Last Day of Placement/ Pre night out nerves

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A lesson plan I wrote up… I ended up not using it!

I wrote earlier in the week about the fact that I’ve decided not to become a teacher any time soon. I finished my placement today and had a fairly easy day and I still feel the same. The 15 days that I’ve done have made me realise that I love working with children but I couldn’t be a teacher. I want to work with children but on a smaller scale, maybe even as a teaching assistant? I also didn’t get the feedback I wanted which is a shame but that’s not to say I wouldn’t go back and work in a school again.

This is just a quick and early blog tonight because I’m finally going out with some girls! The lovely Daniela invited me to meet some of the girls who will be in full field English with me next year and I’m really nervous. Let’s hope my bowling skills are up to the task!

Tuesday Snoozeday

I wish I could write and say that today was interesting but today really has been a snoozeday. I’ve been up since 6.30 today and yesterday although this time it was for teaching. I’m doing full days now and to be honest I’m struggling. This morning was for observing and I couldn’t handle it, even though I’m classed as a member of staff sitting in a class room with the boys watching, listening and not being active made me start to slip back into the numbness that I used to get into at school.

I felt as if I was back at school, I was fighting with logic and with myself . I knew I was staff, I wasn’t at school and it was a totally different place and I was using everything I learnt this year to kind of keep my head above water. At one point I needed to slip out, breath in some fresh air before going back in.

This afternoon was different though I was thrown into teaching a lesson I only prepared two days go and it went well. I was scared shitless but the boys seemed to enjoy it and they’re getting on well. Apparently I’m doing it all again tomorrow, which will be…interesting.

Why I won’t be a teacher any time soon

So as you know I’ve been busting my butt at my teaching placement for the last few weeks but I haven’t been writing about it really at all, the simple reason is that there isn’t much to write about. The simple reason isn’t the only reason though. I realised today that although I love working with kids and encouraging them, right now teaching isn’t for me. I’ll never say never but it’s not something I’ve set my heart on doing, I’d much prefer to lecture later in my life when I’ve learnt more or even become a teaching assistant because I like that one to one experience with the kids but spending time doing lesson plans and levels and talking about exams, it’s just not me. 

I think that it’s more me to be stuck in with the kids and being able to help the ones who struggle and watch them grown rather than worrying if 30 of them are going to make the grade this year. Don’t get me wrong I have enjoyed it and I absolutely adore all of the staff I’m working with but this isn’t the careerer for me. Maybe it’s just not my thing, maybe it has something to do with my past but in the last few days I’ve been thinking very hard about what I want from my twenties. I only have 3 months left of being a teenager and then I’m supposed to hit my delightfully messy twenties. I want them to be as happy as they can be after trudging through my teens but I’ve also found out that I want to kind of let them run and see what happens. I work damn had at uni but I want to have fun just like everyone else and why can’t my 20s be fun! 

After that, who knows I might come back and want to become a teacher. I want some kind of life behind me before I go and try and teach kids about life because that is what school should really be about I think. I used to love the entertaining teachers who had more to tell us than just their day to do life, and a lot of young teachers do it. Some take gap years but I want longer than that, I want a job that I find interesting and I’m passionate about and right now that’s not teaching. 

So let’s just see where this is going to get me….

Teaching…hmmm

I’ve been at my placement school for a little over 2 weeks now. I don’t write much about it because I do a lot of observing and some working with the kids. I’ve found that the more I work with them in groups the more I feel like a young person, not a teacher and certainly not someone who wants to tell them off. The boys respect me and  I them so this doesn’t happen too often.

The one thing I’ve learned about working with teenagers is you have to respect them, they’re damn intelligent and worth listening too. A lot of people disregard teenagers views (myself included in the people who aren’t listened to) and I just want to stand up and shout LISTEN TO US WE ARE THE NEXT ONES TO TAKE ON THE MESS YOU MADE. As you see not  a very treachery thing to say. I sitll have a lot of placement to go and hopefully I’ll start feeling more like a teacher.

Teacher Training

Tonight was my first teacher training session. I was pretty nervous when I turned up, I had no idea what to expect and I wasn’t sure I would know anyone who got through. My nerve calmed down a fair bit after a surprise visit from Ali, not because of any romantic gesture just to borrow my tape measure but either way it was nice to see him. I got there about 20 minutes early (talk about over eager) but thankfully I wasn’t the only one I started chatting to some of the other girls and found out I wasn’t the only first year on the scheme. As Kingston is so good to us we were all offered a hot drink and biscuits.

The session was 3 hours long but it was interesting. Within the first 15 minutes our confidence was already being build up by the team we were working with and started making jokes where we could. I was pleasantly surprised to recognise some people I already knew as well as some people I had been interviewed with. The evening overall was fun and I was pleased that we learnt about so many different factors in educating children and I learnt new things.

Throughout the session though I was fighting with myself. For this scheme I’ll be teaching in a secondary school, somewhere I vowed not to go back to. I had more than a pretty rough time at school and tonight I felt some powerful emotions, even if I didn’t let it school. After going over policies and responsibilities schools have towards students I was slightly shocked to realise just how wrong my school were. The lack of support I had throughout my education I assumed had been normal but now I see that it’s not. The senior staff had a duty of care and they obviously didn’t fulfil what they should have. As I sunk into a deeper state they all looked the other way, done the bare minimum and left me to it. There were a handful of members of staff who cared enough to get  me through, I still try and visit the LSU (learning support unit) sometimes to let them know how I’m doing and say thanks, they cared and they didn’t have to. If I see some of my old teachers in town I’ll say hello and just let them know they made a difference. As for the others? I’d love to prove them wrong, I’ll got back with my degree and just say ‘see I wasn’t as useless as you made me out to be!’.

I guess what I’m getting at is that tonight made me realise I was failed and I want to make a change. I might not end up becing a secondary school teacher but I want to do something to change the lives of young people. I don’t know how yet, teaching?, writing?, performing? I have no idea yet but I think this is going to be good for me, maybe in those 15 days I’ll make some kind of difference.