my opinion this sends out a bad message to kids, if you have an idea get someone else to do the hard work for you and then get all the attention and money from it. It’s not how the real world works, a world of hard work and determination and yet we are willing to look the other way, I for one am not. Another famous name to have her own novel is model Katie Price, a.k.a Jordan. Katie brings out a new book every few years and ,like Zoella, claims that she only comes up with the plot and lets someone else write if for her. We’re not talking about getting help on an autobiography but writing novel after novel and putting her own name on them as well as getting the profits for it.
Glamour model Katie Price has published numerous books under her name,
all of which have been ghostwritten (image from Daily Mail website).
While many call on me for being too harsh on Zoella and can’t understand why I get irritated by this news I say to them take the best piece of work you’ve ever done, now imagine someone else gave you that idea and they get all the credit. Doesn’t feel too great does it? Writers don’t choose to have their own name abolished form a creation but they do it because they want their work out there and it’s damn hard for authors to do. I will say this though, to the real author of Girl Online, I hope you go on to get the recognition you deserve.
PJs, assignments and Turkey Dinosaurs- Friday night madness
What am I doing tonight? Going out on the town, Jager Bombs, films? The glorious friday night of a student is now going to consist of 2 seasons of The Inbetweeners, Turkey Dinosaurs and research for assignments. I have to say second year is not as carefree as first, all of us are in on party nights. I wish I had something more interesting to write about for you all but alas this is the real life of a student!
Geek Out! Lecture Life.
Ok maybe lecture life is a bit strong, seeing as I accidentally slept through my lecture this morning…oops/. Right now it is study, study, study, read, read, read, library, library, library. I’ve spent most of the day in the library being productive, which means I’m getting better, for the first time in a while I’ve gotten up and had a clear idea wof what I need to do.
So I waited around at uni for about 6 hours, to go to my tutors lecture and book launch on mobilities with Eleanor. IT was worthwhile, although I did get a bit confused it was nice to have something else to look into. I feel like while second year has a lot of work to do I’m not being challenged sometimes, I love research, I’m passionate about my course and I think third year is going to be excellent. It’s because of this I’m lucky to have Eleanor, she feels the same as me and she’s bloody brilliant for a good debate.
It was nice to go out with her and then discuss with the academics who also came to the lecture, it’s a part of uni that not many other people do. It might sound boring but sometimes you find yourself thinking about things that you wouldn’t normally. This is why I love academics, you can study English but end up doing History, Sociology, or a, so much. This is why I’ve ended up calling this post Geek Out, I’m a self confessed geek and hopefully one day (if I don’t end up going on world tour) I’ll end up getting paid for it.
Hello Waffles, Goodbye skinny jeans!
After riding today Amy and I decided it was about time we spent some time together and well it would be rude not to! It’s incredible, a small place on the high street with ice cream, waffles, cream, milkshakes. It’s at this point that I decided to say goodbye to my skinny jeans and embrace the beautiful desset goodness.
I needed this today because basically it was really not my day and I wanted to do was to curl up and mope even riding didn’t cheer me up as much as usual, but a good friend and chocolate covered food can go a lot way. Thanks Amy! 🙂
Locked Out
For the first time since living with Ali I am locked out. I’m writing this to you all from the pub on their Wifi while I wait for Ali to make the hour long trip back to Kingston from Basingstoke. Why am I writing about something so boring? Because I am so bloody bored right now it’s unbelievable, I’d quite like to be curled up watching the Inbetweeners eating Ice Cream out of the tub, instead I’m taking shelter in Spoons, drinking alone, oh what an exciting life I lead!
I know the blogs been a bit bare lately, I have a tone of backdated uploads which I means to do Friday night but my laptop doen’t like the Wifi at my parents house. So there will be a lot to read as soon as I can go through and upload it all. Last week was pretty tough, changes have been made to my mental health plan and I’m just trying to adjust to them being in place at the moment, hopefully it will mean I get back to my normal self sooner rather than later.
Tonight Alive at Koko
For the second time in 2 years I’ve been lucky enough to see Tonight Alive (an Australian band), I’m a big fan of them and slowly their coming through. When I first got into them not many people had heard of them but now they’re creeping up after playing Reading Festival this year, supporting You Me At Six on the Australian leg of their tour and now playing a sold out tour, as well as two dates at Koko in Camden (the same night as Mallory Know were playing down the road) playing album The Other Side in full tonight.
I love Tonight Alive and front woman Jenna McDougall kicks ass at every show I’ve seen. The band can go from going crazy to slower songs like ‘Amelia’, which Jenna bravely played on her own tonight with just the fans and an Acoustic Guitar, something not many front women do alone. The band just seemed so grateful for us all to be there, and you could see how much it meant to them. Comparing seeing them in a small venue and somewhere like Koko I think it would be fair to say that there were some nerves but they pulled them back in.
I really do love live music.
Struggle
Life isn’t always easy, any idiot can tell you that. I’m writing just a little bit tonight because, again, I haven’t been doing so good. Every time this happens I feel like I’m letting you all down, myself down, the band. I’ve been slipping lately as have my relationships, attendance and general health. In short I’ve been unhappy for a few weeks and therefore all over the place.
Basically I just haven’t been myself, back to the Doctors and we’ve adjusted my plan again, it’s something I need to do but it doesn’t mean I’m completely happy about it. I just feel like these struggles are constant and I need a break, but the thing is with depression, you don’t get one. It’s an illness and as much as I hate it it’s there and I can’t just wave a wand and get rid of it, who knows maybe that would make it worse. You need to know sadness and pain to be truly happy, which means when I am happy I really appreciate it more.
Tonight and yesterday we’re a bit of a meltdown, missing my lecture because of a panic attack and then again today having a panic attack at band practice…I haven’t had one of those in well over a year, maybe two. It’s tough, it’s scary when your having one but I’m going to be ok, I hope. Also I’m not the only one stressed and worried at the moment, every one I know is a little stressed about deadlines or just life in general, it makes it a little better and makes me feel like less of a freak.
I just wanted to let you know, I might be a little bit scatty but hopefully the changes in my plan will make things better, all I ask is my lovely followers give me a bit of time.
Chloe Metzger 