Struggle

Life isn’t always easy, any idiot can tell you that. I’m writing just a little bit tonight because, again, I haven’t been doing so good. Every time this happens I feel like I’m letting you all down, myself down, the band. I’ve been slipping lately as have my relationships, attendance and general health. In short I’ve been unhappy for a few weeks and therefore all over the place.

Basically I just haven’t been myself, back to the Doctors and we’ve adjusted my plan again, it’s something I need to do but it doesn’t mean I’m completely happy about it. I just feel like these struggles are constant and I need a break, but the thing is with depression, you don’t get one. It’s an illness and as much as I hate it it’s there and I can’t just wave a wand and get rid of it, who knows maybe that would make it worse. You need to know sadness and pain to be truly happy, which means when I am happy I really appreciate it more.

Tonight and yesterday we’re a bit of a meltdown, missing my lecture because of a panic attack and then again today having a panic attack at band practice…I haven’t had one of those in well over a year, maybe two. It’s tough, it’s scary when your having one but I’m going to be ok, I hope. Also I’m not the only one stressed and worried at the moment, every one I know is a little stressed about deadlines or just life in general, it makes it a little better and makes me feel like less of a freak.

I just wanted to let you know, I might be a little bit scatty but hopefully the changes in my plan will make things better, all I ask is my lovely followers give me a bit of time.

 

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