Month: Oct 2016

Feminist Friday: We All Need to Stand Up to Sexual Assualt

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Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you can’t have failed to have heard about that tape. The tape that Donald Trump dismissed as ‘locker room talk’ after shouting louder, but Bill Clinton did worse! As if the allegations against another man seemingly made his disappear and as more allegations against Trump come forward he deems his accusers ‘horrible women’, despite the fact he has been caught on camera many times, are not important. I don’t understand how this person could potentially be a leader of one of the most powerful nations in the world. After one of his comments, one girl decided she wasn’t going to take his comments lightly.
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Courtesy of Twitter/@LMcCrystal
With his words and follow up Trump has tried to normalise sexual assault, calling it ‘locker room talk’. That has offended both men and women, who know that this isn’t the case. These comments are the type of things that lead to women being told to ‘lighten up’ or that ‘boys will be boys’, something that I’ve been at the centre of. I’ve had guys try and touch me when I’m out, who won’t take no for an answer and follow me around. I’ve had guys get aggressive or call me a ‘slut’ or a ‘whore’ or had lies spread about me because I’d turned them down and because they could. Because no one would question them. I’ve been in clubs and had a guy feel me up without permission and felt powerless as they’ve carried on watching after I’d shouted at them. People I’d been out with told me to ‘cool it’ and that it’s just the way it is.
The way these things are ignored and laughed off are not ok. Sexual assault is serious, because if people think they’re going to get away with it, they believe they can get away with more. This happens to both women and men, how can we start to crack down on this? How can we work on educating young people that this isn’t the norm when people in the public eye make comments like this. We need to keep talking about sexual assault. We need to stand up to the lies that this is just a part of life, because it’s not.

Book Review: A Boy Made of Blocks – Keith Stuart

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‘Life is and adventure, not a walk. That’s why it’s difficult’

Meet thirty-something Dad, Alex… He loves his wife Jody, but has forgotten how to show it. He loves his son but doesn’t understand him. Something has to change. And it needs to start with him. Meet eight-year-old Sam,beautiful, surprising, autistic. To him, the world is a puzzle he can’t solve on his own. But when Sam starts to play Minecraft, it opens up a place where Alex and Sam begin to re-discover both themselves, and each other… can one fragmented family put themselves back together, one piece at a time?

I was a sent a copy of this novel to review by Little Brown Books after sending a request for it. That said, I always aim to be fair and objective about anything I receive from both publishers and authors. A Boy made of Blocks is no different.

This novel is one that tugs on the heart strings, Alex is a father that has no idea how to bond with his autistic son, he hides at his job because he’s constantly terrified of messing up. It’s easy, at the beginning, to see Alex in a very negative light, as someone who just leaves his wife stuck at home and puts his head in the sand, but it’s more than that. Stuart has really tried to show the fears that parents have about a diagnosis, the constant struggle that they’re not good enough and the strain that it can have on families. Being open and honest with feelings like this takes away stigma for parents, and Stuart knows it all too well. While he’s clear that the character isn’t his own son, he has used his own experiences.

The bond is truly beautiful, but it’s also about Alex’s journey and Sam’s self-discovery. Not only is the novel well written but has well thought out development of both characters and plot, as well as having a strong subplot. It’s clear that Stuart has a talent for fiction, particularly as his past is primarily in writing non-fiction. The novel doesn’t try and be a how-to guide for parents of children with Autism, nor does it include facts of figures that wouldn’t fit the character, something which other authors have done.

I gave this five stars *****, this really is a heartwarming novel of family and how being ‘normal’ isn’t always the most important thing. I will admit that I didn’t feel that the ending was entirely accurate but that was ok because this is a novel, it’s not a memoir, nor is it even about the authors family. If you want a read about love, family, and self-discovery then this is the novel for you. I thoroughly enjoyed it and would highly recommend for a more chilled read.

Living with Chronic Pain

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For the past year and a half I’ve been living with moderate to severe back pain. By definition this now means that I’m living with chronic pain, there’s no break from it, no rest , it’s just a constant part of my life. Living with chronic pain is not something that anyone chooses, in my case, it was because of an injury. We’re still not sure about the damage, I’m booked in to see another specialist and have another MRI scheduled.

I’ll say it once and I’ll say it again, it’s all about good days and bad days, as many illnesses are. On a good day, I might be able to do a light workout, walk around and the pain is just background noise. On a bad day, it’s like someone is hammering on my spine, the smallest things will hurt and climbing stairs can feel like Everest and when it’s at its worst I can’t feel much in one leg. I might have to take a crutch when I go to an event. I take my medication but it doesn’t even skim the surface, to say that it’s frustrating is an understatement.

