This year I finally got to a point with my depression that I could embrace some exercise to let off some steam. Now, I still can’t run and look like Phoebe from Friends when I try, so that’s nothing new. But I found riding and I found swimming, I could take control of one part of my body when another part was letting medown. I could only do so much with my mind, with the black cloud that wanted to suffocate me.
My plan for this summer was to swim a bit more, make my riding improve and right before the accident I was considering joining the gym…my arch nemesis. I’m not a gym bunny, I don’t enjoy running or exercise that doesn’t involve a horse or water. I just wanted to do something with my time and try and help me mentally and obviously now that’s been taken away.
Headed to the pool on one of my lows was a big relief
I can’t push my body the way I did, I can’t go on my long walks to clear my head or swim things off. I just sleep a lot and think, not always the best combo. It’s weird I never thought that I’d miss any fitness of any kind but I do. I want to go and see if I like the local gym, go back to the pool and getting on a horse has a while to go yet, just because of the risks with my spine.
I’m trying again to be positive, which is hard. I’m exhausted most of the time and just walking up the stairs can leave me a little breathless and struggling with pain. I’m going to have to try hard to slowly build up my fitness again once I’m recovered, so I’ll exercise my mind instead. I will probably document the build up too so you can all come along!
I have lots of ideas being scribbled, writers to work with so you shall all wait and see!