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April already!

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It’s April already…April! Apparently the time for Easter and sunshine and the blooms of spring, I don’t know about anyone else but all I saw today was rain and wind, oh and a little bit more rain. I suppose it’s going to be more April showers this month, which is a damn shame as the end of March was looking so lush.

When it’s cold, wet and rainy I just like to curl up with a blanket and either an Ali or a good book. Tonight I can only do one of those as I’m back in Basingstoke for a few days, yaaaay. So I’m missing an Ali and writing this super late because I can’t sleep. I know it’s not just because Ali’s not here, he was away all weekend and I slept fine, it may be because of the lack of double bed though…I’ve gotten way too used to it.

Anyway aside from my ramblings here are 5 pictureless things (phone has gone in for replacement/repair) that are going to be great about April.

1. Easter!!!! 

I’m not religious in the slightest, but a whole holiday where you get given chocolate? GIMMIE!

2. I’m finished with uni

No more 9am lectures, more time for a good mix of lie ins, day long practices. more horse riding and working to earn some moneeeeey.

3. A trip to Durham

I’m off to see Ali’s Dad’s side of the family up north this month, I know it will be bloody freezing but I’m excited to see everyone!

4. It’s one month until I head to Prague

Going on a mad one with my giiiiiiiiirrrrrrlllllls!

5. It’s one month until I travel to Athens

Sunshine, a week of solid writing and my first solo trip to another country eeeek!

Image found on Pinterest.

Phone Woes

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I’ve been quite quiet on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. I wish it was for some glamorous reason like I’ve been playing loads of shows or been doing something equally interesting but it’s not, I managed to drop my phone down the toilet…yes I know you’re laughing. Luckily I have insurance, student insurance, and my phone will be repaired or replaced in the next week or so. I have to say Endsleigh have been fantastic, my claim was dealt with within 2 hours of putting the claim in and then 2 hours after that I was on the phone to the engineer for it to be picked up tomorrow. Super speedy service and definitely worth the money! I’m not sponsored I promise….although if Endsleigh do want a student blogger… 😉

Nothing else that interesting happened today, well apart from a really good band practice and lots of sunshiiiiiine! I’m off home tomorrow so all blogs WILL be uploaded!

Taa for now!

Living in the Library

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For the last two days, I have spent my life in the library. Laptop, piles of books and a large amount of sugar to get us through me and Eleanor hit the library, hard. There are a lot of assignments to get through, I have Independent Research (4000 words), Victorian to Modernist (1500 words), 20th-21st Century (2000 words) and Locating Literature (2500 words). So all in all 10,000 words, the amount of words I’ll be handing in  for my dissertation this time next year.

So for the foreseeable future I will be camping out with library, possible falling asleep on piles of books (as I did last year) before settling down for some time to myself before starting my reading for next year. It’s not that interesting but I did have some good company to keep me going. Only 4600 to go words to go!

My Big Mouth: Stigma needs to stop!

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You can’t fail to have noticed the coverage over the last few days about the terrible end to the Germanwings flight, with reports stating that the co pilot deliberately crashed the plane to attempt suicide. This is a terrible tragedy with so many lives lost, however, that is not what has chilled me the most.

The pilot, it is reported, had mental health issues. I am not in any way justifying what he did by killing all those people who did not want or deserve to die, but if he was this depressed who knows what was going through his head. With this in mind I need to stress that the British media in particular are handling this information in a disgusting and shocking way. With papers calling him a ‘mad man’ and asking questions such as ‘why was he allowed to fly?’ many mental health sufferers will have felt a familiar sense of dread.

It’s easy, when people are angry, to have knee jerk reactions but when almost all of the press are taking the same angle it is terrifying. I know that in this country in the next few weeks anyone who declares a mental health problem is going to be scrutinised more now, due to the way in which this has been handled by the media. It’s a terrible case and I don’t think we’ll ever know why he did what he did. Like everyone else I am shocked and angry that he took all of those other people with him, including children.

I do have something to say though. I have mental health issues, I write about them each and every day. Events like this fill me with fear because of how other people judge people with mental health problems. While most people understand that we are just like anybody else, others can’t seem to grasp the concept that we are just like everybody else!!!! I’ve had depression for more than a quarter of my life now and guess what? I don’t want to hurt anyone, I don’t want to be violent towards anyone and if I ever feel angry or anything like that I am the one I direct it to. Yes I might snap at people if I’m angry but this idea that people with mental health issues (that’s around 1 in 4 of us by the way) want to attack and hurt others is wrong and so, so rare. We are not going to get anywhere as a society until we start trying to stamp out this stigma! With the press saying ‘mad man’ and such we’re moving backwards.

I have to say though, the amount of people who have come forward to say that they are depressed and still working, still strong has been incredible to see. The BBC I can do nothing but applaud for their coverage of the crash, and now investigation. We cannot let one individual shape a quarter of our society! I for one won’t let that happen. So many incredible people I know have or have had a mental health issue, but they’re getting there. It might take a little longer or a different route but the world wouldn’t be what it is today if everyone with an issue was locked away and forbidden to work.

People are only going to be scared of mental health while they live in ignorance, education really is the key here.

So many positive things!

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Today was my last day of lectures for my second year! The next time I go into a lecture it will be the final year of my undergrad degree! It’s gone stupidly fast! So to celebrate that fact, yesterdays good news that I’m going to Athens( !!!) and that I’ve been feeling really good about myself lately.

So this morning I got up (admittedly after hitting the off button on my alarm and missing my lecture) and got to work helping Ali finish his assignment, while also buying myself tickets to see Sarah Millican next year and booked my flights and hotel for Athens. Then off to uni, the hospital for blood tests, lunch with Dani, a quick Primark dash (seriously, one of my FAVOURITE shops on the high street) and then off to band practice. I never stop being busy.