But what’s it like to live with chronic pain? Well, it’s definitely not fun, but I’m always aware that my injury could have been much worse. I’m walking, when I was incredibly close to losing that all together. So I’m always aware of that but living with chronic pain means a lot of doctors appointments, a lot of tiring discussion, repeating yourself, physio and medication change after medication change. It’s not pretty, but for a lot of us, it’s just life.

Some people might not understand why I’m broadcasting this, why I’m letting myself possibly look weak. I don’t think that’s it though. I don’t think anyone who keeps fighting is weak and that’s what people with chronic pain do. We go to work, we live our lives the best we can, we just get on with it and that’s the simple truth of living with a chronic illness. Even when the pain is the worst it can be we carry on as best we can. That is what living with chronic pains is like.

More Than My Diagnosis – World Mental Health Day 2016

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A lot is weighted on a diagnosis. Your key to treatment, to medication and help in general but it’s also a word or group of words that can carry opinions and stigma. When I was first diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety, I couldn’t say it out loud for a long time. I was terrified of what it meant, what people would say and how they would react. I got my diagnoses a month before I started university and of course, I got the usual, people trying to tell me all I needed was a change in lifestyle, people saying that it was ‘just life’ and people who avoided me after I did build up the courage to tell them. It’s a word, just a damn word but people judge you and your whole life. I am more than just a word, we are all more than what it says on a bit of paper and we can’t forget that. We need to educate people that we need to be more open-minded and that one word, a few words don’t make a person. We are more

We are more and we are not afraid.

Sunday Seven: Super Cakes from the Cake and Bake show 2016

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Yesterday Abbie, Sums, Mum and I headed into London to go to this years cake and bake show. The absolute best part was definitely the competition entries. The skill and artistry that have gone into making these was amazing. There were so many good ones and it was hard to pick just 7 to show you all but here are some of my favourites.

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Reign of Fire by Mylene Wolfe 

The detail that went into each of the tiny scales, the facial features and the wings was absolutely incredible. I’m pretty sure this is Smaug, although that tag doesn’t specifically say so.

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Enchanted by Jane Lashbrook

This was both terrifying as well as being enchanting as its name suggests. I don’t think the picture does justice to how lifelike this cake looked.

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Dragon Warrior by Zahir Rathod 

There were multiple warriors and dragons but this was absolutely incredible because everything was edible on this cake, every single part.

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The BFG by Noemi Orbay 

This is just amazing, the size, the kindness of the face I just absolutely loved it.

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Harry Potter and the Sorting Hat

Harry Potter Cake? Of course this was going to make the list. Harry Potter will always make the list.

The Little Mermaid by Amoy Stone 

This was a beautiful cake, as well as the main mermaid I loved the detail of the growth that she’s sitting on. I also loved the fact that Amoy didn’t just make Disney’s version, instead this focuses on the original fairy tale.

Honeydukes Express Harry Potter by Namrah Arfan 

More Harry Potter! I loved the originality of this, using Honeydukes and the fact that there were so many individual pieces, particularly the Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans that had been hand crafted. I wanted to take this home the most.

 

Feminist Friday: Sexism is Exhausting

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When I was talking to Ali about being in a little bit of a writing slump, we spoke about what I could write about, what I’ve written about before and he said that right now I need to take some time for myself, because I don’t relax, because even at 22 I’m guilty of wanting to ‘have it all’. In short, I’m exhausted. I’m constantly asked about the future at this age and I get really, really stressed. I get stressed when adverts don’t reflect my body, when eating cake is seen as a ‘cheat’ or ‘treat’ for women, but not for men. I get stressed about my career, about how I look, about how many bullshit articles there are in women’s magazines.

We’re always demonised for wanting to have a family, a career, a happy relationship, told that we’ll burn out. At the same time, there’s still sexism in advertising, women are sold cleaning products, but used to sell sports cars rather than being the ones who want to purchase them.  We’re marketed to for cooking, cleaning and particular shows on TV have adverts that are ‘female friendly’ about periods and ovulation, while the football has adverts for beer and cars. Because of all this pressure sometimes I just look at it all and think screw it, why am I doing this? Why am I fighting when I’m exhausted and all I’m seen as is a bunch of hormones who wants to clean and procreate. Is it any wonder I don’t relax?!

I know that I’m not the only  one that has thought this way, not the only one to just feel so tired and frustrated with the world. I’ll be honest the past few weeks have been really tough with personal issues and when you’re already down sometimes you wonder if you’ll ever beat sexism. For me as a young 20 something I think about whether I’ll get discriminated against if I choose to have a child, whether I’ll be able to be top in my field while fitting in school runs and plays and parents evenings. Even as recently as yesterday there were comments because of a comment I posted about loving to work and that I didn’t intend to stop working after I have children and this was from another woman.

Even in 2016, I’m still plagued by these worries, these conversations that my other half doesn’t have to deal with. I see magazines and women’s bodies have been manipulated by software and where women are told how to ‘please their man’, rather than focusing on themselves. I see people I know make sexist jokes. I’m the focus of comments that constantly question my feminism because I haven’t always been this forward and I’ll be honest, it’s exhausting. I want to shout feminism and be a warrior for women all the time, but I wanted to be honest and say that sometimes I’m worn down, I look around and think, fuck how are we going to fix this?

This is NOT me giving up, it’s not even me taking a break. It is me reminding not only myself but others out there that it’s ok to feel frustrated, to feel like this is so big, so much bigger than us. Now I’ve calmed down and thought, written, I’ve realised that everyone has these days and that feminism and battling sexism isn’t something someone can take on on their own. I realised that we’re all in this together and that everyone is allowed to be scared or stressed or frustrated, these frustrations keep the fire burning but we can’t let them burn us out because otherwise, we’ll get nowhere.

 

Going Cruelty Free – Makeup

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I love animals. From the moment I was brought home from the hospital I have been around animals. There have been cats, dogs, rabbits, hamsters, birds and fish in my family home alone. I’ve been shopping in Lush for years, since we first got a store in Basingstoke, but while I wanted to be kinder to animals as a cash strapped teenager almost 10 years ago (man I feel old) there wasn’t a lot of affordable stuff on the market. A few weeks ago I learnt the horrifying truth about how fur clothing was made, I’d always know it was horrific but I’d never found out how much so. While I’ve never worn fur, I thought a lot about animal cruelty and decided that I wanted to try and help, by not giving money to companies who test on animals, so that meant new make up.

Now, I don’t wear much make up, I’ve never been a huge fan but this was important to me. I want to clear some things up though, when talking about this change I was challenged over the fact that I eat meat and dairy. I am not a vegan, nor am I a vegetarian and that is my choice and partly for medical reasons. I am helping in a way that I can. So, here are a few of my starter purchases. Also, this isn’t me becoming a beauty blogger, my 15 year old sister teaches me to do my make up and gives me brands to try.

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Barry M Lipsticks 

I love a good Lipstick and while my favourite is MAC (see a statement about them later) so I also wanted some great new lipsticks and Barry M are cruelty free, which surprised me. While these do need care when applying and possibly a lip liner they have good colour.

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Lottie Loves London Nail Varnish 

Again, something I was concerned about, nail varnish. I’ve been pleasantly surprised gorgeous colours and it holds really well (which I need because I chip my nails all the time).

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Bare Minerals Set 

My skin is prone to break-outs, something I have been self concious about in the past. My Mum and sister use this so I found a set in TK Maxx and gave it a go. For the first time ever I’ve found something that doesn’t hurt my skin and it’s easy to apply, which for someone who didn’t start using make up often until she was at university is helpful.

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Barry M Lash Vegas Mascara and MUA Intense Glitter Pencil 

I’ll admit I got the glitter pencil by accident BUT it’s better than almost all of the eyeliners I’ve tried. Also have no complaints about the new Mascara, looks good and doesn’t sting my eyes. Always a plus.

About MAC 

If you follow me on Instagram you will know that I have a love affair with MAC, which left me with a dilemma. Did they test, didn’t they test? I found this statement online to inform you all of their stance on Animal Testing.

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Now I’ve been getting into some more research I have a list of brands I want to try next, let me know in the comments if there are any you’ve tried or any more I should add!

Elf

Urban Decay

Kat Von D

Red Apple Lipstick

B.

theBalm

Burt’s Bees

Inkia

Paul Mitchell Hair Range

Trying to Deal With Depression

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While on the phone with my Mum today I realised that for the past few months I’ve been fairly ok with the changes that have been happening, the breakdown of some friendships, etc. I’ve coped fairly well and while there have been lows, there hadn’t been incredibly bad ones over the summer, but unfortunately things seem to have come to a head lately.