I’m finally doing it, I’m finally taking hold of my life and making things happen. I’m travelling with a few breaks planned this year, Durham, Prague, Athens and Amsterdam for my birthday. The band and I are getting ready to have a busy summer, I’m going to be working, writing and hopefully a lot more swimming and riding.

I wanted to write this to all of you because I’m aware I haven’t been as perky as usual and while I’m trying to to fall asleep while I write this, as well as having a stack of blogs to upload this weekend, I’m finally really happy. I have incredible friends, family, an amazing relationship, my band and of course my education, which means so much to me. Basically I’m feeling positive and I’ll hold on to that as long as I can.

Being Brave

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Brave

Hey you, yes you reading this, I have something to tell you. You’re going to be okay.

We all have crap going on in our lives that we wish we could change or simply disappear from. Sometimes it’s understandable, it’s something really negative that others can understand. I know more than anyone though that sometimes it’s not that simple, everything can be going so well and you still feel like somethings not right, or you feel like you’re terrified that the happiness wont last.

As the picture says I want to see you be brave, big or small I want all of my readers to take a step towards the positive, because I’ve been at an awful low point so many times and even the littlest things can help. It might be going for a walk, getting some exercise, treating yourself, visiting friends or family, standing up to someone who makes you feel like shit. Just be brave about whatever it is.

Good Luck 🙂

My head is about to explode

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Do you ever feel like your brain is going to explode? Like everything in it is trying to burst out all at once. You want to stay at home, but you want to go out. Your starving but you’re not hungry. You have a million and one ideas but can’t get one of them on to paper. I feel a little bit like that tonight.

The last week has been incredible and I’m still so proud to have gotten my award last week. With all that in mind though it doesn’t make my low moods just dissapear, as much as I want them to. It’s hard to explain because I have so much good going on in my life but sometimes I just want to hide, forget everything. As good as life is, no one puts as much pressure on me as myself, actually everyone else tells me to calm the hell down and that it doesn’t matter if I don’t get straight 70s or do that work right now. There’s just this drive in me and I’m definitely my own harshest critic.

I’m just feeling so many emotions all the time right now that I don’t know I needed to get it out ,and I know that some of my followers will definitely understand how I’m feeling right now.

I’m going out tonight to celebrate Daniela’s birthday, I’m determined to try and leave this anxiety at home. I don’t want this anxiety I get to affect my friends and family because that’s not who I am. That’s why I hide a lot of things when I’m not feeling great people panic or don’t know how to react to me, I’m still normal, still me. Yeah so I might not react well to guys trying to hit on me but I’m like that with or without anxiety, there’s a right way to try and talk to a girl and most boys in clubs do not follow that.

I’m just hormonal and tired and want to get out and just forget how many things are in my head right now!

Disney love

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Like most little girls I wanted to be a princess at some point. I also wanted to be a cowgirl (well that one nearly came true) but more than anything I wanted to sing. It’s safe to say that growing up I loved Disney. As a toddler I had to have 101 Dalmations or The Jungle Book on at every meal. I went to Disneyland Paris 4 or 5 times because when I was little it was really cheap to do a coach trip to Paris, I went with my Mum, Mum and Aunt, Mum and Cousin, Mum and Dad….possibly twice just be and Mum. So you could say that by the time I started school I was a Disney pro.

I’d have the CDs on every day at home and would dance and sing to myself in the dining room or on my Mums bed, which I’d pretend was a stage. By the age of about 7 I’d earned the nickname of the Little Mermaid because I would sing non stop and could only  swim underwater…for some reason I couldn’t grasp swimming on top of the water, even now I’ll only swim on top of the water if I really have to.

Even now, I know the words to the Tangled song, have seen Brave, Wreck it Ralph (which was one of the best Disney films ever I have to say) and have the Frozen soundtrack on my laptop.

Everyone needs a little Disney now and again 🙂

I want to do EVERYTHING

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I don’t stop, ever. There’s something in me when I’m well that means I want to do and try everything. I do the blog, the band, horse riding, uni, work and all that kind of thing already but I’m always looking for more to do. I want to be writing my book, start a vlogging channel, swim more, volunteer with disabled kids, write more songs, learn sign language, get my MA, get my Phd, read all the books I own, finish all of my to do list, see all for my friends, travel *and breathe*.

A lot, right? I’ve always been like this, I’ve always wanted to do 100 things and get them all perfect and work,work,work. Sometimes I work so much and so hard that I end up making myself ill, then I take a week or two to rest and get better and do it all again, it never ends! Obviously you all know I have to be careful with this, being over tired is one of the things that makes me get low quickly (I don’t want to call it a ‘trigger’ because that MEDICAL term has now been overused by idiots online and people now don’t understand the real medical meaning).

I have to try and balance doing everything with being well and it can be really annoying. My family, friends and mentor keep an eye on me but sometimes I don’t see it I just keep going and going and going. It’s not always a bad thing but it’s all about getting the right level of each and accepting that I can’t do everything all at once…not until time turners become a real thing anyway. Oh god, writing this I realised I’m letting my Hermione show…oh dear.

So yes my lovely followers I am, as my friends would say, ‘a total keeno’, ‘a Hermione’ and a pain in the ass overachiever. I’m writing this because I know it need to work on it and I know I’m damn well not perfect, even though some people get this idea what I get everything right. Wrong. I am grasping at straws as much as anyone else most of the time and I just happen to find myself in situations that I can use to my advantage, no magic, no secrets actually I’m a bit of a pain in the butt ;).

As always give me a comment and a subscribe if you like what you read I want to talk to all of YOU!