To say that I’m exhausted is an understatement, I don’t know whether it’s a combination of work and just being busy or if part of it is the depression rearing its ugly head. People think that most of it is because of losing Noodle a few days ago, that is an absolutely huge part and it’s not something I can get get over and forget. There is more though, it’s hard to explain that grief and depression feel different. The depression is always there, it bubbles under the surface and then unleashes itself sometimes for days or weeks at a time.

I read an article about what people with high functioning depression want others to know, and it spoke to me. People think that because I have a lovely boyfriend, a good job, a degree and all that jazz that I should be happy. People almost get offended sometimes when you’re not happy. I wish there was a switch in my brain that meant I didn’t struggle. It doesn’t matter that I love my job and the people I work with, there are days where getting out of bed is difficult and when going back to bed later is all I can think about.

The point to writing this is because I do still struggle, all of us with depression do. Just because to the outside world it looks like someone is fine and ‘has it all’ doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling. Depression is a small part of me, but it is still something I have to deal with every day and I’m doing my best.

Sunday Seven: Lush Halloween and Christmas Haul!

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As I mentioned in last weeks Sunday Seven, one of my favourite things about Autumn is the new Lush products that come in every year. So what better way to celebrate them than share them with you!! After shopping with my fellow Lush addict Abbie I picked out a few to share with you! For the most part I’ve tried to include new bath ballistics (I wanted to pick up all the shower stuff too but, you know girls gotta eat), whether they are new to store or just new to me. Just to note, this post is NOT sponsored in any way.

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Pumpkin

This is a hot contender for one of my favourite bath products EVER, I don’t remember seeing this one last year but I am in LOVE with it and so glad I bought two. It smells like refreshers and makes the bath a beautiful shade of orange. They’re only in store until Halloween though, so get moving!

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Sparkly Pumpkin Bubble Bar

So. Much. Glitter. This is one that’s been around for a while but it just screams Halloween to me. On the other hand my boyfriend hates it because he always ends up with glitter all over him. Sorry not sorry.

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Northern Lights 

Both Abbie and I are SO excited about using this, because of what we’ve seen on Lush’s Instagram. The colours and magic that are in this are incredible. It also smells delicious.

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Lord of Misrule

I used the shower gel constantly so I’m in love with the smell but I’ve been told by the brilliant Lush staff that there is a surprise, it looks green but you’ll end up with a beautiful red bath!

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Shoot for the Stars 

I’ll be honest I went for this one because of the colour and the glitter, it smells pretty good too.

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Never Mind The Ballistics 

Not only does this smell scrummy, it’s also got a nice smooth, and slightly strange, texture on the top. Oh and it’s named with a punk theme, Lush are just incredible human beings.

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Star Dust

This is for a much more chilled out bath. While it smells lovely (although I can’t quite make out what it is) it’s very relaxing and Abbie and I have suspicion that it also has some beautiful colourful surprises that await.

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Candy Mountain

Now I know this is Sunday Seven buuuuut I’ve snuck in one of my all time favourites. This beautifully sweet bubble bar is one of my favourite christmas scents. Mmm, mmm, mm.

What are some of your Lush favourites? Are there any more I should try? Let me know in the comments below!

Noodle

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I didn’t think I would be writing a post like this quite so soon. This week, at around 12am on Thursday morning Ali and I had to say goodbye to one of our beloved and beautiful babies. We found Noodle struggling to breathe at about 11pm and rushed her to an emergency vet, stroking and talking to her the entire way. Unfortunately even after being given oxygen she was struggling to breathe, it was decided that the humane thing to do was to put her to sleep, so she wouldn’t be in pain. She was around 18 months old. 

Holding my sweet girl on my chest as she struggled and was semi conscious broke my heart. Ali hugged her and said goodbye and then I did. Nothing prepares you for that. Coming home with an empty cage I felt as if someone had reached into my chest and hacked out my heart. It was the lowest I’d felt in years. Even though we did the kindest thing in that time I still felt guilty, that was my baby. 

I’ve sobbed on and off since the moment they took her through for oxygen and I still am now. But I’m trying to look at pictures and videos to remember her as the happy little ham she was. God it’s so hard to write was. 

Trying to put into words my heartbreak is just, partly impossible. Both her and Hamski have been there for me without judgement, only love. They got me out of bed every day because they needed me. And while Hamski is still with us and cheeky as ever, it will take time not caring for two. Both Ali and I will always love and remember our brace little one as more than just a pet, because she was. Rest in Peace baby girl. 
Noodle Miller April 2015-September 2016